Catholic man wanting to marry non catholic divorced girlfriend with children

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I have been raised catholic, confirmed and never been married. My girlfriend has been married twice and has two children five year old girl and an 8 year old boy. Both times she has been married were not in any church and I know both ex have never been baptized. She grew up in a strict southern baptist home and was baptized. She has been a member of a community church which is more liberal than the church she grew up. Both children have been baptized in the last church she attended. She and I dated many years ago before she was married and ran into each other last January. She is open to explore Catholicism. I personally have not been apart of any parish in some time. I am investigating a group called landings that is a program to bring back people that have not been part of catholic life in some time. I would like to know what we as couple need to do to have our wedding in a catholic church. Would I have to expect her to convert to catholicism before we marry? What is the church say with a Catholic marrying a divorced baptist?

Thanks
jcgarrig
 
After assuring that neither of her prior marriages are valid, you should be free to marry in the Church after completing marriage prep classes. These are a great way to explore the many usual difficulties one encounters in married life and the classes would answer most, if not all of your questions. She would not have to convert, but a ‘mixed marriage’ can have its own challenges, especially within the realm of raising children.
Good Luck:thumbsup:
 
Would I have to expect her to convert to catholicism before we marry?
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No. A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic; it happens every day (well, every Saturday). Since she’s baptized (assuming they used the appropriate form, which baptists should have), you need a “Permission for Mixed Marriage”. This permission is easy to get, and the priest or deacon performing your marriage prep will take care of it for you. To get this permission, you (the Catholic) need to promise two things in front of the priest/deacon: 1. to stay Catholic, and 2. to raise any children the two of you have as Catholic. Once you’ve promised both of those to the priest/deacon, they send the form to your local diocese for approval.

But if she is welcomed into the Church before the wedding, that’s great, and you won’t need the “Permission for Mixed Marriage”.
What is the church say with a Catholic marrying a divorced baptist?
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The Church says that you can’t marry a divorced person (baptist or otherwise). The Catholic Church believes that marriage is a permanent (see usccb.org/nab/bible/matthew/matthew5.htm Verse 32), and thus if she was married previously, she is now not free to marry.

With that said, it may be possible for you to marry her. If her marriages were invalid she can receive a decree of nullity, which makes her free to marry. To learn about that process and how it applies to her specific situation, you need to meet with a priest and discuss the circumstances of her marriages and why they failed. The priest will then advise you and “get the ball rolling”.
I would like to know what we as couple need to do to have our wedding in a catholic church.
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  1. The first thing is to get you back into good standing in the Church. Landings should guide you through this process (really, you don’t need a formal process, though. You can meet with a priest to go through what you need to do, but it’s really not more complicated than going to Confession and attending Mass every week. The people who were married outside of the Church or who missed Confirmation are the more complicated cases.)
  2. After you have your situation resolved, meet with a priest to discuss your girlfriend’s situation. She’ll have to go through the annulment process for both of her previous marriages. If the decrees of nullity are granted for both marriages, you can move on to actual marriage prep.
  3. The actual marriage prep is pretty straight forward. First you meet with a priest to go through the process. The priest fills out any necessary paperwork (e.g. the “Permission for Mixed Marriage” form), and then you attend premarital counseling.
 
If I am not mistaken, the fact that her two husbands were not baptized might expedite matters in her receiving decrees of nullity. While those unions may have been “natural” they were not “sacramental.”

Having said that, I would suggest serious counseling to make sure she knows what marriage entails and that you don’t become her 3rd divorce. Since we don’t know the details, I don’t want to say anything negative, but it is still noticeable that she seems to have had 2 divorces in the last 6 years or so.
 
My advice… Take it Slooooow. Yes, she may “technically” be able to marry you - but this seems like a complicated situation and there are two children involved who have already experienced the pain of divorce. If you are serious about her, I think introducing her to the Catholic faith is paramount. First off, she has kids - so you need to make sure they are put first. Never behave in a way that would scandalize them, like sleeping over. Love this woman as a sister in Christ for now and really get into the faith with her. If, in a while, you both want to enter into a marital union with Christ at the center and her kids are adapated to the situation, then yes, seek the advice of a a priest on how to proceed with the technical parts.
That said, congratulations that you are desiring to get back into the Church 👍
 
Let her focus on raising her children. When they are grown and out on their own, then she can look at annulments and dating and marriage.
 
kage_ar said:
Let her focus on raising her children. When they are grown and out on their own, then she can look at annulments and dating and marriage.
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I respect and understand that point, but perhaps the children could use a father figure?
 
kage_ar said:
Let her focus on raising her children. When they are grown and out on their own, then she can look at annulments and dating and marriage.
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Her children are young yet and would benefit from being in a two-parent household.

However, you really should go through all the proper steps to be sure your marriage is valid and sacramental. The adivce to go slow is very very good. You have several hurdles to overcome and she’s been through a lot in the time since you last dated. Her children have been through much also–pareticularly the older one.

Please, please get in touch with your priest (from Landings or your local parish) and get advice from him as to what you and then your girlfriend need to do. Please bring her along through all this so she can understand *why *the Church requests so much and exactly what she does and doesn’t have to do.

I’ll be praying for you.
 
jcgarrig said:
I have been raised catholic, confirmed and never been married. My girlfriend has been married twice and has two children five year old girl and an 8 year old boy. Both times she has been married were not in any church and I know both ex have never been baptized. She grew up in a strict southern baptist home and was baptized. She has been a member of a community church which is more liberal than the church she grew up. Both children have been baptized in the last church she attended. She and I dated many years ago before she was married and ran into each other last January. She is open to explore Catholicism. I personally have not been apart of any parish in some time. I am investigating a group called landings that is a program to bring back people that have not been part of catholic life in some time. I would like to know what we as couple need to do to have our wedding in a catholic church. Would I have to expect her to convert to catholicism before we marry? What is the church say with a Catholic marrying a divorced baptist?

Thanks
jcgarrig
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Welcome back. Prayers for your journey. Obviously you need to concentrate most on your faith journey right now before you can help her with hers. First things first.
As has been mentioned Catholics believe that marriage is permanent. So there will have to be an investigation with the marriage tribunal into the validity of her marriages. There are a lot of variables here so you will want to undertake all of that with the help of a priest who is familiar with the process.

Here’s a website for you to look at to help you with your transition back into the faith.

catholicscomehome.org/

On a practical note a lot of posters have alluded to the very complicated situation that this is. Those children and what is best for them has got to be the priority even before a marriage. Care has got to be taken to not scandalize them or cause them damage.
 
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