Catholic Husband, I'm the odd one out

[QuasiCatholic]

Hi SanguineRose,

I’m actually coming into a similar situation, but with much more choice in the matter than you’ve had. I was a non-practicing Protestant until I met my now-fiance, who is a lifelong Catholic. It definitely creates a lot of challenges.

In our case, after attending church with him for about a year I was comfortable enough with the faith to go through RCIA and be baptized and confirmed. But that doesn’t mean my 30 years as a relative non-believer got magically erased (sorry Holy Spirit), so we still struggle with church issues that require both of us to act a certain way (e.g. birth control, etc.) Like I said though, at least I went into this with my eyes open and didn’t just wake up one day to find myself married to a Catholic. That has to suck.

A few things that might help you from my experience:

1. If you choose to use birth control, the two of you can still have sex without it counting as a sin for him. He might still be worried about your immortal soul, but at least it doesn’t stop him from taking communion. If he thinks using regular condoms is too active of a participation for him, you could look into female condoms instead (or the pill, but you said you’re not a fan). You could also try looking into NFP (which I’m working on learning about now) – it seems like a giant pain in the neck, but not completely unmanageable at least.
2. I say, go to church with him. It’s only an hour of your life, and it will make him happy. You might decide to convert like I did. Or you might just show your husband you support him no matter how crazy you think he is. You don’t have to kneel and pray and all that. Just sit there and be polite. If you really don’t want to though, he has to respect that. Non-Catholics don’t have any obligation to attend Mass each week.
3. There’s no rush to get your children baptized. They can always take RCIA classes when they’re older and make the decision for themselves. Depending on how old they are now, they might have to do that beforehand anyway. Generally speaking Catholics believe you need to be baptized to go to heaven, but even if, heaven forbid, something should happen and they die without being baptized, Catholic teaching still acknowledges that God has the final say in their salvation regardless.

Good luck!

 

[BettyBoop416]

As to dishonesty - she said she is an agnostic, not an atheist, there should not be a problem as an agnostic is one who does not know, as opposed to an atheist, who posits there (absolutely) is no God. Even an honest atheist (that is not one who has an agenda against the Church) should not mind; even more so an agnostic, whose position should be “I don’t know”.

I guess we can nit-pick about definitions. My understanding is that agnosticism is a subset of atheism. A strong atheist takes the position that no gods exist. An agnostic isn’t convinced one way or the other. But in the end, neither of these positions includes a belief in gods…or in this case, God, as we understand him. So the OP would indeed be justified in feeling dishonest in standing up and professing Catholic beliefs during a baptism ceremony.

There are lots worse things one could do on a Sunday morning. Likewise, being married in the Church.

There are also lots worse things one could do than attend daily prayers at a mosque or get married in a Jewish wedding ceremony, but I bet you’re not going to do it. Why? Probably because you don’t believe in it.

Same with the OP.

 

[BettyBoop416]

Most Catholics, I would think, would decline to have their child dedicated in another faith they did not believe in just because it would make someone happy, and hey, if they don’t believe in the other faith…then no big deal.

That is nonsense. Agnostics have ethics and respect as well. To have her child initiated into a faith she does not believe in would be dishonest on her part and disrespectful to the Church.

Bingo.