Catholic advice on sex

[Socio_Momma]

I would suggest for the OP looking over works by Christopher West & Jason Evert to start. They both cover Catholic sexuality and its purpose in Marriage. If you are able to get some starting guides on the Theology of the Body I would highly recommend it:thumbsup:

Just an FYI: marriagebed website is not particularly inline with Catholic theology, it does not believe in the need for BOTH the unitive & procreative aspects to come together in a sacred & holy act (which is a whole lot more fun ) So, I would take the site with a grain of salt in this sense (it is also pro-masturbation & contraception both which are not morally acceptable in a Catholic view of the body, marriage & sex) especially because great Catholic sex is more than just doing a certain list of behaviors. It’s the coming together of 2 fleshes as 1 and there has to be some deeper connection there besides just certain motions. Really Catholic sex is an entire way of life and way of being within the marriage, it can be mindblowing…even if it doesn’t always come naturally at first. It may take some practice but with communication and really giving yourself fully to your spouse, receiving your spouse fully & keeping God as the center each time sex can be a renowal of your wedding vows.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding May your marriage grow healthy & strong in the Lord

 

[Priscilla_Ann]

I checked out the site and it just seems to be peppered with immoral ideas (pro-masturbation, contraception, non-intercourse climaxing etc) that could confuse new couples that are not that familiar with the Church’s teachings. Just thought I would point it out.

I also checked out the site. I thought it was excellent; and I didn’t notice anything that conflicts with Scripture.

 

[Socio_Momma]

I also checked out the site. I thought it was excellent; and I didn’t notice anything that conflicts with Scripture.

For Catholics there are definitely areas on the website that conflict with the understanding of Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition and the teaching body of the Magestrium that we have. Several key areas: masturbation, contraception, sex to be removed from procreative aspect, using the body as an object and the spouse as such (even if mutual objectification is present it is still not the way GOD intended our sexual unions as couples), the interpretation of 1 Corinithians 7:1 (seems to imply that NFP would be incorrect & that if one spouse wants sex the other should comply even if he/she does not want sex, this does not respect the marital act or the other spouse) and the issue of divorce. I could probably find a few more…but those stand out (scripturecatholic.com/ offers quick overview on Scripture)

Yes, sex should be pleasurable & we should want to be with our spouses sexually,* but *it should also exist within a framework that tells the ulitmate truth with the body between the spouses that represents our Sacrament of Marriage. If we separate this out we lose what sex should/could be & we lose what our Marriage should/could be in that. Sex is a holy & sacred act that is both unitive and procreative, which can be very enjoyable even without some of the…umm…extras that the site offers.

OP if you are really looking for a Catholic framework to initially learn from there are better (even if not as explicit) resources out there that are going to keep inline with the Catholic way. These will be more than just about sex but about your Marriage. Yah if you want to learn the mechanics you can get that anywhere, but if you want to learn the deeper meaning to what makes a Catholic marriage & Catholic sex different (more than just “doing it” or a list of “do’s” and “don’ts”) check out the authors mentioned, read the CCC, get to an NFP class as a couple, and most importantly live the faith together in prayer, the Sacraments, the daily life, the way you communicate with each other, and by keeping GOD center. As your marriage grows in all these areas so does your sex life, you get to know each other more & grow in the relationship you have. Sex is the natural outgrowth of your relationship as a married couple & even if you are newly married there is so much grace present to bring you together, you will be able to get it “right” on your wedding night

Again congrats on the wedding :clapping: and try not to stress!

 

[DailyBread]

I would like to say to the other poster and people browsing information a couple of things (again my opinion, not some Vatican document, but I hope I am in line with Church teaching always):

1. It is not in itself sinful for people to find out information on the sex act in preparation for their marriage (if you are dating, please wait until you are close to that day as it is more occasion of sin and not necessary at that stage). One must ensure they are doing it for the right reason (as I think the OP is): that is to say they simply wish to fulfill the legitimate needs and desires of the spouse that are Holy and good. Ones that are not holy and good are desires to use one another, ways to not be open to life, and ones that seek to maximize pleasure and make that your sole focus.
2. The joy of the union is a total gift of self and the physical joy is just one part and needs to be sought in conjuction with a spiritual and emotional joy that comes from communication, deepening ones love and service to the spouse supporting courtship (sex does not start in the bedroom, it starts with a father who helps his wife with the kids, a wife who helps her husband cope with stress and show appreciation, ect), and growing in faith because Christ teaches how to truly Love. With time and armed with these virtues, a couples union will grow in beauty. So we cannot reduce sex to some manual of manuevers ect… you will bypass a great amount of joy God designed for married couples by doing that… something sadly many do.
3. I would say start with a solid foundation in morality and truth of the beauty of sex (like West or Love and Responsibility by JPII) or a quick reference (sorry the server is not always good):
   www.marysremnant.org/News/Archives/MaritalSexuality.html
   Also there is a book out by Ingrid Trobisch, a Protestant and pro-nfp woman, who wrote The Joy of Being a Woman: … And What a Man Can Do, that is a little more descriptive from a female perspective and things that tend to be more in line with moral teachings:
   amazon.com/Joy-Being-Woman-What/dp/0060675969

Hope this helps and God Bless,
DB

 

[StevenFrancis]

I am Catholic and soon to be married. I always assumed good sexual relations “just happened” once you got married, but recently an older friend brought this up when I was asking him about marriage. He said it does not “just happen”. Anyways, I would like some real good Catholic advice or resouces on what to expect sexually on my honeymoon. I would also like to be able to take care of my future wife incase things don’t go as planned. Thanks.

First, if this is sincere, and you have truly remained chaste this far into your life, that is very inspiring.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

To be honest, I’m not so sure you should listen to anyone, with any kind of advice on your “honeymoon”. Seriously. Regardless of what your friends say, I think it CAN just happen. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it WILL just happen naturally. God made us, man and woman, and we fit together in a natural and loving way. If it’s awkward at first, well, this is something that 99% of all humans go through.

Instead of filling your head with all kinds of advice, and getting all kinds of performance anxiety and tension going on, just begin with an embrace, and then let the love that God has put within the two of you take it’s course. Relax. Live and love. I’m so happy when I hear about lucky couples who get to start their romantic lives the proper way. Good for you. Don’t let ‘friends’ advice, or even the folks here, goof it all up for you. Let nature take it’s course.

Peace,

Steven

 

[Philothea53]

First, if this is sincere, and you have truly remained chaste this far into your life, that is very inspiring.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

To be honest, I’m not so sure you should listen to anyone, with any kind of advice on your “honeymoon”. Seriously. Regardless of what your friends say, I think it CAN just happen. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it WILL just happen naturally. God made us, man and woman, and we fit together in a natural and loving way. If it’s awkward at first, well, this is something that 99% of all humans go through.

Instead of filling your head with all kinds of advice, and getting all kinds of performance anxiety and tension going on, just begin with an embrace, and then let the love that God has put within the two of you take it’s course. Relax. Live and love. I’m so happy when I hear about lucky couples who get to start their romantic lives the proper way. Good for you. Don’t let ‘friends’ advice, or even the folks here, goof it all up for you. Let nature take it’s course.

Peace,

Steven

Beautifully said.

After reading the other responses I wondered: However did the generations since the dawn of time get on without books and the internet to teach them how to love one another? THEY JUST DID. It is as natural as breathing.

 

[LordPrepareMe]

I hope it’s OK to post this website link:

themarriagebed.com/

It’s a Christian site, mainly Protestant, but Catholics participate. I have never seen anyone criticized for Catholic beliefs about NFP, large families, etc.

I highly recommend it. My daughter is engaged and I have referred her to this site.

It is extremely explicit and you will learn a lot. There is a section for virgins (male and female) about what to expect on the wedding night, very explicit.

I suppose some people would call this kind of information “titillating.” Well, I wish I had had this kind of specific information on the wedding night! I think that your question demonstrates that many people think sex is just kind of a “reflex.” This is so incorrect and can lead to disillusionment and unhappiness.

Please do not use this website as a resource. I clicked on it because I have been looking for good materials for my husband and I as we have been married for 4 months now.

This website leads you in with a Christian Married outreach.

It then brings up birth control, contraceptives, the pill, condoms and explains them in detail that contraceptives are ok and that the Bible does not say contraceptives are not ok. This is a huge problem as protestants lean towards accepting birth control and even sex out of marriage if you just click around in this website.

I appreciate that you put yourself out there with this post. We must be careful though because God surely does not want us to take him out of our marriage sacrament.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Please do not use this website as a resource. I clicked on it because I have been looking for good materials for my husband and I as we have been married for 4 months now.

There seems to be a problem identifying good Catholic sources on the subject. If there isn’t, then it’s funny that no one really mentions any besides West and ToB. Not that those aren’t good Catholic sources, but that seems to be about as much as we’ve got and both of those sources have their problems: West is routinely attacked here, and ToB is more poetic than practical.

This is the point where someone chimes in about how a lack of such resources didn’t prevent us as a species from pro-creating for hundreds of thousands of years… which is kinda like telling someone that they shouldn’t seek medical or nutritional advice because the species also survived without that information.

 

[Zapfenstreich]

Contrarian viewpoint alert!

You didn’t need to read a manual on how to kiss, did you? No, of course not. And you sure don’t need a manual telling you how to do that.

No matter what you know or don’t know going into the marriage bed that first time, it’ll be a bit of a train wreck - don’t worry about it, it’s that way for most truly virginal couples - just chillax and make sure she’s happy, and the rest will fall into place.

You two will have a good chuckle or two about that first night afterwards. Most everyone does.

 

[Boccherini]

Beautifully said.

After reading the other responses I wondered: However did the generations since the dawn of time get on without books and the internet to teach them how to love one another? THEY JUST DID. It is as natural as breathing.

Before the modern era most people lived in close proximity to animals. Also in many (most) cultures people weren’t as private about sex as people are now (e.g. during the Middle Ages). It isn’t as natural as breathing, that’s why we have books now.

 

[fpt]

I am Catholic and soon to be married. I always assumed good sexual relations “just happened” once you got married, but recently an older friend brought this up when I was asking him about marriage. He said it does not “just happen”. Anyways, I would like some real good Catholic advice or resouces on what to expect sexually on my honeymoon. I would also like to be able to take care of my future wife incase things don’t go as planned. Thanks.

In my humble opinion, before the vows of marriage of the day of wedding, you need to talk about conjugal sexuality, with your future spouse, in order to know if you are on the same line concerning the modus operandi of the marital act. Morally speaking, do you have the same moral view? Do you understand the same thing ? **Are you compatible, intellectually and morally speaking, about the conjugal carnal love? **The right on the body, the right of the body, the right to the body, the conjugal debt, the conjugal obligation, the conjugal rights, the conjugal sexual privileges, the conjugal presumptions concerning the conjugal sexuality??? You need to discuss freely together, before the marriage.

 

[fpt]

I am Catholic and soon to be married. I always assumed good sexual relations “just happened” once you got married, but recently an older friend brought this up when I was asking him about marriage. He said it does not “just happen”. Anyways, I would like some real good Catholic advice or resouces on what to expect sexually on my honeymoon. I would also like to be able to take care of my future wife incase things don’t go as planned. Thanks.

What is your own understanding on the conjugal sexual debt? What is the understanding of your future spouse about the conjugal sexual debt? Are you on the same page? Do you have the same morality? The right to the body, the right on the body, the right of the body??? What are the rights of each one, on the body of the other, within catholic marriage, physically, carnally, corporeally, sensually, erotically, intimately and sexually? Sexual donation and sexual reception? Do you share, intellectually speaking and morally speaking, the same approaches? The modus operandi of the marital act? Where? When? How often? How fast? How many? What? Who? How? Which manner? Why? What for?..etc. Are you compatible? Do you discuss freely about those topics?

These are subtopics that should be discussed before the marriage, in my humble opinion.