Catholic funeral protocol

[Kielbasi]

Are there rules on where a person’s funeral mass ought to be held?

I am power of attorney for an elderly, 94 yo uncle who lives a spell out of town, and when he dies I will be responsible for his final arrangements.

He really doesn’t have any connections with the parish in which he lives in, hasn’t attended mass for many, many years, and hasn’t even been able to for several years due to problems with dementia and parkinsons.

Most of the relatives are here in the city or nearby, would it be stepping on anyone’s toes to plan to have the eventual funeral here instead of out in his own parish? It would make things a lot simpler to handle everything on a local level.

 

[paramedicgirl]

Kielbasi:

Are there rules on where a person’s funeral mass ought to be held?

I am power of attorney for an elderly, 94 yo uncle who lives a spell out of town, and when he dies I will be responsible for his final arrangements.

He really doesn’t have any connections with the parish in which he lives in, hasn’t attended mass for many, many years, and hasn’t even been able to for several years due to problems with dementia and parkinsons.

Most of the relatives are here in the city or nearby, would it be stepping on anyone’s toes to plan to have the eventual funeral here instead of out in his own parish? It would make things a lot simpler to handle everything on a local level.

How far advanced is his dementia? Could you have this conversation with him to find out his preferences?

 

[Kielbasi]

paramedicgirl:

How far advanced is his dementia? Could you have this conversation with him to find out his preferences?

He told me that he wants to be cremated and have his ashes spread over Normandy.

Needless to say, that ain’t going to happen.

 

[jpjd]

You could follow his cremation wishes, but check out if spreading ashes is allowed by the Catholic church. I seem to think that cremation ashes should stay in an urn or be buried. If you are allowed to spread ashes, maybe you could ask him or think of another location that would be meaningful to him.

As for which parish to use, since he really has no ties to his “home” parish, you might as well use yours for the convenience of you and the other relatives.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Kielbasi:

Are there rules on where a person’s funeral mass ought to be held?

I am power of attorney for an elderly, 94 yo uncle who lives a spell out of town, and when he dies I will be responsible for his final arrangements.

He really doesn’t have any connections with the parish in which he lives in, hasn’t attended mass for many, many years, and hasn’t even been able to for several years due to problems with dementia and parkinsons.

Most of the relatives are here in the city or nearby, would it be stepping on anyone’s toes to plan to have the eventual funeral here instead of out in his own parish? It would make things a lot simpler to handle everything on a local level.

The first and foremost thing that you should be concerned with is letting the pastor of the parish know of his condition and making a visit possible to speak with him offer him confession if possible, Anoint him in the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick and offer Holy communion if possible…

To answer your question. Yes the funeral Mass should take place in the parish church. A monastery or Catholic chapel would be appropriate also with the pastors permission.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Kielbasi:

He told me that he wants to be cremated and have his ashes spread over Normandy.

Needless to say, that ain’t going to happen.

He can be cremated but the ashes must not be distributed.

 

[stbruno]

nccbuscc.org/education/catechetics/cremation.htm

This is the link from the US Catholic Council of Bishops regarding cremation.

 

[Karin]

Kielbasi:

He told me that he wants to be cremated and have his ashes spread over Normandy.

Needless to say, that ain’t going to happen.

He has stated what he wants done…and you are going to against his last wishes…not very nice? Perhaps if you do not agree with them you can have you Pastor speak with him about this and perhaps he will change his plans.!!!

 

[Al_Masetti]

Karin:

He has stated what he wants done…and you are going to against his last wishes…not very nice? Perhaps if you do not agree with them you can have you Pastor speak with him about this and perhaps he will change his plans.!!!

I’m sure there are Catholic churches in Normandy that have graveyards… and there are American cemetaries in Normandy. I’m sure that arrangements could be made to have the ashes interred at a Catholic or at an American cemetary in a Christian fashion.

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Karin:

He has stated what he wants done…and you are going to against his last wishes…not very nice? Perhaps if you do not agree with them you can have you Pastor speak with him about this and perhaps he will change his plans.!!!

Even if it were allowed by the Church (and it isn’t), how do we dare to sit in judgement of Kielbasa’s reluctance or refusal to scatter them in a province in FRANCE?!?!?! I don’t know about Kielbasa, but I couldn’t afford to fly to France!

 

[Karin]

JKirkLVNV:

Even if it were allowed by the Church (and it isn’t),

I am well aware that it is not allowed by the Church to have ashes scattered.

JKirkLVNV:

how do we dare to sit in judgement of Kielbasa’s reluctance or refusal to scatter them in a province in FRANCE?!?!?!
I don’t know about Kielbasa, but I couldn’t afford to fly to France!
**(which is besides the point as the Estate pays for funeral expenses) **

I am not sitting in judgement I was stating that this is/ was this persons request, and since it goes against CHurch belief perhaps someone could speak to this man and suggest something else instead of scattering ashes.
I am one of those people that if this is what a person wants and has it written in their will or stated it matter of factly I will **honor **their wishes!

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Karin:

I am well aware that it is not allowed by the Church to have ashes scattered.

I am not sitting in judgement I was stating that this is/ was this persons request, and since it goes against CHurch belief perhaps someone could speak to this man and suggest something else instead of scattering ashes.
I am one of those people that if this is what a person wants and has it written in their will or stated it matter of factly I will **honor **their wishes!

I did honor my father’s wishes and I wish I hadn’t (he also wanted his ashes scattered), but that’s not the biggest part of the problem, as I see it. What if his uncle wanted him to scatter his ashes over the summit of Mount Everest? Is he under obligation to perhaps beggar himself to fly to Nepal and to endanger his life possibly? I think not. Last wishes should be reasonable, but then what shouldn’t be?

 

[Karin]

JKirkLVNV:

I did honor my father’s wishes and I wish I hadn’t (he also wanted his ashes scattered), but that’s not the biggest part of the problem, as I see it.

Kudos to you then…you HONORED his request, it was his to make as wrong or right as it may have been.

JKirkLVNV:

IWhat if his uncle wanted him to scatter his ashes over the summit of Mount Everest?

I would offer the same advice as I stated above.

JKirkLVNV:

Is he under obligation to perhaps beggar himself to fly to Nepal and to endanger his life possibly? I think not. Last wishes should be reasonable, but then what shouldn’t be?

Yes, he is IMHO under an obligation to fullfill the request. As I stated before in most cases (if not all cases) the person who has died their Estate pays for the funeral so as long as the funds are there why not honor the request? If you feel that you can not honor the request than perhaps you should pass this task onto someone else in the family.

**Perhaps as another poster pointed out…this Uncle could make arrangements with one of the many cemeteries in Normandy to have the ashes interred. **

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Karin:

I am well aware that it is not allowed by the Church to have ashes scattered.

I am not sitting in judgement I was stating that this is/ was this persons request, and since it goes against CHurch belief perhaps someone could speak to this man and suggest something else instead of scattering ashes.
I am one of those people that if this is what a person wants and has it written in their will or stated it matter of factly I will **honor **their wishes!

If I ask you to help me with something on Monday afternoon. On the way Monday afternoon you discover that we are on our way to rob a bank. Would you keep your word?

When we find out that we are being asked to do something that is morally wrong we are no longer obligated to keep our promises.

 

[Al_Masetti]

I hate to be a thread killer.

BUT. There is a large amount of airline traffic in flying dead bodies around the country and around the world to return the remains (or “cremains”) for burial in family plots. Any undertaker can arrange for the ashes to be shipped to any other undertaker in the world for proper and dignified burial with specific instructions. The cost to ship ashes would be minor as the package would be quite small. The shipping protocols are all worked out. One phone call to any undertaker can set the wheels in motion. They take credit cards. Been there; done that.

Any undertaker can suggest ways to “scatter” the ashes that would meet everyone’s ethical and moral reservations. They do this all the time.

The estate of the deceased pays.

 

[pira114]

Actually folks, I can find no rule saying that you cannot spread the ashes. If anyone can point it out, I’d appreciate it.

All I could find was that the Church discourages it, but does not forbid it. In fact, it now allows the ashes to be present at the funeral, as opposed to the old rule of cremation only after the funeral service. According to everything I read, including the link above, as long as you are not cremating a body for reasons contrary to Christian beliefs, it’s O.K.

As for honoring a request, I believe that should be a priority, even if it is against your beliefs. A reasonable attempt should be made to honor it. No, if my friends jump off a cliff, it doesn’t mean I have to. Let’s get past that. But, as pointed out, there are many ways to accomplish this task. Even if the soonest the poster could get the remains to Normandy was several years from now, well, that’s reasonable. It was done as soon as POSSIBLE. I don’t think anyone would expect someone to risk life or financial security to honor a dying request. Key word here is “reasonable.” At least in my opinion.