Catholic dating websites. Ummmm

[Xantippe]

anyway I think you’re going too far. having your own stuff is natural. if i were married my wife could use whatever i had but just not my 4k ukulele lol

Do you have a local ukulele club?

My teen does ukulele, and ukulele people are very nice.

well, I would consider this luxury. It has to work without this, and if not, probems are near. This is the point - no problem with loving your music instruments or making proper investents. But you need to be ok with the thought to give this all for your spouse, as your family would be your center of life to praise god.

In practice, in a happy marriage, the biggest danger to valuables is kids. Your little kids will break some of your nice stuff–it is guaranteed. They will also cost you a lot of money–guaranteed.

Excuse me, but I’m going to trust my priest and not you.

This is a specialized enough area that you need to talk to a canon lawyer. A parish priest might know something about the details (that some prenups are compatible with a valid Catholic marriage) but not know about how to set one up.

I haven’t ever trusted anyone that much, not even my parents

If you’re ever hit by a truck/terminally ill/suffering from dementia, your future wife will have to make a lot of decisions for you (I’ve known a lot of little old ladies who are caring for terminally ill husbands or husbands with dementia). Likewise, if one of your future kids is ever in an accident (and you will get very familiar with ER down the road), your future wife will have to make decisions without you, at least some of the time.

So, trust in your wife’s judgment is pretty essential.

But this one also springs out, what is she has mild anxiety? Also, by saying that, you seem unprepared for the fact that a lot of women battle postnatal depression.

That’s a good point. We are getting to the point where a lot more people have diagnoses–because we’re a lot more aware of issues that previously weren’t known about.

(I have two daughters who are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, was probably a spectrummy kid myself, and have a lot of rather obviously spectrummy relatives on both sides of the family.)

If you think divorcing someone after 5 years and not getting alimony is financial hell then wow

What percentage of Floridians nowadays get alimony after 5 years? I suspect just about none.

My dad is mentally ill and I don’t want to ever live with another mentally ill person again

That’s very understandable. It might be your kid, though.

Come to think of it, some people would rule you out because of your dad.

 

[Xantippe]

In all reality, someone who works on their mental health, is aware of it and treats it is probably a better candidate for marriage than someone who thinks they need no help.

Ain’t that the truth. There’s an older relative in my family who has what has to be undiagnosed OCD (imagine Adrian Monk’s much judgier/less fun brother) and it’s awful to be around. But he thinks everybody else is lazy and careless and he would never accept the idea that he is the one with the problem…

This is not about equality. This is about ego and the self.

Or, more charitably, about having trouble trusting.

That was never intended to be a stab or jab, because mental health and problems affect so many people and I would never joke about it.

Right, which is why it’s very difficult/impossible to avoid people with any “issues.”

In fact, I’m coming round to the guy was right that the definition of a dysfunctional family is one with more than one person in it.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

People can sit around and muse about hypothetical relationships and make lists of qualities they want and deal-breakers and how they want things to be all day long.

It’s like writing essays about riding a bike.

Until you actually get on a bike and start riding every day, you’re not going to have a very good idea of how this bike riding thing really works. Until you actually have a couple of long-term relationships, you’re not going to be able to fully understand and anticipate everything that’s going to crop up. You learn by doing. Also, to a certain extent, by watching your parents and other close people and how they get along - you will likely do some of the same things, and maybe put a few things on your list of “stuff I definitely do NOT want to do”. But you really have to get on that bike and ride to understand how it all works.

 

[DonnaNoble]

I read this thread because I had a hard time with Catholic dating sites too. I’d get men my own age telling me I was “too old” and on the flip side getting men my dad’s age messaging me. So my problems were different from the original poster’s. I was going to suggest the secular sites. That’s where I found someone.

I will say with online dating, you have to spend a lot of time and message a lot of people. I think the first issue is a lot of profiles are “zombie profiles” (they are dead, but look like the people are active). So you are essentially messaging into a black hole with a lot of folks. I had to message a lot of men and it took me two years to find anyone to date.

As for the side topic of who initiates divorce more. I am divorced (and my marriage was null too, so I am free to date). According to court documents, I am the plaintiff and therefore would be in the “initiates” statistic. But it was my ex-husband who announced he was gay and left–left me, our daughter, and even his dog. I just did the paperwork. I was in a divorce support group and it seemed to be a theme, husband or wife, the one who was suddenly abandoned by a spouse and had to pick up the pieces was also the one who filed the paperwork. The spouse who actually left, didn’t file.

Now, I was in a support group, so we all pretty much were the ones left/hurting/not initiators. I don’t think someone who happily decided to leave a marriage and filed for divorce would be in our group. So that perspective may be screwed. But what I am saying is statistics don’t always tell the story. You can’t assume since more women file that more women actually wanted the divorce or started the divorce. The statistics only tell you who ended up finishing things.

 

[Xantippe]

even his dog.

!!!

I just did the paperwork. I was in a divorce support group and it seemed to be a theme, husband or wife, the one who was suddenly abandoned by a spouse and had to pick up the pieces was also the one who filed the paperwork. The spouse who actually left, didn’t file.

Yeah.

 

[Xantippe]

I hope our OP might still be around, because it suddenly occurred to me that Florida may just be a hard place to date.

“Florida Man” and “Florida Woman” are legendary in the rest of the US–it may just be that the OP has been bumping into “Florida Woman.”

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

But what I am saying is statistics don’t always tell the story. You can’t assume since more women file that more women actually wanted the divorce or started the divorce.

I don’t know about other wives but as soon as we were married my husband developed a stark inability to fill out any paperwork. I think it’s a side effect of vows…

Who filled out the paperwork and who was “at fault” are often two different things.

 

[DonnaNoble]

Yep, he left his dog with me because “I was better with her.” She was a sweet dog, but she was old and had some health issues. He got a new dog after he left. It was really weird. Although I suspect he just didn’t want to deal with the health issues. She ended up dying a couple of years later. Poor thing mourned for him too. I did invite him over when I had her put to sleep (the vet came to my house). I think that helped both of them.

He also wanted me to have full custody of our daughter, until he found out what child support would cost him, then he opted for joint custody (but he doesn’t take her all his allowed time, the reality is he picks her up every other weekend). But I will say this, over time,even though he doesn’t spend the time he should with her, he’s become a better father and more involved in her life. Maybe because she’s older now or maybe he’s just improving himself (or both). It used to be he didn’t show up to any school events, now he’s at about half of them and he did come to her confirmation too and was very supportive of that (despite his differences with the Church).

I don’t mean to paint my ex with a bad brush. I think he had his own challenges that effected his mental health (hiding that he was gay for so many years must take a toll). When he left, it was like an explosion and the ripples are only finally starting to settle down.

 

[Loud-living-dogma]

SHB,
Maybe you would enjoy an EF Mass. At least you would have something to talk about during the coffee hour (if there is one)…
http://latinmassschedule.com/index....54:tridentine-mass-schedule-by-state&Itemid=2

 

[Lifeisbeautiful3]

People who marry are already subject to conditions that are well defined in the event of a civil divorce.

A prenuptial agreement merely customizes the conditions to more accurately address ones specific situation (widow with children from a prior marriage, past or future inheritance, jointly owned property with a sibling or other third party, e.g. a business)

 

[DeniseNY]

And if you muse and fantasize about it too much, nothing in reality will every live up to the dream. I found this out the hard way.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I was pretty down to earth since I rarely fantasized about it, didn’t really want to get married, had a pretty good idea of stuff that might go awry with it (some of which did) but in a moment of feeling really kind of beaten down, decided I might as well.
I was the most unromantic bride ever. It was still okay.

I spent a few years just getting used to the idea of being married. Now I have to spend a few years getting used to the idea of being single again. Seems like an ironic bad joke.

 

[Bataar]

I tried Catholic Match in the Seattle area for a couple of years and finally gave up. I never received a single response from anyone I messaged. Could be old/dead profiles, I don’t know. There weren’t that many women on it so eventually, I stopped tracking it because there was no one new to send messages to.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I tried Catholic Match in the Seattle area for a couple of years and finally gave up. I never received a single response from anyone I messaged. Could be old/dead profiles, I don’t know. There weren’t that many women on it so eventually, I stopped tracking it because there was no one new to send messages to.

You can give up if you want, but I was on for nearly 10 years. My husband was on and had let his profile lapse when I pingged him.

He re-purchased a membership just to respond.