Catholic/Episcopalian Marriage

[Pro-Life_Teen]

I meant to add the following…some people mentioned putting the church and God first…well my wife and I are good christians and I feel that we do the best we can to live a good christian life. In some of the posts it almost seemed as though people were suggesting that I should discard my feelings for my wife and our marriage in favor for the catholic church. I hope that was not the point people were trying to make, because I would follow my wife to hell and back…we made vows and those vows are worth more than anything to me.

Your last sentence stuck out to me - you seem to very much love your wife as Christ loves His Church. But you cannot leave Christ. Nor do I suggest discarding the obvious deep love you have for your wife.

Discuss this. Discuss this while remembering your love for each other, and remembering Christ’s love. Jesus started the Catholic Church, it is the True Church. And Our Lord did go to Hell and back for us- you and your wife included.

Pray for your marriage, for both of you, and for Christ to aid you. I’ll pray too.

 

[Mermaid_Mama]

BTW, as far as these people thinking that your wife is “holding out sex” with you. Well first of all, WE ALL have done it as women, she is not childish, she is being a women. So don’t listen to anybody that comes on here badgering your wife about this because if they act like they are wifey of the year haven’t done this, they are a LIAR or they are not married!

That’s one big ASSumption you’re making there! I can honestly state that in 12 years of marriage I have not used sex as a weapon or withheld it as a punishment. I am sure there are lots more women like me out there. Why would you say something as offensive as indicating that doing that is part of womanhood? Maybe a certain KIND of womanhood…

Women who understand what sex truly means to their men, and who value their marriages, do not abuse their men by withholding that most important source of love and affirmation. It is childish to use lack of sex to punish a man, and it is not something that mature, grown up women do.

That said, the OP says that is not what is happening. The conflict saps their desire, it’s mutual. And that is totally understandable. I agree that both parties need to get more educated about both churches, and that the OP’s parents need to BACK OFF! He needs to worry less about burning bridges and more about demanding the respect due to him as an adult man.

 

[GraceDK]

BTW, as far as these people thinking that your wife is “holding out sex” with you. Well first of all, WE ALL have done it as women, she is not childish, she is being a women. So don’t listen to anybody that comes on here badgering your wife about this because if they act like they are wifey of the year haven’t done this, they are a LIAR or they are not married!

!

This is an offence to other women. Please speak only for your self.
There are women and men who do not have sex for a while if they have had arguments or something else happend between them and their spouse which took away the desire for sex. This is not punishment but reality… you dont just sleep with someone if you are upset.

 

[rayne89]

I meant to add the following…some people mentioned putting the church and God first…well my wife and I are good christians and I feel that we do the best we can to live a good christian life. In some of the posts it almost seemed as though people were suggesting that I should discard my feelings for my wife and our marriage in favor for the catholic church. I hope that was not the point people were trying to make, because I would follow my wife to hell and back…we made vows and those vows are worth more than anything to me.

Some people will wince at your last statement. It sounds to me like your just having an awakening in your faith so it is actually perfectly understandable. You have to understand there are many very devout Catholics on this board. The first commandment is “I am the LORD your God you shall not have strange gods before me.” Some people see only the words that are there. The full meaning of that commandment is nothing and no one comes before God. So you may not get a great reaction from some who are hearing I will put wife above the church Christ established on earth, because at first glance that is what they are hearing.

Now this does not mean you disregard your wife’s feelings or your vows. This is an opportunity to learn about her faith and about yours. For you both to approach with open minds and hearts and listen for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and then decide together prayerfully what is best for your future children. Really learn what the church teaches and why they teach it. Because some teachings at first glance seem quite difficult. Look at the histories of both churches. Look for truth not for what feels comfortable or familiar.

You also need to establish boundries with your parents. You are an adult and have been for a while. You can not allow them to over run your marriage. You need to step up and stop that.

 

[1ke]

BTW, as far as these people thinking that your wife is “holding out sex” with you. Well first of all, WE ALL have done it as women, she is not childish, she is being a women. So don’t listen to anybody that comes on here badgering your wife about this because if they act like they are wifey of the year haven’t done this, they are a LIAR or they are not married!

If this is a tactic you use, then yes it does show immaturity on your part. Such childish behavior has no place in a marriage.

If you believe that “we all have done it as women” you need to widen your circle of acquaintances. We “all” have NOT done any such thing.

 

[Catholic1954]

Bob and Delores Hart made it work for over 50 years, so it can be done. He did end up converting to Catholicism just before his death at age 90 something. Sometimes we have to go by God’s timetable and not our own.

 

[crondam]

dan428,
I feel for your situation and am praying for you and your wife. My best friend came back to the Catholic church and her husband has remained with his. It has been a difficult situation at times, but he is growing to accept her need for the Church and by steps allowing it to become more of his life and their children’s. Most of the advice that has been given is good, but like some others, I feel for your wife feeling like she was badgered into meeting with the priest. Hopefully, your priest is kind and understanding and loving and I am praying that she has a good experience and doesn’t feel like she is being ganged up on. The more pressure she feels, the more she will resent the Catholic faith. Please tell your parents to pray for you and your wife, and then tell them to leave it at that, because the last thing you want is for her to be resentful and for this to come between your parents and wife. As for putting God first, that is also something that you need to do, and God should also come first in your marriage. You can put God first always, and still love and be with your wife.
Yours in Christ

 

[dan428]

I came home from work today and my wife and our dog were gone. I thought maybe they were at the park or market. No response on her cell for hours. She’s at her mom’s…and wants to take a trial separation…she says that she can not stand the pressure to be something that she is not. I asked her to see a councilor tomorrow…she said oh another priest? She says that she is so hurt that I allowed my family to take advantage of her…apparently my mom told her that protestantism is the equivalent of heresy. I feel horrible, I have completely let her down. Y’all are probably tired of hearing about it. I need to end this all. It is unfair to her, God knows she kept faith in me when I was a wild frat boy and here she is now… hurting because of me and my family.

 

[Seatuck]

I came home from work today and my wife and our dog were gone. I thought maybe they were at the park or market. No response on her cell for hours. She’s at her mom’s…and wants to take a trial separation…she says that she can not stand the pressure to be something that she is not. I asked her to see a councilor tomorrow…she said oh another priest? She says that she is so hurt that I allowed my family to take advantage of her…apparently my mom told her that protestantism is the equivalent of heresy. I feel horrible, I have completely let her down. Y’all are probably tired of hearing about it. I need to end this all. It is unfair to her, God knows she kept faith in me when I was a wild frat boy and here she is now… hurting because of me and my family.

You should definitely step in to protect your wife. You need to tell your family to back off because they aren’t doing any good in this situation. Tell them no contact with anyone until they can act differently.

But you also need to study the Catholic Faith that you turned your back on. You have both responsibilities. Give her some time and then why don’t you ask your wife to study it with you ? Without your parents involvement. Your parents are worried because there is no Eucharist in the Episcopalian church or Confession because they do not have Apostolic Succession. That’s the big problem here. There are souls at stake here. Yours, you wife’s , your future children .There is only One Holy, Catholic ,Apostolic Church that has been in place since Christ walked this earth and established it.All these other denominations are “protestants”. Your wife doesn’t understand that since she was raised differently. Of course she is going to be hurt by that comment. Your job is to help her lovingly understand differently. Which you can’t do until you learn it and accept it yourself as the Spiritual Leader of your family.
Honestly I don’t understand why your parents aren’t dragging you to the priest instead of your wife… This is your responsibility as man in the family. It’s best to do this before children are born. Did they go to your wedding? Did you get a dispensation to marry in the Episcopal church? Didn’t any of them tell you it was invalid in the eyes of the church? How did that make your parents feel do you think that their son left the church they brought him to and made an invalid marriage?Assuming you didn’t get permission to marry in the Episcopal church. Give them a little credit for what pain they have suffered too.This doesn’t mean they should be strong arming your wife but you should go have a talk with them to really explore these issues which apparently have been simmering.
I’m sure you can get tons of recommendations for sources to study.

Start with Catholics Come Home.

catholicscomehome.org/

Dan , you should be getting on your knees moring and night and asking God to help you do the right thing.
I’m praying for you too. I can see how you are hurting.

 

[1ke]

I came home from work today and my wife and our dog were gone. I thought maybe they were at the park or market. No response on her cell for hours. She’s at her mom’s…and wants to take a trial separation…she says that she can not stand the pressure to be something that she is not. I asked her to see a councilor tomorrow…she said oh another priest? She says that she is so hurt that I allowed my family to take advantage of her…apparently my mom told her that protestantism is the equivalent of heresy. I feel horrible, I have completely let her down. Y’all are probably tired of hearing about it. I need to end this all. It is unfair to her, God knows she kept faith in me when I was a wild frat boy and here she is now… hurting because of me and my family.

She is right that you need to stand up to your parents, set boundaries, and demand respect for your wife if you intend to continue forward in the future as husband and wife.

Study BOTH faiths together. You are where you are now out of ignorance-- just kind of going with the flow. That won’t make things better in the future. It sounds to me like you are ready to give up just to keep the peace. You need to start acting like an adult in your faith, whatever that ultimately turns out to be.

Personally, I hope you come to the conclusion that the EC does teach error, and the CC holds the fullness of truth-- again, not because your parents are putting the squeeze on you, but because you have studied both faiths and learned the Truth. Study the early Church Fathers as well as the history of both faiths-- I can suggest Warren Carroll and Hilaire Belloc. Read the EC’s website, talk to her priest, too.

While your mom is correct regarding the heresy of the EC-- the Catholic Church explicitly states that only those who originally broke away are “heretics.” Only a Catholic can be a heretic by denying the Catholic Church. Those born into these various ecclesial communities are not heretics. Your mother is must uncharitable if she has presented things in a way designed to insult your wife.

You need to muzzle your mother if you want to stay married.

 

[rolltidefan]

Dan428…I am sorry to hear this has happened to your family. I have to honestly say though that I can understand why your wife would do it. I think you are trying to make the situation better though and love your wife, so I stand up and give kuddos to you for this. God does not want this for your family. I think he would be sick to know that most of this is because of religion also. Don’t think this is what he meant at all. So there is error on both sides. Until sides see that and admit it, these things will never change. I am speaking this as a protestant being married to a Catholic, it is VERY easy to get upset at this faith that, in my opinion, does not mean to, but sees itself above everyone else. There are some really good people on here though that are wonderful to talk to about these living situations. They are not the ones that will tell you to set your wife aside and that she means nothing anyway because of what religion she worhips in. You can go back and read and it is pretty obvious to see which ones to stay away from. They are the ones that have nothing but judgemental (oops I said that word) statements. Sorry I mean want to comment on their truth in a very negative way. I would find one that is loving, like mom24boys, and she probably could really help you or least put you on the right track of saving your marriage. I personally think the first step would be to go to a counselor that suits you and wife. Stop pressing a priest on her. I would leave my husband too if he done this. She shouldn’t press you about her religion and the same stands true for your side.

Lastly, I am not going to say much to the ones that commented on they didn’t hold out on sex at some point in their marriage. Well, you all must be extraordinary women. Your husbands must be very proud. I still stick to my original statement. Guess I am just that mean prostestant… You know the ones that my marriage isn’t valid because I didn’t get married in your church, under your rules, and never learned the true meaning of a relationship. I am that one. Think I will go now and sit on the couch and tell my husband that since you guys on here ticked me off, he is going to pay for it for a while!! lol Adios!

 

[Mermaid_Mama]

Lastly, I am not going to say much to the ones that commented on they didn’t hold out on sex at some point in their marriage. Well, you all must be extraordinary women. Your husbands must be very proud. I still stick to my original statement. Guess I am just that mean prostestant… You know the ones that my marriage isn’t valid because I didn’t get married in your church, under your rules, and never learned the true meaning of a relationship. I am that one. Think I will go now and sit on the couch and tell my husband that since you guys on here ticked me off, he is going to pay for it for a while!! lol Adios!

Wow… I have no idea WHAT you are talking about in most of this post here.

You go ahead and stick to your original statement. Just realize it is based on a very obviously limited social experience and an immature worldview. The reason I say that is that as we get older, most of us realize just how little our own anecdotal experiences translate into any truth about the broader population.

You made a blanket statement that ALL women hold out on sex to punish their men. We reacted to that, saying no ALL women do not hold out on sex to punish their men. If your statement hadn’t been a slam against ALL women, had you said something like, “lots of women do that” or “it’s common for women to do that,” no one would have been upset by what you said. I’m a good wife, but I don’t think I can claim extraordinary. I have my failings and have done things that damaged my marriage… holding out on sex to punish just didn’t happen to be one of them. I would never do that, because of what I have learned about how important that particular form of love and affirmation is to the male psyche.

No one said anything about your religion… I didn’t know you were Protestant. You’re the one who threw that in. Lord knows there are plenty of immature and foolish Catholic wives who have fallen prey to the idea that using sex as a weapon gives one a power advantage in marriage. Never mind that power is not what we should be seeking…

 

[rolltidefan]

Wow… I have no idea WHAT you are talking about in most of this post here.

You go ahead and stick to your original statement. Just realize it is based on a very obviously limited social experience and an immature worldview. The reason I say that is that as we get older, most of us realize just how little our own anecdotal experiences translate into any truth about the broader population.

You made a blanket statement that ALL women hold out on sex to punish their men. We reacted to that, saying no ALL women do not hold out on sex to punish their men. If your statement hadn’t been a slam against ALL women, had you said something like, “lots of women do that” or “it’s common for women to do that,” no one would have been upset by what you said. I’m a good wife, but I don’t think I can claim extraordinary. I have my failings and have done things that damaged my marriage… holding out on sex to punish just didn’t happen to be one of them. I would never do that, because of what I have learned about how important that particular form of love and affirmation is to the male psyche.

No one said anything about your religion… I didn’t know you were Protestant. You’re the one who threw that in. Lord knows there are plenty of immature and foolish Catholic wives who have fallen prey to the idea that using sex as a weapon gives one a power advantage in marriage. Never mind that power is not what we should be seeking…

You are right. Not all women may have known that is what they were doing. I would say that most people in a marriage have been in an argument (hope that is something we can agree with), well, when I go to bed mad, making love is the last thing on my mind and so yes in a sense I am holding that out, especially that is what is on his mind while I am mad. I don’t hold being intimate with my husband just because I didn’t get my way on an issue. I would again say that I believe, all women have done this. It has nothing to do with being immature. It is just a fact of life. I also didn’t say anybody said anything about my religion. I was just stating what I believe is ALOT on here act like. Our marriages are not good enough because of the reaons I stated above. If you were on the other side where I am standing and reading half of what some write on here, you would believe the same. Just like some on here take just because we don’t have the same beliefs or ideas, well we automatically get put off as being anticatholic which in fact most prostestants are not. Just read some of the threads and you will see what I mean, if you read with an open mind on both sides. Just as I have read some AWFUL things that protestants have said and it makes me angry because I know that is not Christian love. But you know what, I see it just as much out of the Catholics also. So that works both ways. To get back on this thread though, it made me made that people would start calling this guys wife immature and making her out to be some terrible person. Just remember there is always a reason usually why people act in the manner they do. I am not a mean spiteful person but also nobody knows what I have been through. You want to call me immature because I have held out on sex. Well that is fine but I will tell you about one of the particular times that I was with my first husband. Well, we had just got in to a big argument because as usual he was going out, hmm since I knew of possible girlfriend, I kind of figured where that would be. Well, he came home, we argued and in the end I ended up being strangled. Luckily my brother was there to defend him off me and get him off me. Well, can you believe that he actually wanted to “make up” by having sex. Yep, I sure wanted to after that huh…last thing on my mind, so NO I didn’t let him have what he wanted. Call it what you want. So, nobody knows what someone has been through and sometimes on this forum, nobody actually cares. They are just stating what they want behind a hidden computer screen and half the “good” information they are offering strangers is not anything they would tell a friend that they care about. I am not saying this is you but it happens here. If we would all stop to see that everybody is not perfect and we are all human, we would all have a better attitude toward one another. As you said, you have had failures in your marriage, just because someone actually does hold out on intimacy with their spouse, it doesn’t make it any more mature or immature than the mistakes you have made. Yes we all mature with age, but a marriage is still a marriage and we all make mistakes. God Bless You. Forgive me if I have said anything to offend you.

 

[GraceDK]

I came home from work today and my wife and our dog were gone. I thought maybe they were at the park or market. No response on her cell for hours. She’s at her mom’s…and wants to take a trial separation…she says that she can not stand the pressure to be something that she is not. I asked her to see a councilor tomorrow…she said oh another priest? She says that she is so hurt that I allowed my family to take advantage of her…apparently my mom told her that protestantism is the equivalent of heresy. I feel horrible, I have completely let her down. Y’all are probably tired of hearing about it. I need to end this all. It is unfair to her, God knows she kept faith in me when I was a wild frat boy and here she is now… hurting because of me and my family.

Brother.
I dont know when you wrote this. But you gotta go to her and get her. Show her exactly what you said to us: that you’d go to hell and back for your wife… go and get her back. Don’t sit at home like some half of a man. You should have spoken up to your parents and told them to back off long ago… but its not too late for you to show her that you want her back and… while you go to her, call your mom and tell her you are episcopalian and your parents need to respect that and give you and your wife some real space from now on.
They should be pleased that you love Christ and that you love each other…
Oh dear… I hope and pray the best for you.

:hug1:

 

[Mermaid_Mama]

Jeez, rolltide, I was talking about NORMAL marriages, not ones with abusive cheaters who strangle their wives.

I love how when someone gets caught on a point, and not only here but it seems to be an epidemic online, out comes the hyperdramatic story of how we normal people can’t say anything that is valid because “look at the horror I have been through.” Using that as a trump card to make those debating you feel guilty and shut them up does not move anyone forward toward truth or enlightenment on any topic.

 

[GraceDK]

Lastly, I am not going to say much to the ones that commented on they didn’t hold out on sex at some point in their marriage. Well, you all must be extraordinary women. Your husbands must be very proud. I still stick to my original statement. Guess I am just that mean prostestant… You know the ones that my marriage isn’t valid because I didn’t get married in your church, under your rules, and never learned the true meaning of a relationship. I am that one. Think I will go now and sit on the couch and tell my husband that since you guys on here ticked me off, he is going to pay for it for a while!! lol Adios!

Easy sister… Hey lets lighten up, okay?
Not only Catholics think their way is above all other ways… I have met more bashing of my faith from Protestants and Evangelicals in the few years that I have been Catholic than you can imagine. But praised be God I have also met protestants who respected and admired Catholic stuff and Catholics who respected and admired Evangelical stuff (we all got our stronger and weaker points, no? I’ve seen Catholics, Protestants and Evangelicals embracing each other tightly… I have seen them worship and pray together and love each other and learn from each other… There are so many wonderful things going on. I’d suggest… get off the laptop and go visit some truly ecumenical encounter at some local parish or day of prayer…I have often wept for unity… at the same time, often I have critizised my own brethren in unwise ways … The human heart is full of nonsense. But cant we be happy that we love Christ? He is our Everything…

 

[rolltidefan]

Jeez, rolltide, I was talking about NORMAL marriages, not ones with abusive cheaters who strangle their wives.

I love how when someone gets caught on a point, and not only here but it seems to be an epidemic online, out comes the hyperdramatic story of how we normal people can’t say anything that is valid because “look at the horror I have been through.” Using that as a trump card to make those debating you feel guilty and shut them up does not move anyone forward toward truth or enlightenment on any topic.

WOW…you just slapped anybody in the face that has a story of abuse. You are one amazing person. Trump card?? Yep, sure enjoyed what I went through in my first marriage…WHY DO YOU THINK I AM DIVORCED!! It was not because it was a good marriage! You give IDIOT and SELFISH their names! Maybe you need to change your name Mermaid-Mama to one of those. If I were you also, I would take the name Catholic out of my religious beliefs, because I have NEVER seen any Catholic/protestant OR CHRISTIAN, treat anybody like you have. You are not even a good example someone that believes in God! No need to ramble on to you…I am sure the moderators are going to get this one, as they rightly should because I will be reporting this one if they don’t catch it first. Sorry to everyone else that has to read this…to the ones of you who have been abused by anyone, I am sorry for anything this nonhuman heartless person has to say.

 

[rolltidefan]

Easy sister… Hey lets lighten up, okay?
Not only Catholics think their way is above all other ways… I have met more bashing of my faith from Protestants and Evangelicals in the few years that I have been Catholic than you can imagine. But praised be God I have also met protestants who respected and admired Catholic stuff and Catholics who respected and admired Evangelical stuff (we all got our stronger and weaker points, no? I’ve seen Catholics, Protestants and Evangelicals embracing each other tightly… I have seen them worship and pray together and love each other and learn from each other… There are so many wonderful things going on. I’d suggest… get off the laptop and go visit some truly ecumenical encounter at some local parish or day of prayer…I have often wept for unity… at the same time, often I have critizised my own brethren in unwise ways … The human heart is full of nonsense. But cant we be happy that we love Christ? He is our Everything…

Did you not read what I said? I said I have seen the protestants do the same and it makes me very angry at them also. I was not bashing Catholics. I said it works both ways. I agree with your post.

 

[estesbob]

Thank you all. My wife met with my parent’s priest today, but unfortunatley she was surprised by my mom being their as well. The priest of course asked my mom to leave, but my wife said that she still felt like she was “tackeled” by my mom…who wanted to make sure she would show up. The priest spoke with her for about 2 hours and gave her some literature…he asked if she would be willing to come back next week and she said yes. She is still upset…I feel like a bad husband…I should tell my parents to back off and leave us be, but I don’t want to burn bridges. At least now we can honestly say that she has spoken with the priest and if she likes what she has to hear or not is none of my folks concern.

My wife was episcopalean when we married and made it clear she would never become a catholic. After 9 years of marriage she started being drawn to the Church-she went and talked to her pastor about it and he spent 2 hours railing against the evils perpetuated by the Catholic Church during the reformation! She was confirmed the next year and is now very hapily a Catholic. Keep praying. dont push push her and leave it in the hands of God.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Well, I don’t think going to bed upset and just NOT having sex is withholding sex. Yes, there are women who do withhold sex, but not all. Granted, I think if the woman is going to bed upset, the man probably is too, and NEITHER are in the mood, so if these women say they’ve never done it, well, I believe them.

OP, I’ll pray for you and your wife! Go get her, make your mom back off, and figure out what YOU believe!! This is your family, not your mother’s (well, not one she’s raising). Fight for it and love it as Christ expects you to.