Catholic Funeral

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Jeremy1976

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First off, I am in RCIA right now, will be accepted into the church later in May. Tomorrow I will be attending a viewing (in the church) and funeral mass for a co-workers son. I have been to quite a few Catholic funerals before I was reverent to the Catholic faith but not interested in the customs, practices, etc.

I am looking for advice on customs, etc. I am particularly interested if anyone has any advice on what I should do at the viewing. Should I kneel before his body? What prayer(s) would be appropriate to say at that time? Should I do this before or after talking to my co-worker and her husband?

Another question I have on this subject is something I have seen at a Catholic vigil before and I am curious as to the practice surrounding it. When my grandfather, who was catholic, passed away an acquaintance of his (from Legion of Mary) came to the funeral. He greeted my father, and aunt and then sat in a chair in the corner and prayed the rosary. Is this a normal practice to pay respect for the passed? I am very interested if anyone can shed any light on this practice.

Thanks in advance. God Bless.
 
Around here (the US Northeast) most viewings occur in a funeral home. In some cases there is no viewing. That is all pretty much the preference of the deceased or the family.

If the casket is present, there may be a pre-dieux (kneeler) in front of it. It’s customary to kneel, or stand nearby the casket if there is no kneeler, and silently say a prayer for the repose of the soul of the deceased.

Naturally, if there is family present, you greet them and extend your condolences. Keep it simple here, and resist the urge to try to say something eloquent. Simply telling them how sorry you are for their loss, and how you pray the Lord will comfort them, is plenty. There is no custom that I’m aware of which determines whether you view the body first, or speak with the family first. If the viewing is crowded, let the traffic flow dictate your procedure.

Customarily, one does not send flowers to a Catholic wake. There is usually a book where people attending the wake sign. There is usually a supply of envelopes nearby for contributions. It is customary to make an offering for a Mass for the deceased. You enter your name and address on the envelope (if there is a place provided for your address.) Much of the time there is some sort of holy card with a prayer on the back of it, the name of the deceased, and the location of internment. You may take one of these as a memento if you so choose.

You are not expected to stay a long time at a viewing in a funeral parlor, and I haven’t seen anyone (other than someone close to the deceased) sit on their own and pray the Rosary, although there certainly isn’t anything bad about that.

Frequently, a priest or lay minister will come to the funeral home and lead the assembled in prayer, which may or may not be the Rosary.

Many times, a short prayer service will be had at the funeral home the morning of the funeral. After prayers, the assembled file past the casket, usually family first, make a brief silent prayer, and go to their waiting cars for the motorcade to the church where the Mass of Christian Burial is offered. They then may or may not accompany the body to the cemetery for internment. Around here nowadays there are some parishes that will have bereavement brunches after the Mass and internment is over, other people have a small brunch in a restaurant.

That’s pretty much the way Catholic wakes and funerals are conducted around here. Sometimes there are ethnic differences, sometimes organizations that the deceased was a part of will send a few members to say a few words at the funeral home. It’s quite variable.

Hope this is of some help.
 
Hello, Jeremy. I’m sorry about your co-worker’s son. Re: what to do at the viewing, the viewings I have attended in the church have usually had the casket either in the narthex (lobby), or if there is a meeting area nearby, it might be there. In either case, you will probably have to walk through a crowd of people in order to get to the casket. If you see your co-worker and/or other people you know, it is fine to greet them first and then make your way over to view the body. Otherwise, you may reverently walk up to the casket and pay your respects, and then greet the people you know after this. Sometimes there will be a kneeler in front of the casket, and if so, you may choose to kneel and say a prayer for the deceased. If there is no kneeler, you may pray standing up if you wish, or simply view the body for a couple of minutes and save your prayers until you enter the church before Mass begins. A Hail Mary or the Eternal Rest prayer (“Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen”) is sufficient right there at the casket; you can always pray more for him later.

After you greet the family and view the body, you will want to go on into the church and find a seat. The family will stay behind and will walk in the procession following the priest, altar servers, and the casket. They will sit in the front pews of the church, so choose a seat a few pews back.

In my community they usually have the viewing the evening before, at the funeral home, and they will announce in the obituary the time when they will recite the Rosary and then everyone prays it together. If nobody is praying it as a group at the time you are there, you may choose to pray it on your own if you wish, but you don’t have to. Basically if you dress and act as you would for Sunday Mass and do whatever most other people are doing at any given time, you’ll be fine. If you have any questions once you arrive at the church, there will be someone from the funeral home in attendance and you can ask them. They are glad to help.

May God bless you on your RCIA journey.
 
Thank you both for your help, you have explained a lot and answered what I was really looking for.

There is a viewing tonight that I couldn’t attend. There is also a viewing in the church before the mass. I was going to go early for that and then attend the mass (of course).

Thank you again.
 
The traditional thinking used to be that flowers were a symbol of pagan grieving. That was eons ago, though (like the 1950’s,) and there is no actual contemporary Church document I’ve seen about flowers at funerals. Generally speaking, only the family has a few floral tributes displayed, and friends and acquaintances leave Mass stipends. Nowadays, it’s more a matter of what is considered appropriate than any faith statement.

It is preferable (and more thrifty as well) to leave a contribution to have a Mass said. You still see the notation in newspapers in many Catholic death notices “flowers gratefully declined.” And I’m sure that most of our souls could use a few Masses! So of course it would be more in keeping with the solemnity of the situation than flowers would be.
 
Young_Thinker said:
Is there any particular reason for this?
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I think that might be a regional thing. Every Catholic funeral or wake I’ve attended had lots of floral offerings unless the family had specifically requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made either to a specific charity or to a charity of one’s choice.
 
originally posted by odile53
That was eons ago, though (like the 1950’s,)
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:rotfl: Sorry. I couldn’t resist, even though we are on a very sober subject here.
Yes dear, “eons ago” when dinosaurs roamed the earth, mommy used to send flowers to funerals.
You not only gave very good advice but also gave me a smile to start my morning!
 
Jeremy1976 said:
Fi

I am looking for advice on customs, etc. I am particularly interested if anyone has any advice on what I should do at the viewing. Should I kneel before his body? What prayer(s) would be appropriate to say at that time? Should I do this before or after talking to my co-worker and her husband?
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there will probably be a line, just follow along and do what others do, depending on where the family is sitting you either spend a moment with the deceased, simply commending him to God’s mercy, kneel only if that feels comfortable to you, then greet the family, or vice versa. Just see what others are doing. Some people simply want to comfort the family and do not feel comfortable viewing the deceased, that is fine too.
Another question I have on this subject is something I have seen at a Catholic vigil before and I am curious as to the practice surrounding it. When my grandfather, who was catholic, passed away an acquaintance of his (from Legion of Mary) came to the funeral. He greeted my father, and aunt and then sat in a chair in the corner and prayed the rosary. Is this a normal practice to pay respect for the passed? I am very interested if anyone can shed any light on this practice.
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Thanks in advance. God Bless.
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some Catholics have a formal wake service conducted by a deacon or priest, with scripture readings and prayers. An older custom is for someone from the parish, or even friends and family can do it, to lead a recitation of the rosary (no one should do this out loud without permission or request of the family, of course), but most Catholics at least of my generation, will automatically reach for a rosary when in a funeral parlor.

Welcome Home, countdown to Easter 16 days.

in response to another poster, whether or not you send flowers is local custom, there are no “Catholic” rules, if your coworkers are doing this you can join in that.
 
In a Catholic funeral, we can only hope that dead soul is in Heaven…
 
Phemie said:
I think that might be a regional thing. Every Catholic funeral or wake I’ve attended had lots of floral offerings unless the family had specifically requested that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made either to a specific charity or to a charity of one’s choice.
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Thank you for your insight.
 
odile53 said:
The traditional thinking used to be that flowers were a symbol of pagan grieving. That was eons ago, though (like the 1950’s,) and there is no actual contemporary Church document I’ve seen about flowers at funerals. Generally speaking, only the family has a few floral tributes displayed, and friends and acquaintances leave Mass stipends. Nowadays, it’s more a matter of what is considered appropriate than any faith statement.

It is preferable (and more thrifty as well) to leave a contribution to have a Mass said. You still see the notation in newspapers in many Catholic death notices “flowers gratefully declined.” And I’m sure that most of our souls could use a few Masses! So of course it would be more in keeping with the solemnity of the situation than flowers would be.
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I appreciate the information. There is nothing like a good requiem!
 
I am a Licensed Funeral Director and I can tell you to offer condolences to the family, pray for them and the deceased, and as far as flowers go, it isn’t a “pagan tradition”. Flowers were used prior to embalming to “mask” the smell of the deceased’s body, as decomposition begins immediately following death.
 
odile53 said:
The traditional thinking used to be that flowers were a symbol of pagan grieving. That was eons ago, though (like the 1950’s,) and there is no actual contemporary Church document I’ve seen about flowers at funerals. Generally speaking, only the family has a few floral tributes displayed, and friends and acquaintances leave Mass stipends. Nowadays, it’s more a matter of what is considered appropriate than any faith statement.
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I think that is a cultural thing. Hispanic/Latino custom is to send flowers…lots of them. (And I have checked with older friends…it was like that in the 1940s.) Some floral arrangements are moved to the grave, some are donated to the Church where the funeral is had and some (mostly plants) go home with the family of the deceased.

It varies from culture to culture.
 
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