Catholic and protestant relationships? do they work?

[KellyPalmer]

When I was in high school, one of the teacher, a nun, told us that we should look for a
devout Catholic to marry. Marrying a wishy-washy Catholic or devout Protestant would probably result in a difficult marriage or defecting from Catholicism of the Catholic.
Throughout the years, this has been a situation that has proven true more often than
not.
Why risk it? Marry someone with values and a faith you share.

Why risk it? Obedience to God. Some of us have been called to marry Protestants

 

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

Why risk it? Obedience to God. Some of us have been called to marry Protestants

I meant as far as even dating a non-catholic.

You may be right, but I doubt that is the case for most.

 

[KellyPalmer]

I meant as far as even dating a non-catholic.

You may be right, but I doubt that is the case for most.

God calls people to date before they marry. I don’t know a lot of arranged marriages of Catholics, lol . I dated a wonderful Catholic guy for 5 years, through high school and college. He was everything I wanted in a husband and I was sure we would marry. He was sure of it too. But then the Holy Spirit brought me my Protestant husband who the opposite of almost everything I liked in a guy. We are complete opposites. I tried to fight it but Gid changed my heart and it was beyond my control. I had to break it off with the other guy and start dating my future husband. We were engaged within a few months. I don’t think my story is anything special. I think God puts people together all the time.

 

[PennyinCanada]

The first thing that comes to mind is married life and using the pill. Many Protestants and it seems many Catholics don’t mind using the pill before they are married, during their marriage, having 2 kids, and then getting sterilized. I wonder how many would use the pill if they knew it was an abortificient. As a Catholic with a Catholic husband, we have never used the pill and will never have to come before God to answer for using it, nor will we see how many children we had lost because of using the pill. For all the happily married couples that are in mixed marriages, we won’t know what they will have to answer for. More importantly, do you expect your wife to use the pill, and get sterilized after 2 children? If your wife is using the pill, can you go up for Communion? Can you still avail yourself of Reconciliation if your relations with your wife are being sterilized by the pill, or that a child may be aborted this month? Are you placing yourself outside of where God wants you to be?

God gave us this awesome and mighty gift of the Eucharist, and the blood of Christ was poured out so that we can be washed clean in the confessional. He gave us our blessed Mother to intercede for us, and over the years, you will need many prayers and help with the troubles of life! If these realities were the center of your life, you wouldn’t be here asking this question. I hope that you and I both can learn to appreciate in a more substantial way, what God gives us in these great gifts. These are the Rocks on which to build a marriage and a family. Building on sand, the house will wash away when trouble comes, and trouble always comes if you live long enough.

 

[angelic06]

God gave us this awesome and mighty gift of the Eucharist…QUOTE]

…and I want my children, if any, to have it. This is one of the most important things I consider when trying to find a prospective wife. I am a very firm believer that the family is the domestic Church and to be able to receive Holy Communion, at least on Sundays and the primary feasts, as a family is important to me.

 

[Hovannes]

IMHO this is just too ambiguousof a question.
If no one thought it honestly couldn’t work, there wouldn’t be many mixed marriages between rational Catholics and protestants in the first place.

OTOH, after 16 years of marriage my lovely bride just converted.at a time when the Church is really taking it in the chops from what seems like every direction!

 

[BettyBoop416]

It might be slightly easier to be married to a “nothing” who let me take full control over all things religious in our family…

Although I might take issue with the term “a nothing,” I think I know what you mean. My husband is a non-believer, and I think that is easier to deal with than someone who is a very devout practitioner of another faith. Although I would prefer that we shared the Catholic faith, as a practical matter, we have had no problems regarding religion. He always attends Sunday Mass with me when his schedule allows. He was aware that I promised to raise the children Catholic and he does nothing to actively interfere with their religious upbringing. (At the same time, however, he is not what you would call “supportive” in that regard. If one of the kids questions the fact that he is non-Catholic, he is honest about his disbelief.)

Before anyone asks, because the subject of birth control always comes up in discussions about mixed marriages: After our third child was born my husband indicated that he was done making babies and asked how i felt about contraception. I told him that I was not comfortable putting unnecessary drugs in my body. (I knew he wouldn’t be interested in a religious argument.) I suggested NFP but he dismissed that idea rather quickly. (He travels quite a bit for business. We are already pretty restricted in the number of days we can “be together.” Add NFP into the mix and we might as well be pen pals.) So, he ended up getting a vasectomy.

Is our “mixed marriage” ideal? Probably not, but we’re both awfully happy with our life together. As I’ve said before, there is not a Catholic man on the planet I’d trade my husband for.

 

[ajaffres]

In our case, I am the catholic wife and he is the protestant husband. Actually it has only become an issue in the last 5 years. My parents were Catholic but not practicing. So, when we got married I thought the should follow her husband, so I went to his Church…
So until I realized that our protestant marriage was not valid and started to go back to the Catholic Church, there were no debates.
He agreed to validate our marriage in the Catholic Church a couple of years ago and that’s when the issues started. I am bound to raise the kids Catholics in my marriage vows, yet protestants believe that the Man is the spiritual leader of the home. He signed a document before our Catholic wedding that prohibits him from interfering in my obligation to raise the kids Catholic.
The kids are now alter servers and I know he is not happy about it. He also is against the priesthood vocation while it is my responsibility to promote all vocations to our boys: singleness, married life of holy orders.
As a woman, it is really complicated. Do other women struggle with this? How do you deal with it in Charity. It often makes me feel aggressive and confrontational which is not a desirable attribute for a wife.

 

[ajaffres]

I also forgot to mention all the debates about contraception. Since he had a vasectomy before the Catholic marriage, the priest said that he did not need to reverse it, but since he is not catholic he also did not go to confession about it.
I have tried to show him the CCC where it also says that since we are considered a sterile couple, we can have sex as long as in our hearts we are open to life. Being open to life should also include being open to adoption, right? If in his heart he feels no remorse, does it make the marital act sinful?

 

[Julianna]

I couldn’t answer because your question is too general. Many relationships between faiths “work” just fine. For example, I can work with people of all faiths, including Protestants. I can also have friendships with people of all faiths.

But for marriage, it’s difficult. The Church does not recommend that Catholics marry outside of our faith, for many very good reasons.

My mother is Baptist, my dad Catholic. 1956 the year they got married. My dad’s parish priest was in an uproar over the idea. They were married in the Catholic Church, spent 29 1/2 yrs together before dad passed away in '06. My mother had to “sign a paper” stating that she would raise us Catholic. She told us kids, it was not a promise to the priest, the Church or the Pope, it was a promise she made to God because she loved my father. She asked questions about our CCD classes, she helped us prepare for our first Penance and First Communion. She took us to her Church on occasion, but made sure we attended Mass with dad.

Fast forward 1990. My brother married a Pentacostal in the Catholic Church. There were no arguments, no yelling, no fire and brimstone from our parish priest. My SIL was welcomed and was not quizzed…she agreed verbally without signing a piece of paper that children from this marriage would be raised Catholic. Turns out they never had children…due to medical issues with her. It wasn’t like it was for my parents in '56. The priest was awful to my mother and scolded my father like a child.

It does work…my sister married a Methodist…their child was raised Catholic. My BIL had no issues.

Not sure what parishes you all attend…but I have yet to encounter a priest like the one my parents had to deal with.

 

[Chiefsinner]

Cool thanks for the opinions it seems that it does work but its more challenging…

 

[Lost_Sheep]

My mother is Catholic and my father was a Lutheran when they got married. It took 25 years before Dad converted to Catholicism.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

My mother is Baptist, my dad Catholic. 1956 the year they got married. My dad’s parish priest was in an uproar over the idea. They were married in the Catholic Church, spent 29 1/2 yrs together before dad passed away in '06. My mother had to “sign a paper” stating that she would raise us Catholic. She told us kids, it was not a promise to the priest, the Church or the Pope, it was a promise she made to God because she loved my father. She asked questions about our CCD classes, she helped us prepare for our first Penance and First Communion. She took us to her Church on occasion, but made sure we attended Mass with dad.

Fast forward 1990. My brother married a Pentacostal in the Catholic Church. There were no arguments, no yelling, no fire and brimstone from our parish priest. My SIL was welcomed and was not quizzed…she agreed verbally without signing a piece of paper that children from this marriage would be raised Catholic. Turns out they never had children…due to medical issues with her. It wasn’t like it was for my parents in '56. The priest was awful to my mother and scolded my father like a child.

It does work…my sister married a Methodist…their child was raised Catholic. My BIL had no issues.

Not sure what parishes you all attend…but I have yet to encounter a priest like the one my parents had to deal with.

My father had to convert to marry my (also convert) mother. That was in 1953. She had converted in order to marry another guy who ended up ditching her before they got married (lucky for my dad!). I think that was the standard process back then - the conversion. Of course my father converted for her, he never truly gave his heart to the Church. After she died when I was 10, he never went back, and stopped our Catholic education then. I don’t blame my dad for that - he was bitter that she had put in so many hours helping others when they had problems, yet no one from the Church helped us out when she died. My sister also had resentments because of that - she was 13 when Mom passed and perhaps she picked up on things Daddy said - I was too young to catch onto those conversations if the words were spoken.

Anyway, I still say it’s no guarantee that 2 people of different faiths are going to be able to keep their marriage together. Then again, Catholics, Jews, Baptists, etc. get divorced even IN the same faith, so I will say I pray a lot for my dear husband’s reversion, and I have to keep my own faith practices strong or I would feel discouraged and disheartened.

But God bless your mother.

 

[lesanderi]

I married a non-practicing Protestant who told me he would never become Catholic. We agreed that we would marry Catholic, raise our children Catholic and send them through Catholic schools. He converted on his own choosing 25 years later and after sending our children through Catholic schools from PK to 12th. It required most of the work of me, being the Catholic parent to help the children through school, sacraments, etc. He couldn’t understand in detail or faith about what the children were going through. I could, being Catholic and attending Catholic school myself. He now is glad he converted, and glad the children attended private school instead of public school. I’m grateful for him finally coming to convert, but I imagine it would have been better if he could have shared in a lot of things in the child raising department. I didn’t think it mattered when I married, but I now encourage my children of 19 and 21 to find a mate that is Catholic and the reasons behind it.

 

[QNDNNDQDCE]

I fell into a relationship with a Baptist girl of the “fundamentalist” variety at a religiously uncertain point in my life, and although we both like each other very much, she is still opposed to Catholicism. I am a weak man and I lack the will to terminate this relationship, but I do not forsee my current situation ending well if things do not change. I see indications of progress within her so I hope and pray that things between us will work out, but the future is uncertain and I know deep-down that this is not a good way to be doing things.

The only way for a Catholic-Protestant relationship to work is if there is concession by one party. This party is necessarily the Protestant party, for if the Catholic party concedes even the smallest part of the faith, they cease to be Catholic. And marrying a Protestant who is willing to concede their faith for the sake of the marriage is not an ideal partner anyway because you should want to marry someone who is as strong in their faith as possible. If you know you are Catholic, then there is nothing to be gained from courting Protestants.

 

[Chiefsinner]

I fell into a relationship with a Baptist girl of the “fundamentalist” variety at a religiously uncertain point in my life, and although we both like each other very much, she is still opposed to Catholicism. I am a weak man and I lack the will to terminate this relationship, but I do not forsee my current situation ending well if things do not change. I see indications of progress within her so I hope and pray that things between us will work out, but the future is uncertain and I know deep-down that this is not a good way to be doing things.

The only way for a Catholic-Protestant relationship to work is if there is concession by one party. This party is necessarily the Protestant party, for if the Catholic party concedes even the smallest part of the faith, they cease to be Catholic. And marrying a Protestant who is willing to concede their faith for the sake of the marriage is not an ideal partner anyway because you should want to marry someone who is as strong in their faith as possible. If you know you are Catholic, then there is nothing to be gained from courting Protestants.

If both have strong determination and aren’t willing to listen to each others belief it won’t work out. You got to have some level of understanding and have to hear each other out.

 

[Neilan]

Hiya

Well,

My Granny was a Catholic, my Grandad was not. (both now deceased)

My Mum is a Catholic, my Dad is not.

I am a Catholic, my wife is not.

My little sister is a Catholic, her husband is not.

(my other sis aint married as yet).

All of these have been happy and solid marriages. (OK, me and my wife, and my sister + husband, are only recently married, but the others were/are married for decades).

So, yeh, such relationships work.

The non-Catholics in these relationships are not really “protestant”, thought they would probably define as such.

In reality, they are “nothing” - not members of any Church, do not attend any Church etc - where I come from that is entirely typical for people who call themselves “Protestants”.

We dont pray together. As far as I know, none of the other examples I gave do either.

Rather, I pray for my wife - for her conversion, for her health and happiness, for our relationship and that I may do her justice as a husband.

If we manage to start a family, I will introduce a family grace before meals, which I would like us to all take part in togerher.

My wife doesnt attend any Church. I attend once or twice a week - a saturday and/or sunday. Whilst I am at Church, she usually has a lie-in, or watches TV or whatever.

I would like us to attend Church as a family unit, if we are lucky enough to have children. Even if she only came as an extra pair of hands to help control the children.

I do not think she would be against that idea, but would probably decline out of concern as to what her own parents might think, do or say. They are Church of Scotland attendees, (presbyterians), and might be resentful if she started attending a Catholic Church. She stopped going to the Church of Scotland years ago, long before we met.

It would be wholly typical of the mentality of Scottish Protestants that they would be happier with their daughter having no religion at all, than with her going to a Catholic Church.

I would be over the moon if she did come along with us to Church, or even converted - however that is up to her alone and I never attend to persuade or pressure her: I respect her right to make her own choices.

There are no debates in our household

You see, one of my household functions is to communicate and enforce Papal Supremacy and Infallibility at all times, and boy is that a job I do resoundingly well

There might be debates in other relationships,. but none of these will ever change the fact that the Catholic Church is the sole Chrisitan Church founded by Jesus Christ - and as such is “always right” from the Christian persepective.

In contrast, protestant churches were founded 1,500+ years after Christ, by various mortal men - and are accordingly flawed. They are human enterprises, not divine enterprises.

I have no theological training, nor have I ever studied Christian doctrine in depth etc, but - any time I encounter examples of protestantism - I am always powerfully struck by their complete lack of credibility, from the Church of Scotland to the Westboro Baptists and all in between.

I say that truthfully, not as an attempt to be snarky or mean.

Anymore questions, fire away!

I think that may be the case here in Scotland with regards to protestantism (are you from Scotland as well?) however I do think that in other countries, such as in the USA, there is a significantly higher proportion of practising protestants than here. Although Scotland is such a ‘‘protestant country’’, the fact of the matter is that the Catholic community is much, much stronger in faith than that denomination.

I do think however that abroad, particularly in America, protestantism is adhered to much more than it is here. In Scotland, especially in the West, we HAVE TO define ourselves as either Protestant or Catholic. I consider this ridiculous but from my experience of growing up, such was the case. We had ‘‘Catholic’’ areas and Protestant areas, bars where Catholics gathered and bars where protestants gathered and still to this day people feel the need to identify with one group or another. It does make me really angry however to see ‘‘Catholics’’ who claim to be Catholic but use Catholicism as an excuse to cause riots, fights and conflict whilst they themselves do not practise but pretend to be holy Catholics infront of Protestants. I saw a boy just the other day, a yob, swearing and vulgarly talking out loud about the girls he was ‘‘sleeping with’’ (not my invertered commas as I do not want to repeat the words he was using) with a tattoo of Rosary beads on his arms. This completely disgusts me.

 

[Chiefsinner]

The poll is pretty close here almost 50 percent on either side. I’m curious about those who have been in a relationship how did you over come the barrier of “the blessed sacrament” I don’t think I could digest the fact of real-presence and reject transubstantiation

So any comments / feedback will help…

 

[dedo]

Catholics do not go to communion at Protestant churches and vice versa.

It is not a problem to decline communion at a Protestant church or a Catholic church. You can still participate in the other parts of the service.

A Protestant who wants to be blessed by the Priest can go in the communion line at a Catholic church and cross his / her arms when approaching the Priest who will bless the Protestant instead of offering the Host. However, I am not sure that all Eucharistic ministers know about this, so there is a slight risk of embarrassment. At a large public church like St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City, the priests definitely know how to bless Protestants in the communion line who identify themselves in this manner.

If someone wants to discuss what communion means with his / her spouse, that is up to the couple. I have never felt the need to debate what others believe who are happy in another Christian faith. I prefer to respect other people’s beliefs.

 

[Julianna]

Totally agree with your last paragraph. It was never an issue in our household. Mom and dad were married close to 50 yrs. Dad Catholic. …mom Baptist.