I converted about 16 years ago – best thing I ever did.
It’s true, as Jacques points out, that the Catholic church doesn’t allow some things that are accepted in the secular world or even in other churches. But his complaint seems to be that if he hadn’t been Catholic, he would have been able to sin with a clear conscience, and have had a family. I would prefer to follow the church’s teachings, avoid sin, and accept the circumstances God sends me. As it is, we adopted 2 children, who are just as beloved as our bio-kids. The church does not frown on certain things just to annoy or test us, she does so because under the leadership of the holy father, she knows that some things are dangerous or harmful for our souls. She has 2000 years of experience, I will take her guidance over my own by-the-seat-of-my-pants philosophy any day, since it didn’t get me anyplace I wanted to be. I am sure you will not regret joining the church. There is such a rich and wonderful history, and so many splendid resources in the church, it widened my universe.
Hi Viki:
Congratulations on your conversion, and on your wonderful family, 2 adopted kids, and 2 of your own bio-kids, you called them. I’m not sure if you got my complaint or not…if you know my story (it’s in the old infertility thread that got deleted once it got too big) then you’ll know we have serial miscarriages, but I am perfectly capable of fathering a child, and indeed my wife’s sister (not Catholic) has volunteered to do it. Obviously, the Catholic Church doesn’t approve of that. Nor does She approve of several treatments for infertility currently available to modern science. But had I remained Anglican (say), these would have been perfectly acceptable, and I would have been a father by now, maybe even a grand-dad.
When I’m speaking of regret, I don’t think I’m speaking of “sinning with a clear conscience”. Of course you might be right…the Devil himself, the Father of Lies, might well be clouding my judgment, and I just don’t know it yet. But say, all those years ago when I was looking for Faith, I decided to join something like the Muslim faith (I was considering it for a time, and even attended a Mosque in Toronto, albeit temporarily. This was long before the events of 9/11 and the rise of Islamic Terrorism, which have made even considering or dialoguing with the Muslim Faith anathema to many). If I were a Muslim, say, this infertility problem in my marriage would not even exist…I’d just keep my spouse, and add another, fertile, one, who we could have a family with, and we’d all live together under the same roof. I know some Islamic families who do this, in fact. It wouldn’t be “sinning with a clear conscience”, as polygamy is perfectly acceptable in Islam, subject to conditions (you treat the different wives equally, fairly, etc). It was certainly commonplace in Biblical times, and indeed Thomas Aquinas himself wrote much about it, and not always in an unfavourable light. But that’s another thread I think.
So what I think I’m saying is that overall I’m glad I joined the Catholic Church, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I have some regrets. About the only thing I’d advise is that if someone is thinking about joining the Church,
make sure you have your medical/reproductive/familial “ducks in a row”.…if someone in your family tree has a history of miscarriage/infertility, then get yourself checked out, first, because you will be closing off a lot of modern medical options if you do join. Infertile people are treated like lepers at our Church, which has lots of young, thriving families (some just assume we must be contracepting, why else would we not have kids by now?
“They must be taking birth control pills!” Others know we are infertile, and when they started having children, they kind of “drifted apart” from us (I know some childless couples who don’t go to Church, and they’ve noticed this phenomena too; families with kids are now so busy with the children that honest, they don’t have time for you anymore, and they stop calling, they won’t return your calls, and just close into the New Mom’s Circle at the Church or Wherever. Even the husbands/fathers often feel neglected by their wives’ devotion to the children, but nobody wants to talk about it, and it’s a separate issue anyway). Still others avoid us because they’re worried they might “catch” infertility from us in some way. I know it’s crazy, but people fear things on an irrational, emotional, gut level…it may not make sense, but you’re still afraid. What I do want to say:
The Catholic Church is Super Pro-Family.…if you can’t have a family, for whatever reason (you’re infertile, or homosexual, or asexual, or something else), an awful lot of Catholics think that you are “disordered” in some way, even if you do follow the Church’s teachings. I’d love to say the Faith is all Sunshine and Roses, but it isn’t. There’s a lot of things I love about the Catholic Church, but it “really sucks” if for whatever reason, you can’t fit in, so be careful. Caveat Emptor.
Jacques
:clapping:
We love those little ones! Their existence is an unqualified good.
