Catholic Convalidation

  • Thread starter Thread starter Lmaria91
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Lmaria91

Guest
Hi Everyone!

So my BF and I plan to get engaged VERY soon and our plan was always to move in together once we do. My very catholic father recently shared that he is so uncomfortable with this, that he would not support or attend our wedding if we did live together before marriage.

This was upsetting for everyone for different reasons, but specifically for me because I really was looking forward to living with my partner and I just recently bought a home with him in mind and finances are tight as well.

My mother suggested that we get married at the court house soon after we get engaged and then get the catholic wedding at the end of 2020 like we planned. So convalidation.

Does anyone know if this reasoning for convalidation will be an issue with the Catholic Church/pastor?

Thank you!!
 
Lmaria91 said:
Does anyone know if this reasoning for convalidation will be an issue with the Catholic Church/pastor?
Click to expand...
I’m pretty sure that answer is yes. But the best thing to do would be to ask the pastor. Convalidation is not supposed to be a back door into a Sacramental wedding.
 
If I was your father; I’d be very uncomfortable with this living together thing.

Simply put: You’re putting yourself in mortal sin by living together and getting civilly married a full year before your Church wedding.

I’d highly recommend against it.
 
If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make decisions on your own and with your fiance. Don’t try to manipulate things so as to not upset anyone. It isn’t a good way to go through life.

Your question conveys that your knowledge is lacking with regards to what Catholic marriage is all about. Maybe read up on it a little, and then take your questions to your priest. He will guide you.
 
What is stopping you from starting marriage prep now and being married in 6 months?
 
Here’s my question:

Are we forgetting about the mortal sin aspect of this living together-civil marriage then Church wedding?

With all due respect to my brothers amd sisters here; we’re talking about that this girl’s, maybe her BF’s; soul is at stake?

I understand about the it’s her choice thing; but her father has a very good point and perhaps she should listen to her father’s wisdom?
 
Last edited:
So are YOU a practicing Catholic?

You know premarital sex and cohabiting are grave matter against the sixth commandment, right?

A courthouse marriage is not valid, and as you seem to know would require convalidation. Courthouse marriage would not change the fact that your are cohabiting as it is not a valid marriage.

Now, unless you were planning to live together as roommates, then you should reconsider this plan and get a female roommate until you are married.

As to whether your priest would have an issue with it— convalidation is a remedy for invalid marriage but not all priests will work with Catholics who knowingly and flagrantly disregarded Church teaching on marriage.

So I suggest you talk to your priest before you do anything hasty.

If you yourself are not a practicing Catholic, why would you pursue a Church marriage?
 
Michael16 said:
I understand about the it’s her choice thing; but her father has a very good point and perhaps she should listen to her father’s wisdom?
Click to expand...
That’s sort of what the majority of the thread is pointing to, but at the same time appeals to authority on their own don’t really work to convince people.
 
Last edited:
1ke said:
A courthouse marriage is not valid, and as you seem to know would require convalidation. Courthouse marriage would not change the fact that your are cohabiting as it is not a valid marriage.
Click to expand...
So if I were married outside the Church, then divorced, then plan to marry in the Church all I need to do is make a confession & I’m good to go?

I was under the impression that I would have to go through the annulment process to determine if my first marriage was valid.

As a matter of fact, my wife & I were married outside the Church (as I wasn’t practicing at the time). We were later married in the Church. We attended a few classes explaining what marriage is.

I don’t believe it was even suggested that we had been in mortal sin. That was 28 years ago, but I’d think I’d remember that.
 
Justin_Mary said:
So if I were married outside the Church, then divorced, then plan to marry in the Church all I need to do is make a confession & I’m good to go?
Click to expand...
Yes confession is all you need to resume the sacraments.

In addition, during the premarital investigation you have to be declared free to marry.

In many countries (Europe for example), for the declaration of freedom to marry there is nothing to do beyond the parish priest reviewing the sacramental records and asking some questions of you.

In other countries (such as the US) you provide your marriage and divorce records plus your sacramental records to the priest and fill out some documentation, and the priest forwards to the diocese and they review and make the declaration of freedom to marry.

It is not a formal nullity case.
Justin_Mary said:
I was under the impression that I would have to go through the annulment process to determine if my first marriage was valid.
Click to expand...
No.

When a Catholic marries outside Catholic form without dispensation, there is no presumption of validity and it is not a nullity case.
Justin_Mary said:
I don’t believe it was even suggested that we had been in mortal sin. That was 28 years ago, but I’d think I’d remember that.
Click to expand...
I can’t really comment on what you may or may not have been told.

Mortal sin requires grave matter plus knowledge and free will. Maybe the pastor determined you were ignorant of what you’d done and therefore not in a state of mortal sin.

Or who knows.
 
Last edited:
Lmaria91 said:
Does anyone know if this reasoning for convalidation will be an issue with the Catholic Church/pastor?
Click to expand...
The Catechism speaks very clearly against entering a civil marriage with an intent to get sacramentally married later.

From a moral standpoint there is no difference between entering a civil marriage and living together before marriage. Both fall under the sin of fornication which is grave matter and would cut you off from the sacraments until you resolved the issue. Further, entering into a situation that you know is sinful with the intent to “fix it later” is the sin of presumption.

Would any of this stop you from convalidating the marriage at some point in the future? No, but if I was doing your marriage prep it would raise a number of question about your understanding of marriage.
 
1ke said:
No.

When a Catholic marries outside Catholic form without dispensation, there is no presumption of validity and it is not a nullity case.
Click to expand...
Even if both were validly baptized?

Interesting.
 
Rau said:
It is odd, given the mutual promises made publicly.
Click to expand...
I’m not sure what is odd about it.

Can. 1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist, and before two witnesses according to the rules expressed in the following canons and without prejudice to the exceptions mentioned in cann. ⇒ 144, ⇒ 1112, §1, ⇒ 1116, and ⇒ 1127, §§1-2.
 
Rau said:
40.png
Justin_Mary:
Even if both were validly baptized?

Interesting.
Click to expand...
It is odd, given the mutual promises made publicly.
Click to expand...
Not really. Given how far society and even many Christians sects have strayed from Catholic teaching on marriage those public promises may have nothing to do with the fullness of marriage as taught by Christ and His church.
 
1ke said:
I’m not sure what is odd about it.
Click to expand...
Obviously it’s oddness won’t be found in Canon law!

Personally, I find it odd that one may make mutual and public promises, have every intention of Honoring these promises, live together as man and wife yet the Church sees nothing more there than a rescindable arrangement.
 
Rau said:
I find it odd that one may make mutual and public promises, have every intention of Honoring these promises, live together as man and wife yet the Church sees nothing more there than a rescindable arrangement.
Click to expand...
The Church doesn’t see a “rescindable agreement”.

The Church sees no contract at all because the Catholic party did not enter into it validly.
 
1ke said:
The Church sees no contract at all
Click to expand...
Well, the church does see (only) the legally contracted “civil marriage” - which is a rescindable arrangement. I guess in respect of marriage, I’ve tended to see “form” as only a secondary attribute of what is happening.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top