Catholic contraceptive methods

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Aaron1988

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Hi everyone I’m a 22 year old guy and I’m new here but from the convosations and from what I have read, christian beliefs seem to be exactly what I’m looking for in my life but I still have alot of questions.

To be honest I have had premarital sex in 2 long term relationships (I no this isn’t an excuse I’m just being honest) but I haven’t had sex in 9-12 months (only relised this when I started reading on here) but now I am certain I want to wait until I’m married.

My question is what is NFP (I hope I got that right) how does it work and how effective is it?

Second question is how far is too far in regards to physical contact before marriage? -Aaron
 
Well, if you would not do it to her in front of her father, don’t do it before you are married to her .

Second, marriage is designed for children and for helping the spouses get to heaven. NFP is for those who have a serious issue that will not let them have children at the present time and abstaining completely would lead one or both of them to sin. To start off marriage expecting that you will have that kind of serious issue is getting the cart a bit before the horse.

Prayers here that you get married to a wonderful Catholic woman and that the two of you can lovingly accept children as God blesses you with them.

If your marriage does hit a serious challenge and you need to avoid those blessings from God, then, it is morally acceptable to learn a method of observing your wife’s fertility.

Don’t wish problems upon your future marriage 🙂
 
**Please note that you have used two words “Catholic” and “contraceptive” in the same question. These two words do not unite. Catholics are asked to be open to life as a married couple. So the word Catholic contraception does not exist in the Catholic Faith.

NFP is not “Catholic means of contraceptive” - please learn about this beautiful way that honors God’s plan for a married couple. It also includes enhanced communications between the couple. Read about the benefits of NFP.

physiciansforlife.org/content/view/193/36/**
 
My intentions were to find out what NFP is not because I wish to use it but because I feel that you need to know as much as you can about everthing pertaining to marriage and sexual relationships with your wife as you can before marriage so as to be able to support your spouse in any given situation although I relise the way I wrote my last post did not come across that way so I appologise.

To me to far is “if you don’t have it, don’t touch it”. Before I was pressured into having sexual relationships (2) I was uncomfortable touching a womans leg higher than her knee, above the bottom of her ribs to below her neck but I’m ok giving a neck massage if they have a neck ache… I think, I’m not sure anymore as now that seems kind of intimate?

N.B. Only if I am dating them. I do NOT touch someone in an affectionate way ie neck massage unless I am dating them.

Question about kissing what type of kissing is ok?
Obviously NOT french kissing but what about a peck on the lips or is cheek a better choice if not how about a peck on the forehead? Or should I be abstaining from all types of kissing?

And lastly I have just read about looking at a woman with a pure heart or avoiding looking at her. My question is how do you know you are looking at a woman with a pure heart? (I personally have not looked at a woman out on the street, on tv etc in over 3 years as I have just come out of a 3 1/2 year relationship and to me looking at another woman is cheating which I HATE, although I look at her (eyes only) if she is talking to me). -Aaron
 
Thank you for this link it makes it seem alot clearer to me now so thank you.
In regards to the article where people who have had sex before marriage (like me) start feeling that holding hands, cuddling, putting your arm around her etc became unimportant to me it became more important and more intimate to me as my exs (2) pressured me into it I find real expressions of love that doesn’t push me to do things I don’t want to do so so much more important and intimate to me as it shows they genuinely care about me and love me and be nice to me (not just to sleep with me but because they are a genuinely nice person) which is something I have never felt so I can’t wait until I have my first relationship with someone who loves me enough to want to wait until we are married.

I can’t wait to have the sort of relationship I have always dreamed of having with someone who actually has morals! And doesn’t think my morals are stupid. Thank you -Aaron
 
Aaron, congrats on figuring this out at age 22. I wish I had (I was 32). Keep on learning about it and following God’s path on this topic, not society’s 🙂 Good luck!
 
You’ve got some good answers so far. To answer more clearly what NFP is,

NFP is the observation of the signs of fertility, used to increase the likelihood of conception for couples who wish to conceive, or used to decrease the likelihood of conception for couples who wish to avoid conception.

Couples who wish to avoid conception may choose to abstain from the marital act because of the natural procreative power of that act. For couples who wish to avoid conception, NFP can provide them with days that they may embrace the act in the normal procreative manner, yet still not be in the fertile phase of the wife’s cycle.
 
Isn’t it hard to abstain in marriage? As to me finding the person I love more than anyone else in the world (other than god/Jesus) I would have such strong emotions towards her ie love, compassion, kindness, respect etc for her that, yes I would be able to abstain, I hope (but I would never pressure her for sex as it is her body and I must respect her and her choices and always treat her as I have described) that I would want to give myself to her fully and compleatly if that makes sense?

This bit is kind of explicit (I hope I’m allowed to ask this on here)

But surely if you are married and don’t want children at that point in your marriage you could have hand to genital contact with your partener or mouth to genital contact? (are married Catholics allowed to do these for their spouse?)
N.B. Not just wife doing these for her husband but her husband also doing these things for her?
 
Yes, it can be hard to abstain. Because abstinence is not how marriage is designed to be IDEALLY. But realistically sometimes it is necessary and you just have to do it and use it as a time to grow closer to God through self-restraint and self-sacrifice. Also, the difficulty of abstaining always keeps you praying about if it is really NECESSARY. We can’t use NFP without a serious/just reason to postpone pregnancy. If it is really hard to abstain, it is time to reevaluate your reasons. If you have really good reasons to abstain then some find just that knowledge makes periodic/complete abstinence easier to bear.
 
Aaron1988 said:
Isn’t it hard to abstain in marriage?
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Pray that you have that problem rather than it being hard to find time to ever be intimate because things get so busy haha. Also, the periods that you would abstain are about half of every month.
 
Is there a set amount of time that Catholics have to abstain in marriage for if so how long and why?

Are there rules for catholics regarding marriage?

I will always have time for my wife whether she needs someone to talk to, is upset and needs a shoulder to cry on, is she had had a tough day and needs a cuddle, what ever my wife needs I will be there for her anytime day or night.
 
Aaron1988 said:
Is there a set amount of time that Catholics have to abstain in marriage for if so how long and why?

Are there rules for catholics regarding marriage?

I will always have time for my wife whether she needs someone to talk to, is upset and needs a shoulder to cry on, is she had had a tough day and needs a cuddle, what ever my wife needs I will be there for her anytime day or night.
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There is no requirement for any couple to abstain in marriage other than medical reasons that ANY couple may have to abstain for (following childbirth, etc.) IF, as a couple (and perhaps with the guidance of a spiritual director), you and your future wife determine that it is not prudent for you to accept another child for a time, you may make use of periodic abstinence (NFP) or total abstinence. It is not a decision you make because you want to save up for a boat or a luxury vacation or because you have just decided “we’re done having kids.” It is a tool that we can make use of IF we have a good reason- one spouse has health issues that need to be resolved first, financially you truly can’t afford to support another child, etc. It is not to be used with a contraceptive mentality- ie, I want sex, but not babies. It is to be used prudently- ie. I would love more babies, but it wouldn’t be prudent, so we must abstain.

As for ‘rules’ of marriage- I would HIGHLY recommend you read the Catechism of the Catholic Church’s section on the sacrament of matrimony, and also the sections on the 6th and 9th Commandments.
 
Isn’t it hard to…

Get up an hour early to pray?

Go to Mass every single Sunday?

Not eat the entire pie when it tastes soooo good?

Exercise and train for a sport?

Practice for hours and weeks and years to be a professional musician?

Get a college degree?

Since when do we expect everything in life to be easy?
 
So you can’t decide you don’t want anymore children you just have to keep having children until menopause? (I just read that and that sounds so bad the way I put it and I just want to say that obviously every single child I have will be truly loved and cherished)

On average how many children do Catholics have if they have no health problems and have an average income? (I no everyone is different I’m just trying to get an idea).

I know marriage and raising children is hard work but surely a little extra knowledge before you meet/get married and supporting and getting the support of your spouse can make life a little easier to cope with along with the eternal love and support from god? -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
So you can’t decide you don’t want anymore children you just have to keep having children until menopause? (I just read that and that sounds so bad the way I put it and I just want to say that obviously every single child I have will be truly loved and cherished)

On average how many children do Catholics have if they have no health problems and have an average income? (I no everyone is different I’m just trying to get an idea).

I know marriage and raising children is hard work but surely a little extra knowledge before you meet/get married and supporting and getting the support of your spouse can make life a little easier to cope with along with the eternal love and support from god? -Aaron
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@Aaron
What would be your reasons for not having anymore children? Saying you think you are done having children is not wrong in and of itself. You should know very clearly what you believe to be good reasons to not be trying to have children and see how they match up to what the Church teaches are good reasons. The second thing you need to decide on is what methods are morally acceptable to use in order to avoid having children if you have good reasons to be doing so.
 
I have no problem having a large family I love children and I have wanted a large family all my life I’m just trying to understand catholic beliefs as I come from an aetheist background (all friends and family and have never met a catholic before) so I’m asking questions to gain a deeper understanding of catholic beliefs I truly hope I haven’t offended anyone. -Aaron
 
Does that mean that you should not use NFP to plan your family. Does that mean that you should have kids every nine months to the possible detriment of the wife’s health and pressure to take care of the existing infants since the nuclear family has replaced the extended family in present day society
 
Aaron1988 said:
I have no problem having a large family I love children and I have wanted a large family all my life I’m just trying to understand catholic beliefs as I come from an aetheist background (all friends and family and have never met a catholic before) so I’m asking questions to gain a deeper understanding of catholic beliefs I truly hope I haven’t offended anyone. -Aaron
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Your honest search for the Truth is welcome. Check out the encyclical Humane Vitae if you haven’t already. That would be a good start towards explaining the Church’s position and it also outlines acceptable reasons why a couple would choose to abstain/use NFP.
 
turnsoflife said:
Does that mean that you should not use NFP to plan your family. Does that mean that you should have kids every nine months to the possible detriment of the wife’s health and pressure to take care of the existing infants since the nuclear family has replaced the extended family in present day society
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No it does not. Some women are capable of that and want to do that. For others that can cause great strain and be physiologically dangerous. I think the fact that nature has provided a natural way to space children 2-3 years apart through breastfeeding shows the norm.
 
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