Catholic daughter living with boyfriend

[adamhovey1988]

Our daughter, who is now 20, announced that she no longer believes in the church and moved in with her boyfriend. My husband and I are shattered. She gave no indication that she was struggling with her faith. Background: they were dating 4 years and he was welcome in our home. I am a cradle Catholic and my husband is a convert. We attend Mass weekly, say grace before meals, and all our children have received the sacraments of the church.
We have told her that while we do not like or approve of her choice she is our child and our love is forever. She comes home for birthday dinners and will visit but things are strained as I no longer feel it is appropriate to include her boyfriend in our home life. Praying to St. Monica and Padre Pio but wanted to ask if there is anything more I can do as a parent. This is a painful first for us.

Have a chat at her, ask her point blank why, give her reasonable answers. (I see that you’ve started, good!)

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I understand you are upset at both of them…but since their relationship seems to be getting serious, perhaps it’s better to include the boyfriend. Not including him won’t change your daughter’s or his beliefs…it just comes across like you are punishing them.
Plus, it will further strain your relationships with your daughter.

.

All of your posts on this thread are 100 percent what I would say.
Kudos!!!
Now, I have to go, the devil wants to see my triple lutz. And then we have a ski date.

 

[ItTakesAllKinds]

I just wanted to take a moment to offer you some support. Please don’t worry so much about this. I was “the daughter” in the exact same situation. My parents were just like you (as you described yourself and your husband). After three years of living together, my boyfriend and I got married in a civil ceremony. My parents chose not to attend. My husband and I have been together for what will be 30 years this summer. We couldn’t be happier and our marriage has always been strong. We have a wonderful family (one daughter). We are both agnostics, and always have been.

My parents, too, were perplexed that they didn’t know I was struggling with my faith those many years ago. The reality is that, although they did their best to raise me in good Catholic tradition, I never really believed (even as a child). I went to 12 years of Catholic school. Not only do I not have the faith, as an adult there are many things about the Catholic Church that I cannot support (the typical things most agnostics find they can’t support). It is against my value system. My parents are strong Catholics, and very devoted to their faith. They live their religion. They did nothing wrong. They did everything right, as parents who wished their children would embrace the Catholic faith. As an agnostic, I have my own, equally strong set of beliefs.

My parents have 7 children. All but one married. Several married in the Catholic Church. I am the only one that hasn’t been divorced. It is ironic, isn’t it, given the fact that they were so against the relationship and (civil) marriage?

Anyhow, I just want to encourage you to keep your relationship healthy with your daughter. Do your best to understand that she may just not believe in what you believe. It doesn’t make her a bad person. And don’t worry about her “ruining her life”, like I have heard a lot of people do in your situation. She can have a fulfilling, wonderful life. My parents accept me and my husband. We just don’t discuss our differences with regards to religious beliefs, but we do respect eachother’s choices.

 

[Catholic1954]

Our daughter, who is now 20, announced that she no longer believes in the church and moved in with her boyfriend. My husband and I are shattered. She gave no indication that she was struggling with her faith. Background: they were dating 4 years and he was welcome in our home. I am a cradle Catholic and my husband is a convert. We attend Mass weekly, say grace before meals, and all our children have received the sacraments of the church.
We have told her that while we do not like or approve of her choice she is our child and our love is forever. She comes home for birthday dinners and will visit but things are strained as I no longer feel it is appropriate to include her boyfriend in our home life. Praying to St. Monica and Padre Pio but wanted to ask if there is anything more I can do as a parent. This is a painful first for us.

Same thing happened to us. Our pastor told us not to push the issue and keep the communication open. After several years, she did break up with the guy and marry someone else (they did not live together). Sometimes the hardest thing about being a parent is standing by (helplessly) and watching your children make a big mistake. However it is their mistake to make, and we can only be there when they need us.