Catholic marriage to Protestant - can it work out?

[House_Harkonnen]

Hello,
How is marriage between Catholics and non-Catholic Christians viewed in the Catholic faith and how prevalent is this kind of “mixed marriage”? Are such married couples considered to be “unequally yoked”?

What are some of the obstacles of such relationships?

Are there any advantages?

Is it a non-issue?

Background:
I am a protestant Evangelical who is happily married to a wonderful woman who shares the same protestant faith as I do. She is also mother to my two fine sons who are in their mid to late 20’s. Theoretically, if I were to convert to Catholicism and my wife didn’t (she told me she could never do that), would our marriage be considered legal and valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church?

Just wondering. Thanks.

Things work out, especially if you’re tolerant of their beliefs.

After I left the RCC my wife stayed Catholic while I explored different denominations. Things were tough but we made it work. My wife was patient when I went exploring, for that I am grateful to her.

Thankfully we are on the same page now.

 

[Tommy999]

Things work out, especially if you’re tolerant of their beliefs.

After I left the RCC my wife stayed Catholic while I explored different denominations. Things were tough but we made it work. My wife was patient when I went exploring, for that I am grateful to her.

Thankfully we are on the same page now.

HH,
Thanks for your story. Sounds like your experience is somewhat the opposite of a lot of the folks on CAF whose story I have heard.

If it’s not too personal, may I ask how many years did she remain a Catholic after you left the faith? I am also curious what caused her to join your Lutheran faith. Was the main factor that she just didn’t want for the two of you to go to separate churches?

 

[House_Harkonnen]

HH,
Thanks for your story. Sounds like your experience is somewhat the opposite of a lot of the folks on CAF whose story I have heard.

If it’s not too personal, may I ask how many years did she remain a Catholic after you left the faith? I am also curious what caused her to join your Lutheran faith. Was the main factor that she just didn’t want for the two of you to go to separate churches?

My wife stayed a Catholic for about a year while I explored other denominations. She even agreed to come check out other denominations with me specifically Russian Orthodoxy and Lutheranism.

She ended up Lutheran for many reasons, not the same reasons that I did. But us being on the same page was good, we had to have some long discussions about how we were going to raise our 3 children. Even when I had started membership classes in the Lutheran church she was still unwilling but did the classes with me. She got convinced during the classes, for a reason that I am not comfortable disclosing.

 

[DAML72]

Hi Kathleen,
To bolster that point, I read not too long ago that when a father goes regularly with the family to church, over 80% of those children continue to attend church, whereas if the kids go without their father that number drops to around 20%.

I find that statistic astounding and it is a sobering reminder to all fathers to take their faith seriously for the sake of the family.

And to the young women out there - don’t marry a non-believer. I can’t say it was the biggest mistake of my life, because I ended up with two amazing children. But, I would not recommend anyone else choose that path.

 

[Tommy999]

Thanks for the replies, House Harkonnen and DAML72.

I’m glad you and your wife are on the same page now, HH. I would think having both spouses in the same faith would lead in general to a more harmonius home. However, as others have said, it is still possible to have a good marriage where one of the spouses is Catholic and the other a protestant – it just takes a little more work and a lot of love and respect on both sides.

Good advice, DAML72. I’ve heard of cases where a well-meaning young Christian woman will marry a non-believer thinking she will be able to influence him and lead him to God – the so-called “missionary dating” element. I heard it is rarely successful.

 

[vz71]

Thanks for sharing from your real life experience, vz71. Sounds like you must have a solid marriage to be able to do that. If I may ask, do you ever debate issues of faith or do you find it better to not discuss your differences and focus of what you have in common?

My wife dislikes debate.

But as far as staying away from topics go, we haven’t any real need to avoid the topic.

For the most part, she is in full agreement with the tenets of faith of the Catholic church.

But there is always that leap of faith that would bring her into full communion that she does not even consider.

I guess it is the difference between knowing the faith and having it.

 

[QNDNNDQDCE]

In your case, the issue of mixed marriage, while a challenge, is not the same deal it is for two entering a marriage with unequal faiths. In your case, it sounds like your children are already grown so you are not so responsible for their spiritual welfare as you were when they were still under your wing. The issue then is not raising spiritually weak children, but the conflict with your wife. Depending on where your wife is coming from, she may think you are an idolater and an apostate. Hopefully, she will be more understanding. But you married for better or for worse, so if you recognize that the Catholic faith is true, then you are obliged to become Catholic even if it would be easier with her for you to remain Protestant. She’s not going to be the one judging you when the day comes.

From my experience, I think if you do become Catholic, no matter how obstinate your wife is at first, she will almost certainly soften to your new faith eventually, even if she never converts herself. Solid marriages are not built on rejecting the papacy. Be the best husband you can, love her with all your heart, and don’t ram your religion down her throat. You can still have a good marriage even if you have to go to different places on Sunday morning.

 

[twopekinguys]

Simply put, my parents were married 52 years, and my father was Catholic, and my mother was Presbyterian. Her adoptive father was a Presbyterian minister.

So, long story short, yes, it can, and does work out.

 

[JonNC]

Hello,
How is marriage between Catholics and non-Catholic Christians viewed in the Catholic faith and how prevalent is this kind of “mixed marriage”? Are such married couples considered to be “unequally yoked”?

What are some of the obstacles of such relationships?

Are there any advantages?

Is it a non-issue?

Background:
I am a protestant Evangelical who is happily married to a wonderful woman who shares the same protestant faith as I do. She is also mother to my two fine sons who are in their mid to late 20’s. Theoretically, if I were to convert to Catholicism and my wife didn’t (she told me she could never do that), would our marriage be considered legal and valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church?

Just wondering. Thanks.

I think, in part it may depend on the communion involved.
I have a very good friend from my youth whose mom was Lutheran and dad was Catholic. He was raised Lutheran, but the family was very strong.
My daughter, OTOH, had strong feelings for a young Baptist man. They both came to realize how important each one’s faith regarding Baptism is, and how different those two faiths are. They remain very good friends.

Jon

 

[Per_Crucem]

Hello,
How is marriage between Catholics and non-Catholic Christians viewed in the Catholic faith and how prevalent is this kind of “mixed marriage”? Are such married couples considered to be “unequally yoked”?

What are some of the obstacles of such relationships?

Are there any advantages?

Is it a non-issue?

Background:
I am a protestant Evangelical who is happily married to a wonderful woman who shares the same protestant faith as I do. She is also mother to my two fine sons who are in their mid to late 20’s. Theoretically, if I were to convert to Catholicism and my wife didn’t (she told me she could never do that), would our marriage be considered legal and valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church?

Just wondering. Thanks.

My wife is Catholic. I am sure that other posters have answered your specific questions, but in our case, we were married in my Lutheran parish. It was valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church because my wife received a dispensation from the diocese to marry in a non-Catholic Church.

 

[Porknpie]

Hello,
How is marriage between Catholics and non-Catholic Christians viewed in the Catholic faith and how prevalent is this kind of “mixed marriage”? Are such married couples considered to be “unequally yoked”?

What are some of the obstacles of such relationships?

Are there any advantages?

Is it a non-issue?

Background:
I am a protestant Evangelical who is happily married to a wonderful woman who shares the same protestant faith as I do. She is also mother to my two fine sons who are in their mid to late 20’s. Theoretically, if I were to convert to Catholicism and my wife didn’t (she told me she could never do that), would our marriage be considered legal and valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church?

Just wondering. Thanks.

I married a Lutheran girl who in a few years converted. More than twenty years later, she is a wonderful Catholic. Absolutely, positively, wonderful. She was raised in a terrific Christian home and lost nothing from her previous tradition but only gained when she entered the Church. “Never” is a long time and a bad word when it comes to faith and Christ’s call for everyone to be of One Faith in The Church that he himself established. Follow your conscious - it’s your duty - and the Holy Spirit will take care of your wife.

PnP

 

[Hockeygurl]

As a Lutheran (LCMS) girl who just celebrated her 20th anniversary to a Catholic boy… yes it does work. :dancing:

Advice: Don’t debate religion, be an example of a patient, understanding, loving husband and father. I feel that the example goes a lot farther than words ever can. Compromise, yes, it might not be ideal, but necessary. Also, pray together often.

Good Luck!

 

[jmcrae]

Hello,
How is marriage between Catholics and non-Catholic Christians viewed in the Catholic faith and how prevalent is this kind of “mixed marriage”? Are such married couples considered to be “unequally yoked”?

What are some of the obstacles of such relationships?

Are there any advantages?

Is it a non-issue?

Background:
I am a protestant Evangelical who is happily married to a wonderful woman who shares the same protestant faith as I do. She is also mother to my two fine sons who are in their mid to late 20’s. Theoretically, if I were to convert to Catholicism and my wife didn’t (she told me she could never do that), would our marriage be considered legal and valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church?

Just wondering. Thanks.

I converted and my husband did not.

We never did use birth control, so that aspect of my conversion was never an issue - we took NFP classes during our engagement period, and used it for several years, so things didn’t change or need to change in that department when I became Catholic. Our reason for doing NFP instead of birth control was fear of chemical side effects, and convenience - NFP is safe and simple, and doesn’t require much more than a medical thermometer and something to write on.

Both of us were Protestant at the time of our wedding, so there was no need for a marriage validation, or anything like that.

It was painful to leave my Protestant community, and my husband experienced a certain amount of hostility for being married to a Catholic wife. I have never experienced any difficulty on account of him being Protestant, though, and all of my Catholic friends are unfailingly kind to him.

At home, neither of us is particularly demonstrative - I have a little crucifix in the living room, and he has a little Nativity set that sits next to it. Between us, we own about 18 different translations of the Bible, and we both read and study it regularly.

 

[Tommy999]

Thank you, everyone. I’m glad to hear more testimonies that things can work out in such relationships and am encouraged by them.

My wife is still trying to talk me out of pursuing Catholicism. She says she thinks I am going through a mid-life crisis of some sort because we are both lifelong church-going Protestants. I assured her I wasn’t having a crisis. She is still adamantly opposed to me pursuing Catholicism and even said she would consider divorcing me over it. I love her dearly but feel she is being unreasonable. Please pray for me.

 

[catmom50]

I am Catholic married 18 years to a Baptist. Yes, it can work. :extrahappy:

Advice: Don’t debate religion, be an example of a patient, understanding, loving husband and father. I feel that the example goes a lot farther than words ever can. Compromise, yes, it might not be ideal, but necessary. Also, pray together often.

Good Luck!

 

[TheWiseMan]

A marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant would seriously make their children confused in the upbringing of their faith. Who will they follow? In other words, it will leave them without an idea as to which one they *should *follow. In this case, the differences here would be rather petty in nature.

So in retrospect, it might theoretically work out, but I don’t necessarily see with the children of that said marriage.

 

[SecretGarden]

Yes it can because the heart of both is Christ. It is a lot easier to travel between a Catholic and Protestant church vs Christian and a non christian religion.

As long as you teach what both churches believe and teach in an educational way and put the relationship with Christ as the central theme of both it can work. You have to be careful of presenting either one negatively or as one is better than the other because they aren’t. But if you teach them that each one provides a different way to have an encounter with christ which in most respects they do, you should be fine. For example on Christmas eve and Easter, you can select a Catholic mass plus a protestant service to attend. Depending on where you live, it could be possible to do both. Or on Easter, you can celebrate the easter mass on saturday and then a protestent service on Sunday. There are so many ways you can combine them. As Catholic whose family is protestant, I have done it therefore I know it can be done. It might be difficult if you have young children but as a parent you see what they can handle and you do your best to go between the two.

Then once the children are of age, they can decide what denomination they wish to follow. A new trend is slowly emerging where people are following christ which means they will drift between the Catholic and protestant churches.

That said, often children do need some type of identity therefore it might be a good idea to select one, and then gradually introduce the other over time.

I suggest that you pray about it because generally speaking if one person is inactive in denomination and other person is active, generally speaking the active denomination is where the children are raised.

 

[pablope]

Thank you, everyone. I’m glad to hear more testimonies that things can work out in such relationships and am encouraged by them.

My wife is still trying to talk me out of pursuing Catholicism. She says she thinks I am going through a mid-life crisis of some sort because we are both lifelong church-going Protestants. I assured her I wasn’t having a crisis. She is still adamantly opposed to me pursuing Catholicism and even said she would consider divorcing me over it. I love her dearly but feel she is being unreasonable. Please pray for me.

My prayers certainly, Tommy. My suggestion is ask her (if you have not yet) what are some of her objections or angst against the Catholic Church or against Catholicism in general, and provide answers, and see how it goes from there, from what you have learned about catholicism so far.

Also, if she has not agreed to attend mass, at least get her to watch on TV, on EWTN, at least it will be a start.

 

[vz71]

A marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant would seriously make their children confused in the upbringing of their faith. Who will they follow? In other words, it will leave them without an idea as to which one they *should *follow. In this case, the differences here would be rather petty in nature.

So in retrospect, it might theoretically work out, but I don’t necessarily see with the children of that said marriage.

The best that can be done is to make very clear where faith lies.
And to make sure there is a firm foundation of clear teaching and tradition.

It does help that my wife admires the Catholic church as she does.

Prayers are always appreciated.

 

[Porknpie]

Thank you, everyone. I’m glad to hear more testimonies that things can work out in such relationships and am encouraged by them.

My wife is still trying to talk me out of pursuing Catholicism. She says she thinks I am going through a mid-life crisis of some sort because we are both lifelong church-going Protestants. I assured her I wasn’t having a crisis. She is still adamantly opposed to me pursuing Catholicism and even said she would consider divorcing me over it. I love her dearly but feel she is being unreasonable. Please pray for me.

Tommy, this is a very good little book by Patrick Madrid : Answer Me This. It consists of rather good but condensed answers to the major objections of Catholicism.

I’m sure your wife has a dozen or more of the questions memorized.

She just doesn’t know the correct answers.

Perhaps she would be willing to read it…

Or better yet, you review the Q&A’s with her.

But remember that conversion is a process and a gift of the Holy Spirit. You can review all the questions and answers but the Spirit needs to come into her and soften her heart. Informing the intellect though is a great thing to do.

PnP