Catholic and just moved into an apartment with my girlfriend

[cyberfrogX]

Hello, so this is the situation. I moved into an apartment with my friend, my girlfriend, and her best friend. My friend and I are in one room and her friend and her are in the other.

Recently I read about the churches discouragement of living together with the person you plan to marry before you’re married. I didn’t really think about it in the “trial-marriage” way, I just really wanted to get off campus.

So now I’m not sure if I made the wisest decision.

There hasn’t been any major troubles, and we sleep in separate rooms, but as a rather young person I’ve come to realize that there are people out there with greater experience in these matters advising against such things.

So I suppose I just want some feedback. Any advice, or anyone with experience with this could be very helpful. Thanks

 

[BamaRider]

Hello, so this is the situation. I **moved into an apartment with my friend, my girlfriend, and her best friend. My friend and I are in one room and her friend and her are in the other. **Recently I read about the churches discouragement of living together with the person you plan to marry before you’re married. I didn’t really think about it in the “trial-marriage” way, I just really wanted to get off campus.

So now I’m not sure if I made the wisest decision.

There hasn’t been any major troubles, and we sleep in separate rooms, but as a rather young person I’ve come to realize that there are people out there with greater experience in these matters advising against such things.

So I suppose I just want some feedback. Any advice, or anyone with experience with this could be very helpful. Thanks

This oughta be good. http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/16.gif

 

[kage_ar]

The first thing that comes to mind, near occasion of sin. Temptation is strong when you have strong emotions for someone.

Second is scandal. Would you want those who look at you to think it is okay to live together without marriage? CCC will explain a bit:

[2284](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2284.htm’) Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

 

[Belgarion]

This oughta be good. http://bestsmileys.com/eating1/16.gif

Sounds like “Friends” doesn’t it?

Anyways, Kage_ar hit the nail on the head there.

You’re putting yourself in a bad position there.

If at all possible, find somewhere else to go. Harsh, I know, but its for a good reason.

However, if its impossible (or it will just take a while) always keep one of your friends with you. Come up with a system so that those occasions of sin never show up!!

 

[OSUbride0708]

You are going to develop much stronger feelings for this girl since you will be spending A LOT of time with her. Make sure you’ve really discussed what your expectations and plans are for chastity before marriage, etc. and make sure you both agree. This might sound dumb, but try putting up a cross, or picture of Jesus, Mary or some kind of Holy figure in the living room…it may serve as a nice reminded should you accidentally get carried away at any time.
I’m sure you’re tied in to a lease so it isn’t as easy as just leaving right now.
I lived with my husband for 3 1/2 years before we married. We were in college and I moved in with him to get out of a bad roomate situation. Anyway, we made it fine and were even able to spread the good word to some of our more presumptuous friends and acquaintances. However, it was not the ideal situation, and I do not recommend it to anyone trying to keep Catholic morals intact. It is very difficult.

 

[Scottgun]

Move out. It’ll be inconvenient, and people will think you are nuts and call you holier-than-thou, boy scout, etc., but you can’t put a price on a clear conscience and protecting the ones you love around you from scandal.

 

[whatevergirl]

Move out. It’ll be inconvenient, and people will think you are nuts and call you holier-than-thou, boy scout, etc., but you can’t put a price on a clear conscience.

yep–i agree with this.

It’s a near occasion of and to sin…and why put your morality at risk? Just get a place of your own, or with guy friends…it might not be easy at first, but do what Jesus would have you do…

 

[pumpkinbeast]

I don’t know either of you, and I don’t know how devoted you are to chastity and saving yourself for marriage, so you may be just fine living together, with separate bedrooms, and manage to save yourself for marriage. But you might not. It’s a risk, spending that much time in close proximity to each other. It’s important to remember what you’re risking: your souls. If you have sex before marriage, that’s a mortal sin. It separates you from God. Do you really want to risk your girlfriend’s soul like that? I know I wouldn’t want a boyfriend who would.

Me and my fiance, even when we’re just cuddling, with other people in the house, we still ask each other if we’re okay with what’s going on, if it’s causing the other any unnecessary temptation, etc. It’s something that will become harder the longer you live with each other. You might be just fine now, which is awesome, but the more comfortable you get with each other, the more you might let things slide… that’s been my experience, anyway, and we’re long distance, so we spend even less time with each other than someone would when living closer.

Just remember, better safe than sorry, and if you marry this woman, you’ll have your whole lifetime to live with her and be close to her.

 

[cyberfrogX]

The first thing that comes to mind, near occasion of sin. Temptation is strong when you have strong emotions for someone.

Second is scandal. Would you want those who look at you to think it is okay to live together without marriage? CCC will explain a bit:

[2284](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/2284.htm’) Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

Well that’s not good at all… yeah this was quite the oversight on my part.

 

[cyberfrogX]

You are going to develop much stronger feelings for this girl since you will be spending A LOT of time with her. Make sure you’ve really discussed what your expectations and plans are for chastity before marriage, etc. and make sure you both agree. This might sound dumb, but try putting up a cross, or picture of Jesus, Mary or some kind of Holy figure in the living room…it may serve as a nice reminded should you accidentally get carried away at any time.
I’m sure you’re tied in to a lease so it isn’t as easy as just leaving right now.
I lived with my husband for 3 1/2 years before we married. We were in college and I moved in with him to get out of a bad roomate situation. Anyway, we made it fine and were even able to spread the good word to some of our more presumptuous friends and acquaintances. However, it was not the ideal situation, and I do not recommend it to anyone trying to keep Catholic morals intact. It is very difficult.

Yeah, the lease thing is an issue.

We have discussed quite a bit about chastity before marriage and we both agree that sex and sexual activities should wait. I do have a few religious objects around the apartment, but mostly in my room.

Thank you for your advice.

 

[cyberfrogX]

I don’t know either of you, and I don’t know how devoted you are to chastity and saving yourself for marriage, so you may be just fine living together, with separate bedrooms, and manage to save yourself for marriage. But you might not. It’s a risk, spending that much time in close proximity to each other. It’s important to remember what you’re risking: your souls. If you have sex before marriage, that’s a mortal sin. It separates you from God. Do you really want to risk your girlfriend’s soul like that? I know I wouldn’t want a boyfriend who would.

Me and my fiance, even when we’re just cuddling, with other people in the house, we still ask each other if we’re okay with what’s going on, if it’s causing the other any unnecessary temptation, etc. It’s something that will become harder the longer you live with each other. You might be just fine now, which is awesome, but the more comfortable you get with each other, the more you might let things slide… that’s been my experience, anyway, and we’re long distance, so we spend even less time with each other than someone would when living closer.

Just remember, better safe than sorry, and if you marry this woman, you’ll have your whole lifetime to live with her and be close to her.

Yeah, I actually didn’t move in with the intention of trying to get closer to her. Since we lived on the same campus distance was never really an issue. My main motivations were economic and now I can see how that may have blinded my judgment.

Thanks

 

[jeanannemarie]

I think you should take the advice to move out. Nothing good will come of committing sins of scandal and near occasions of sin. God cannot bless you if you are in a state of sin. You were smart to ask advice and clarify the situation in your own mind. Be a good model for your peers even if they don’t understand. My daughter let an old high school friend (male) move in with her last Fall. Nothing good has come of it and certainly no blessings. Just trouble and heartache. It is harder to get out of all of it than it is to get into it. Leave before it gets complicated. May God bless you.

 

[richardsgirl]

Can you afford to move out, or is it really impossible? Just wondering.

Also, what are the other two people you’re living with like? Are they Catholic, and do you think they’re likely to be a help or hindrance in this situation?

Sarah

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Also, what are the other two people you’re living with like? Are they Catholic, and do you think they’re likely to be a help or hindrance in this situation?

Sarah

**
I was wondering the same thing. Not that I think you should continue living together, but having roommates who respect chastity as much as you and your girlfriend will make it easier until you find other arrangements. You can all be accountable to eachother for now.

Also, speak with your priest. He should be able to give you some good counsel on how to handle any potential temptations that come up and may also have some good advice about finding other accommodations.

I will pray for you and your girlfriend. It makes my day to see this post and your obvious concern for doing what is right instead of just what is convenient. Gives me hope for my daughter’s future. Thanks!**