Catholic Husband and marital relations

[CakeState]

Prove it. Sorry, saying that “plenty of people” have chosen to do this doesn’t mean that plenty of people have.

This is not normal for a marriage.

Google around and look at blogs, websites, comment sections, involving struggles with NFP. Look at some of the threads right here on these forums too. This is where I first found people who were doing the same thing, after all. I have a very strong feeling I could post links endlessly but it would make no difference to you. That is, for me, the most frustrating aspect of NFP - the people who have no compassion for those who struggle and have no desire to gain any. Please, please take what I said to heart about having more understanding. You have no idea how damaging it is to people’s faith when the faithful they reach out to for help react only with harshness. It was devastating when I first started NFP and it is the one and only reason I am here on this board speaking now. I know how much it helped me to hear somebody, anybody say that I wasn’t alone having problems with NFP.

 

[Sewandcook]

All of this is making me dreadfully depressed. What a crummy load of choices I face. I simply don’t like the idea of not getting to be with the husband I adore so much. I sacrifice much already. I’m glad some of you can give this part of your life up so joyfully, but for me it is still despairing. I joyfully love my family but I fear this will turn my happy spirit into one of sadness and eventually bitterness towards my husband’s faith. I have friends. The relationship I have with my husband is special. Sharing ourselves with each other is a special gift reserved for us only. Very sad indeed.

 

[maryjk]

Google around and look at blogs, websites, comment sections, involving struggles with NFP. Look at some of the threads right here on these forums too. This is where I first found people who were doing the same thing, after all. I have a very strong feeling I could post links endlessly but it would make no difference to you. That is, for me, the most frustrating aspect of NFP - the people who have no compassion for those who struggle and have no desire to gain any. Please, please take what I said to heart about having more understanding. You have no idea how damaging it is to people’s faith when the faithful they reach out to for help react only with harshness. It was devastating when I first started NFP and it is the one and only reason I am here on this board speaking now. I know how much it helped me to hear somebody, anybody say that I wasn’t alone having problems with NFP.

I am NOT saying that people don’t have problems with NFP.

What I AM saying is that having a sexless marriage is not generally the solution.

That before someone sees that as the solution they should make sure they have checked with NFP instructors, others that use NFP and the like. Make sure you know what you are doing when using NFP. Talk to doctors.

Sexual relations are not only to make babies. Sexual relations are also unitive. So if you are avoiding sex because you don’t want children, know you are also missing out on the unitive part of it.

 

[fpt]

It is morally wrong for husband to refuse the request of marital act coming from his wife during pregnancy without objective and realistic reasons (diseases, tireness, medical issues). Conjugal sex during pregnancy is very healthy, holy, useful, wonderful…etc.
It is morally wrong for husband not to ask the marital act to his wife during pregnancy without objective and realistic reasons (diseases, tireness, medical issues). Conjugal sex during pregnancy is very healthy, holy, useful, wonderful…etc.

An unilateral will of stopping the marital act, for time, is morally wrong, it is not moral because the marital act is a debt, an obligation, a duty, you have rights on his body.

In catholic marriage, an unilateral mortification of the flesh must not have bad effects on the conjugal sexual life: a personal mortification without exterior effects. Otherwise, the spouse in mortification of the flesh has **to stop immediatly ** this mortification of the flesh.

THE UNILATERAL MORTIFICATION WITH EXTERIOR EFFECTS ON THE CONJUGAL SEX IS NOT MORAL: IT IS A FALSE DEVOTION. IN THIS CASE, YOUR HUSBAND SEEM TO GO TO THE WRONG WAY: NOT GOOD FOR HIS WIFE.

If you want conjugal sex, it is his first obligation: to say yes for your reasonnable requests and **to ask conjugal sex are the rules. He is here for you, before all . The sexual harmony is very important, of course, it is a moral obligations of means, **and not of results.

YOUR HUSBAND SEEMS TO BE LIKE A NEW CONVERT, IT IS TOO MUCH.

THE **FALSE DEVOTIONS **ARE POSSIBLE. HE HAS TO DISCERN THE PRIORITIES, YOUR CONJUGAL SEXUAL LIFE IS THE FIRST IN THE RESPECT OF NATURAL MORAL LAW.

 

[CakeState]

I am NOT saying that people don’t have problems with NFP.

What I AM saying is that having a sexless marriage is not generally the solution.

That before someone sees that as the solution they should make sure they have checked with NFP instructors, others that use NFP and the like. Make sure you know what you are doing when using NFP. Talk to doctors.

Sexual relations are not only to make babies. Sexual relations are also unitive. So if you are avoiding sex because you don’t want children, know you are also missing out on the unitive part of it.

You said to prove that people really do this because you didn’t believe many people did. And there are people who do this, and yes, it’s after exhausting all other options. Sometimes it IS the solution even if you think it’s a crazy or unecessary one. Of course sex isn’t just to make babies, but sometimes the unitive part come at too high a cost and the stress and anxiety can undo anything punitive you get out of it.

 

[maryjk]

You said to prove that people really do this because you didn’t believe many people did. And there are people who do this, and yes, it’s after exhausting all other options. Sometimes it IS the solution even if you think it’s a crazy or unecessary one. Of course sex isn’t just to make babies, but sometimes the unitive part come at too high a cost and the stress and anxiety can undo anything punitive you get out of it.

Actually I said to prove that “plenty of people” do it. Rather than just a few.

In other words, prove that this is a normal, viable option.

And it was said because some looked at your post and figured that it was “really sad to see so many faithful Catholic couples giving up the gift of marital intimacy.” My indication is that there just aren’t that many that have done this.

Oh, and thank you for indicating that this option should ONLY be used after exhausting all other options. Rather than doing it because, as you stated, “never having sex is truly an easier option.”

 

[CakeState]

Oh, and thank you for indicating that this option should ONLY be used after exhausting all other options. Rather than doing it because, as you stated, “never having sex is truly an easier option.”

If no other option works, not having sex IS the easier option. Your sarcasm, tone, and refusal to believe that more than a handful of people could struggle hard enough with NFP to do this is exactly what I mean when I say it is so hard to find anyone willing to help or offer sympathy for people who are deeply desperate. I cannot even BEGIN to describe the damage that did to my faith and my marriage, and that finding out I am not alone in struggling this way with NFP or that the treatment you get when you say you struggle made it so much harder. No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, there are many people who are going through exactly what I am. This type of dismissive post is exactly what I am here to fight directly against because I know how much it would have helped to see someone speak up against it when I myself was going through problems.

 

[maryjk]

If no other option works, not having sex IS the easier option. Your sarcasm, tone, and refusal to believe that more than a handful of people could struggle hard enough with NFP to do this is exactly what I mean when I say it is so hard to find anyone willing to help or offer sympathy for people who are deeply desperate. I cannot even BEGIN to describe the damage that did to my faith and my marriage, and that finding out I am not alone in struggling this way with NFP or that the treatment you get when you say you struggle made it so much harder. No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, there are many people who are going through exactly what I am. This type of dismissive post is exactly what I am here to fight directly against because I know how much it would have helped to see someone speak up against it when I myself was going through problems.

Again, whether you like it or not, your marriage, without sexual relations, is not generally accepted as normal. Most people that are married have sex.

If, NFP doesn’t work for you, and you have exhausted every learning opportunity, then yes, after talking to a priest, totally abstaining might be for you and your spouse.

But, in the OP’s case, her husband, without her (name removed by moderator)ut, has decided this. That is wrong. And telling her how wonderful it is, well, that just strains credibility.