Catholic dating a non-Catholic, Will marriage succeed?

[jesuspsr]

BCatholicOK Welcome to CAF.
I am, in no position to give advise, considering, I’m 49 years old and never been married and have no kids.
I do know how to pray, so I’ll be praying to the Holy Spirit to guide you and you boy friend.

God bless you

jesus g

 

[4Squarebaby]

Ih.

We’ve tried compromising by attending a few non-denominational and Methodist churches, but I would prefer to remain Catholic. He doesn’t ask for me to convert but as of now he doesn’t want to raise our (future) children Catholic.
**
I guess my question is, are there successful marriages in which a Catholic marries a non-Catholic? **

So we have two issues, the style of Sunday Service and should you attend together and what exactly do you mean when you say someone is to be raised catholic bearing in mind Speaker Pelosi among others was raised Catholic.

I think that about 30% of marriages in America are mixed, as the Catholic Church defines the term religiously, just as marriages are approaching that percentage racially and long passed that point ethnically. Yes it can work, however some may say you are catholic in name mostly, if not only to make it work.

 

[Slinger]

I saw this website in another thread and it echos exactly what my Catholic sister-in-law said she was told when she and my brother were married. As you can see, the Catholic church does not require your children to be raised Catholic as they recognize that the other Christian partner may have a strong faith as well. Things have changed since interfaith marriages in the 70’s and earlier.
foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/church-teachings/interfaith-marriages/

However, I will say that every interfaith family I know has decided to commit to one common faith in order to be unified as a couple and as a family. I think it would be difficult if either of you would not budge. It’s not impossible though! Good for you two for talking about these things in advance.

 

[Cristiano]

I saw this website in another thread and it echos exactly what my Catholic sister-in-law said she was told when she and my brother were married. As you can see, the Catholic church does not require your children to be raised Catholic as they recognize that the other Christian partner may have a strong faith as well. Things have changed since interfaith marriages in the 70’s and earlier.
foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/church-teachings/interfaith-marriages/

However, I will say that every interfaith family I know has decided to commit to one common faith in order to be unified as a couple and as a family. I think it would be difficult if either of you would not budge. It’s not impossible though! Good for you two for talking about these things in advance.

The Church still requires the Catholic parent to do his/her best to raise the children as Catholics. Are you doing your best if you enter into a marriage where that possibility is discounted?

 

[Kristin234]

Just with children alone you will have a lot of problems.

He isn’t willing to raise his future children in the Catholic Church, and obviously that is something you would want to do. So many arguments and disagreements will stem just from that.

It was like that with me. I am Protestant and my ex boyfriend is Catholic. I wasn’t willing to get married in a Catholic Church and to raise my future kids Catholic, and he wanted to do those. We knew it was going to cause a lot of problems and neither of us would be happy with whatever decision we made.

Now, if one of you is willing to budge then it would be a different story. A lot of the Catholic and non-Catholic marriages that do last do so because the couple is willing to come to an agreement.

 

[Ranp]

I’m 25 years old Catholic born and raised and dating a non-Catholic. My boyfriend of 2.5 years was raised Southern Baptist. Since we are both Christians, we essentially agree on the fundamentals; Jesus is God, Jesus died for our sins, have faith in Him and spread His word.

He does challenge the Catholic faith and sometimes he has valid points. One of his reasons for disagreeing with the church is that some of what we Catholics practice is not found in the bible, rather it is written by the church.

We’ve tried compromising by attending a few non-denominational and Methodist churches, but I would prefer to remain Catholic. He doesn’t ask for me to convert but as of now he doesn’t want to raise our (future) children Catholic.
**
I guess my question is, are there successful marriages in which a Catholic marries a non-Catholic? **

You face many real problems, deal with them and don’t let yourself minimize them.

In regard to many Catholic practices not being found in the Bible your future husband need to understand that only part of what the apostles taught was written down by them to become the Bible. The teachings not written down directly by the apostles (or their scribes) were written down by their students to become Holy Tradition. A lot of what he currently believes as a Baptish actually comes from Holy Tradition and not the Bible. For example, from just reading the Bible it is not possible for a person who knows nothing of Christianity to get a full and complete understanding of the Holy Trinity. I strongly suggest both of you read the following book.

Tradition and the Church by George Agius.

Ran

 

[Safia]

I married to a non-Catholic in the Church. We have a pretty darned good marriage.

Would you say he makes you a better Catholic? The best possible soul you could be?

(I’m genuinely curious.)

 

[maryjk]

Would you say he makes you a better Catholic? The best possible soul you could be?

(I’m genuinely curious.)

I didn’t post that, but I could have.

Yes, my non-Catholic, atheist husband makes me a better Catholic. The best possible soul I could be. And I love him for it.

See I have to show him that the way the Church tells us to live is the best way, by showing him. That means, even when it is difficult to get to Mass, I am there. That means, even if I have had a crazy day, am really hungry, I stop and pray before I eat. That means, even while on vacation, I go to Mass or even Confession. That means, no backing down on what I believe. I have to live the saying attributed to St Francis, Preach the Gospel always, use words when necessary, every day.

I married my husband when I was away from the Church. After our son was born I slowly made my way back. When our son turned 7, my husband and I were married in the church. I haven’t looked back since.

 

[couponfit]

I’m 25 years old Catholic born and raised and dating a non-Catholic. My boyfriend of 2.5 years was raised Southern Baptist. Since we are both Christians, we essentially agree on the fundamentals; Jesus is God, Jesus died for our sins, have faith in Him and spread His word.

He does challenge the Catholic faith and sometimes he has valid points. One of his reasons for disagreeing with the church is that some of what we Catholics practice is not found in the bible, rather it is written by the church.

We’ve tried compromising by attending a few non-denominational and Methodist churches, but I would prefer to remain Catholic. He doesn’t ask for me to convert but as of now he doesn’t want to raise our (future) children Catholic.
**
I guess my question is, are there successful marriages in which a Catholic marries a non-Catholic? **

I do want to just throw out there that my parents were Catholic ( my mom a convert in order to marry my dad), they later divorced. My mother married my stepfather (protestant) and my dad is now on his 3rd marriage (all women were Catholic). In this instance my mother and stepfather have had a lasting marriage and they are opposing religions. He simply attended mass with her (but their marriage is not recognized by the Church).

Catholics can marry a non-catholic and it can work. If you marry outside the RC you’ll need dispensation. If you marry in the RC he’ll have to complete the pre-cana and canonical investigation with you. Before marriage it’s best to decide how you will attend church, which church, and what doctrine you will lose. One thing baptists like to point out is that catholics believe in things not in the bible. What we believe is in the Bible, it’s not always explicitly stated in a single verse spelled out with exact words that we use today.

 

[couponfit]

Yes, my non-Catholic, atheist husband makes me a better Catholic. The best possible soul I could be. And I love him for it.

Atheist? Ok, I thought you said he was a Baptists. Big difference!

 

[Leegal]

I’m 25 years old Catholic born and raised and dating a non-Catholic. My boyfriend of 2.5 years was raised Southern Baptist. Since we are both Christians, we essentially agree on the fundamentals; Jesus is God, Jesus died for our sins, have faith in Him and spread His word.

He does challenge the Catholic faith and sometimes he has valid points. One of his reasons for disagreeing with the church is that some of what we Catholics practice is not found in the bible, rather it is written by the church.

We’ve tried compromising by attending a few non-denominational and Methodist churches, but I would prefer to remain Catholic. He doesn’t ask for me to convert but as of now he doesn’t want to raise our (future) children Catholic.
**
I guess my question is, are there successful marriages in which a Catholic marries a non-Catholic? **

I do want to just throw out there that my parents were Catholic ( my mom a convert in order to marry my dad), they later divorced. My mother married my stepfather (protestant) and my dad is now on his 3rd marriage (all women were Catholic). In this instance my mother and stepfather have had a lasting marriage and they are opposing religions. He simply attended mass with her (but their marriage is not recognized by the Church).

Possible, but not in this case. You say he “has valid points.” He’s challenging the Catholic beliefs. Not a good sign. So, he’s convinced you that it’s by scripture alone we are saved and the teachings of the Pope or Magisterium are what? Invalid? And he does not want the children to be raised as Catholics.

You are treading in dangerous waters and either you will convert for him, raise your children as Baptists or there will be no marriage. Do you see the problem? If he loved you, why would he want to separate you from your faith? He’s disrespecting the faith. It would work as it does for many where the two respect each others’ beliefs without putting conditions upon them – except as a Catholic you will be expected to raise your children as Catholic. And he won’t allow the children to be raised as Catholic.

You spoke of Catholics and accepting – is he accepting? Think about it.

 

[Kristin234]

If he loved you, why would he want to separate you from your faith? He’s disrespecting the faith. It would work as it does for many where the two respect each others’ beliefs without putting conditions upon them – except as a Catholic you will be expected to raise your children as Catholic. And he won’t allow the children to be raised as Catholic.

See that’s not fair.

You say he wants to separate her from her faith because he doesn’t want to raise his children Catholic and doesn’t agree with some of the Catholic view, but isn’t it also separating him from his faith by demanding that their children be raised Catholic?

I think it is unfair to both.

 

[SonCatcher]

See that’s not fair.

You say he wants to separate her from her faith because he doesn’t want to raise his children Catholic and doesn’t agree with some of the Catholic view, but isn’t it also separating him from his faith by demanding that their children be raised Catholic?

I think it is unfair to both.

That is one major reason why mixed marriages are so difficult.

I would venture a guess that the Baptist fiance would have no trouble thinking about his future grown children as potentially being Presbyterian, Methodist, Lutheran, “Non-Denominational,” etc. It’s just Catholic that’s the bind.

 

[Leegal]

See that’s not fair.

You say he wants to separate her from her faith because he doesn’t want to raise his children Catholic and doesn’t agree with some of the Catholic view, but isn’t it also separating him from his faith by demanding that their children be raised Catholic?

I think it is unfair to both.

I think it’s not a good foundation toward a successful marriage. That’s her question. I have no problem with it, but the specifics indicate problems already. I never said he has to convert, but she gives examples of problems that they are already encountering. There will be more later on as every marriage has its problems, but this marriage would have the problem of his lack of respect for her faith.

I don’t think either should be separated from their faith but I can’t put a good spin on this since he essentially is taking her away from her faith. Exploring other Churches, challenging the Catholic faith, even convincing her that his points are valid in that the Church does not rely on scripture alone.

Birth control will likely be an issue if he does not respect the Church’s teachings. Is he open to life or only using NFP? What does she do then if he wants to use contraception or wants her to use birth control pills? Have they discussed this? Will he respect HER decision if her conscience tells her that she cannot use birth control? I expect it will be his way.

Of the two, who will have to give up more? He will raise his children in his faith and she will attend Church alone or have to attend his Church. Since they are already exploring other denominations and she thinks he has some valid points, it may not be a mixed marriage afterall.

So, where’s the respect from him – for her and for her faith? Those that I’ve seen that have succeeded, the non-Catholic spouse allowed the Catholic spouse to practice their faith. They may not have been a believer in the Catholic faith, but did not challenge the faith of the Catholic spouse in the ways she described, and allowed the children to be raised as Catholic, even participating even if they did not convert.

It sounds to me like he would be more suited to a woman who shares his faith or one similar than trying to change her to fit his. Unless she wants to convert to his faith or some other denomination.

I’m not against inter-faith marriages, but I don’t think she gets to have a say in this relationship. He’s doing the all the convincing and she’s making all the compromises.

 

[Leegal]

First you will discover that you have a lot of problems once you have children and they start to grow up and religion will be only one aspect.

Second you need to work more on your understandings of Christianity including bible and sacred tradition. Where does it say that Jesus accepted everyone, He told people to go away while calling them brood of vipers, He even told Peter to go away because he was tempting Him.

Do not blame Catholics for telling you the truth, the Church accepts everybody that is willing to join her.

First they will encounter the birth control issue. Baptists don’t prohibit the use of artificial contraception – another thing to consider.

I know because I married an Episcoplian and it was against the Church’s advice – not because my Episcoplian spouse was the problem, but because I did not know enough about my own faith to defend it.

 

[wcknight]

I’m married to a non-Catholic and there definitely are many problems associated with this fact.

I was a lapsed Catholic at the time, but we still got married in the Church AND I agreed to raise our kids Catholic. They all went to Catholic schools until college. BUT I think the fact that my spouse did not share the faith had a lot to do with their falling away from the Church.

I would think that a spouse who has a fundamentalist belief would have a very difficult time being married to a Catholic. There are many who think Catholics are the spawn of the devil or worse.

Even if this is not the case, I think there are many difficulties that come just with the differences in belief and attitude. My sponse is very pro-choice while I am very pro-life. Discussion on this and other topics are just not possible.

BUT for us we have managed to stay married and for the most part, it is a very successful marriage. IF I were to change any part of my life I would marry Catholic instead, it makes so many things so much simpler. Of couse I pray always for her eventual conversion, but that prayer may never be answered given her attitude towards the Church.

 

[SecretGarden]

I think you need see a priest as well as go into remarriage counselling. You have been given a lot to think about. Interdenominational marriages can work provided that they are able to see the commonalities that unite the couple such as Christ dying on the cross, that Mary was virgin etc. Focus on Christ inside the relationship. Many people have jumped the gun because they have only been given so much information. I think it is important for you to pray together and see where is God leading you. Attending RCIA together would also be a great idea because it will both educate you regarding what exactly are the Catholic Church’s teachings. RCIA is also for people who are seeking to join it but I also know several people including myself initially who took it because they wanted to learn more about what the church teaches. I also recommend that you read books that openly discusses what the two denominations have in common as well as their differences. A great book to begin with is: “Roman Catholics and Evangelicals” by Norman Geisler and Ralph Mackenzie. Dwight Longnecker’s books that have priest and evangelical dialogue also very good.

By understanding what each person’s church’s church believes, it will help you to decide what path you want to follow.

Good luck,

SG

 

[wcknight]

I think IF you choose to give up your faith to follow something else, you will be greatly disappointed. Although my spouse is not Catholic she in no way hinders me from practicing my beliefs. we have been together almost 40 years and with a lot of luck we may make another 40.

We have enough conflicts already and every marriage goes through many struggles. Adding religious problems would make things many times worse. Having a spouse that is negative towards my faith would be totally untenable. To me that would be a deal breaker, especially now that my faith is stronger than ever.

You may be lax or luke warm now, but in time you may also become much more devout, then you will realize that being Catholic is THE most important thing in your life. At that point, his fundalmentalist view would be impossible to overcome, UNLESS he really studies his scriptures, and discovers like some scholars have, that the Catholic Church is the real deal. He may want to read about some fundalmentalist ministers who did just that.

 

[ajaffres]

I have been with my husband for 19 years, married 15. He is Protestant and I am Catholic. We are also from two distinct cultures, he is English Canadian and I am French Canadian. We both had relationships before our marriage. All those factors add up in the extra variables/baggage a marriage has to work with. We are both committed to our relationship and I feel we have grown stronger from it.

I am Roman Catholic, divorce is not an option, but Protestants divorce and remarry all the time. What is his definition of marriage? Does he believe in the indissolubility of marriage?
Does he believe in fruitfulness? I know my husband, doesn’t see a problem with his divorced friends dating and getting remarried. This attitude does put my marriage at risk if he decides to leave someday. According to his church he would be able to remarry, but I wouldn’t, I will consider myself married till death do us part.

I strongly believe that I am responsible for my own happiness, I do not put that burden on him. He agreed to let me raise the kids Catholic when we validated our marriage in the Catholic Church. A loving relationship is about sacrifice. Love has a price. It is a Christian tradition to get married in the Bride’s Church. Raising the children Catholic is a non-negotiable item in a Catholic Church.

Let your prayers guide you.

 

[alstonholmer]

Although it is better to date a catholic to in her or her own religious view but if any one is compatible with their partner they may date to other religious personal it also becomes very stress full to find date in our own religion because we are living in a very diverse society may of our friends are non catholic. So don’t wary have some best date with the help of some dating sites which may be useful for you and you can find date.

married couples looking
meet local black singles
find singles in your area
looking friends