Catholic guy dating a JW girl.. Please help..

[jnoelbalana14]

My advice is to find another woman to love. The whole point of them wanting you to study is to convert you. If they see that won’t happen, what then? Are you prepared to spend your life with a woman (and her family) that don’t share your values?

How will you maintain your Catholic faith? How will you feel when she objects to celebrating Christmas? How will you feel about not celebrating Easter? or Birthdays? How will you raise your children and protect them from JW theology? Are you prepared to lose your future children to being JW’s? Are you prepared to have your wife out of the home three or four days a week with different JW meetings? Willing to sacrafice Saturdays so she can go out doing door to door stuff?

Here’s the test. Agree to the study ONLY IF she will also go to RCIA to have a better understanding of the Catholic faith. If she refuses (and she will) then I recommend you move on…

I’m speaking from experience…I was married to a JW. If you are a man of faith and she is a woman of faith…you’ll have little common ground on which to build your relationship.

Thank you so much… I’m taking into consideration to open her eyes in Catholic Faith. I don’t know if she’ll convert but atleast, she must respect fully my Catholic Faith…

 

[faerie114]

What’s funny is that we’re very young. She’s just 17 while I’m 20.

…

Wow. I didn’t realize both of you were that young. I am sensing that neither of you are budging from your respective faiths. Since, she/her mother is giving you 3 years anyway, why don’t you use this time to separate and date others. (by that I mean Catholic women.) How can you be thinking about marriage at this age? No offence, when I was 20, I was thinking of getting a stable job and moving out of my parents house. So, anyway, what I’m saying is take a step back from getting too serious with this lady and go back to the stage of ‘getting to know you’. While you’re at it, ‘get to know’ other ladies, too.

By the way, I just realized you are from the Philippines. I am from Cebu, where in the Pinas are you from?

 

[couponfit]

You should invite her to go to mass with you, make it equal. It’s unfair if it’s all one way.
I know it’s confusing but pray about it. Don’t be afraid to pray and ask God what to do.

I will not go into the doctrine on this and try to answer practically. But before attending or making your decision to attend her bible study you should have a discussion by appointment with your parish rector or vicar.

Very well, then put her to the test. Go with this advice from domandcarols and ask her to do the same. If you are to understand her values and morals then ask her to do the same. Do this together. There’s a why catholic program and I believe one can attend RCIA without intent to convert for understand. As for service attend each others.

You will quickly get to know what she really believes quickly. In any relationship one thing that can keep it together is the concept that it is not automatic. There must be some work. Because you have different faiths, then you must show to each other now during your courtship how you would expect the other to treat you. If she only has the expectations she will make it clear that she will not budge, and then you must clearly make that choice. The problem for you is that you will not believe in her faith. And it may not be possible for you to believe in hers. So what would your children grow up to learn?

If she is certain of her faith, the maybe it’s best she marry’s a JW. I really believe that if two are not of the same faith then they must agree with how the children will be brought up and how they will practice faith as a family and individually long before they marry.

 

[jnoelbalana14]

Wow. I didn’t realize both of you were that young. I am sensing that neither of you are budging from your respective faiths. Since, she/her mother is giving you 3 years anyway, why don’t you use this time to separate and date others. (by that I mean Catholic women.) How can you be thinking about marriage at this age? No offence, when I was 20, I was thinking of getting a stable job and moving out of my parents house. So, anyway, what I’m saying is take a step back from getting too serious with this lady and go back to the stage of ‘getting to know you’. While you’re at it, ‘get to know’ other ladies, too.

By the way, I just realized you are from the Philippines. I am from Cebu, where in the Pinas are you from?

Thank you for advice. To be honest, she says she’s open to be confronted with Catholic beliefs and prooftexts. Although she’s a devout JW, I will try my best to share the Catholic gospel to her. After all,we are too young

Hi! I’m from Naga City, Camarines Sur

 

[couponfit]

Thank you for advice. To be honest, she says she’s open to be confronted with Catholic beliefs and prooftexts. Although she’s a devout JW, I will try my best to share the Catholic gospel to her. After all,we are too young

Hi! I’m from Naga City, Camarines Sur

Ha, I married at our Lady of Penafrancia.

 

[jnoelbalana14]

I will not go into the doctrine on this and try to answer practically. But before attending or making your decision to attend her bible study you should have a discussion by appointment with your parish rector or vicar.

Very well, then put her to the test. Go with this advice from domandcarols and ask her to do the same. If you are to understand her values and morals then ask her to do the same. Do this together. There’s a why catholic program and I believe one can attend RCIA without intent to convert for understand. As for service attend each others.

You will quickly get to know what she really believes quickly. In any relationship one thing that can keep it together is the concept that it is not automatic. There must be some work. Because you have different faiths, then you must show to each other now during your courtship how you would expect the other to treat you. If she only has the expectations she will make it clear that she will not budge, and then you must clearly make that choice. The problem for you is that you will not believe in her faith. And it may not be possible for you to believe in hers. So what would your children grow up to learn?

If she is certain of her faith, the maybe it’s best she marry’s a JW. I really believe that if two are not of the same faith then they must agree with how the children will be brought up and how they will practice faith as a family and individually long before they marry.

Thanks alot. I’m not sure if they,JWs,are forbidden to attend other services than theirs. If I can’t bring her to RCIA, then I will just share Catholic gospels to her. She promised that she’ll be open minded

 

[jnoelbalana14]

Ha, I married at our Lady of Penafrancia.

Wow,nice! Viva la Virgen!

 

[Yerusalyim]

Thank you for advice. To be honest, she says she’s open to be confronted with Catholic beliefs and prooftexts. Although she’s a devout JW, I will try my best to share the Catholic gospel to her. After all,we are too young

Hi! I’m from Naga City, Camarines Sur

In this lies a lot of the problem…she’s ready to be “confronted” with Catholic beliefs…not study them…not look at them…be CONFRONTED by them…and the Church does NOT have “prooftexts” but look at scripture as a whole. JW’s and others have “prooftexts” which narrowly looks at individual passages of scripture to try to prove a point…that’s not a bible study…that’s indoctrination.

Like I and others have said…do not agree to a bible study with them unless she’s willing to go through RCIA.

 

[jesuspsr]

I’m willing to study but I will never convert…

You post intrested me, after reading a couple of posts, not all pages tho. I kept thinking about this reply. The reason being, it reminds me of my best friend. He was Catholic, I was his best man. Then one day he told me that his wife wanted him to go to church with him. I told him to be carefull, JW’s love converting Catholic. His replies were the same as yours. Needless to say, I have’nt herd from him in three years now, for that matter either has his family. How’s that old saying goes, Hang around the barber shop, sooner or later you’ll be getting a haircut.

Be carefull may the Holy Spirit guide you.
My prayers go with you.

God bless

jesus g

 

[yellowbird]

As a former JW for many years, I am begging you to walk way. This girl has been brainwashed her entire life by the JWs… she is NOT going to leave all of that and her family for you. She told you that… she loves you, but she loves Jehovah more. Believe her… she means that with all of her being. Her loving “Jehovah” means she loves being a JW - there is no separating the two. You cannot love Jehovah apart from the Watchtower. If she left the organization, her entire family and all of her JW friends would never speak to her again. Never. Can you imagine her doing that? Walking away from everyone she loves?

She can’t go to mass with you. It’s not allowed. In her twisted mind, that would be like spending an hour with Satan. JWs believe that Satan is the Father of our Church. They believe the Catholic Church is a Whore… a Prostitute.

Do NOT study with them. It is not a “study” it is an indoctrination of their beliefs. Trust me, I led those “Bible Studies” for years. The goal is to lead the person, step by step toward denouncing all views he previously held and acccepting the JWs teachings. It is a very methodical process that will have you reading and repeating back what they are telling you. And every step of the way all of the JWs will be telling you how wonderful it is that you are studying… how quickly you are learning… they will literally LOVE you so much and you will like that. It’s all part of the process.

And before you know it, you will start to believe what they are telling you. Not all at once… just piece by piece by small piece. That’s why it takes years… they are willing to wait. Again, I’ve seen it happen over and over again. I’ve studied with people who initially told me straight up - they would NOT leave their (usually Catholic) faith, and two years later they are being baptized a JW - so very happy to have found “the truth.” Your girlfriend knows that if you agree to that Bible study, you are on your way to becoming a JW.

Don’t leave Jesus. Don’t leave his Church. I’m begging you. For your sake and the sake of your children someday. Walk away from this girl.

 

[Khalid]

Whatever unified concepts exist between JW and Catholicism, that’s what your children will learn.

“Some sort of god exists”. That’s the commonality.

 

[couponfit]

In this lies a lot of the problem…she’s ready to be “confronted” with Catholic beliefs…not study them…not look at them…be CONFRONTED by them…and the Church does NOT have “prooftexts” but look at scripture as a whole. JW’s and others have “prooftexts” which narrowly looks at individual passages of scripture to try to prove a point…that’s not a bible study…that’s indoctrination.

Like I and others have said…do not agree to a bible study with them unless she’s willing to go through RCIA.

That’s a very good point.

 

[couponfit]

You post intrested me, after reading a couple of posts, not all pages tho. I kept thinking about this reply. The reason being, it reminds me of my best friend. He was Catholic, I was his best man. Then one day he told me that his wife wanted him to go to church with him. I told him to be carefull, JW’s love converting Catholic. His replies were the same as yours. Needless to say, I have’nt herd from him in three years now, for that matter either has his family. How’s that old saying goes, Hang around the barber shop, sooner or later you’ll be getting a haircut.

Be carefull may the Holy Spirit guide you.
My prayers go with you.

God bless

jesus g

Yes, I wanted to say it in a way that allowed you to see revelation without me telling you what to do. But really, you will be expected to convert! No matter what I fear. So you must decide now I believe and tell her your feelings. You can set up a mutual way to cooperate on this, but clearly it can’t be with her telling you what you would have to do and then telling you it’s your choice. Then make your choice! Tell her your choice now and say goodbye and let her make the decision. One thing about JW’s is that they follow their heart like anyone else. If she loves you she will work with you on this, not just set a bar and expect only from you to make the choice as if it’s your problem.

 

[Khalid]

I begged my GF at the time to please read these scriptures and she did. After she had read them she began crying. Her statement affected me profoundly. She said that if all that she had just read was true, then everything she had read and been told all her life about God and her faith was a LIE.

Her reaction made me acutely aware of the difficulty it is for people to change their faith.

Things like that make me realize that I am all the more blessed to have received the graces (possibly bordering on charism) from our Lord to “follow the argument wherever it leads”, and to hold no belief that I know or can demonstrate to be false or inadequate at the time, with my limited knowledge (as I may abandon a belief and return to it, if increased knowledge makes it reasonable again, as I did with Theism several times: the difference between a philosophical atheist and a Theist, if anything, is either that the atheist is stubbornly blinded, or that the atheist believes himself to be at the pinnacle of intelligence/rhetoric/logic/argumentation, but in reality just can not see the occulted peak the Theist is standing on), when I first decided as a pre-teenager to leave secularism for Islam (although that probably was more one of societal pressure), back to secularism, all the way up through deism and every heresy preached and some I myself was the heresiarch of (although I’m not sure whether one can be a heretic at the time, if one has never been catechized and is not a Christian, as I was honestly searching for the “pure”, “earliest Christianity” from before the “proto-orthodox” “won” at the Council of Nicaea because of Constantine), through to Monophysite Orthodoxy, to Orthodox Orthodoxy, to Melkite Catholicism, and (hopefully) now on to Roman Catholicism.

…And if my religion ever be disproved, I shall leave it as surely again: but I have this time put my religion through “the wringer”, to disprove it, and is has shaken at times, but it has not budged, and, in the past, the more I learned, the more I leaned towards Christianity, and the more I learned of Christianity, I learned that only Orthodoxy or Catholicism could be valid.

A book I received for free for donating to the forum is The Essential Catholic Survival Guide, which answers a lot of questions that non-JWs ask (also, Answering Jehovah’s Witnesses) using Scripture (as they usually demand it) and basic high-school logic.

Also, The Fathers Know Best (300 pages of excerpts from the 23,000 page 38 volume set Early Christian Fathers, ANFI, NPNFI & NPNF2 with some additional quotations of Origen and with Catholic notes replacing the Protestant notes, demonstrating the “uniquely Catholic” understandings and doctrines out of the writings of the earliest Christians).

And many other resources that are either written for another time, with another audience in mind, or harder to use (like St Thomas Aquinas’ work), and the Early Christian Fathers, ANFI, NPNFI & NPNF2 set itself (if you have the money and know enough about the faith to sift the ~25k pages of writing and refine it of the many Protestant footnotes that are an attempt to guide the reader away from Catholic/Orthodox interpretation: I think it’s available free on-line).

 

[pablope]

Thank you for advice. To be honest, she says she’s open to be confronted with Catholic beliefs and prooftexts. Although she’s a devout JW, I will try my best to share the Catholic gospel to her. After all,we are too young

Hi! I’m from Naga City, Camarines Sur

Ah…you are Pinoy…kumusta? Do you still live/reside there?

Knowing the strong family bonds there…I think it is wishful thinking that she will leave her faith to become Catholic…or to even at least look at the Catholic faith. It is an irrestible wind meeting an immovable rock (I hope I got this right…).

And since you are young…test the waters…I think you are terribly infatuated since this is your first one. There are a lot of good Catholic pinays there.

I have a friend who is married to a protestant and live here in the US now. His wife has long expressed a desire to convert to Catholic. Their son once asked me once why he cannot receive communion, I told him he is not catholic yet. I then told his grandma, and she said he has asked this of them too, and it breaks their heart, and keeps praying.

Do you know what is keeping her from converting? She is worried she will be shunned by her parents, or her parents disapprove and will get mad at her.

Knowing JWs and the family bonds there, I think you will have to pull all your teeth out…and that is no guarantee either.

 

[zippity]

Wow! And to all of you! Wonderful and great advice!
I do hope you listen and do what all have offered. You will be hurt in the short term but grateful in the long term. God bless.

 

[promethius]

Hi! I’m a devout Catholic. I’ve recently dated a girl who is a Jehovah’s Witness. We love each other very much but religion is really a barrier. Just yesterday,she decided to broke up until I can fully understand her faith more - an allusion the she wishes me to study and eventually convert to her faith. We love each other so much but she’s afraid that we can’t make it in married life if we are from different religion. I don’t want to lose her and it seems the only hope is that I know is to attend their bible studies but I don’t think I’ll convert to them. Please help… I need your advices. Thanks alot…

Suggestion: drop her and find a better match.

First, the Bible demands that we not be “unequally yoked” with non-catholics. Her demanding that you study her faith (with the desire that you convert) while, I’m guessing, she offers NO concession to study your faith with any possibility of conversion, would CERTAINLY be filed under the category of “unequally yoked”

Second, her care for you is conditional on your changing faiths to her desired destination. This is a phenomenon known as “missionary dating”… personally I think it’s one of the most abhorant practices in the world, and that those who engage in it are practicing GRAVE sin. She knew that she would not get married to a non-LDS, and yet she chose to entwine you into an emotional attachment so that she could trick you into converting. Now that you’ve shown you won’t convert, she’s broken up with you and will move on to another victim. You deserve better than that.

Get angry and walk away from it, the way that she’s handled this situation with you has been reprehensible and wrong.

 

[Busy_bee]

Again, respectfully I disagree. I think too often people confuse love with a feeling, an infatuation, an attraction, and/or lust. Love is a decision, a labor, an action.

And there is the evidence that it isn’t love… “the force or manipulation involved.” She has set a condition on her “love.” True love seeks the betterment of the other unconditionally.

Having said this, I’ll continue by saying that this is a prime example of why Catholics should “set standards” when it comes to looking for a spouse. Number one on the list is that the other MUST be a practicing Catholic. Had the OP had this as a priority, he wouldn’t now be going through this anguish. In the future, assuming that he does not walk away from the Church over this young lady, he should put this at the top of his list.

Now to the OP… my advice to you is to stop this before it goes any further. Please don’t come back with “but we love each other” because this is not love. It is less than that… it is a feeling and though it be a strong feeling, it is still not love. Going foreword, you will only be wasting time and more importantly, risking your faith.

I don’t agree with you. Unless she’s completely out of it, no matter how zealous a witness can be, they don’t plan to spend their entire life with someone they don’t love because they want to convert him and if that’s what is happening, then she is not only manipulative, she is mean and wicked. I find it hard to believe that. So, she must love him. At least to want to go through all this…right?

I agree with the rest.

 

[Busy_bee]

It’s so heartwarming and overjoying to read your replies, knowing that I just joined this forum yesterday. I really appreciate your help guys.

Right now, I’m in reluctance if I will join the bible study or not. It’s totally against my faith. To be honest, I’ve a little background in apologetics. She’s always emphasizing that she really loves me, and I believe it. She’s giving me the freedom to bible study in her religion or not. What’s certain,sadly,she can’t promise that after 3 years if I don’t learn her religion,that we will be together in married life.

She’s always telling me that she loves me more than anyone else, except Jehovah. She’s telling me she’s in great joy while serving Jehovah or God. Also, she’s afraid that her family and church friends will turn her back to her if she choose me. I’m considering now to present her stumpers against JW beliefs. In know if she loves Jehovah in truth, she’ll be openminded and consider my arguments.

What’s funny is that we’re very young. She’s just 17 while I’m 20. Another reason her mother (her father just died this May 2011) do not to allow us to be together at this age is because the girl is too young. Ideally,according to her,her mother will approved if the girl is 20 years old. That’s why she’s giving me 3 years and she’ll be waiting for me. Her another fear is that if turned her back to JW beliefs, she won’t see her father in the eternal life,in paradise(JW paradise). That’s her greatest fear.

I hope is not too late share the Gospel of Christ to her. I guess if she’ll hate me for loving Christ, then I have no choice but move on. But still, I will find ways to save this relationship…

Good! I’m happy for you. But seriously, a minor? (At least in my country she is)
And, you’re talking about marriage like it’s supposed to be happening already? Please wait at least three years IF you settle your differences. She isn’t old enough to be making such serious decisions for herself and for YOU.
Wow, take things carefully, man. Still praying.

 

[Busy_bee]

To be honest, this is my first one… And there’s a part of me saying that this is just a test in our relationship…

This is your first relationship? Naw!!
But you are talking about marriage. You must be serious about it right?
Please, I tell you, don’t rush at all. And DON"T close your eyes either. Look at everything objectively. I say, break up with her. You really need to think alone - can you handle this kind of trouble for ever? Go by this rule:

Whatever you can’t change before marriage, don’t hope to be able to change after.