Catholic history, modern reporting style. Take a guess, make your own

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“Woman from good family hears charismatic itinerant preacher, runs away to join new religious movement, shaves head. Refuses to come home when confronted by family, claiming marriage to deity. Founds commune that avoids contact with outside world.”

“Orphaned woman abandons heritage for foreign deity, opposes traditional rites. Joins community of disease-bearing immigrants.”

“Revolutionary criminal banished to island writes apocalyptic text involving fantastical symbols. Predicts dominance of new deity along with destructive plagues.” (Ok, this one’s easy.)
 
“Click here to learn 8 new tricks to follow God.”

“These women went to a tomb and you won’t believe what they saw.”

“Son who collected early inheritance gets Welcome Home party.”

“FDA investigates mysterious appearance of bread and fish for any health violations.”

“A year ago this man would never have believed where he is now. Read about what happened to him on the way to Dmascus.”

“From witch to saint. Check out this girl’s story.”

“Man falls asleep at home. Wakes up with strange woman and a missing rib. Click here to find out what happened next.”

“Son of Senator drives demon from son of emperor. Boiled alive for sorcery.”

“New method developed to avoid drowning.”
 
Yup! You win…yeah I dunno, there isn’t actually a prize. You win a like.
 
It’s half game half creative writing. Take an event from Biblical or Catholic history and write it up as though you were writing a headline or news blurb. Other people try to figure out what you’re referring to, or just enjoy the show.

Doesn’t have to be complimentary - lots of our Catholic history has involved people thinking everyone from Jesus to the apostles to the saints were crazy or stupid.
 
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Priest exiled from his diocese for a second time by his Bishop, then forbidden passage to Canada by the Pope. Is the Church admitting to trying to contain a problem ? !

Young man finally freaks out and chases a prostitute with a red hot poker from fire. . . claims he was defending himself , and then was subsequently tied up by angels.
 
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Maybe I overdid it. In modern day reporting the MSM more often than not, have journalists and/or reporters putting a spin on a particular story to try and suit their own propaganda. I believe they frequently stoop that low today, so - thought I’d try and portray them in that reality in my previous post.

I’ll post a couple of links in another day or so if you guys like - for those who may not wish to spend too much time guessing. But (hint) these are both very good saints referred to in the previous post . . . it’s the reporter who messed up by sensationalizing, embellishing and only telling part of the truth.
 
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“Soldier blinded in desert has to wait three days for medical attention.”

“Man missing for six weeks found riding a donkey on city street.”
 
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Well, the second one’s clearly St. Augustine.

The spin actually amuses me. I think throughout history very many people have thought christians were stupid, or crazy, or perverted. It’s not a modern problem - a lot of saints were thought to be crazy or rebellious.
 
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Not Augustine ( at least , not who I had in mind - though perhaps he fits the criteria too . . . you don’t think maybe they have a pattern now - a pathology they use to identify all of us Christians ? 😲)
The saint in mind carries about the same weight as St. Augustine does in the Church .
 
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Eeeesh I confused my church fathers. Bad philosopher. It’s St. Thomas Aquinas, of course.
 
I knew you knew it. Don’t feel bad: For years I was attributing the following quip to the Curé of Ars, when it actually belongs to Blaise Pascal:
“There are only two kinds of men: the righteous who think they are sinners and the sinners who think they are righteous.”
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An excerpt about St. Thomas Aquinas for our brothers and sisters on this thread , from IGNITE YOUR TORCH , Brother Michael James Rivera, O.P.
At the age of eighteen, Thomas had decided to join the Dominican Order. But his family was fervently against it. Because the Order of Preachers was new in the early 13th century, it had no prestige. Thus in order to keep him away from the Dominicans, Thomas’ family held him captive in one of their castles. After a time, his brothers came up with a plan that they were sure would cause Thomas to abandon his religious vocation. They hired a prostitute to seduce Thomas, but the plan backfired. When the prostitute entered the room and began to undress, Thomas grabbed a searing hot poker from the fireplace and drove her out, chasing her from the room! He then slammed the door and fell to his knees, praying to be preserved in chastity and in his intention to live the vocation of religious life. His prayer was answered in a vision. Two angels came to him and tied a cord around his waist, saying “On God’s behalf, we gird you with the cincture of chastity, which no attack will ever destroy.”
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* For the other one, I don’t think I even need to post a link till someone gets it. I figure a one-word hint would be enough for someone to nail it. I’ll try to post the hint early tomorrow morning before heading out to the apostolate.
 
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“Uproar ensues as not-so-jolly bishop strikes alleged heretic at Church council.”

“Back from death’s door, anchoress now claims all shall be well.”
 
So regarding this one :
NeedImprovement said:
Priest exiled from his diocese for a second time by his Bishop, then forbidden passage to Canada by the Pope. Is the Church admitting to trying to contain a problem ? !
Click to expand...
It would surprise me if no one could guess it after this additional one-word hint : “Rosary”
 
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