Catholic G/Friend

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Hi

Thanks for the comment Johhny. Yes, sex feels good and is the reason I want to do it. Why is that so wrong ?? Yes, it’s the cultural norm, Yes I’ve been on the planet surrounded by this culture for 26 years, so I regret that I feel trying to change is a serious uphill struggle and will take one heck of a lot longer than the 2 days I’ve had to consider this.

InJesus – Hurting her is the last thing I want to do. Which is one reason I feel that just trying to finish with her as nicely as possible will set us both free to go our own ways and will be the best thing to do. I admire some of the things which have been said about being Catholic, but having not been religious in anyway whatsoever my entire life really don’t think I can just press a button and change overnight. Its clear from posts on here that my views are completely different and incompatible with the views of Catholic people.

Allforhim – Get lost ………… telling me if your daughter told you her b/friend were acting like me you’d tell her to finish with him. I did what was perfectly normal to me, met someone, tried to progress to sex and she stopped me, that was it. Why am I wrong and you right ??? I haven’t done anything else, I respected her, stopped and we both decided it was best for her to leave while I thought about things. I then came on here looking for answers. Some have tried to see my point of view and help, however other single minded people like yourself reluctant to see it from anyone else’s point of view is just plain annoying.

Andy
 
Andy,
Andy, I’m a 30 year old married guy who has definetely had to make a spiritual journey regarding sexuality and I wanted to respond to your response:
I do want to apologize for some of the perspectives that are being shoved in your face, sexuality is a sensitive subject, however we are all trying to show concern and care as we try to provide understanding. Since there is such a big gap in our spiritual journey there will obviously be some people who may be offended.
As far as why sex is wrong, sex isn’t wrong, just sex before marriage. The reason is that there are serious consequences, not just for women, but for guys as well. I want to apologize again it it seems like I am being blunt, but whether women realize it or not they do suffer when it happens.
It is unfortunate if it seems like there is no hope for you two, I hope you can end things amicably. If there is one thing that we can accomplish on this forum for you, I would hope that you can try to think about our sexuality a little differently. Just try to think about the incredible design of our bodies. God made us male and female and he made us this way so that we may bring new life into the world. Maybe the incredible pleasure was meant to increase the bond between a committed man and a woman. Without a commitment between a man and a woman, what hope does a child have in this world? With a casual attitude of sexuality, many problems happen in this world. The whole family unit falls apart when God’s view of sexuality falls apart. I hope we’re not pushing you away with these thoughts. Andy, I’ll end this post with that and hope that you will stay tuned in. Good luck.

-Johnny
 
Andy46 said:
Hurting her is the last thing I want to do. Which is one reason I feel that just trying to finish with her as nicely as possible will set us both free to go our own ways and will be the best thing to do.
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Andy, as it silly as this advice may or may not seem to you, one solution may be to treat her as you would your mother. I’d trust you wouldn’t hurt her. You appear to be a stand-up guy.
 
Andy,
I wanted to add something else regarding your situation. I can understand your difficulty regarding reaching a point in your relationship where someone has to compromise. Being married for 5 years, I have certainly had to make plenty of sacrifices and compromises, and its difficult, I don’t want to do it. I believe in a romantic relationship we are all called to try and understand the other person in order to understand each other’s needs and wants. Every married person goes through the same struggle. When it comes to sexual expression though, it can be an extremely sensitive and personal issue. We all have our own experiences and upbringing.
I think its great that you have posted here in order to try and get some understanding and hopefully we can give you a different perspective. As you wade through the responses, some negative and some positive, we hope that you will have a positive experience from this and grow in your understanding. We all desperately want to help you, so good luck.

-Johnny
 
I’m torn on this one.

Part of me says that you are acting selfishly and immaturely. After all, why should a grown adult be shocked that a Catholic message board have replies that reflect Catholic morality? And you telling ALLFORHIM to get lost is completely out of line; that is simply the father in him speaking, and to be perfectly blunt, in olden days it is entirely possible that the girl’s older brothers would have planted a good right cross across the guy’s jaw.

Since you don’t respect her feelings and faith, yes, you should move on - for the GIRL’s sake, since she DESERVES someone better who will share her wait. And if she is a virgin, I am of the school that believes that the male virgins have first “dibs” on her, so basically take a number and get in line. And if you think my blunt comments are harsh and you want to take a swing at me, that’s OK, next time you’re in Chitown look me up, I have gloves and headgear…

On the other hand…

Since this experience has caused you to ask questions of the Catholic faith, I am hesitant about telling you to move on since you could meet a woman who does not care about the faith and you would be back at square one and all the feelings and inquiries regarding the Catholic faith will have been lost. And let’s face it, her rebuff of you might be the only evangelism you may receive in this life, so don’t let it go to waste.

You mention about the fact that your “mates” only talk about wanting and having sex. This tells me two things:
  1. You are either in Britain or Australia
  2. You should find a better group of “mates”. I don’t know how many Catholics there are where you live (hence the remark of being in Britain or Australia), but you should try to find a Catholic young adult group to link up with for some sports activites or something.
 
Norseman82 said:
Since this experience has caused you to ask questions of the Catholic faith, I am hesitant about telling you to move on since you could meet a woman who does not care about the faith and you would be back at square one and all the feelings and inquiries regarding the Catholic faith will have been lost. And let’s face it, her rebuff of you might be the only evangelism you may receive in this life, so don’t let it go to waste.
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I think the same way as you do, Norseman. Andy, this is your chance to think clearly - do not let the thirst for your flesh and loose your soul.
 
Andy46 said:
Hi

Thanks for the comment Johhny. Yes, sex feels good and is the reason I want to do it. Why is that so wrong ?? Yes, it’s the cultural norm, Yes I’ve been on the planet surrounded by this culture for 26 years, so I regret that I feel trying to change is a serious uphill struggle and will take one heck of a lot longer than the 2 days I’ve had to consider this.
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Our culture was not always like this. Look at all the homeless children wandering the streets and ask yourself, “Where did they come from?” Back in the “bad old days” of all those rules and morals, we didn’t have all these homeless kids wandering around. They came from “feeling good” sex outside of marriage. They got too old to be aborted, and so the mothers were required to give birth to them. When they were old enough to walk, they walked right out of that love-less, joy-less house, and just never went back. Nobody missed them or ever went looking for them, and that’s why they have no place to go; they just wander around all the time.

A child needs two parents who love him and want to take care of him. That’s why a man and a woman have to wait until they are married and ready to be called “Mommy” and “Daddy” before they start having sex - because the design of sex is to make babies - the sperm goes into the woman, seeks out the ovum, connects with it, and a new human being is conceived and starts to grow - she or he travels down the fallopian tube, hooks on to the side of the womb, starts eating and secreting, and the doctor says, “Hey, it’s time to stop partying and start building a nursery - you’re having a baby!”

Of course there are all kinds of chemistry and technology to try to prevent pregnancy, but it’s kind of like putting bread into a toaster and then trying to prevent toast from popping out of it - at some point, either toast is going to pop out of it anyway, or else something’s going to either catch fire, or break.
 
This really comes down to a different understanding of sex and humanity that a Catholic would have and a non-catholic would have.

(yes I said non-catholics, and by that I mean those who don’t how equal beliefs of contraception and sex, if you hold the same and want to discuss this then PM me, and if you do, you should become Catholic(stop wasting your time))

A Catholic sees a greater value of person than what popular culture sees. They see the person as having dignity and being set apart from the animals. We can control our desires and respect people as we have the dignity of being made in the image of God.

As people created like that sex is special as it involves us taking part in creating new life and thus is reserved for Marriage. If it is just used for pleasure this insults ourselves and makes us just less than human, as we are seeking pleasure as an animal without dignity.
If we fail to see the unity of sex with the responsibility of respect it holds then you end up with our society today which makes people into mindless animals, just seeking pleasure instead of the good. And we excuse ourselves from this by hiding it, in casual relationships which are initiated by such things as meeting each other in clubs and acting like it is a real relationship when it is just based on self indulgence\pleasure.

You are more than just a person who seeks personal pleasure and I invite you to think about that.

In Christ
Scylla
 
Andy46 said:
Hi

Thanks for the comment Johhny. Yes, sex feels good and is the reason I want to do it. Why is that so wrong ?? Yes, it’s the cultural norm, Yes I’ve been on the planet surrounded by this culture for 26 years, so I regret that I feel trying to change is a serious uphill struggle and will take one heck of a lot longer than the 2 days I’ve had to consider this.

InJesus – Hurting her is the last thing I want to do. Which is one reason I feel that just trying to finish with her as nicely as possible will set us both free to go our own ways and will be the best thing to do. I admire some of the things which have been said about being Catholic, but having not been religious in anyway whatsoever my entire life really don’t think I can just press a button and change overnight. Its clear from posts on here that my views are completely different and incompatible with the views of Catholic people.

Allforhim – Get lost ………… telling me if your daughter told you her b/friend were acting like me you’d tell her to finish with him. I did what was perfectly normal to me, met someone, tried to progress to sex and she stopped me, that was it. Why am I wrong and you right ??? I haven’t done anything else, I respected her, stopped and we both decided it was best for her to leave while I thought about things. I then came on here looking for answers. Some have tried to see my point of view and help, however other single minded people like yourself reluctant to see it from anyone else’s point of view is just plain annoying.

Andy
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Hello Andy 👋

I’m glad you’re here. God has brought you here for a reason. But you probably don’t care either way about that.

As far as these responses… I would like to offend the Catholic name by saying that AllforHim is not Catholic. That’s not to say that this person is not a good Christian by any means. The other two are Catholic.

Perhaps the answers were basically along the same lines with the Catholics who have replied here because of the Catholic Church’s teachings about our sexuality and in particular Pope John Paul II’s talks on “Theology of the Body” in his Wednesday audiences for many years. It’s also due to basic common sense and “life rules” in general. But I’d like to chalk it up to Catholic moral teachings.

I don’t know what AllforHim knows as far as Catholic teachings about sexuality but I’m sure she can still give good answers to your questions. Although I would’ve never put up that many bible verses for someone who is not and has never really been religious.

You say how is it fair to you that she does not want sex? Well let me tell you, it’s very fair. You just don’t realize it. This is good for you. This girl would be doing you a favor if you stick with her and just get to know her without wanting sex.

Something good happened as a result of you meeting her. You are here aren’t you? :yup: That’s a good thing. And I hope you will realize it soon.

Here is something you can read for starters. There’s even two audios of his talk to which you can listen. There’s a Catholic talk and a Public school talk too. But I would advise the Catholic one. It’s basically for teenagers but since you’ve never really been religious you could listen to this. Besides it’s good for someone of any age to hear Jason Evert speak about chastity.

Well I hope you come back here to read this. I hope we haven’t chased you away. 👋

Peace
 
Andy46 said:
Bear in mind i’ve never come across this before. I’m 26 and to be honest i certainly don’t sleep around, infact i’ve only had sex a few times with one woman. I can understand your points of view, but for me all my mates talk about wanting sex / having sex all the time so the thought of not doing so seems completely alien to me. I suppose now its too late to think about it anyway. I’m panicking, not knowing what to think so the only way out will most likely be to discuss things with her before ending it.
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Thanks for the comment Johhny. Yes, sex feels good and is the reason I want to do it. Why is that so wrong ?? Yes, it’s the cultural norm, Yes I’ve been on the planet surrounded by this culture for 26 years, so I regret that I feel trying to change is a serious uphill struggle and will take one heck of a lot longer than the 2 days I’ve had to consider this.
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👋 Matey! I am a 30 year old female, and I was once in the same boat as you. I had and still have no friends who follow religion, although they claim to be catholic. My get togethers with single friends always revolved around sex talks, and jokes etc etc and how we would die if we didnt get some soon. We were all on the same level.

I once thought that I could not live without sex, as long as I was a good person and didnt hurt anybody I was doing no wrong, plus it felt so good and natural, surely it couldnt be wrong. Then one day I really thought about it, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, it ALL felt sooooooooooooo EMPTY! So I decided to just go without for a while, and you know what, I LIVED 😃 I had friends around me who were happily married and their lives were so fulfilled (the married males in my circle of friends were the actual ones who got me sitting up and thinking). You obviously havnt felt this yet, but you will if you give it a chance. Then came my faith, after a few months of not living every day thinking about sex. You see, it wasnt my faith in religion that made me stop (however I do believe now there was a higher power working through me at that time) it was the emptiness of sex! I still went home/woke up alone… Our cultural norm is not to have sex, but to degrade it as a good time. I can say this because I was one of those people who classified sex as “Just a good time, no strings attached”.

It has been over 3 years since having any sexual relationship, and my friends do find it weird, I have some who respect what I believe then I have others who dont. I shrug them off and get on with my life. It does take time for some people to get used to it, and your mates will, eventually especially if they value your friendship.

Whatever your decision, do not try to persuade this girl to go against her beliefs. You say you dont want to hurt her and I believe you, however if by chance she is persuaded to go against her beliefs, she will get hurt, as another poster mentioned above, it will cause problems between the two of you.

In making your decision, please dont let friends and family influence your life, we are all responsible for our own lives and what we do with it. You cant blame or credit someone else for the decisions you make. Hope this helps.
 
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