Catholic dating a divorced protestant.

[lutherlic]

What part of ‘Protestants don’t do annulments while still Protestant’ doesnt this thread understand? A Protestant could have been divorced for 25 years and there is nothing more asked of this person by their faith organization. If the relationship evolved to more and then the Protestant wanted to go through what seems like a grueling process in order to ‘join’ the church and subsequently have a roman catholic marriage, then this could be done. If a roman Catholic wants to pass on what could be the love of his life and not wait around for this procss then move along little doggie, but otherwise it isn’t realistic to think divorced Protestants have faulted in some way by not having done an annulment because there is no such thing in their organizations. The annulment is a formal process of documenting and does not speak to the actual ‘existance’ of a marriage. The piece of paper following an annulment is merely that, the formal declaration of the validity of an existing marriage. Surely if you are dating someone, you would have some indication of whether this person is a polygamist or not or whether they are innocent Protestants who have lived a Godly life and have not been in a situation where an annulment is required. Yes it would be easier to find someone else with no past or history at all, but maybe God had other plans to broaden your horizons and open your heart a little and teach some compassion and patience and self control.

Jessec, Protestants who marry faithful Catholics do indeed seek declarations of nullity for previous marriage attempts, regardless of any decision to convert or not. Their previous marriage in the absence of an annulment is otherwise considered valid and they are therefore not free to marry.

Annulments are more than paperwork. They accurately determine the state of a marriage attempt under the authority of the Church, given by our Lord. Obviously Protestants normally dispute that authority or they would be (or until they become) Catholic. God has no plans for anyone to commit adultery, by “marrying” someone who is already married. Divorce can not change this no matter how long ago it was.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate." They said to him, “Then why did Moses command that the man give the woman bill of divorce and dismiss [her]?” He said to them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:6-9

 

[Luvz2travel]

Is there ever a case were a catolic could go out on a date with a divorced protestant? As Catholics if someone divorces they should seek if the have grounds for an annulment before they would even think about dating since a married person can’t date someone. Since anything that looks like a marriage is to be treated as one until the church prooves otherwise (I know it isn’t to often that it happens this way). But if a divorced protestant ask a catholic out (maybe in the workplace) There is no way the indivual is going to seek an annulment once the catholic says “we’ll if you seek an annulment through the Catholic church and they approve it then we could go out”. Could you go out a few times and then you feel like this may be an individual you might like to pursue and then not date anymore until the annulment is applied for and comes thru?

1. Bad idea to date anyone divorced without and annulment …many will disagree here but from my experience it’s just a bad idea.
2. Bad idea to date anyone in the work place it just makes things complicated and awkward if things don’t work out.

 

[adubz]

Not to troll a oldish thread but this topic is currently relevant for me.

Please redirect if other more recent thread are available especially for any other new readers who come to this thread in a similar situation.

What does the Catholic church say in regards to Matthew 19.9 "… anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality/unchastity/fornication, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

I would expect that chaste dating before remarriage should not be considered adultery?

 

[MJJean]

Not to troll a oldish thread but this topic is currently relevant for me.

Please redirect if other more recent thread are available especially for any other new readers who come to this thread in a similar situation.

What does the Catholic church say in regards to Matthew 19.9 "… anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality/unchastity/fornication, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

I would expect that chaste dating before remarriage should not be considered adultery?

I am in an irregular marriage situation. I was married (civilly) and divorced (civilly) as a Pagan. I later married a Catholic (civilly) who was not practicing at the time. Now that he has returned to the Church I am seeking annulment of my previous marriage and awaiting the decision of the Marriage Tribunal in order to be received into the Church and have my marriage convalidated (recognized by the Church).

The previous posters are correct that ***all ***marriages are presumed valid until investigated by a Tribunal and declared null. Meaning that anyone dating someone who was previously married and divorced without annulment is actually dating someone who is still married and they are committing adultery if they are having any kind of romantic contact.

Now, I was specifically told that if my husband and I were willing to abstain from sex and live “as brother and sister”, go to Confession, and be absolved of our sin of adultery, I would be able to be received fully into the Church and we would both be able to receive the sacraments.

In light of that, I do believe dating alone is not considered adultery. But I would say that any sexual contact, including kissing in a romantic way, would be considered adultery. Realistically, most adults are not going to date without eventually showing affection and attraction in a physical way such as kissing, hugging, cuddling, hand holding, etc. Which would be adultery and a mortal sin.

And what happens if the divorced person applies for annulment and the previous marriage is found to be valid? Then the Catholic has to either end the relationship or choose to marry civilly, be in perpetual mortal sin, and either leave the Church or continue attending Mass without being able to receive the sacraments.

So, dating a divorced person without that divorced person having obtained an annulment is just not a good idea. The Catholic would be unable to, in good conscience, show affection and attraction in a physical way until the other party obtained an annulment. Which takes approximately 1.5 years or more depending on the diocese and even then may not be granted.

If I were faithful Catholic and interested in a divorced man, I would simply be friends with him until he obtained an annulment. I’d explain my faith, ask that he apply for annulment, and only date after it was granted. If he wasn’t willing to do that for my sake, I wouldn’t consider him marriage material and wouldn’t date him since the purpose of dating is to decide whether or not to marry.

 

[adubz]

Thanks MJJean!
My apologies… re-reading my question now I realise I was not clear on which part I was asking about!
My questions intention was to be around the ‘except for…’ part, with no intention to be picking at semantics - potential boyfriend’s divorce was due to unchaste then-wife who has left him for the other man.
With no unchastity in marriage on my potential boyfriend’s part.
Would dating him (or I guess for any other guy reading this, a girl whose ex-husband had an affair and continues to do so…) be considered adultery?
Thanks again…

 

[MJJean]

Thanks MJJean!
My apologies… re-reading my question now I realise I was not clear on which part I was asking about!
My questions intention was to be around the ‘except for…’ part, with no intention to be picking at semantics - potential boyfriend’s divorce was due to unchaste then-wife who has left him for the other man.
With no unchastity in marriage on my potential boyfriend’s part.
Would dating him (or I guess for any other guy reading this, a girl whose ex-husband had an affair and continues to do so…) be considered adultery?
Thanks again…

Yes. All marriages are presumed valid until investigated by a Tribunal and found to be invalid. All marriages, no exception.

Marriage, if contracred validly at the ceremony, cannot be dissolved. What happens after the ceremony can be used to possibly support arguments the marriage wasn’t valid, but what happens after the ceremony cannot invalidate valid marriage.

 

[adubz]

Would you (or anyone here) be able to elaborate on how this view - no divorce, just annulment, which means no valid marriage existed - applies the biblical text that indicates divorce is ‘legitimised’ in event of infidelity (or ‘unlawfulness’, depending on the biblical translation used).
Learning about process of annulment and getting onto it is underway.
However with an indication of 6+months timeline for an annulment, it seems odd that romantic involvement has to stop…especially when, biblically, it seems that the civil divorce is valid due to infidelity.

 

[MJJean]

Would you (or anyone here) be able to elaborate on how this view - no divorce, just annulment, which means no valid marriage existed - applies the biblical text that indicates divorce is ‘legitimised’ in event of infidelity (or ‘unlawfulness’, depending on the biblical translation used).
Learning about process of annulment and getting onto it is underway.
However with an indication of 6+months timeline for an annulment, it seems odd that romantic involvement has to stop…especially when, biblically, it seems that the civil divorce is valid due to infidelity.

Some believe the correct translation to mean adultery, some unlawfulness, and some say prostitution. Translation issued aside…

“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

" Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven."

Which means, from a Catholic point of view, that divorce does not dissolve a valid marriage because nothing can dissolve a valid marriage. Even adultery. Catholics also believe the Church was given the power to “bind and loose on earth and in heaven”, so Church law comes into play.

If the marriage was entered into validly at the time of the ceremony,*nothing *that happens afterward can dissolve that marriage according to Jesus’ teaching and Church law. Even if the couple legally divorces, the marriage is still valid according to the Church unless it can be proved there was some defect at the time of the ceremony that rendered the marriage invalid. Later adultery can be offered as supporting evidence of a defect, but itself doesn’t make a valid marriage invalid.

So, unless the divorced party applies for annulment and it is determined the marriage was invalid, if that party remarried and is having sexual relations with their new spouse, they are committing adultery as they are presumed to still be validly married to their previous spouse.

 

[baptistfriend]

Hello all. I am really struggling with this same issue. I am Baptist and have been dating a Catholic man for 2 1/2 years. He is very religious and goes to Mass daily. He paid the fee for my annulment 1 1/2 years ago and I am still waiting on a decision. Our lives are so intertwined now. But he made it clear he won’t marry me if I don’t get that annulment. But he doesn’t want me to date anyone else. I feel so torn. I love him but I feel like there’s a chance I’m wasting a big chunk of my life on someone who will just walk away from me if I don’t get this annulment. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is all very confusing to me because we also have a physical relationship. He just goes to confession every time afterward and feels like that is OK. I don’t get why that’s OK but marrying someone with an annulment isn’t ok. Help?