Catholic marriage...STD?

[lifeisbeautiful]

Hi LB5…
Just to give you some support (because I know that in today’s society, it is much needed), I myself am also a recent graduate from University, and have been in a very long term relationship with strives daily to live as Christ asked. I have been with him for over 5 years (we are now engaged to marry next spring), and yes, we have been tempted and have struggled with Chastity, but I am very happy to say that premarital sex was never an option. We discussed this up front, and early in the relationship.

It was never an option for us to live together, have ‘sleep overs’, etc.

It is not easy in this society… BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE!!

Stay strong, and I also encourage frequent confession (weekly if need be).

No one said it would be easy, but it is well worth it for the reward here on earth and in heaven!

I second this. I am in my twenties, have been married for 4 yrs and married right out of college (far away from family). I saw you mentioned early on:

…we are doing well compared to a lot of what goes on in society today.

and I just wanted to mention to be careful with that (as someone who has fallen prey to that train of thought in other areas too). It is easy to use that as a crutch, in any aspect of life, but the truth is that the more we know, the more is expected of us. (Lol, and the answer isn’t to try to know less, I’ve tried that). God has given many of us here the gift of learning more about Him and our beautiful Church, and we need to do our best to live what we have learned. There are many people out there living crazy lives, but many of them have less formation too. Just because it looks like their lives are “more sinful” does not mean they are (another reason why we can’t judge others). God knows what is in each person’s heart. We are responsible for how we choose to act with what we know. To those who are given more, more is expected.

 

[graceandglory]

** If you and your fiance stop all sexual activity now until your wedding day you will NOT regret it. It will be hard but anything worth doing is never easy. **

But if you think that you will not stay together if you don’t keep having sex, then I would advise not getting married. You are only going to be able to discern correctly, when you take sex out of the equation.

The answer for keeping the one you love free from herpes (ie: PURE) after you get married is abstinence.

The answer for keeping PURE before you get married is Abstinence.

If you are meeting with a priest, my guess is you aren’t being honest with him. How can you enter a marriage when you are not being completely honest? How can you think of marrying someone who doesn’t care about your immortal soul?

Mortal sin will send you to hell. That’s only loving to share that with you. “The culture made me do it” isn’t going to fly with God.

This is a fantastic and fun website:

godofdesire.squarespace.com/twelve-principles/

Read the articles. You won’t regret it.

God’s truth is hidden in your heart. Pope John Paul 2 calls it “the original echo.” It’s in all of us. It’s that call to return to the purity of heart that we once had. Listen to it. It’s in there. God made you with that “original echo” inside of you.

 

[graceandglory]

I’m gonna add one more thing.
Sexual addiction is a reall thing.
If you or your boyfriend honestly can’t imagine life without sexual activity, or having self control over your sexual drives, then it’s possible that there is a sexual addiction involved.

Sexual addiction will always keep you from true love.
I know a couple of faithful Catholics who want to know true love in their lives, who are involved in a 12 step group for sexual addictions.

slaafws.org/

I share this with all respect, because you say one thing, and yet are living different than how you say you want to be.

 

[LB5]

I know my boyfriend would not leave me if we stopped having sex; I am not worried about that and I am not worried that we shouldn’t get married. I do worry about hurting his feelings, though I know that is no reason to continue the way we have. He is a Catholic too, but he stopped going to church for awhile, and fell out of it, and since we started dating he has been going to church and going to Confession with me and stuff. His last girlfriend did not even believe in God. But I know it would be hard for him to understand. I know though that this is something we are both going to have to work through together, it won’t be easy for either of us. But I am sure we can do it one day at a time.

And no, we have not yet with a priest just yet. We are not engaged yet but I know it’s coming soon (I know he bought the ring already!).

 

[Nordar]

I know my boyfriend would not leave me if we stopped having sex; I am not worried about that and I am not worried that we shouldn’t get married. I do worry about hurting his feelings, though I know that is no reason to continue the way we have. He is a Catholic too, but he stopped going to church for awhile, and fell out of it, and since we started dating he has been going to church and going to Confession with me and stuff. His last girlfriend did not even believe in God. But I know it would be hard for him to understand. I know though that this is something we are both going to have to work through together, it won’t be easy for either of us. But I am sure we can do it one day at a time.

And no, we have not yet with a priest just yet. We are not engaged yet but I know it’s coming soon (I know he bought the ring already!).

Question! after you go to confession do you recieve The Eucharist knowing that you will still be having PMS?

 

[catharina]

Catholics (as well as numerous Priest, Bishops and Cardinals) in the country and around the world overwhelming support the lifting of the condom ban. I would be surprised if the ban is not lifted within the next few years.

Paul, your statement without attribution or documentation might seem conclusive if I didn’t remember many such similar statements made before and after Pope Paul VI issued Humanae Vitae. The Catholic directive remains No Birth Control. That you and your wife chose a different path speaks only to relativism, not to an understanding acceptance of Church Teaching.

 

[LB5]

Question! after you go to confession do you recieve The Eucharist knowing that you will still be having PMS?

I can’t say I’ve really thought about it at that time. Of course now I will, I guess, but to be honest, for me it’s not like, I know conclusively that we’re going to go and do it soon. On the other hand it’s not like I leave there definitively saying we’re NOT doing it. And it is not like we do it so often that it’s a given. It is not every day, it is not even usually every week. Not that it’s ever acceptable.

 

[Nordar]

I can’t say I’ve really thought about it at that time. Of course now I will, I guess, but to be honest, for me it’s not like, I know conclusively that we’re going to go and do it soon. On the other hand it’s not like I leave there definitively saying we’re NOT doing it. And it is not like we do it so often that it’s a given. It is not every day, it is not even usually every week. Not that it’s ever acceptable.

You didn’t answer my question, do you receive The Eucharist knowing that you are going to have sex?. The excuse that you don’t know just does not cut it, because you know full well that you will, you have already said that you are not going to stop but that you will try.

It does not matter if it is only 2 times a month, one time is too much if you are receiving the Eucharist. Do you know that when you go to confession and confess that you are commiting mortal sin by engaging in PMS knowing full well . you will do it again makes your confession is invalid?. Receiving The Eucharist after an invalid confession is a Sacrilege

saying that you don’t know conclusively that you are not, is a lie you are telling yourself according to your other posts.

I’m sorry if this seems harsh but you have been given good sound Catholic advise on what the right thing to do is. Yet you still post making excuses for what you are doing while receiving the Sacraments.

 

[LB5]

I don’t feel you have the right to tell me I am “lying to myself”. This has been a personal struggle for me and I pray every day for the strength to say “no” and who are you to tell me that I’m lying to myself? That’s like basically telling me that I shouldn’t even bother to confess or to receive Communion because this is something I’ll never be able to overcome. You have essentially just told me that I will not be able to stop doing this, no matter how hard I pray or try.

Some of you have been very kind to me and I appreciate your advice. Even when it’s been harsh. But I feel that someone telling me that I am “lying to myself” and that even if I confess, it’s not good enough, is crossing the line. I appreciate the advice and prayers but I don’t think I can come back to this board, it is unfair to judge me and basically tell me I can never change.

 

[kage_ar]

Please, talk to your Priest.

Jesus will help you to change - without Him I could not overcome anything, with Him - I can!!! You can too!!!

 

[Nordar]

I don’t feel you have the right to tell me I am “lying to myself”. This has been a personal struggle for me and I pray every day for the strength to say “no” and who are you to tell me that I’m lying to myself? That’s like basically telling me that I shouldn’t even bother to confess or to receive Communion because this is something I’ll never be able to overcome. You have essentially just told me that I will not be able to stop doing this, no matter how hard I pray or try.

Some of you have been very kind to me and I appreciate your advice. Even when it’s been harsh. But I feel that someone telling me that I am “lying to myself” and that even if I confess, it’s not good enough, is crossing the line. I appreciate the advice and prayers but I don’t think I can come back to this board, it is unfair to judge me and basically tell me I can never change.

You are reading into my post what is not there. I never said that you will never change, Where did I say that? By what you have posted on here tells us that you are lying to yourself. You have gone to confession and then received I am assuming by what you have said numerous times. Have you stopped having PMS?
Have you honestly made the decision you will not do it again?

Stop with the persecution complex that I was judging you, I was and I am telling you that receiving The Eucharist when you are still having PMS is a sacrilege.

Where did I say that you should never bother going to confession or receiving and you will never change?

What I said was you CANNOT go to confession and receive and continue to have PMS.
Do you truly realize that you are receiving the body and blood of Jesus when you receive The Eucharist?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

You are reading into my post what is not there. I never said that you will never change, Where did I say that?

I can see how it may have been taken that way even though it wasn’t your intent…

By what you have posted on here tells us that you are lying to yourself. You have gone to confession and then received I am assuming by what you have said numerous times. Have you stopped having PMS?
Have you honestly made the decision you will not do it again?
**
** To LB5: This is the important part… if a decision to stop was not made, then yes, you are “lying to yourself”. It is one thing to tell God you are sorry and sincerely say you will stop and then fall and quite another to apologize (confess) without the clear intention of never repeating the behavior.

 

[kage_ar]

After you are married buy a box of condoms but try as best as you can not to be in a store in your neighborhood so you can be discreet and not cause your parishioners to see you and give them the wrong impression…(look up church definition of scandal)

When you are about to have marital relations cut the tip off the condoms with a sharp scissors or poke dozens of holes in the end with a sharp needle. The sheath of the condom will help protect your husbands skin (herpes spread skin-to-skin contact mostly) and you will not be committing sin of contraception as the semen is not being contained you are open to life.

I heard a priest discuss this very issue. This sounded pretty good to me. It’s not a guarantee he won’t get herpes but it can help protect your spouse and you are still open to life. Hope this helps.

1st P.S. Welcome to the forums!
2nd P.S. Stop having sex
3rd P.S. Jesus loves you!

Speechless.

This is either the funniest thing or the silliest thing I have read today.

 

[thenewmrssears]

After you are married buy a box of condoms but try as best as you can not to be in a store in your neighborhood so you can be discreet and not cause your parishioners to see you and give them the wrong impression…(look up church definition of scandal)

When you are about to have marital relations cut the tip off the condoms with a sharp scissors or poke dozens of holes in the end with a sharp needle. The sheath of the condom will help protect your husbands skin (herpes spread skin-to-skin contact mostly) and you will not be committing sin of contraception as the semen is not being contained you are open to life.

I heard a priest discuss this very issue. This sounded pretty good to me. It’s not a guarantee he won’t get herpes but it can help protect your spouse and you are still open to life. Hope this helps.

1st P.S. Welcome to the forums!
2nd P.S. Stop having sex
3rd P.S. Jesus loves you!

I have heard this as well. I didn’t say anything, because I am not exactly sure where the Church stands on it. We had a nun teach us this in sex ed in high school, because the Catholic Church allows the use of these types of condoms in certain instances.

I’m just not sure what those instances are exactly.

 

[kage_ar]

Most virus are smaller than “holes” you would poke in a condom.

You might read about how EASY it is to spread herpes. It can be spread by casual contact.

 

[LittleDeb]

Most virus are smaller than “holes” you would poke in a condom.

You might read about how EASY it is to spread herpes. It can be spread by casual contact.

Exactly!

And to everyone, since this IS the actual topic of the thread, I think focusing on the education in this area is the most helpful. Get the Church documents out! Condoms are never appropriate, morally! Abstinence is the only answer. (Either complete, or periodic.)

LB5 knows that pre-marital sex is sinful. She needs help overcoming a very bad habit, yes. But I cannot even begin to tell you all how much an STD affects your self worth! The idea of being “damaged goods” is much more prevalent than the idea of pre-marital sex. Having sex just became a habit for me during my horrible time. But I indulged in the negative thoughts about my own self worth. My confessions about hanging around people who told me their lives (and my life) were nothing was a bigger piece of my sinful behavior.

Individual priests might have their own solutions. It doesn’t mean those solutions work. My point in posting, as you can all obviously tell it is a very personal topic, is in education. Condoms don’t work, not just because of their contraceptive quality, but because they lull people into a false sense of security.

A perforated silicon condom is for collection purposes. There is nothing it is actually doing other than that. We, as Catholics, have to be educated on the topic of condoms! We cannot fall in with secular reasoning because they are unreasonable! Their solution of condoms is not solving the problem! Abstinence is!

LB5’s future husband, whomever he is, might get herpes. That is a very real risk he needs to decide if he wants to take. The sheer fact that I got it even with condom use told my DH some pretty important facts. Yes, obviously a rape is much more violent than the marital act, but the mechanics are the same. The doctor who examined me didn’t know I was raped. He is the one who told me that condoms don’t prevent herpes. A woman in my support circle got it from an affected towel. There was an episode of “House” where a woman got it from a scratch. (Even though fictional, they have medical advisers.)

I guess my point is that we have the opportunity here to share actual Church teaching. Let’s not miss it! Condoms are not the answer and the Church keeps saying that! She knows! Don’t let Catholics fall into secular reasoning. Because secular reasoning is telling LB5 some really bad information!

Secular reasoning is telling LB5 that she can’t change her behavior, so why should she?! They say, “Just use a condom!” Secular reasoning is telling her that she can’t have a good life! They say that herpes has marked her for life and she will always be in “that culture.” And above all secular reasoning is telling her that sex is the be all end all! They say that periodic abstinence is unreasonable and permanent continence is absurd! “They” are wrong!

I have proven they are wrong with my very own life! I have a husband and 2 beautiful children, all uninfected. I have a happy husband who does not feel deprived from periodic continence. It happens. We deal with it from a spacing babies point of view and because of the herpes. So to all of you out there who have felt deprived from sex…walk in my husband’s shoes for awhile. They are giant sized 12s. You will all fit!

 

[jmcrae]

After you are married buy a box of condoms but try as best as you can not to be in a store in your neighborhood so you can be discreet and not cause your parishioners to see you and give them the wrong impression…(look up church definition of scandal)

When you are about to have marital relations cut the tip off the condoms with a sharp scissors or poke dozens of holes in the end with a sharp needle. The sheath of the condom will help protect your husbands skin (herpes spread skin-to-skin contact mostly) and you will not be committing sin of contraception as the semen is not being contained you are open to life.

I heard a priest discuss this very issue. This sounded pretty good to me. It’s not a guarantee he won’t get herpes but it can help protect your spouse and you are still open to life. Hope this helps.

1st P.S. Welcome to the forums!
2nd P.S. Stop having sex
3rd P.S. Jesus loves you!

There is absolutely no point in using a condom if you are just going to poke holes in it. The disease will spread through the holes in the condom.

 

[rinnie]

I don’t feel you have the right to tell me I am “lying to myself”. This has been a personal struggle for me and I pray every day for the strength to say “no” and who are you to tell me that I’m lying to myself? That’s like basically telling me that I shouldn’t even bother to confess or to receive Communion because this is something I’ll never be able to overcome. You have essentially just told me that I will not be able to stop doing this, no matter how hard I pray or try.

Some of you have been very kind to me and I appreciate your advice. Even when it’s been harsh. But I feel that someone telling me that I am “lying to myself” and that even if I confess, it’s not good enough, is crossing the line. I appreciate the advice and prayers but I don’t think I can come back to this board, it is unfair to judge me and basically tell me I can never change.

I agree with you, at least you are doing the best you can and God understands that. I know its hard today but just dont give up thats all. And you are right no-one has the right to judge you. Sometimes I think people come on too strong hopefully that don’t mean it that way.

I think we just want you to do the right thing. Hang in there things will work out for you. Keep going to church and praying God will help you, he knows your heart and he knows how hard it is today. Its pretty much impossible today I know. But you can do it, keep trying thats what counts.

 

[rebusrms]

Some of you have been very kind to me and I appreciate your advice. Even when it’s been harsh. But I feel that someone telling me that I am “lying to myself” and that even if I confess, it’s not good enough, is crossing the line. I appreciate the advice and prayers but I don’t think I can come back to this board, it is unfair to judge me and basically tell me I can never change.

I am so sorry that you feel this way. Please do not let a group of judgmental fools speak for all of us on the forum. Most of us care very deeply for you and are praying for you, praying that you remain strong as you face what must be the toughest temptation to you. I understand temptation and I understand the work it takes to overcome it. There are a lot of us who do. You are not alone, you are loved and mercy can be found here

For the judgment fools, the last I checked the bible states we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Who were you to run this young lady off who sought mercy and encouragement. We all have our own demons and temptations and if you say you don’t your a lier.

 

[rinnie]

One other thing too, for those who are harsh, How many of you were as good and faithful as you are expecting her to be?

Next how many of you have children and are they as good as you expect her to be?

And third how many of your grandchildren then are this good?

You may be very very surprised. I not making excuses Im stating facts I know I have kids. How many who arent married young and are from 18-25 can stand before our Church and say they are any better, Not many I am sure.

The point is We want God to be a forgiving God, and have Mercy on us, then we better be the same way.

Trust me dear you will be fine, you are a good person just to realize it is wrong. And alot of these people have little ones. Trust me you just wait. You will see its not easy raising kids today. This Girl is put through hell just for knowing this is wrong.
Alot has changed just in the last ten years. Kids are having sex at twelve years old. I couldn’t believe it either, and trust me its these parents that think this is so horrible that have no idea what little princess is doing?