Catholic Husband : Mormon Wife - Moral Dilemma

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I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can tell you from experience, I am a protestant and my husband is Catholic, it is very HARD!!! Take Alix1912 advice!! That is the best that I have read on this particular thread. As far as the priest telling you about the Pauline thing, whatever that is, I am assuming he was suggesting that it was okay to leave your wife (correct me if I am wrong), I am with Alix on this one, COMPLETE RUBBISH! If I was in counseling with a priest, pastor, preacher or whatever else you want to call them and they gave this advice without evidence of abuse, an affair or other abuse, I would leave and not look back to find another church or etc. I am not saying to leave the Catholic church, I am saying to find another Catholic church with a different priest. I don’t hear you saying anything other than, you have left what you both knew to find a new way of life through being a Catholic, I don’t see that as a reason to leave what committement you made for better or worse and etc. As far as your wife being disappointed, she is probably as disappointed as you are. Her whole life has changed also. I couldn’t imagine my husband going through a process that did not recognize my marriage or said it was “terminated” or whatever word you want to use. It would be hard on both sides. Again, I would suggest you do what Alix said and get a good counselor that does not have a particular view of either religion and that wants to work on making this marriage work. Take it from somebody who is divorced, not a road you want to go down. I understand now why God says he hates divorce. Even if it is for reasons that are completely out of your hands. It is still bad. I also don’t think God would be too happy for your divorcing because of “religous differences”. Doesn’t sound too good to me. God bless you and your marriage. BTW, I was glad to see that you said divorce was not an option. Just work on your marriage, I guarantee you it will not be something you regret in the end.
 
Thanks for the advice everyone. I truly appreciate the kind words and wise counsel. My marriage is troubled, but I think it’s fundamentally sound; neither of us is going anywhere. When the priest mentioned the “Pauline Privilege” I had never heard of it. I researched it in official Church publications (in my understanding that’s something with an imprimatur) and was referred to 1 Cor 7. Basically, it means that if my wife desires to leave me due to my decision to become a Catholic I could seek an annulment, although in other respects I could never receive one since I entered my marriage of my own free will and by my own cognizance. I took the priest to mean that I could leave her if I so chose, but assuming his understanding is the same as the source I consulted, this is not possible even if I wanted to (and I do not). As a Catholic, I can never forsake my wife and receive an annulment since my marriage is considered valid in the Church’s eyes. Even though we were both LDS at the time, we both entered our marriage of our own free will.

Since posting, we’ve talked a bit about some of these issues and I’m not feeling nearly as down as I was at the time. It’s still a challenge, but we’re both committed to our marriage and raising our kids according to Christian principles. We at least have that in common. I pray every day for my wife’s conversion. I strive every day to put my trust in the Lord and to practice my Catholic faith. Who knows what the future may bring. Regardless of the outcome, this is a cross I must bear. I am committed to both my Catholic faith and to my wife. They are not completely irreconcilable. Therefore I have hope.

NS
 
NewSeeker said:
…Since posting, we’ve talked a bit about some of these issues and I’m not feeling nearly as down as I was at the time. It’s still a challenge, but we’re both committed to our marriage and raising our kids according to Christian principles. We at least have that in common. I pray every day for my wife’s conversion. I strive every day to put my trust in the Lord and to practice my Catholic faith. Who knows what the future may bring. Regardless of the outcome, this is a cross I must bear. I am committed to both my Catholic faith and to my wife. They are not completely irreconcilable. Therefore I have hope.

NS
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New Seeker,

I know what you mean. I’m in a very similar boat. My wife has fallen deeper and deeper in the mormon faith, blindly following anything they tell her. She used to not be so fanatical about it. When I told her to look in her own mormon resources to see what I was telling her about their teachings, on abortion for example, she refused to even look, saying her church would never agree to abortion. I told her that’s not what her own Gospel Principles say. When the refuse to look even at their own recources, you know they’ve lost the caspacity or willingness to reason on their own. Only the Holy Spirit can change them at that point.

Now I’m being told I need to participate with their activities, even at the price of skipping Mass. I’m waiting for the “convert or I’ll have to divorce you” so that she can share in godhood speech. But, I pray every day that God will send the Holy Spirit to give me the faith and courage to choose Him above all else, even my own family. I also pray for peace and understanding in my family. Above all, however, I pray that I have the faith to put God first. I suppose like Abraham had to do with Isaac (although not to that extreme).

Over the last few days, I keep hearing and reading that we have to light a candle and not curse the darkness. Likewise, when we build walls to block others out, we’re building our own prisons. So, I pray for the strength to light the candle and knock down the walls. What I will never give in to, however, is sacrificing my beliefs like going to Mass.

Keep the faith New Seeker. My prayers are with you.:crossrc:

BUF
 
I apologize, I know this may be off topic…but, How did you come to be Catholic if your wife is Mormon? The parish where I live will not allow me to convert, because my husband is an athiest.
 
Praise God…
My suggestion is Please read meditate & pray on Colosians 3:18 &19 … also Ephesians 5 :21 / Ephesians 5 :25 & 33.
Christ Loves both of you and has a clear cut plan in bringing both of you together as a Family. Your Family call Christ will tell both of you and when its answered balance everything will fall in place. Bottom line please understand you should love your wife very deeply and pray for her solidly and show your love & concern for her then whatever be the underlying reason behind the difference in opinion will be answered.

CHRIST LOVES YOU BOTH DEEPLY…( 1 cor 11.3)
 
Maybe08 said:
I apologize, I know this may be off topic…but, How did you come to be Catholic if your wife is Mormon? The parish where I live will not allow me to convert, because my husband is an athiest.
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WHAAAAAAAAAT???

Something is wrong with this statement. Are you leaving something out?

I’m PM’ing you to make sure you get this, as NO PARISH will say you can’t be Catholic on your spouse’s faith or lack there-of.
:cool:
 
Maybe08 said:
I apologize, I know this may be off topic…but, How did you come to be Catholic if your wife is Mormon? The parish where I live will not allow me to convert, because my husband is an athiest.
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Your spouse’s faith has absolutely NO bearing on your conversion to the Catholic faith.

A divorce/remarriage situation certainly does have bearing on receiving the Sacraments, and would have to be investigated/resolved first, but not your spouse’s faith or lack thereof.

Please give us more info. This sounds like either a misunderstanding or very incorrect information you were given. This needs to be corrected.

If you desire to come into full communion with the Catholic Church your husband has NOTHING to do with it and his atheism is NOT an impediment to your reception into the Church.
 
Maybe08 said:
I apologize, I know this may be off topic…but, How did you come to be Catholic if your wife is Mormon? The parish where I live will not allow me to convert, because my husband is an athiest.
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Hi,

As others have said, this doesn’t sound right. I made it known up front that my wife was LDS and would not join me in RCIA. She even met the deacon with me during my pre-RCIA interview and attended the Easter Vigil when I was baptized. Everyone was very nice and welcoming to her and I never heard once from anyone that I wouldn’t be able to convert due to my wife’s religion. I think you’ve received some wrong information.

NS
 
New,

It sounds like she has valid health reasons for not getting pregnant, if that is the case there may be options here. If pregnancy could result in serious health issues or death or her health issues mean she needs to be on contraceptives for heath reasons, not primarily to contracept, then you might be ok in using them.

Talk with a Priest you can trust. I believe that if God led you home, He wants to lead your whole family home. Keep up the prayers and I’ll remember you guys as well!

Joe
 
I was asked to comment so I will, I have been avoiding it since I don’t have direct experience how NFP is practiced today (new methods were just coming in when nature decreed I could no longer have children).

observations: this is not a thread about the validity of Mormon teaching so those issues should be discussed on the proper forum

this is a thread, given the choice of forum, primarily about a marriage in jeopardy. If it were primarly about issues related to the conversion of a Mormon, or any non-Catholic, whose wife cannot follow him, it would be on the evangelization forum.

So I am not going into my experience through RCIA in similar cases, except to observe the only Mormons I have known through this process have not gone on to convert, or have since reverted to the Mormon faith. Such persons need far more continuing support from the new parish, esp. the pastor than the average neophyte and almost never get it.

This is fundamentally a marriage issue and similar issues would arise if the conflict issues were over ethnic and cultural customs, child-rearing practices, finances, where to live and how, when and where to work and other marriage issues. When two people whose fundamental beliefs are diametrically opposed there is little chance for marital toleration, and even less for happiness, unless one party gives up something vital to him.

I really think intensive marriage counselling is indicated. NFP is the flashpoint but not the real issue.
 
puzzleannie said:
…So I am not going into my experience through RCIA in similar cases, except to observe the only Mormons I have known through this process have not gone on to convert, or have since reverted to the Mormon faith. Such persons need far more continuing support from the new parish, esp. the pastor than the average neophyte and almost never get it…When two people whose fundamental beliefs are diametrically opposed there is little chance for marital toleration, and even less for happiness, unless one party gives up something vital to him.

I really think intensive marriage counselling is indicated. NFP is the flashpoint but not the real issue.
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I think the one thing that’s saving our marriage is the fact that my wife is not a died-in-the-wool, true-believing mormon. Yes, she was raised in the church, as was I, but she has never taken the time to really study, think, and pray about LDS teachings. She views it as a good place to raise kids, a place with strong moral values. That’s what matters to her. She doesn’t really believe in or care about much of Joseph Smith’s idiosyncratic teachings (polygamy, men become gods, degrees of glory in heaven), and cares even less about the logical implications of unbelief or indifference to those teachings on the feasibility of the church’s truth claims. She is purely practical in her approach to religion. If it helps produce good kids, then it’s fine by her and God will sort everything out in the end. She believes everyone will be very surprised at what will really happen after death and sticks with mormonism because in her view it offers the best, “most true” approach to raising kids. She’s never examined the offerings of other faiths in this regard and doesn’t care too. That view is axiomatic to her, a self-evident truth. She was raised to believe this by her parents. So in the end, there’s probably no chance she’ll ever become a Catholic since she sees no reason too. Mormonism does have good programs for kids and families and that’s all she cares about. I won’t revert, if what is meant by that is a return to the LDS faith as a believer; there’s no chance of that. Joseph Smith made the whole thing up. That’s as clear to me as the fact that the moon is made of rocks and dust and assertions to the contrary produce the exact same emotional and intellectual response in me in both instances. I cannot be argued or debated into the belief that the moon is made of cheese; I cannot be argued or debated into the belief that mormonism is true. Returning to the faith of my upbringing is therefore impossible. That’s not to say that I won’t occasionally attend LDS meetings with my wife to make her happy and present a more united front for my boys. But I have no plans to stop practicing my Catholicism at the same time. I have no desire to return to a life of spiritual impoverishment, which is what abandoning my Catholic faith and returning to Mormon church attendance exclusively would entail. In the end, I place my faith in Jesus when he says

“And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.”

Matthew 19:29

I cannot ignore that promise.

NS
 
I should add that, to the extent my wife might consider visiting a Catholic church to see what’s available for the kids, Mormons are very competitive in that regard and it will likely be an extremely hard sell. Mormons offer weekly religious instruction for kids every week (similar to CCD) on Sundays and weekly activity nights during the week. All of this is 100% free and is offered year-round. Food, decorations, accoutrements, etc. are all provided pot-luck style. Lesson materials are all provided by Salt Lake City HQ and instruction and oversight during the weekly activity nights is provided by volunteers. The only downside is that Mormon activities/lessons on Sundays for kids can be pretty boring. No guitars, hand-clapping, rousing songs, etc.

NS
 
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