Catholic Godparents

[Clarissal]

Hi everyone,
I am currently almost 37 weeks pregnant and would like to start discussing choosing godparents with my husband. Here’s a little background… I am a devout Catholic that also comes from a devout Catholic family. I teach religion in a Catholic school. My husband converted to Catholicism Easter 2007 (it was completely his choice). He also teaches religion in a Catholic school. Him and his brother, were baptized United but never brought up Christian - they were simply baptized.
We are now having out first child together and comes the discussion about choosing godparents. We both know that my sister, will be godmother to our baby. However, the tough choice comes between my sister’s boyfriend (who is also a practicing Catholic) or my brother in law. My sister and her boyfriend, have been dating for 5 years and plan to get married. He is in law school and can’t afford a ring just yet. I have many reservations about choosing my brother in law. My husband’s mother and brother have not attended a United church service in years (they haven’t gone in at least the 10 1/2 years I have known them). I don’t feel that just because he is my brother in law that he automatically gets to be godfather (I wouldn’t even consider him to be a Christian Witness). I know that not choosing him would upset my mother in law greatly. My husband thinks that it should be his brother. I don’t think that choosing my brother in law, is in the best interest/example in raising our child in the Catholic faith. Any advice/ suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Catholic1954]

The godparents responsibility is to take over the Catholic religious training of the child if something should happen to prevent the parents from doing so, that should exclude your brother in law; they also should take an active interest in the child’s life and spiritual growth and be good examples of practicing Catholics. Godparents are carefully considered and selected by the parents, sorry Gramma.

 

[thistle]

Hi everyone,
I am currently almost 37 weeks pregnant and would like to start discussing choosing godparents with my husband. Here’s a little background… I am a devout Catholic that also comes from a devout Catholic family. I teach religion in a Catholic school. My husband converted to Catholicism Easter 2007 (it was completely his choice). He also teaches religion in a Catholic school. Him and his brother, were baptized United but never brought up Christian - they were simply baptized.
We are now having out first child together and comes the discussion about choosing godparents. We both know that my sister, will be godmother to our baby. However, the tough choice comes between my sister’s boyfriend (who is also a practicing Catholic) or my brother in law. My sister and her boyfriend, have been dating for 5 years and plan to get married. He is in law school and can’t afford a ring just yet. I have many reservations about choosing my brother in law. My husband’s mother and brother have not attended a United church service in years (they haven’t gone in at least the 10 1/2 years I have known them). I don’t feel that just because he is my brother in law that he automatically gets to be godfather (I wouldn’t even consider him to be a Christian Witness). I know that not choosing him would upset my mother in law greatly. My husband thinks that it should be his brother. I don’t think that choosing my brother in law, is in the best interest/example in raising our child in the Catholic faith. Any advice/ suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Remember that a Godfather (sponsor) MUST be Catholic.

Canon Law:

Can. 872 In so far as possible, a person being baptised is to be assigned a sponsor. In the case of an adult baptism, the sponsor’s role is to assist the person in christian initiation. In the case of an infant baptism, the role is together with the parents to present the child for baptism, and to help it to live a christian life befitting the baptised and faithfully to fulfil the duties inherent in baptism.

Can. 873 One sponsor, male or female, is sufficient; but there may be two, one of each sex.

Can. 874 §1 To be admitted to undertake the office of sponsor, a person must:

1° be appointed by the candidate for baptism, or by the parents or whoever stands in their place, or failing these, by the parish priest or the minister; to be appointed the person must be suitable for this role and have the intention of fulfilling it;

2° be not less than sixteen years of age, unless a different age has been stipulated by the diocesan Bishop, or unless the parish priest or the minister considers that there is a just reason for an exception to be made;

3° be a catholic who has been confirmed and has received the blessed Eucharist, and who lives a life of faith which befits the role to be undertaken;

4° not labour under a canonical penalty, whether imposed or declared;

5° not be either the father or the mother of the person to be baptised.

§2 A baptised person who belongs to a non-catholic ecclesial community may be admitted only in company with a catholic sponsor, and then simply as a witness to the baptism.

 

[Seatuck]

The godparents responsibility is to take over the Catholic religious training of the child if something should happen to prevent the parents from doing so, that should exclude your brother in law; they also should take an active interest in the child’s life and spiritual growth and be good examples of practicing Catholics. Godparents are carefully considered and selected by the parents, sorry Gramma.

Just to clarify. The Godparents role is also to work alongside the parents in the religious training of the child. Not just to educate and prepare the child if something happens to the parents.

 

[PatriceA]

Remember that a Godfather (sponsor) MUST be Catholic.

.

The godfather does not have to be Catholic, if the other godparent is a confirmed, practicing Catholic. Only one of the sponsors has to be Catholic, can be either godmother OR godfather.

OP, I can only give you our experience as advice in picking the right sponsors for the roles of godparents. If I could go back and change things for our daugther’s baptism, I would not have given into family expectations. I was heavily pressured into picking my husband’s sister by his mother, and I emphasize HEAVILY pressured. Later I found out she shouldn’t have even been a candidate because she has never been confirmed, a fact that was overlooked because of their grandparents involvement in the parish and personal relationship with Monsignor. Pick the best candidate regardless of family expectations, don’t give into “honoring” family if it means that person is just not a good candidate for being a godparent.

 

[Matthew_Holford]

To PatriceA: godparents must be Catholics. Non-Catholics can only be witnesses.

To OP: choose the godmother you have chosen. You only have to have one godparent. You could appoint your brother-in-law as a witness. Because he’s not a Catholic he can’t be a godfather anyway. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your husband’s family happy.

 

[PatriceA]

To PatriceA: godparents must be Catholics. Non-Catholics can only be witnesses.

To OP: choose the godmother you have chosen. You only have to have one godparent. You could appoint your brother-in-law as a witness. Because he’s not a Catholic he can’t be a godfather anyway. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your husband’s family happy.

That’s what I’m essentially saying. You must have ONE Catholic godparent. You do not have to have TWO godparents though that are Catholic. You can have a Christian witness AND one godparent that has to be Catholic, it can be either the godmother or the godfather, but it does not have to be the godfather as the comment I quoted stated. The OP has picked out the Catholic godparent, and is free to select either a second Catholic godparent or a Christian witness as long as they are of the opposite gender, OR can even be done with the whole thing and have only one godparent and no other witness.

 

[thistle]

That’s what I’m essentially saying. You must have ONE Catholic godparent. You do not have to have TWO godparents though that are Catholic. You can have a Christian witness AND one godparent that has to be Catholic, it can be either the godmother or the godfather, but it does not have to be the godfather as the comment I quoted stated. The OP has picked out the Catholic godparent, and is free to select either a second Catholic godparent or a Christian witness as long as they are of the opposite gender, OR can even be done with the whole thing and have only one godparent and no other witness.

Any non-Catholic cannot be a Godparent. If there are two Godparents they MUST both be Catholic. All non-Catholics can only be Christian Witnesses which are not Godparents.

 

[Catholic90]

Any non-Catholic cannot be a Godparent. If there are two Godparents they MUST both be Catholic. All non-Catholics can only be Christian Witnesses which are not Godparents.

But nothing prevents the child or even the parents CALLING the Christian witness a Godparent, even though technically they are a Christian witness!

So let’s say Aunt Sally, a Catholic, is the Godmother, and Cousin Charley, a Lutheran, is a Christian Witness. I am pretty sure the family will call him “Godfather Charley”, not “Christian Witness Charley”.

 

[thistle]

But nothing prevents the child or even the parents CALLING the Christian witness a Godparent, even though technically they are a Christian witness!

So let’s say Aunt Sally, a Catholic, is the Godmother, and Cousin Charley, a Lutheran, is a Christian Witness. I am pretty sure the family will call him “Godfather Charley”, not “Christian Witness Charley”.

You can call anyone anything but that does not make them that thing.

 

[Catholic90]

You can call anyone anything but that does not make them that thing.

But the only ones who WILL know are the parents and the priest. In most cases, as far as the Christian witness is concerned, he will consider himself a Godfather, as will the child.

 

[Clarissal]

Thank you everyone for your advice/opinions. I guess the issue that I am having with choosing my brother in law is that he is not a practising Christian. Him and my mother in law are not registered as part of an United church congregation. I have invited him to mass before with the reply, “My house is my church.” He says he believes in God and that having a tattoo of a cross makes him a Christian. I have tried looking online for the specific requirements for being a Christian witness to no avail. Any more help would be appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to post!

 

[Phemie]

Thank you everyone for your advice/opinions. I guess the issue that I am having with choosing my brother in law is that he is not a practising Christian. Him and my mother in law are not registered as part of an United church congregation. I have invited him to mass before with the reply, “My house is my church.” He says he believes in God and that having a tattoo of a cross makes him a Christian. I have tried looking online for the specific requirements for being a Christian witness to no avail. Any more help would be appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to post!

He must be validly baptized (Trinitarian baptism) to be eligible to be a Christian witness.

 

[thistle]

He must be validly baptized (Trinitarian baptism) to be eligible to be a Christian witness.

 

[PatriceA]

But the only ones who WILL know are the parents and the priest. In most cases, as far as the Christian witness is concerned, he will consider himself a Godfather, as will the child.

Exactly! Its not rocket science to grasp that concept.

 

[Phemie]

Originally Posted by Phemie

It’s one of the hardest things to effectively teach parents in baptismal prep class and it’s one we have to teach all the time because we have so many mixed marriages and mixed common-law relationships. It’s like a slap in the face to the Salvation Army parent to be told that his/her SA relatives can not be a sponsor or Christian witness, considering that they are often more committed to living a Christian life than many Catholics.

I have to admit that while I understand full well why a non-Catholic cannot be a sponsor, the only person I knew who would have been fully committed to helping me raise my children in the Catholic Church (other than my mom & dad) was non-Catholic. And I know that because she was conscious of making sure that I lived my life as a Catholic.

As it was, when my children were born and I was having them baptized there was no course and no questions (anymore than there had been when I became a godmother at 16 or when my godparents stood with me when they were 10 and 12). Their godparents in all cases are aunts and uncles and cousins and only one of them would I opt for today now that I know what a godparent is supposed to be.

 

[mirandajb]

The godparents responsibility is to take over the Catholic religious training of the child if something should happen to prevent the parents from doing so, that should exclude your brother in law; they also should take an active interest in the child’s life and spiritual growth and be good examples of practicing Catholics. Godparents are carefully considered and selected by the parents, sorry Gramma.

Totally in agreement. We are so inclined to accept our family members at the peril of the child’s Christian up bringing (if the God parents are not properly rooted and grounded in the faith). God bless.

Joe Miranda

 

[Phemie]

Totally in agreement. We are so inclined to accept our family members at the peril of the child’s Christian up bringing (if the God parents are not properly rooted and grounded in the faith). God bless.

Joe Miranda

Problem is that if something happens to you you’d better have the godparents as guardians in your will since they will have no legal standing if they are not the legal guardians.

I’m a godparent. The parents split up. The Catholic father rarely sees the kids and never cared about their Catholic upbringing beyond keeping his mother off his back. The atheist mother is raising the kids. There is nothing I can do about making sure that the child is raised in the Church as long as the father isn’t doing his part.

 

[maryjk]

Problem is that if something happens to you you’d better have the godparents as guardians in your will since they will have no legal standing if they are not the legal guardians…

Right. I wouldn’t want my son’s godparents to be his guardians. For one thing, they are not married. Well, not to each other. I have named an uncle that is much better equipped to handle a teenaged boy.

I wonder where the thought that godparents would be guardians comes from? Is it something that used to happen? I know my godparents, now dead, weren’t married to each other. So they wouldn’t have been good guardians for me. My parents named someone else.

 

[Emiliana7]

You might want to check with your parish or diocese on what all paperwork will be needed. Since your bro-in-law isn’t an active practicing Christian he might not be able to get proper paperwork from a minister saying he was baptised.

I know for my kids, we had to turn in paperwork and then the godparents had to get their paperwork in too. For our parish, Christian Witnesses have to provide a paper or letter from their church/pastor saying they are baptised AND are practicing Christians. Godparents also had to provide their records and letter from their priest saying they are practicing Catholic.

My in-laws really wanted us to pick one of my husband’s sisters as godmother- but the 2 (out of 4) that could provide the proper documents, I objected to. The 2 sisters I wouldn’t object to couldn’t provide the documents. So we ended up with my husband’s brother’s wife (who was my first choice anyway). The Godfather happens to be one of my husband’s best friends, again my first choice. (I didn’t want the godparents to be a couple, so the inlaws would assume they’d also be appointed guardians in our will, I object to that!)

So- basically, check to even see if BIL would be able to provide a proof of baptism- if not, matter might be moot.