Dear Stargazer15
Sorry for the delay in responding to you.
Congratulations on finding someone to love. Love is a wonderful blessing. However it requires an absolute commitment on both of your parts if it is going to work. Certainly if you and your boyfriend were able to share the same religion it would be a much easier path to walk. However, the great thing is that there are few truly religious differences between the two churches. Unfortunately, the differences that do exist are important to each church. And as you are discovering both churches have done a good job of developing many mutually exclusive and self perpetuating regulations. Unfortunately, these rules will do more to test your commitment to each other than to unite the two of you.
As you probably know the two churches have been talking for some time about reunifications. If you can get a copy of the Jan-April issue of the Illuminator (the Greek Church’s version of the AD times) there is a great article regarding the reunification talks from the Greek Orthodox Church’s perspective. I will let you come to your own conclusion as to the likely hood that reunification will occur any time soon.
As you have probably discovered there are many very wonderful Greek Traditions. Unfortunately, many of these traditions are so interwoven into their religious practices that it is hard to separate the two. This adds some additional challenges to your desire to work out a mutually acceptable solution to your choice of a family religion(s). Also, as you have discovered the Greeks are a very passionate people. This passion frequently is brought to the decision making process and can create additional challenges. Proceeded with caution, like it or not, you will relive this decision every Sunday of your marriage. Therefore, don’t let yourself be pressured.
You asked about raising the Children. If you don’t mind let me share something about the first step, the marriage. The Greek Orthodox Church will not recognize your marriage if the ceremony is performed in the Catholic Church. However, the Catholic Church will recognize your marriage if the ceremony is performed in the Greek Orthodox Church. To get married in the Greek Orthodox Church, prior to the marriage, all you need to do is to request a dispensation from the Catholic Church. Your parish Priest can help you do this. That is what I did, but to be totally honest with you, after all these years I still wish my ceremony had been in the Catholic Church.
However, there may be another option. Some Greek Orthodox Priests are willing to request approval from their Arch Bishop to allow you and your future husband to get married in the Catholic Church and then for the Greek Orthodox Priest to perform another wedding ceremony in the Greek Orthodox Church. The Catholic marriage being first is the one which is registered with the State, the second ceremony is for religious purposes only.
As far as children are concerned. To my knowledge there is no formal approved method to accomplish what my wife and I did. Both Churches will be asking you to raise your children in their church. Unfortunately I can not help you decide what to say when asked that question. However, contrary to the path which my wife and I took, I would suggest that you select just one church within which to raise the children. You can still go to both Churches as a family. If just means your children will only receive the sacraments from one church.
Unfortunately, it also means that until changes are made you will not be able to go to communion as a family. While the Catholic Church allows Greek Orthodox to receive communion in the Catholic Church (canon law 844.3). The Greek Orthodox Church does not reciprocate for Catholics. Also, it is no surprise, but the Greek Orthodox Church does not want their members to receive communion in the Catholic Church. Although you will find that many Greek Orthodox who are not physically close to a Greek Orthodox Church will go to Catholic Churches and receive communion. (reciprocal communion privileges is one item which is being considered, see the article previously mentioned.)
If you would rather do as my wife and I did. I have to be clear that no one gave us approval to do so. Sometimes it is easier to ask forgiveness than get approval. After each of our children was born we had them Baptized in the Catholic Church. Sometime later each child was Crisimated in the Greek Orthodox. When the time came we enrolled each child in CCD and as such they received their First Communion and Confirmation. On the weeks we attended the Greek Orthodox Church each child would go to Orthodox Sunday school as it runs concurrent with the church service. The Catholic Church does not know of our children’s involvement in the Greek Orthodox Church. However, the Greek Orthodox Priest knows that our children go to the Catholic Church and receive communion there.
This approach has only worked because my wife and I show respect for each others religion. We send our monthly checks to both churches. And we are involved in many activities with both churches. As an example, we are both involved in the food pantries of each church. For Christmas and Birthday presents for each other we will frequently pay the full cost of the food bank for the month for the others spouse’s church.
Our children are now grown, and from their perspective it has been a smooth and normal process. Last year our oldest got married and had to make the best choice for her and her family. Next year our middle daughter is getting married and is now having to deal with these same issues. Whether we made the right decision I still can not tell you. It is what it is. I’ll let God decide.
Good luck with your decision. If you have any other questions let me know.
God Bless. gwrinc
