Catholic dating a divorced protestant.

[mtbender]

Either the CC changes or it will continue to lose any number of young and old (Jesus Christ) Christian believing peoples, including searching converts…it is time to change with the future…you see, my Ow! says you are too rigid and I’ll tell you why…

Yet the Church continues to grow… the rigidness is one of the major reasons I converted – the Church was unwilling to cast God’s law aside for the sake of recruitment and pleasing a secular society.

 

[anp1215]

Unfortunately, you are right and the CC will not loosen up its marriage practices, so lets not wonder why CC and Other Churches are closing all over the United States and the CC schools cannot stay open to help teach and raise our holy Catholic children.

Do not question my faith, nor my positions about the CC’s responses to its issues…I guess you have to be on the receiving end to understand my feelings…and as far as my Aunt is concerned, this occurred in the middle 60’s, and this was how the CC treated this matter, in Mexico, back then…is it the same today? Let’s try to find out.

I would like to hear from someone, about the official manner and how the CC instructs regarding this matter, within this forum. It would certainly clarify this…

You clearly stated your positions. You think the Church is wrong and it should change. I did not state that for you.

As others have already said, nothing prevents a divorced Catholic from attending Mass or Confession. If said divorced Catholic contracts an invalid marriage and thus lives in sin, they may not accept the Eucharist.

I agree with the other posters. Either this is either not true or very much exaggerated. The Church denies no one to attend Mass unless you are excommunicated and will allow anyone to receive the Eucharist as long as you have received said sacrament to do so and are currently in a state of grace, whether by recent baptism or, more commonly, confession. Which is also not something denied to anyone unless they are excommunicated. Based on the info you have given…there is absolutely no reason why she cannot attend church, go to confession and receive the Eucharist.

She can be “divorced on paper” but as long as she is celibate and not living in sin, there is no reason she can’t continue to be Catholic. Her situation is sad, but she needs to get an annulment to her Marriage in order for her to marry within the Catholic church again.

Right now I can’t receive the Eucharist because I’m not in a state of grace. My Fiance and I are in the process of re-joining the Church but we have been co-habitating for a few years now and I’m currently pregnant with our first. Neither of us have been married before but we are gong through the process of marrying through the church and attending RCIA classes together…and of course…going to weekly Mass (I go twice a week because i enjoy it so much). My situation hasn’t prevented me from going to mass. Our Priest is well aware of our situation but is quite happy that we are both trying very hard and our devotion to be in good standing with the Church is solid.

To answer the question…a catholic probably shouldn’t date a divorced protestant given the circumstances behind Catholic doctrine and tradition. It would be easier on everyone to just stay away before feeling are involved.

My Fiance and I are trying to encourage another couple that we are friends with to work with a priest because they are interested in joining the Catholic church as well. Their Marriage is not recognized because the husband was married and divorced before but never got an annulment. He wasn’t married in the Catholic church but in a pentacostal church at a very young age and after a very short courtship. Essentially the families and the church forced him into the marriage and he seems to have legitimate grounds for an annulment but still won’t do it…whether by intimidation or some other reason I’m not aware of.

Good for you that you are rectifying your situation and living according to the Lord’s plan. The Lord rejoices when one lost sheep returns to the fold, more so than over the 99 who never left.

Yet the Church continues to grow… the rigidness is one of the major reasons I converted – the Church was unwilling to cast God’s law aside for the sake of recruitment and pleasing a secular society.

Why, that is exactly the reason I converted. Got sick of seeing every other denomination tossing out teachings based on popular opinion. God did not intend for His teachings to be accepted or disregarded based on a popular vote.

 

[lutherlic]

Yet the Church continues to grow… the rigidness is one of the major reasons I converted – the Church was unwilling to cast God’s law aside for the sake of recruitment and pleasing a secular society.

I agree completely.

 

[LBlack45]

The Catholic Church considers all marriages valid, unless determined otherwise by a Catholic Marriage Tribunal. Dating a divorced person, even someone who is not Catholic, would be the same as dating a married person. It is not allowed by the Catholic Church to date someone who is divorced and has not received a proper annulment. The Catholic in this case should stick to their beliefs and NOT DATE THIS DIVORCED PERSON until they obtain an annulment.

Well, that’s funny because not only was my ex-husband dating a catholic girl prior to divorcing me, in 2011 he filed an annulment after we’ve been divorced since 2008. He’s been going to mass since 2009 and now he’s converting so how can he still be allowed to date her if this is the catholic church teachings?

 

[cjmclark]

Well, that’s funny because not only was my ex-husband dating a catholic girl prior to divorcing me, in 2011 he filed an annulment after we’ve been divorced since 2008. He’s been going to mass since 2009 and now he’s converting so how can he still be allowed to date her if this is the catholic church teachings?

Because the Church doesn’t have “dating/marriage police.”

If the annulment has been granted, your husband either isn’t sleeping with this girl or is married to her now, and he’s been to Confession re: dating someone prior to your annulment, then there is nothing prohibiting him from taking the Eucharist (although you say he’s converting now, so he wouldn’t be able to take it anyway until that process was complete, generally speaking).

There is nothing that prohibits him from going to Mass. Anyone may attend Mass, no matter their religious beliefs. If he was still in a state of sin, the only reason he would be refused Communion was if the priest knew about it specifically. Other than that, it’s basically between him and God…an honor system of sorts.

 

[LBlack45]

Because the Church doesn’t have “dating/marriage police.”

If the annulment has been granted, your husband either isn’t sleeping with this girl or is married to her now, and he’s been to Confession re: dating someone prior to your annulment, then there is nothing prohibiting him from taking the Eucharist (although you say he’s converting now, so he wouldn’t be able to take it anyway until that process was complete, generally speaking).

There is nothing that prohibits him from going to Mass. Anyone may attend Mass, no matter their religious beliefs. If he was still in a state of sin, the only reason he would be refused Communion was if the priest knew about it specifically. Other than that, it’s basically between him and God…an honor system of sorts.

Well according to all that i’ve read,they should not have been dating due to the fact when she started dating my ex, he was still legally civilly married to me. In 2008, our divorce was final. He didn’t start mass until 2009 and he applied for an annullment in July 2011. So i don’t understand all of these comments about whether this young lady should date this divorced protestant man. Can someone please explain the church policies?

 

[Kelfa28]

Well, that’s funny because not only was my ex-husband dating a catholic girl prior to divorcing me, in 2011 he filed an annulment after we’ve been divorced since 2008. He’s been going to mass since 2009 and now he’s converting so how can he still be allowed to date her if this is the catholic church teachings?

He shouldn’t be dating her. He is committing adultery until his marriage to you is annulled. Therefore he cannot receive the Eucharist. However, there is not reason why he can’t attend Mass. He will have to cut the relationship off if he wants a full conversion and be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist. It kinda defeats the purpose of going to RCIA and converting if you spend all that time in class and then receive the sacrament of communion while committing adultery…that is a mortal sin because he is going through RCIA and will know what he is doing is wrong.

Unless he gets the annulment of your marriage before the Easter Vigil or breaks off the relationship…he won’t be in a state of grace for communion.

 

[LBlack45]

Because the Church doesn’t have “dating/marriage police.”

If the annulment has been granted, your husband either isn’t sleeping with this girl or is married to her now, and he’s been to Confession re: dating someone prior to your annulment, then there is nothing prohibiting him from taking the Eucharist (although you say he’s converting now, so he wouldn’t be able to take it anyway until that process was complete, generally speaking).

There is nothing that prohibits him from going to Mass. Anyone may attend Mass, no matter their religious beliefs. If he was still in a state of sin, the only reason he would be refused Communion was if the priest knew about it specifically. Other than that, it’s basically between him and God…an honor system of sorts.

And no, no annullment has been granted, he just filed the petition in 2011.

 

[cjmclark]

He shouldn’t be dating her. He is committing adultery until his marriage to you is annulled. Therefore he cannot receive the Eucharist. However, there is not reason why he can’t attend Mass. He will have to cut the relationship off if he wants a full conversion and be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist. It kinda defeats the purpose of going to RCIA and converting if you spend all that time in class and then receive the sacrament of communion while committing adultery…that is a mortal sin because he is going through RCIA and will know what he is doing is wrong.

Unless he gets the annulment of your marriage before the Easter Vigil or breaks off the relationship…he won’t be in a state of grace for communion.

This.

 

[LBlack45]

He shouldn’t be dating her. He is committing adultery until his marriage to you is annulled. Therefore he cannot receive the Eucharist. However, there is not reason why he can’t attend Mass. He will have to cut the relationship off if he wants a full conversion and be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist. It kinda defeats the purpose of going to RCIA and converting if you spend all that time in class and then receive the sacrament of communion while committing adultery…that is a mortal sin because he is going through RCIA and will know what he is doing is wrong.

Unless he gets the annulment of your marriage before the Easter Vigil or breaks off the relationship…he won’t be in a state of grace for communion.

Thank you for answer the question. he has been living in sin by dating this young lady for quite some time. He also lied on the petition and really didn’t answer all of questions fully and because he did this i have now refused to participate because i refuse to lie and our marriage was a valid marriage. He’s not being honest with this lady,the church or himself and ill not participate in such deceit and trickery.

 

[cjmclark]

I agree with the other posters. Either this is either not true or very much exaggerated. The Church denies no one to attend Mass unless you are excommunicated and will allow anyone to receive the Eucharist as long as you have received said sacrament to do so and are currently in a state of grace, whether by recent baptism or, more commonly, confession. Which is also not something denied to anyone unless they are excommunicated. Based on the info you have given…there is absolutely no reason why she cannot attend church, go to confession and receive the Eucharist.

This is actually not correct. Excommunicated Catholics are in fact required to attend Mass and participate in Confession in an effort to bring them back in line with Church doctrine. They just can’t receive the Eucharist. An excommunicated Catholic is still a Catholic.

Excommunication by its very definition is the prohibition of Communion.

 

[Kelfa28]

Thank you for answer the question. he has been living in sin by dating this young lady for quite some time. He also lied on the petition and really didn’t answer all of questions fully and because he did this i have now refused to participate because i refuse to lie and our marriage was a valid marriage. He’s not being honest with this lady,the church or himself and ill not participate in such deceit and trickery.

Then don’t. There is no reason why you need to commit a grave sin by lying. You’re 50% of the marriage anyway.

This is a distressing situation because it seems to me that he is going through the motions to make the girl happy. I would hope she knows how wrong the situation is, especially since he is attending Mass and converting. She should know better.

I can absolutely say there is no way he wasn’t informed his actions were wrong. Unless he is attending a sub-par RCIA class…but then I don’t know what they would be spending all of this time teaching.

My situation was made crystal clear by everyone involved with the RCIA program I am attending…including three priests and the director of the education program at our parish. It wasn’t sugar coated and our priest knows us personally now after all this time in class. Therefore, I can’t just go up and receive communion during Mass. However, I don’t know his situation. I don’t know what he’s told the priest…but he could be lying and if so, that’s an even bigger sin that he will have to take up with God when his time comes.

I’m sorry, I can’t imagine someone taking all that time and energy to attend Mass and RCIA just to, essentially, spit in our Lord’s face when it comes time to receive the sacrament. Either he is truly vindictive and is willing to do a lot for this girl or he broke it off and is serious, or he is just really, really ignorant.

 

[Kelfa28]

This is actually not correct. Excommunicated Catholics are in fact required to attend Mass and participate in Confession in an effort to bring them back in line with Church doctrine. They just can’t receive the Eucharist. An excommunicated Catholic is still a Catholic.

Excommunication by its very definition is the prohibition of Communion.

Oh…sorry, I didn’t know that. I was misunderstood. Thank-you for clearing that up for me. I was under the impression, given the history of what excommunication implied, that is was a legit separation from the Church entirely. I remember learning that excommunication was such a huge deal centuries ago because a person’s entire life revolved around the Church. I learned that in history class and not RCIA class. We actually haven’t covered that in RCIA, yet.

 

[LBlack45]

Then don’t. There is no reason why you need to commit a grave sin by lying. You’re 50% of the marriage anyway.

This is a distressing situation because it seems to me that he is going through the motions to make the girl happy. I would hope she knows how wrong the situation is, especially since he is attending Mass and converting. She should know better.

I can absolutely say there is no way he wasn’t informed his actions were wrong. Unless he is attending a sub-par RCIA class…but then I don’t know what they would be spending all of this time teaching.

My situation was made crystal clear by everyone involved with the RCIA program I am attending…including three priests and the director of the education program at our parish. It wasn’t sugar coated and our priest knows us personally now after all this time in class. Therefore, I can’t just go up and receive communion during Mass. However, I don’t know his situation. I don’t know what he’s told the priest…but he could be lying and if so, that’s an even bigger sin that he will have to take up with God when his time comes.

I’m sorry, I can’t imagine someone taking all that time and energy to attend Mass and RCIA just to, essentially, spit in our Lord’s face when it comes time to receive the sacrament. Either he is truly vindictive and is willing to do a lot for this girl or he broke it off and is serious, or he is just really, really ignorant.

Well, i hope he broke it off and serious about her because up until now,he has not even told her that he doesn’t agree with some of the teachings in the catholic church. He and i talked about this at length and we’ve also argued about it because i don’t agree with the way he’s trying to shortcut his way around things. He’s always done this and this is why we’re divorced. I don’t want him to make the same mistakes with her that he made with me but from the looks of things, he hasn’t changed.

 

[Kelfa28]

Well, i hope he broke it off and serious about her because up until now,he has not even told her that he doesn’t agree with some of the teachings in the catholic church. He and i talked about this at length and we’ve also argued about it because i don’t agree with the way he’s trying to shortcut his way around things. He’s always done this and this is why we’re divorced. I don’t want him to make the same mistakes with her that he made with me but from the looks of things, he hasn’t changed.

At the end of the day he won’t be able to marry her unless he gets the annulment…unless he, somehow, convinces her to do a civil marriage and not marry within the church.

Regardless, the fact is he is living in sin by dating this girl and still being married to you. He can dance around it all he wants but come judgement, I can honestly say I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes.

 

[lutherlic]

This is actually not correct. Excommunicated Catholics are in fact required to attend Mass and participate in Confession in an effort to bring them back in line with Church doctrine. They just can’t receive the Eucharist. An excommunicated Catholic is still a Catholic.

Excommunication by its very definition is the prohibition of Communion.

Not exactly. While it is true that the person remains Catholic, they are no longer in communion (out of, and communio or communicatio, communion — exclusion from the communion) with the Church and may not receive any sacraments. The Catholic Encyclopedia says:

Meanwhile, his status before the Church is that of a stranger. He may not participate in public worship nor receive the Body of Christ or any of the sacraments. Moreover, if he be a cleric, he is forbidden to administer a sacred rite or to exercise an act of spiritual authority.

See the full entry: Excommunication

 

[cjmclark]

Not exactly. While it is true that the person remains Catholic, they are no longer in communion (out of, and communio or communicatio, communion — exclusion from the communion) with the Church and may not receive any sacraments. The Catholic Encyclopedia says:

Meanwhile, his status before the Church is that of a stranger. He may not participate in public worship nor receive the Body of Christ or any of the sacraments. Moreover, if he be a cleric, he is forbidden to administer a sacred rite or to exercise an act of spiritual authority.

Okay, true enough as far as the sacraments, with one exception. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is required in order for an excommunicant to receive absolution and return to full communion with the Church. This absolution may be granted by the Pope, a bishop, or a specifically designated priest (or any priest if death is imminent). See CCC #1463.

As far as prohibition from “engaging in public worship,” that’s not entirely accurate. An excommunicant is forbidden from having a ministerial role in Mass and receiving the Eucharist, but is not prohibited from attending. See Code of Canon Law Chapter I, Can. 1331.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I don’t think a Catholic should date anyone who has been divorced unless the person already has an annulment (not just in the process). The Church says that other person is still married, and we should not be dating married people. Also, if you do decide to date them (chastely) while they start the annulment process, you could be opening yourself up to a world of hurt. If they don’t get the annulment (and annulments are not for sure, sometimes people think they are) you are now in love with someone you cannot marry in the Church. This would be very hard and put your faith in danger. Best to take it slow, don’t rush, if God intends for you to marry this person, they will get an annulment and you can marry in the Church.

 

[lutherlic]

Okay, true enough as far as the sacraments, with one exception. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is required in order for an excommunicant to receive absolution and return to full communion with the Church. This absolution may be granted by the Pope, a bishop, or a specifically designated priest (or any priest if death is imminent). See CCC #1463.

As far as prohibition from “engaging in public worship,” that’s not entirely accurate. An excommunicant is forbidden from having a ministerial role in Mass and receiving the Eucharist, but is not prohibited from attending. See Code of Canon Law Chapter I, Can. 1331.

Agreed, that phrase is a bit ambiguous. Attendance of Mass is open to everyone (and highly encouraged ).

 

[Jessec]

I believe that dating should not precede establishing that the person is free to marry.

In the case of a divorced Protestant it is more likely than not that the person is not free to marry. (Most marriages are valid and all marriages are meant to be presumed valid unless and until proven otherwise.)

I believe that one should not date counting on an exception to happen.

I believe that in the scenario with a divorced Protestant, the proper course of action would be to obtain the nullity decree for that Protestant before developing a romantic relationship. Romance is not sex, strictly speaking, but neither is it proper for married people to date others.

What part of ‘Protestants don’t do annulments while still Protestant’ doesnt this thread understand? A Protestant could have been divorced for 25 years and there is nothing more asked of this person by their faith organization. If the relationship evolved to more and then the Protestant wanted to go through what seems like a grueling process in order to ‘join’ the church and subsequently have a roman catholic marriage, then this could be done. If a roman Catholic wants to pass on what could be the love of his life and not wait around for this procss then move along little doggie, but otherwise it isn’t realistic to think divorced Protestants have faulted in some way by not having done an annulment because there is no such thing in their organizations. The annulment is a formal process of documenting and does not speak to the actual ‘existance’ of a marriage. The piece of paper following an annulment is merely that, the formal declaration of the validity of an existing marriage. Surely if you are dating someone, you would have some indication of whether this person is a polygamist or not or whether they are innocent Protestants who have lived a Godly life and have not been in a situation where an annulment is required. Yes it would be easier to find someone else with no past or history at all, but maybe God had other plans to broaden your horizons and open your heart a little and teach some compassion and patience and self control.