Catholic-Jewish couple

[pajpaj]

Hello everyone,

I decided to register as I have a seious problem. I am Catholic, my husband is non practicing Jew, his parents feel more Jewish identity but do not keep kosher. My husband and I had a proper Catholic wedding and Jewish blessing 2 months later by a reformed rabbi. Now we are expecting our first baby, it’s a boy and I am due in 6 weeks. My husband wants the baby to be circumcized, I insisted for it to be done at the hospital by a non Jewish paediatrician as in my opinion this will have less religious significance. I also want to baptize my baby. I talked with my priest and he says that a can be baptized with only one parent’s consent. I will talk to mu husband about it later, as he has just started a new job and is under stress, so I don’t want to add up to it.
My only worry is if he does not agree, what shoul I do. I was thinking of a secret baptizm in my country before Christmas, I could easily organize it in a few days.
I just don’t want my child to miss something. If he chooses to be Jewish or Atheist in the future there is nothing I can do but at least I want to give him options.
Please feel free to express your opinions.

Carla

 

[Kaninchen]

Hello everyone,

I decided to register as I have a seious problem. I am Catholic, my husband is non practicing Jew, his parents feel more Jewish identity but do not keep kosher. My husband and I had a proper Catholic wedding and Jewish blessing 2 months later by a reformed rabbi. Now we are expecting our first baby, it’s a boy and I am due in 6 weeks. My husband wants the baby to be circumcized, I insisted for it to be done at the hospital by a non Jewish paediatrician as in my opinion this will have less religious significance. I also want to baptize my baby. I talked with my priest and he says that a can be baptized with only one parent’s consent. I will talk to mu husband about it later, as he has just started a new job and is under stress, so I don’t want to add up to it.
My only worry is if he does not agree, what shoul I do. I was thinking of a secret baptizm in my country before Christmas, I could easily organize it in a few days.
I just don’t want my child to miss something. If he chooses to be Jewish or Atheist in the future there is nothing I can do but at least I want to give him options.
Please feel free to express your opinions.

Carla

Well, to this particular Jew, the only thing that happens when a child gets ‘baptized’ is that it gets wet.

It does seem that you want it all your own way, you want all the Christian signifiers but non of the Jewish signifiers. That’s fine, of course, if your aim includes the possibility of building up a nice store of mutual resentments for the future.

You really do need to talk all this through, you know, as a couple and with your priest and so on.

 

[Shin]

Pray every day for your husband’s soul.

 

[valentino]

Why would he object?If he doesn’t believe in Christ what possible harm could it do?Anyways Jews don’t hate christians to my knowledge.the prayers by the priest would be nothing but gibiligook to him it seems.

 

[swariffin]

Hello everyone,

I decided to register as I have a seious problem. I am Catholic, my husband is non practicing Jew, his parents feel more Jewish identity but do not keep kosher. My husband and I had a proper Catholic wedding and Jewish blessing 2 months later by a reformed rabbi. Now we are expecting our first baby, it’s a boy and I am due in 6 weeks. My husband wants the baby to be circumcized, I insisted for it to be done at the hospital by a non Jewish paediatrician as in my opinion this will have less religious significance. I also want to baptize my baby. I talked with my priest and he says that a can be baptized with only one parent’s consent. I will talk to mu husband about it later, as he has just started a new job and is under stress, so I don’t want to add up to it.
My only worry is if he does not agree, what shoul I do. I was thinking of a secret baptizm in my country before Christmas, I could easily organize it in a few days.
I just don’t want my child to miss something. If he chooses to be Jewish or Atheist in the future there is nothing I can do but at least I want to give him options.
Please feel free to express your opinions.

Carla

Dear sister,

First of all, I assume that you and your husband truly loves each other. Although I am a Catholic, I would not suggest you to baptized your son, if such baptism will damage your relationship with your husband. The only thing I can suggest you, is to pray. And, try to live as a good Catholic as you can, with all people’s prayer (including my prayer to you). God will make His own call to your son. Who knows that God even call your husband too. Your good behavior as the desciple of Jesus in the way of the Roman Catholic church believe, is a good form of evangelizing. May the love of Jesus, the love of God, in union with the Holy Spirit be with you always. But, as I assume above, your true love to one another will bring God into your life.

 

[Miriam1947]

Hello everyone,

I decided to register as I have a seious problem. I am Catholic, my husband is non practicing Jew, his parents feel more Jewish identity but do not keep kosher. My husband and I had a proper Catholic wedding and Jewish blessing 2 months later by a reformed rabbi. Now we are expecting our first baby, it’s a boy and I am due in 6 weeks. My husband wants the baby to be circumcized, I insisted for it to be done at the hospital by a non Jewish paediatrician as in my opinion this will have less religious significance. I also want to baptize my baby. I talked with my priest and he says that a can be baptized with only one parent’s consent. I will talk to mu husband about it later, as he has just started a new job and is under stress, so I don’t want to add up to it.
My only worry is if he does not agree, what shoul I do. I was thinking of a secret baptizm in my country before Christmas, I could easily organize it in a few days.
I just don’t want my child to miss something. If he chooses to be Jewish or Atheist in the future there is nothing I can do but at least I want to give him options.
Please feel free to express your opinions.

Carla

Didn’t your husband have to agree to bring your children up as Catholics? You were, after all, married in the Church by a priest.

If your husband did agree to that then baptism is not optional. It must be done.

Talk to your priest about the circumcision and ask if it would be okay to do it by a Jewish pediatrician and if the Jewish ritual would be okay as well.

 

[LDNCatholic]

Didn’t your husband have to agree to bring your children up as Catholics? You were, after all, married in the Church by a priest.

If your husband did agree to that then baptism is not optional. It must be done.

Talk to your priest about the circumcision and ask if it would be okay to do it by a Jewish pediatrician and if the Jewish ritual would be okay as well.

The husband is under no such obligation. All he need to do is recognise his Catholic wife’s obligation to raise the children Catholic.

 

[Miriam1947]

The husband is under no such obligation. All he need to do is recognise his Catholic wife’s obligation to raise the children Catholic.

Well yeah that is what I meant. He agreed that the children would be Catholic.

 

[LDNCatholic]

Well yeah that is what I meant. He agreed that the children would be Catholic.

He doesn’t have to agree to that. Just acknowledge his wife’s responsibility. I know it’s a petty distinction but he’s not necessarily agreeing to raise them Catholic.

 

[Ruben_Vera]

The answer is simple just don’t baptize the baby he can later on make his own decision as he grows older. I have seen old man getting baptize before, and about that circumcise thing I really wouldn’t do it but that’s just me. Let the kid be a kid and influence him with those two religion in a well mature matter as he grows up. Then he would be able to chose his faith as he gets older. I have been baptize did the Communion thing and all of that other catholic stuff and i ended up in not believe in the the Catholic religion but I respect it and enjoy reading about it. So then do not get to worry about directing your kid to the right path of a religion because i have seen parents that do not take their kids to church or have not been baptize turn to be religious good people. And cases like me that have been heavily influence by Catholic church turn into not believing the religion but believing in a god. Just teach your beloved son good morals and show him some of the beauty of your religion and let him make the decision rather than someone shoving it down his throat. Good luck and congratulations with your baby!

 

[Cristiano]

Well, to this particular Jew, the only thing that happens when a child gets ‘baptized’ is that it gets wet.

It does seem that you want it all your own way, you want all the Christian signifiers but non of the Jewish signifiers. That’s fine, of course, if your aim includes the possibility of building up a nice store of mutual resentments for the future.

You really do need to talk all this through, you know, as a couple and with your priest and so on.

I think that you are wrong on this one. When they married the husband made a statement of understanding. If he disagreed with the plan of the wife of raising her children as Catholics then he should have made it clear. Keeping silent on these topics with your spouse when the topic is addressed shows complete lack of respect toward the partner.

A true man is allowed to change his mind, but if he is not a practicing Jew then he lacks credibility in his change of mind. I doubt that an orthodox Jew would say that circumcision is of the essence but disregard of the other laws is acceptable.

I think that the husband is not showing complete intellectual honesty and he is mainly acting on his feelings. Jewish signifiers are important and meaningful only if someone chooses to be and act as a Jew, some thing applies to Christians and to the Christian signifiers.

You are completely right with your suggestion of discussing this as a couple and with a priest. These are the typical problems that people choose to ignore because they just want to get married; however, when the children show up at the door the memories of how we were raised will surface again. This does not apply to religion only.

 

[Cristiano]

The answer is simple just don’t baptize the baby he can later on make his own decision as he grows older. I have seen old man getting baptize before, and about that circumcise thing I really wouldn’t do it but that’s just me. Let the kid be a kid and influence him with those two religion in a well mature matter as he grows up. Then he would be able to chose his faith as he gets older. I have been baptize did the Communion thing and all of that other catholic stuff and i ended up in not believe in the the Catholic religion but I respect it and enjoy reading about it. So then do not get to worry about directing your kid to the right path of a religion because i have seen parents that do not take their kids to church or have not been baptize turn to be religious good people. And cases like me that have been heavily influence by Catholic church turn into not believing the religion but believing in a god. Just teach your beloved son good morals and show him some of the beauty of your religion and let him make the decision rather than someone shoving it down his throat. Good luck and congratulations with your baby!

So you are saying that she should teach her son the Truth and something that is not the complete Truth? If you look at this approach outside religion do you think that it is a valid parenting method? You really do not respect the Catholic religion because you are telling a Catholic parent to disregard her belief and to give up the well being of her child just because you choose to experience life in a different manner. You also show disrespect to the Catholic teachings when you say the the baptism of infants is just like shoving something down his throat. I can assume that as a parent you would not shove medication down the throat of your young child even if it were to save his life, but you would wait until he is an adult and capable of making a decision based on his understanding of medicine.

 

[Kaninchen]

I think that you are wrong on this one. When they married the husband made a statement of understanding. If he disagreed with the plan of the wife of raising her children as Catholics then he should have made it clear. Keeping silent on these topics with your spouse when the topic is addressed shows complete lack of respect toward the partner.

A true man is allowed to change his mind, but if he is not a practicing Jew then he lacks credibility in his change of mind. I doubt that an orthodox Jew would say that circumcision is of the essence but disregard of the other laws is acceptable.

I think that the husband is not showing complete intellectual honesty and he is mainly acting on his feelings. Jewish signifiers are important and meaningful only if someone chooses to be and act as a Jew, some thing applies to Christians and to the Christian signifiers.

You are completely right with your suggestion of discussing this as a couple and with a priest. These are the typical problems that people choose to ignore because they just want to get married; however, when the children show up at the door the memories of how we were raised will surface again. This does not apply to religion only.

Well, as a Catholic you have one perspective, as a Jew, I have another.

We are not told the whole story and you are reading the gaps.

 

[meltzerboy]

Hello everyone,

I decided to register as I have a seious problem. I am Catholic, my husband is non practicing Jew, his parents feel more Jewish identity but do not keep kosher. My husband and I had a proper Catholic wedding and Jewish blessing 2 months later by a reformed rabbi. Now we are expecting our first baby, it’s a boy and I am due in 6 weeks. My husband wants the baby to be circumcized, I insisted for it to be done at the hospital by a non Jewish paediatrician as in my opinion this will have less religious significance. I also want to baptize my baby. I talked with my priest and he says that a can be baptized with only one parent’s consent. I will talk to mu husband about it later, as he has just started a new job and is under stress, so I don’t want to add up to it.
My only worry is if he does not agree, what shoul I do. I was thinking of a secret baptizm in my country before Christmas, I could easily organize it in a few days.
I just don’t want my child to miss something. If he chooses to be Jewish or Atheist in the future there is nothing I can do but at least I want to give him options.
Please feel free to express your opinions.

Carla

It seems to me that despite your and your husband’s saying that he is a non-practicing Jew, he does have some sense of his being Jewish if there was a Jewish blessing on your wedding by a Reform rabbi, even though you had a Catholic wedding. Did you ask your husband why he wants your son circumcised: in other words, is it for religious purposes, cultural reasons, or health concerns? You simply have to talk to him about both the circumcision and the baptism, and whether they make a difference to him. He may or may not be aware that if you do not convert to Judaism, then by Jewish Law your children are not regarded as Jewish since it depends on one’s mother being Jewish. (There is no such thing in Judaism as being half-Jewish.) By the same token, I believe (maybe I’m wrong) your child may not officially be regarded as Catholic unless he is baptized. All of this must be discussed by the two of you, as well as with your priest and perhaps a Reform rabbi. Having your child baptized in secret is not the basis of a happy marriage, not to mention its potential negative effects on your son in the future.