Catholic Baptism for Children & A Protestant Wife

[Tmay1]

I am a Convert to the Catholic Church, My wife is still presently Protestant (though i pray for her conversion) When we Married I was a baptized Protestant though non-practicing. She was Non-baptized Protestant (Her Church Didn’t believe in the need to baptize?) All this being Said the main issue at hand is :

We have 3 Children, 1-boy age 4 1-girl age 2 and another girl that is 2 Months. My wife is Accepting of my Catholic Faith and accepts Church teaching in regards to NFP etc. She also attends Mass with me on Sat. Vigil and allows Kids to go with me also when i attend TLMass. She had no problem agreeing to Baptizing the 1st two Children at the local parish. However She now wants to Dedicate our youngest daughter at her protestant church in addition to the upcoming Catholic Baptism (under the influence of family request) The dedication is not a baptism because they reject infant baptism. She sees no issue with this sadly but i don’t believe i can participate in this dedication. I know she is going to be angry when i object but i feel i must. Im also not sure at this point if im committing sin by allowing my children to continue to attend with her on sundays due to the fact my oldest is now at the age of starting to understand things. How far can i morally take this? Is it ok For me baptizing my children Catholic but still honoring her wishes to take them with her to a Protestant service? Should i draw the line in the sand at this point? or do i object with love and allow this to continue while continuing to pray for my wife’s conversion? Her family’s request isnt out of ill intentions and neither is hers, they simply don’t understand the implications or the serious divisions in doctrine between their brand of protestantism and Catholicism. Sorry for this long post but i needed to shed clarity if i expect to get legitimate help here.

 

[Xantippe]

I am a Convert to the Catholic Church, My wife is still presently Protestant (though i pray for her conversion) When we Married I was a baptized Protestant though non-practicing. She was Non-baptized Protestant (Her Church Didn’t believe in the need to baptize?) All this being Said the main issue at hand is :

We have 3 Children, 1-boy age 4 1-girl age 2 and another girl that is 2 Months. My wife is Accepting of my Catholic Faith and accepts Church teaching in regards to NFP etc. She also attends Mass with me on Sat. Vigil and allows Kids to go with me also when i attend TLMass. She had no problem agreeing to Baptizing the 1st two Children at the local parish. However She now wants to Dedicate our youngest daughter at her protestant church in addition to the upcoming Catholic Baptism (under the influence of family request) The dedication is not a baptism because they reject infant baptism. She sees no issue with this sadly but i don’t believe i can participate in this dedication. I know she is going to be angry when i object but i feel i must. Im also not sure at this point if im committing sin by allowing my children to continue to attend with her on sundays due to the fact my oldest is now at the age of starting to understand things. How far can i morally take this? Is it ok For me baptizing my children Catholic but still honoring her wishes to take them with her to a Protestant service? Should i draw the line in the sand at this point? or do i object with love and allow this to continue while continuing to pray for my wife’s conversion? Her family’s request isnt out of ill intentions and neither is hers, they simply don’t understand the implications or the serious divisions in doctrine between their brand of protestantism and Catholicism. Sorry for this long post but i needed to shed clarity if i expect to get legitimate help here.

Why don’t you find out what the text of the dedication is? And then share it with your pastor and ask what you should do?

You may find that you can attend and participate in the dedication in perfectly good conscience.

 

[Tmay1]

Why don’t you find out what the text of the dedication is? And then share it with your pastor and ask what you should do?

You may find that you can attend and participate in the dedication in perfectly good conscience.

The Text Of the Dedication is generally (considering its not scripted) Is We Go to the Front of the Church and Present the Child to the Pastor, he asks If me and my wife are dedicated to raising our Child in a Christian home and Asks the Congregation to help us in this task. He thens Says a Prayer over the Child Usually in the line of "God the father help these parents to do your will in raising this child in the faith (he is of course referring to the protestant faith) . In jesus name we pray. " amen.

I don’t Generally approach my pastor about these matters because although i respect him i disagree with his teachings and advice that is normally contrary to church teaching so i don’t trust him with my soul and only will go to him for confession if i really have to. also this was dropped in my lap suddenly so im trying to see how blurry the lines are before setting up a time and dirving an hour to my Traditional pastor at the Basilica.

 

[pianistclare]

The Text Of the Dedication is generally (considering its not scripted) Is We Go to the Front of the Church and Present the Child to the Pastor, he asks If me and my wife are dedicated to raising our Child in a Christian home and Asks the Congregation to help us in this task. He thens Says a Prayer over the Child Usually in the line of "God the father help these parents to do your will in raising this child in the faith (he is of course referring to the protestant faith) . In jesus name we pray. " amen.

I don’t Generally approach my pastor about these matters because although i respect him i disagree with his teachings and advice that is normally contrary to church teaching so i don’t trust him with my soul and only will go to him for confession if i really have to. also this was dropped in my lap suddenly so im trying to see how blurry the lines are before setting up a time and dirving an hour to my Traditional pastor at the Basilica.

Of you don’t trust your priest it’s going to be awfully hard to persuade your wife about anything having to do with Catholicism.
I’d get that straightened out first.

 

[Tmay1]

Of you don’t trust your priest it’s going to be awfully hard to persuade your wife about anything having to do with Catholicism.
I’d get that straightened out first.

How do you trust a member of our clergy that tells you “what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom” to give you orthodox advice?

 

[Kelfa28]

How do you trust a member of our clergy that tells you “what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom” to give you orthodox advice?

If you can’t trust your Priest for sound advice…it’s time to start looking for another Parish with a more Orthodox view of the Church.

As for the dedication.

Personally…I’d have an issue with it because it’s disingenuous. The pastor is expecting that you are raising this child in a specific way…even if the wording is ambiguous.

You are choosing to raise a child in the one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church and not just as a Christian.

There is a big difference.

You need outside help to present to your wife. It would be ideal if you find a Priest that is Orthodox and would sit down with the two of you to better explain the situation and what your expectation as a Catholic is toward your children.

 

[Tmay1]

If you can’t trust your Priest for sound advice…it’s time to start looking for another Parish with a more Orthodox view of the Church.

As for the dedication.

Personally…I’d have an issue with it because it’s disingenuous. The pastor is expecting that you are raising this child in a specific way…even if the wording is ambiguous.

You are choosing to raise a child in the one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church and not just as a Christian.

There is a big difference.

You need outside help to present to your wife. It would be ideal if you find a Priest that is Orthodox and would sit down with the two of you to better explain the situation and what your expectation as a Catholic is toward your children.

Ive struggled with changing Parishes completely but i feel like im abandoning the local parish community if i just up and leave and then nothing will ever change for the good. im sure were not the only parish with these issues the Church faces today. However i may have to make the change anyways for the betterment of my own spiritual journey? I also agree i feel like attending the Dedication could be scandalous aswell as look like im approving of heretical anti-Catholic theory the denial of infant baptism

 

[St_Francis]

Ive struggled with changing Parishes completely but i feel like im abandoning the local parish community if i just up and leave and then nothing will ever change for the good. im sure were not the only parish with these issues the Church faces today. However i may have to make the change anyways for the betterment of my own spiritual journey? I also agree i feel like attending the Dedication could be scandalous aswell as look like im approving of heretical anti-Catholic theory the denial of infant baptism

Well, the problem with remaining at a church with a non-orthodox priest is that as your children grow up, they too will be confused. Believe me, there were things I tried to tell my children that as teens they didn’t want to hear and they said I was the only person saying that. None of our priests ever talked about that sort of thing, and they werenmt challenged about it in CCD.

 

[pianistclare]

How do you trust a member of our clergy that tells you “what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom” to give you orthodox advice?

I really don’t need to know what the problem is with him, I’m just saying that you need to establish yourself at a parish where you feel comfortable and are practicing the faith before you start worrying about how it looks to your non-Catholic wife.
One should be positive about their parish if one hopes to persuade spouse to view Catholicism in a favorable light.

 

[Tmay1]

Well, the problem with remaining at a church with a non-orthodox priest is that as your children grow up, they too will be confused. Believe me, there were things I tried to tell my children that as teens they didn’t want to hear and they said I was the only person saying that. None of our priests ever talked about that sort of thing, and they werenmt challenged about it in CCD.

This is sad, and unfortunately this kind of stuff is going to continue unless a genuine change comes. I guess regardless of drive i may have to just do it every sunday simply for the sake of orthodoxy. There is an FSSP (they are in union with pope for those who are not aware) parish South of me, but much further than the downtown basilica. thankfully our diocese (St.Augustine) has a very good Bishop. I need to be in constant prayer for my wife and hope for her conversion so my Children arent confused by the Protestant / Catholic division, which is why this situation is delicate… i want to support her until shes ready but at the same time I want to maintain fidelity to the Church and Christ… Unfortunately the current Catechism doesn’t offer much insight here or canon law…

 

[Xantippe]

I really don’t need to know what the problem is with him, I’m just saying that you need to establish yourself at a parish where you feel comfortable and are practicing the faith before you start worrying about how it looks to your non-Catholic wife.
One should be positive about their parish if one hopes to persuade spouse to view Catholicism in a favorable light.

Exactly.

 

[Xantippe]

This is sad, and unfortunately this kind of stuff is going to continue unless a genuine change comes. I guess regardless of drive i may have to just do it every sunday simply for the sake of orthodoxy. There is an FSSP (they are in union with pope for those who are not aware) parish South of me, but much further than the downtown basilica. thankfully our diocese (St.Augustine) has a very good Bishop. I need to be in constant prayer for my wife and hope for her conversion so my Children arent confused by the Protestant / Catholic division, which is why this situation is delicate… i want to support her until shes ready but at the same time I want to maintain fidelity to the Church and Christ… Unfortunately the current Catechism doesn’t offer much insight here or canon law…

Which is why you need to talk to a priest…This is a pastoral issue. So, talk to your pastor.

Also, you can presumably ask the Protestant pastor to be more scripted.

I was looking online, and I’ve seen a number of dedication texts that were actually hard to argue with.

Here’s one:

bible.org/article/baby-dedication

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I’m also not sure at this point if im committing sin by allowing my children to continue to attend with her on Sundays due to the fact my oldest is now at the age of starting to understand things. How far can i morally take this? Is it ok For me baptizing my children Catholic but still honoring her wishes to take them with her to a Protestant service? Should i draw the line in the sand at this point? or do i object with love and allow this to continue while continuing to pray for my wife’s conversion?

Is it inherently sinful for you to allow your wife to take the children to her Protestant church? I think that the answer is almost certainly no. The larger question is whether you have the moral right to prevent her from doing so. I think that the answer is certainly no. They are her children also. I don’t think that a “dedication ceremony” is inherently sinful. There is certainly nothing wrong with promising to raise a child Christian, in spite of the fact that you have somewhat different conceptions of Christianity.

This situation is something that you should discuss with an experienced pastor. Maintaining a truly loving and respectful Christian marriage is going to be the key here. It should go without saying that marital friction would be the worst thing for all five of you.

 

[St_Pancake]

Is it inherently sinful for you to allow your wife to take the children to her Protestant church? I think that the answer is almost certainly no. The larger question is whether you have the moral right to prevent her from doing so. I think that the answer is certainly no. They are her children also. I don’t think that a “dedication ceremony” is inherently sinful. There is certainly nothing wrong with promising to raise a child Christian, in spite of the fact that you have somewhat different conceptions of Christianity.

This situation is something that you should discuss with an experienced pastor. Maintaining a truly loving and respectful Christian marriage is going to be the key here. It should go without saying that marital friction would be the worst thing for all five of you.

There isn’t much I can add to what Paul had to say except having been raised a protestant, the dedication ceremonies are nice.

Ideally, your children would only have one set of church doctrines to learn but that isn’t happening right now. Just make the best of it and pray, pray, pray.

 

[slh3016]

I’m going to come at this slightly differently……

Your wife has agreed to baptism for each of your children in the Catholic Church, correct? That means she is willing, obviously, for you to influence your children in the Catholic faith.

Now, the word “faith” is tricky and loaded with meaning and I think understanding both sides is crucial here.

For a Catholic, faith is the Church and EVERYTHING the Church teaches, practices and does. It’s the theological dogmas/doctrines AND it’s everything else (Mass, saints, Mary, prayers, feast days, etc.).

But, a Protestant views “faith” slightly differently. For Protestants, “faith” means simply believing in God (the Trinity, for most Protestants), believing in Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross as the payment for our sins, and living a moral Christian life. Worship styles, etc. is not typically considered part of “faith.”

So, having said that, a Protestant’s view of “faith” or raising a child “in the faith” is not contradictory to Catholicism at all because Catholicism certainly embraces all of what Protestants believe “faith” is. So, even standing in front of a Protestant congregation pledging to raise your child as a Christian in the faith, you are not denying anything about Catholicism AT ALL and you are not binding yourself or your kids to any particular Protestant church. **You are simply affirming that your child will be raised in a Christian home where Jesus is the focus of your hearts and lives and you will teach your children right from wrong, according to God’s Word. **

I don’t find anything contradictory to Catholicism at all by doing this dedication. I certainly wouldn’t let it become a thorn in the side of your wife because she will likely get very resentful if you don’t allow this and is likely to be even more hostile to Catholicism. I mean, she has stood by your side, in the Catholic Church, and supported the children being baptized. She simply wants her congregation to know that she is committed to her children being raised in a Christian home.

 

[nodito]

Would the Protestant pastor be aware that the child is Catholic and will be raised Catholic? He may object to doing the dedication ceremony for parents who do not intend to raise the child in the Protestant faith. You might consider meeting with him and discussing the issue, explaining that you don’t want to be dishonest, that it’s important to your wife that the child be dedicated but that you and your wife agree that the child will be Catholic. He may be able to put your mind at ease or explain kindly to your wife why he thinks it’s a bad idea.

I second the opinion of those suggesting you find a new parish.

 

[Tmay1]

I would speak to a priest that you know and trust. For my two cents, the dedication ceremony seems, well, rather meaningless actually. It sounds like you stand there with your baby and the pastor says some nice words, however the dedication doesn’t really MEAN anything does it? It is not a Sacrament that makes a permanent mark on the soul like Baptism. That doesn’t mean you should go along with it as it could send contradictory messages but the ceremony doesn’t signify anything or obligate you to anything so I don’t see the sinfulness?

My concern is your wife and the influence that her family is having on her over faith matters. It sounds as if she was under a bit of pressure to do this? After all, your other two children were not “dedicated” but why suddenly your third child? My concern is that your in-laws may be inserting their influence about how the two of you have decided to raise your children in faith matters and that is not their place AT ALL.

I am not a priest, but from where I sit your number one concern at this time is your marriage. I would not advise participating in a dedication ceremony, however I don’t think having one would necessarily be sinful. (if it is I stand corrected), However you need to get at the heart of why your wife is being drawn into this. Are you showing her appreciation for the support she gives you as a Catholic? Do you thank your wife for going to Mass and tell her what a good mom she is? Do you tell her what a blessing it is that she agrees to participate in NFP even though she is not Catholic?

You and your wife have so much in common! Your wife is a blessing in so many ways, does she know that she is a blessing or is she getting “Catholic Churched Out” and feel she needs to be assertive about her own faith a little bit more?

You still need to get this specific question answered, but I believe you will run into this situation more often because at the heart of this is your wife’s spiritual dissatisfaction and you must lovingly help her in every way that you can with that. God bless and please post if you have time about what the priest says because I am curious. Thank you.

Many of the Answers here have been great and helpful in discerning this issue, im responding to this answer specifically because monicad was interested in the answer i got from a priest. so here goes:

I called to discuss several things with him but this issue specifically came up, Im paraphrasing here because i don’t remember every exact word he said or used, but his opinion on this is that im over thinking here in this situation, (which isnt a bad thing he noted) and that if this is biggest battle i have i am in good shape. He said this has been an issue for the Church since the beginning Meaning, Interfaith Marriages / mixed marriages after the reformation. He Recommended continuing to attend services with her as long as i keep my sunday obligation to support her and to enroll the Children in religious education classes at the Parish. it was added that my children would have to experience protestant theology at some point in their lives so at least they are getting an inside view of the errors it teaches and that i have the opportunity to teach them where the protestants are misguided and how to correct them with love. the dedication apparently isnt an issue as long as the text is vague and doesn’t contradict anything specifically Catholic. also adding it doesn’t include any membership in that church. Its also beneficial for me to be there apparently with my wife so when the preacher teaches some error r i know what error he specifically taught and again I have opportunity to offer Catholic Clarity on the subject. “I guess im some sort of infiltrator ” Im abit relieved and of course this would be an entirely different situation if She and I were Both Catholic at the time of our Marriage however that isnt the case and being tyrannical in this area / opposing everything protestant would act against the goal of converting my wife.

Again thanks to all who responded with charity, in this area it was much appreciated. sometimes i guess i get a case of scruples but i guess its better to be alittle bit overly cautious than to not care at all.

 

[slh3016]

Many of the Answers here have been great and helpful in discerning this issue, im responding to this answer specifically because monicad was interested in the answer i got from a priest. so here goes:

I called to discuss several things with him but this issue specifically came up, Im paraphrasing here because i don’t remember every exact word he said or used, but his opinion on this is that im over thinking here in this situation, (which isnt a bad thing he noted) and that if this is biggest battle i have i am in good shape. He said this has been an issue for the Church since the beginning Meaning, Interfaith Marriages / mixed marriages after the reformation. He Recommended continuing to attend services with her as long as i keep my sunday obligation to support her and to enroll the Children in religious education classes at the Parish. it was added that my children would have to experience protestant theology at some point in their lives so at least they are getting an inside view of the errors it teaches and that i have the opportunity to teach them where the protestants are misguided and how to correct them with love. the dedication apparently isnt an issue as long as the text is vague and doesn’t contradict anything specifically Catholic. also adding it doesn’t include any membership in that church. Its also beneficial for me to be there apparently with my wife so when the preacher teaches some error r i know what error he specifically taught and again I have opportunity to offer Catholic Clarity on the subject. “I guess im some sort of infiltrator ” Im abit relieved and of course this would be an entirely different situation if She and I were Both Catholic at the time of our Marriage however that isnt the case and being tyrannical in this area / opposing everything protestant would act against the goal of converting my wife.

Again thanks to all who responded with charity, in this area it was much appreciated. sometimes i guess i get a case of scruples but i guess its better to be alittle bit overly cautious than to not care at all.

I think this is very wise advice, indeed. Honestly, most Protestantism is so vague in its teachings and not overtly anti-Catholic about anything. Usually, church membership happens if you were baptized in that church (believer’s baptism) or you move your membership from one church to another. So, I wouldn’t believe that your children would be written or recorded anywhere as being a member of that church/denomination.

We are in the process of converting and I have been a little overly analytical about some Protestant things and trying to cut my kids away from it because it’s all they have ever known. However, last week, my kids begged to go to VBS with their cousins and at first I was going to say no but after some thought and consideration, they went and had a blast. They learned about Jesus and I saw nothing contradictory to the Catholic faith presented at all. It was a good learning lesson for us all.

Honestly, I think you gently having those discussions with your kids and having “proof” readily available (i.e., historical texts of what the ECF’s taught and practiced, etc.) and your wife overhearing may prompt her to re-evalatuate some of her deeply held erroneous beliefs.