Catholic dating a Baptist. Advice needed!

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Hey guys I’m new to the forums and need some advice please. 😦

Anyways a little background. I have been born and raised Roman Catholic my whole life. Recently within the last year I’ve gotten to know my faith and the churches teachings a whole lot better than ever before and I’m learning more every day. So for the past almost 4 months I’ve been dating this wonderful girl. She is southern Baptist and will always be that way. Well recently while discussing marriage with her mom (Just for fun sort of), we were discussing how catholic marriages differ from a baptist and if one day I decided to marry this girl, how would it go along. Long story short I understand I have to uphold my faith which is no big deal, but also my children have to baptized and raised catholic. I also need permission from the Bishop I believe to do so.

During this talk she stated her children weren’t going to raised Catholic. We love each other a lot and get along so well. In fact I have gotten along better with this girl and her family better than any other girl. I’m not sure what to do. I love her so much but I need advice on whether or not I should talk to her about this now instead of waiting a few years down the line if we are together that long and marriage is an even stronger possibility if I decide to do so. I don’t just wanna break up with her over this because she could come around to the idea and acceptance of it but I don’t want to waste her time and mine when I could be pursuing a catholic girl and vice versa… Ugh… Advice please and thanks!! :confused:
 
Sam105 said:
Hey guys I’m new to the forums and need some advice please. 😦

Anyways a little background. I have been born and raised Roman Catholic my whole life. Recently within the last year I’ve gotten to know my faith and the churches teachings a whole lot better than ever before and I’m learning more every day. So for the past almost 4 months I’ve been dating this wonderful girl. She is southern Baptist and will always be that way. Well recently while discussing marriage with her mom (Just for fun sort of), we were discussing how catholic marriages differ from a baptist and if one day I decided to marry this girl, how would it go along. Long story short I understand I have to uphold my faith which is no big deal, but also my children have to baptized and raised catholic. I also need permission from the Bishop I believe to do so.

During this talk she stated her children weren’t going to raised Catholic. We love each other a lot and get along so well. In fact I have gotten along better with this girl and her family better than any other girl. I’m not sure what to do. I love her so much but I need advice on whether or not I should talk to her about this now instead of waiting a few years down the line if we are together that long and marriage is an even stronger possibility if I decide to do so. I don’t just wanna break up with her over this because she could come around to the idea and acceptance of it but I don’t want to waste her time and mine when I could be pursuing a catholic girl and vice versa… Ugh… Advice please and thanks!! :confused:
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I don’t really have advice on whether or not to continue the relationship but I can say that I’m a former Southern Baptist who converted when I married my husband and am so grateful to have found my way home to the Church (so it does happen!).

Actually the pastor of the church that I grew up in basically admitted that if I were to marry him I should convert because he would be the head of the home and spiritual leader…

Did you make it clear that the children being Catholic was a deal breaker for you? Is she willing to go forward dating you if it is?

The only actual advice I have it to pray for her! Maybe pray a rosary every day for her conversion of find a novena and storm heaven.
 
As I am divorced/annulled I will say this, any argument over religion can be a dealbreaker. In my case he was Catholic but did not wish to uphold Catholic values. As this is a dealbreaker, I would recommend it being her choice to stay or go. I think it is good that you are discussing this early on so that you are not as attached as you would be a few years down the line.
 
I’m curious how old you both are.

That aside, my advice – as someone who once dated a Southern Baptist, seriously – is, quite frankly, not to.

Many Protestant faiths are more or less similar to Catholicism. Anglicanism, for example, is very close. Southern Baptist is quite aways away in many respects.

There is no Protestant faith which has the historical richness and theological fullness of Catholicism. There is no Baptist equivalent to, say, Thomas Aquinas, and that lack infuses the worldview of those who adhere to that faith.

Also, although tending toward fellowship, they also tend to be interesting in converting others. If you become serious with her, you will face pressure to convert, or at a minimum to make your family Baptist-centered and to de-emphasize Catholicsm. Worse, some are in fact anti-Catholic, although that may be masked by fellowship and/or “welcoming” you toward their own faith.

My relationship with the Southern Baptist lady, who was very nice, very Christian, and very faith-filled, eventually failed for several reasons, but a lot had to do with her lack, and what I perceived to be her faith’s lack, of intellectual curiosity. Her faith could be distilled to, “the Bible says X, so that’s all I need to do/think.”

Also, many Southern Baptists are very nice people and they do good works, but consider also the ramifications of marrying someone not your faith. Even if you get around the issue of how children will be raised (which is saying a lot) consider, for example, what it will be like to either go to separate churches on Sundays, or go to Mass alone, etc.
 
It would be a complete and total deal breaker for me to hear a potential spouse express their desire to never have children raised Catholic.

That is a non-negotiable.

My husband found his way to Catholicism before I did. I was having issues with certain aspects of the faith but supported him during his search and when he started seriously looking into attending RCIA.

Despite the fact that I wasn’t sure about where my faith was going…I supported him in his desire to raise the kids Catholic.

Keep in mind, as a Catholic, you are obligated to raise children Catholic. That is a very important part of the vow you take in a Catholic marriage. Also, the simple fact that you are Catholic requires you to be married within the Church.

It would be nearly impossible to navigate such massive devisions within both of your faiths. You can talk to her about it and express you serious concerns but keep in mind that if she is saying no…you cannot expect to change her, convert her and make her into this wonderful Catholic girl you intend to marry.

People don’t change like that and it’s foolish to think otherwise.
 
I will start with the logistics first:
  1. it’s pretty easy to get dispensation from your Bishop. You simply speak with your priest and he will help you seek the dispensation to marry a non-Catholic
  2. if you get married in her Church, your priest can help you get the dispensation to get married outside the Catholic Church too. Pretty easy
    ---- NOTE: you will still need to take pre-Cana classes.
  3. you don’t have to promise to raise the kids Catholic… You have to promise to do everything in your power (without hurting the marriage) to raise the kids Catholic. So in other words, you have to promise, your spouse doesn’t have to (but the spouse needs to know about it).
Now, regarding whether to marry a non-Catholic…

My wife is Jewish. I love her very much. We met and got married while I was a way from the Church. I love my daughter very much and have another child on the way. I don’t want my life to be different because then I might not have my daughter.

But I wish and pray all the time that my wife would become Catholic. Her heart is harden towards the Church. I want my kids to be Catholic, but my wife will only allow it if they freely pick it on their own. Sometimes, I’m not even sure if my wife believes in God, I know she doesn’t believe in the afterlife.

There are also some points of Catholic morality which she disagrees with.

We have strong disagreements over how to raise our daughter, which are influenced by our religious views. The difference put a major strain on our relationship. I think I’m able to deal better than my wife. Sometimes I feel like she really regrets getting involved with me, and sometimes she says that if it wasn’t for our daughter she would leave me. I’m not sure what the future holds for us, so I pray.

So I will suggest this: if your Catholic Faith is important to you and you think you would want your kids to be Catholic, call it off. Religious differences are a major source of arguments/tension/disagreements regarding how to raise kids. Even if it’s not about dogma or doctrine, the morality can differ.

If you do split, there are a number of good Catholic dating sites, there are some threads on there which talk about them (I only mention this because I don’t know how old you are or where you live)

If you don’t split up, please ask as many people as possible to pray for you and girlfriend. And there are some good books you can read and have her read.

May The Lord give you the strength to make the best decision.
 
I married a non-Catholic and raising the children Catholic was a deal breaker for me. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse, if this girl does not share your Catholic values and desire to raise the children Catholic, you need to really think about why she would be a suitable spouse. Dating someone for a year is long time, you could give it some more time to see if she will change her mind, but if there is no progress by this time next year, you should consider letting her go and finding a nice, steady Catholic girl to be the mother of your children, or at least someone who is willing to let you raise them Catholic.
 
I would like to thank everyone who posted here. I would reply to all but it said the there was too many characters lol Anyways I just discussed this with her again. I stated that through the church it is of course a deal breaker if not accepted and upheld. That being said we both agreed to continue the relationship with her being open to the fact it would have to happen if I decided to marry her. She said she might not like it but is open if we grow further and become more serious in terms of marriage one day considering she said she doesn’t want things to end and wants to remain in a relationship.

Also I am 19 and she is 18. Yes I know we’re young and probably shouldn’t be worrying about this but considering our faith, I believe it is relevant before things get a few years down the line and a bigger heart break occurs. So I feel our talk went well and I have prepared myself for the notion it might never happen. It will be easier on me knowing this and continuing rather than lying to myself and saying ehhh don’t worry about it.

I know I could be setting myself up for failure on this one day guys. I’m accepting it now. All I ask for is prayers on this matter and thanks for the advice! I hope to be apart of this forum :)😃
 
Nevermind inter-faith marriages, marrying another Catholic is hard enough. Once you factor in finances, in-laws, where to live, what to eat, hobbies etc, it’s hard enough. Now, throw in religion…uhg.

Being married to a Catholic is hard enough, especially a “token” catholic just trying to keep the peace.

Look, you’ve been dating 4 months and are convinced you’re in love. I’m not so sure. Love generally takes more than 4 months and a conversation with her mother to confirm. And the last thing you want is to turn those 4 months into 40 years of struggling over God. He’s your #1.

In your shoes, I’d look for a nice girl who sits near the front at Mass; one who sings and recites 👍
 
Bad idea to continue the relationship IMO. The emotional attachment is going to be too strong and you are likely to disregard the challenges you will face.
 
Sam105 said:
I would like to thank everyone who posted here. I would reply to all but it said the there was too many characters lol Anyways I just discussed this with her again. I stated that through the church it is of course a deal breaker if not accepted and upheld. That being said we both agreed to continue the relationship with her being open to the fact it would have to happen if I decided to marry her. She said she might not like it but is open if we grow further and become more serious in terms of marriage one day considering she said she doesn’t want things to end and wants to remain in a relationship.

Also I am 19 and she is 18. Yes I know we’re young and probably shouldn’t be worrying about this but considering our faith, I believe it is relevant before things get a few years down the line and a bigger heart break occurs. So I feel our talk went well and I have prepared myself for the notion it might never happen. It will be easier on me knowing this and continuing rather than lying to myself and saying ehhh don’t worry about it.

I know I could be setting myself up for failure on this one day guys. I’m accepting it now. All I ask for is prayers on this matter and thanks for the advice! I hope to be apart of this forum :)😃
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You can listen to Mike Cumbie on you tube or go to his website. mikecumbie.org/ He was a Baptist minister who converted to Catholism and discusses why with such humor and sincerity. A must watch for you and her and maybe even her family. I would definitely listen to him as much as you could on your own (I think he sells DVD’s) then listen to them with her and lastly if her family is receptive maybe share with them. My husband was raised Baptist but when we met he wasn’t practicing so he really never had a problem with our kids being raised in the church. His mom wasn’t so happy telling him “Catholics were going to hell” . There are so many misconceptions about the church that Mike clears up that if she realizes them it might soften her heart! Good Luck!
 
Sam105 said:
Hey guys I’m new to the forums and need some advice please. 😦

Anyways a little background. I have been born and raised Roman Catholic my whole life. Recently within the last year I’ve gotten to know my faith and the churches teachings a whole lot better than ever before and I’m learning more every day. So for the past almost 4 months I’ve been dating this wonderful girl. She is southern Baptist and will always be that way. Well recently while discussing marriage with her mom (Just for fun sort of), we were discussing how catholic marriages differ from a baptist and if one day I decided to marry this girl, how would it go along. Long story short I understand I have to uphold my faith which is no big deal, but also my children have to baptized and raised catholic. I also need permission from the Bishop I believe to do so.

During this talk she stated her children weren’t going to raised Catholic. We love each other a lot and get along so well. In fact I have gotten along better with this girl and her family better than any other girl. I’m not sure what to do. I love her so much but I need advice on whether or not I should talk to her about this now instead of waiting a few years down the line if we are together that long and marriage is an even stronger possibility if I decide to do so. I don’t just wanna break up with her over this because she could come around to the idea and acceptance of it but I don’t want to waste her time and mine when I could be pursuing a catholic girl and vice versa… Ugh… Advice please and thanks!! :confused:
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First, how long have you been dating?
Just recently, wait a few months before talking to her about this unless it is really bothering you.
For a little while like a few months or more… definally talk to her about things you want in your future life and what you expect (like kids being raised catholic or taught)

secondly i would definitely let her know that if you two do get married and have children how YOU want them raised. marriage, it is important to discuss things like this before you get married. In most marriages children are definitely going to be involved and it is best that both parents are in agreement.
If she happens to not be for you, do not worry, God will provide a wonderful woman for you to live and share your life with and your children. 🙂 Good luck!
 
You already know what to do. This is wasting both of your time and can never lead to marriage. Move on.
 
Sam105 said:
Hey guys I’m new to the forums and need some advice please. 😦

Anyways a little background. I have been born and raised Roman Catholic my whole life. Recently within the last year I’ve gotten to know my faith and the churches teachings a whole lot better than ever before and I’m learning more every day. So for the past almost 4 months I’ve been dating this wonderful girl. She is southern Baptist and will always be that way. Well recently while discussing marriage with her mom (Just for fun sort of), we were discussing how catholic marriages differ from a baptist and if one day I decided to marry this girl, how would it go along. Long story short I understand I have to uphold my faith which is no big deal, but also my children have to baptized and raised catholic. I also need permission from the Bishop I believe to do so.

During this talk she stated her children weren’t going to raised Catholic. We love each other a lot and get along so well. In fact I have gotten along better with this girl and her family better than any other girl. I’m not sure what to do. I love her so much but I need advice on whether or not I should talk to her about this now instead of waiting a few years down the line if we are together that long and marriage is an even stronger possibility if I decide to do so. I don’t just wanna break up with her over this because she could come around to the idea and acceptance of it but I don’t want to waste her time and mine when I could be pursuing a catholic girl and vice versa… Ugh… Advice please and thanks!! :confused:
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I’m a Catholic who married a Baptist and all I can say is that if it’s very important to you that your kids are raised Catholic and STAY Catholic into their adulthood, find a Catholic to marry.

My husband allowed me to raise our kids Catholic and never interfered in any way and two of my kids have already left the faith because they look up to him more than me and rejected everything I taught them in favor of what Dad’s opinion is on the subject. Actually they went even one step further and are now atheists, which happens all too often in a mixed faith family. The kids reject ALL of it.
 
1ke said:
You already know what to do. This is wasting both of your time and can never lead to marriage. Move on.
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I wouldn’t be too hasty.

If we, as those called to be evangelists by our baptismal promise, surrender without first entering into serious contemplative prayer to the almighty, asking for the Spirit’s wisdom and understanding to guide us, we would never bring a person to Christ.

Whatever you do, let it be God’s will, and not based purely on chat room advise.

It could be that God is using you as an instrument to change his the heart of this person you are having are considering a relationship with, to bring him to Christ.

My prayers are with you!
 
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