Catholic and dating

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eblude

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Hey all . I am new born catholic and will be baptized in Easter.
I been through bad divorce I believe it ripped my heart and still I am working on healing.
I been dating recently!! it is hard dating as a catholic . to be honest many times we ended in bed after few dates even it wasnt my intention and I end up spending the next weeks with guilth for that. I believe it is hard to have a date where 90% are looking for hookup/
I been praying lord to do the right thing and find a the right person so one day i can have family. I am happy with my life and sometimes I start debating spend my time with my dogs racing and my art and just give up dating. it is conflicting cos there is part of us who wants the other half .love and being able to share love faith with man/woman.

sexual doesnt mean alot to me it is the connection which i seek.

Am i alone in this or does fb dating websited etc screwd up the whole connection idea for us?
 
eblude said:
Hey all . I am new born catholic and will be baptized in Easter.
I been through bad divorce I believe it ripped my heart and still I am working on healing.
I been dating recently!! it is hard dating as a catholic . to be honest many times we ended in bed after few dates even it wasnt my intention and I end up spending the next weeks with guilth for that. I believe it is hard to have a date where 90% are looking for hookup/
I been praying lord to do the right thing and find a the right person so one day i can have family. I am happy with my life and sometimes I start debating spend my time with my dogs racing and my art and just give up dating. it is conflicting cos there is part of us who wants the other half .love and being able to share love faith with man/woman.

sexual doesnt mean alot to me it is the connection which i seek.

Am i alone in this or does fb dating websited etc screwd up the whole connection idea for us?
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A break from dating might be a good thing.

I would suggest reading a book like Perrault and Salkeld’s How Far Can We Go?

Figure out some reasonable boundaries. Here are some examples:

–won’t go to her house/take her home until you trust yourself more/know that she shares your values
–don’t kiss until you know you are very serious
–watch where you put your hands/watch where she puts her hands
–keep your feet on the floor
–don’t continue to date someone you know isn’t a serious option
–think about where you are meeting people
–read online dating profiles rather than just looking at the pictures
–slow down and THINK

The trick is to find the brakes. You do have brakes–find them.

Best wishes!
 
Also, how about an STD test in a few months?

It can’t possibly hurt.

Knowing that you’re going to do that every time you slip might keep you from slipping.

Also, if you have any spare money, how about a sizable (for you) donation to a pregnancy center or maternity home or something like Rachel’s Vineyard every time you slip? $100 would be about right if you have a median-sized income–more if you’re richer, less if you’re poorer.

Good luck!
 
thanks good idea!!!

I know i think maybe that gonna help. It just like when i date i just like give it a try and I am reaching the point something is wrong!! specially now becoming catholic dating was different for me.

A stupid question: what if i meet a person which I like who doesnt share exact values and want have sexual kinda discover eachother relation. yes I am kinda have hard time say no to sexual intimicy and thats the part am working on . i tried meeting at coffeshops all kind of places and always ending shooting myself in the foot .

I know we have control but part of me crave inimiate connection(not sexual but cuddling and being afficitionate to someone ) and i am trying to nurture in a healthy way
May lord bless you
 
You’re not alone! And the grace of baptism will help if you allow it to, being aware that you have a newer and higher dignity as a member of the Lord’s family. Ask whoever is baptizing you what you can do in terms of penance or fasting before the big day.

Here’s a simple, general way to measure limits…

Chin up = dating
Chin down = marriage
 
I noticed in your post, that you had a divorce. that needs to be cleared up first, if you haven’t done so already, before you can do any dating
 
angell1 said:
I noticed in your post, that you had a divorce. that needs to be cleared up first, if you haven’t done so already, before you can do any dating
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eblude said:
divorce is done and finalized
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I think she is talking about a decree of nullity from a marriage

ETA - Keep your pants on. If you are serious about living your Catholic faith, then actually live it.
 
eblude said:
Am i alone in this or does fb dating websited etc screwd up the whole connection idea for us?
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The true purpose of dating went off track before the internet was in every house. I suspect maybe TV is what did it.

However, I do want to mention, unless a previous marriage has been annulled, Catholic should not be dating at all
 
eblude said:
I know we have control but part of me crave inimiate connection(not sexual but cuddling and being afficitionate to someone ) and i am trying to nurture in a healthy way
May lord bless you
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It is not always possible to ‘nurture the need to cuddle’ in a healthy way and sometimes one needs to do without it
 
Spend time praying for.self control.
Refrain from dating until for a few months you have gained a level of purity from the Lord. You need to pray every day for at least 30mins, otherwise you have no spiritual armour against any temptation.

And only date Catholics who believe in chastity before marriage

Only meet in public and never spend time on your own with a date.

There are catholic dating websites like and Catholic Match, or Avemaria Singles (people can probably suggest other ones) where.in your profile and other people’s profiles you can read whether, and look for those that believe in certain aspects of the catholic faith, like chastity before marriage. If non catholic dating websites are harming you, then find a holy Catholic dating website along the lines of the above,

Nightclubs and other sinful places should be avoided.
Do not date anyone who is not a Catholic who believes in chastity before marriage.
Maybe you will find your future spouse in a youth prayergroup you will join. Or a bible prayer group, or in the church choir,

Also: You need to be a Catholic who believes in no physical contact with your future spouse, before marriage, and no time on your own with your future spouse before marriage. End each date with adoration or mass, or a visit to church, saying a prayer before Our Lady for purity together, and go your separate ways there.

Block out everything sinful in your life to do with impurity, modern TV shows, films, books, newspapers, music, friends
If anything out of the above has temptations to impurity then know to avoid the types of films, books, places, friends, etc which are not pure.
 
Anglewannabe said:
It is not always possible to ‘nurture the need to cuddle’ in a healthy way and sometimes one needs to do without it
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Agreed,

All this is meant without judgement to help the Op,
May Jesus help you and may you pray 30 mins each day for purity 🙂

You know from experience that you as a human being are not able to be affectionate and not end up in sin.

Jesus said: “If your left hand causes you to sin, cut it off,
For.it is better to enter Heaven missing on arm,
Than for the whole body to be cast into Hell.”

Is.affection with your dates causing you to be cast into Hell?
Should.you cut that out of your life like Jesus said, so that you can enter Heaven without this bad habit,
Rather than letting this sin drag you to hell?

I personally believe, that couples should have no physical contact before marriage and not spend time on their own with each other

The catechism.says: “To out yourself in a near occasion of mortal sin, is a mortal sin.”

Cuddling or kissing your dates in a room in your own,
Is.that a near occasion for mortal sin to happen? Yes.
You know this from past falls.

you now know you need to avoid any affection, dates with non Catholics, and avoid being on your own with any date?

Go forward with this knowledge, for your salvation,
God.can bring good out of any wrong,
If you have learnt from this, you have learnt a valuable lesson of how you are to avoid this sin for the rest of your life
 
I’m pro-kissing and pro-cuddling normally and also very much for courting couples spending time doing home things together at home.

But in the OP’s case, it seems like he’ll need to be more cautious.

(Just as there are a lot of trainwrecks involving chastity, there are a lot of marital trainwrecks involving couples that don’t know what the other is like at home. If your intended can’t cook and can’t clean and believes that pixies buy them new underwear and take out the trash, it’s much better to figure that out before getting married to them.)
 
Eblude,
At your upcoming baptism All your sins will be wiped away, and all punishment owed, and all your Purgatory. Or if you merited hell, that will be erased too.

Problem is, fornication is grave matter that if done deliberately, with full consent and full knowledge is a mortal sin with an eternal punishment in hell.
Even the thought of fornication under the three conditions is a mortal sin.

How many mortal sins are needed to out some in hell forever?
Just one. One mortal sin turns all good deeds of one’s life into nothing.

There is confession after baptism.
However confession forgives the sins but still leaves the punishment (whether on earth or Purgatory, left for you to work off or pray off).

Therefore you need to have left this sin behind before baptism. So you can stay spotless before the Lord after baptism.
You want to start a new life at baptism
Not continue with the old sinful life.

You need to walk the chaste path and make radical changes. No longer dating non Catholics. And never be on your own with a date ever. Only meeting them in public places (not nightclubs or sinful places). And ending by saying a prayer of adoration in church and go separate ways. Make sure they believe in chastity. And have no physical contact with your dates ever. Jesus said if your left hand causes you to sin cut it off.

You need to censor what you watch read or listen to. No watching listening or reading anything that has fornication, explicit content, bad images, etc… Watch only what would be suitable for PG rating for a child.
It is sinful to watch or listen or read content that I’d impure and it predisposes you to sinning that way.
 
Physical contact of.any.sort of mild.affection can lead to mortal sin, and should.be avoided. That is for marriage alone.
 
MaryHelp777 said:
Physical contact of.any.sort of mild.affection can lead to mortal sin, and should.be avoided. That is for marriage alone.
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Cite?

Should I stop shaking hands with Father after Mass? Is the sign of peace an occasion of sin?
 
Xantippe said:
Cite?

Should I stop shaking hands with Father after Mass? Is the sign of peace an occasion of sin?
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Of.the.type between a couple not yet married.
They may feel that they both individually not have any physical contact to prevent thoughts and actions of impurity.
 
MaryHelp777 said:
Physical contact of.any.sort of mild.affection can lead to mortal sin, and should.be avoided. That is for marriage alone.
Click to expand...
I totally agree is it kind of hard establish a way how to date as a catholic . I mean being able to know the person without committing sin. I have faith an I prefer avoiding and learning for my mistakes.

I am pro chasity but if you are not afficitionate how can you know if you compatible physically? I know sounds stupid question. I enjoy being catholic reading bible going to church . but now I am looking for having new life an long life partner I am trying to find healthy way to prevent sin and also being able to find the right partner.

I will work more in myself cos i know being catholic is a long commitment an a journey where you try to be closer and follow Jesus image daily.

I am waiting for baptisim to annul my marraige my priest told me my case is easy and i can easily get an annulment I just honestly have no hope finding a right person in a year or 2 so i have not bothered working on it.

May lord bless you
 
MaryHelp777 said:
Of.the.type between a couple not yet married.
They may feel that they both individually not have any physical contact to prevent thoughts and actions of impurity.
Click to expand...
this is kinda hard I mean hug a friend is part of my culture . we even give kiss on cheek! do i have to stop that? we do that but it has nothing to do to be sexual?
 
Most standard cultural practices are fine. Hug hello, kiss on the cheek goodbye, hold hands while walking in the park, arm around the shoulders at the movies yada yada

Beyond that: above the chin, dating, below the chin, marriage. If you wouldn’t do it in front of Father, you probably shouldn’t do it.
 
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