Catholic Marriage VS Annulment

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feelinglost1

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I realize this post will bring controversy, but I would like opinions please.

I met my fiance a couple of years ago. I am awaiting my previous Catholic marriage to be annulled.

We were told it would be at least a year. My faince became very angry with me and said I sounded “suspicious” because I asked the Deacon when we might be able to set a wedding date.

Now – I am very curious if my fiance is delaying this process on purpose. During arguments, he threatens me and says that I’m pressuring him for marriage and I need to “ask nicely” when I talk about dates etc.

My bottom line question is - would it be in good Catholic graces to have a common law marriage certificate for insurance purposes (healthcare etc) until we receive my annulment?

Or would that cause more problems? He says that we can’t be common law marriage if we want to be married in the Catholic church.

Coincidentally I’m the only one who goes to Mass. He doesn’t go – but he’s steadfast that we must get this annulment. However, he’s been married twice before in non denominational churches. Never mattered before…
 
Why would you want to marry someone who threatens you?

As for your question, no I don’t think it would be allowed. Until you have received an annulment you are not free to marry according to the Catholic Church.
 
feelinglost1 said:
During arguments, he threatens me and says that I’m pressuring him for marriage and I need to “ask nicely” when I talk about dates etc
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Yeah, that’s not a guy I would marry.
feelinglost1 said:
would it be in good Catholic graces to have a common law marriage certificate for insurance purposes (healthcare etc) until we receive my annulment?
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No.
feelinglost1 said:
Or would that cause more problems?
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It would be an invalid marriage. Common law marriage is a fancy way of saying “shacking up”. A civil wedding would also be invalid.
feelinglost1 said:
He says that we can’t be common law marriage if we want to be married in the Catholic church.
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well that’s true to an extent. You would not be in a valid marriage. You would still have to get married in the Catholic Church. BUT, and this is a HUGE one-- if you do not receive a decree of nullity you cannot marry at all. It is a very bad idea to marry civilly hoping you will receive a decree of nullity. It could create a very bad problem indeed.
feelinglost1 said:
Coincidentally I’m the only one who goes to Mass.
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That’s great. Continue to receive the sacraments. Remain single (and not having sex with your boyfriend-- I wouldn’t call him a fiancé until you have a decree of nullity in hand) and chaste.
feelinglost1 said:
He doesn’t go – but he’s steadfast that we must get this annulment.
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He sounds like a jerk and you need to ask yourself if this is someone you actually want to marry? He is a non-practicing Catholic, why would you yoke yourself to him? You may be making the same mistakes that led to the demise of your first marriage. Talk to your deacon-- by yourself-- about marriage.
feelinglost1 said:
However, he’s been married twice before in non denominational churches. Never mattered before…
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He also needs to be declared free to marry in the Church. Not just you.

AND, this is a huge red flag. Two prior marriages, not a sign of someone who understands the permanence of marriage.

There are a lot of red flags here. Frankly, he doesn’t sound like a prize at all.
 
Agree with the wise posters above.

Also, the Tribunal reviews a marriage to determine validity. There is no guarantee that they will find his first attempt at marriage to be invalid. He has no business dating and becoming romantic with a woman unless the Tribunal rules he is free to marry.
 
feeling lost. You posted this thread 16 days ago.
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Need help -- do I leave or stay? I've lost God Family Life
I have a mess and I need prayer/help. I grew up a Catholic. Married for 15 years & divorced. Annulment filed 2 months ago. A few months afterdivorce filed, I met a successful, good looking man who swept me off my feet. He was successful & powerful, I became gullible & allowed him to make decisions that I shouldn’t have. I had terrific job but it was demanding & my new love (now fiancé) didn’t want me to continue because it was 2 hrs from his home/work & he struggled with distance. He’d trave…
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Get out, get out now,. Make a plan. Leave.
This will get a whole lot worse once married.

Its abuse now, it will be much worse once married.

And I bet he is already demanding what you should wait to do until marriage.

yes I am harsh, yes I have been there, run as fast as you can the other way.

There are good men out there who will treat you right.

do you want to become another number for a victim of domestic violence in any form
 
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Married twice outside the Church. Assuming he’s Catholic lack of form is likely - especially with a year estimate. A year is too short to go through a full case.
 
And way too long for a simple lack of form (those take 90 days max).
 
He thinks he has the right ,now, to be very angry with you over what clergy and ordained say.
Magnify that anger 1000 times. Do you really want to live like that. You deserve a good man.
 
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You need to get out of this relationship yesterday. This is not a good, faithful Catholic man. Marrying him will ruin your life. I would bet he told you horrible things about his ex-wives and why they divorced. He will say those same things about you also.
 
he has emotionlly abused you and financially stolen from you for so long, and threatened you with lawyers making you cry for so long that you now believe his utter shite.

you now believe every word he says. you now think you, a person who has demonstrated she can run a great business, that you are worthless.

This is what these peoole do. there is a reason he has 2 failed marriages and that reason is not you.

There is a facebook page i can link you too for support . pm if you want it. its women only and confidential
 
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Why are you still with this abusive man? Go to a shelter or ask your priest to help you find somewhere safe to go.

You need to break it off with him while you pursue your annulment. And then, and only then, wait for a good man. This man is bad news.
 
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Since you’ve been with this man, you’ve
Voluntarily quit an excellent job, just so he could be with you, and not have to drive so far to his job;
Become alienated from much of your friends and family;
Started your own business, which he’s had a hand in ruining;

Do I need to say more? This man has a controlling personality! Nothing good, ultimately, can come from this union. Please, find the phone number of a women’s shelter, gather up your money and valuables, and get out! Giving you advice on keeping this relationship together is, in my opinion is just like instructing you on how to commit suicide! I answered your other thread by asking you to start another thread, once you were out of his home! This kind of person is totally selfish, and will only bring you trouble and heartache.

He’s keeping you away from friends so that he can control you! The same with wanting to control your finances-trapping you into staying with him!

The most important thing now is that you understand that you are not alone. People care about you. When you finally get out from under his thumb, you’ll be surprised at the number of people who have gone thru similar experiences, and want to help you. Of course, he will never say anything like that to you…he’s probably been chipping away at your self-worth from day one. I’m starting to repeat myself, so I’ll close like I did in your first thread…once you’re out of his home, begin another thread! We want to help you, but see how hopeless it is, until you see him for what he is, and remove yourself from his influence. We’ll be praying.
 
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To be honest it sounds like you shouldn’t marry him at all. His behaviour sounds abusive.

To answer your question. No. You have no guarantee that you will even be granted an anullment, so you should not pre-empt the Church’s decision by getting married.
 
There are too many red flags here with this guy. He sounds a little controlling and the fact that he’s been married twice before doesn’t bode well for him being good marriage material. He also doesn’t attend Mass faithfully which also isn’t a good sign. So to answer your question about common law marriage, I would have to give that a big NO. I would instead really, really take some time to discern whether you want your life to become more entwined with this guy than it already is.

Are you living together right now? If so, you should probably move out so you can see things more clearly.

How is it that he’s engaged to you but then gets on your case about “pushing marriage”? How can you be doing that if he asked you to marry him?

Seriously, you seem to be heading down the path to being his third ex-wife. @Xantippe here at CAF I’m sure can share with you the statistical divorce rate of second and third marriages.

I’m sorry to sound so harsh but I really just advise you to think seriously about heading into a new marriage with these red flags and the risks of marrying a man who has been married twice before.
 
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Whether or not you’re going to get an annulment, I think it’s a blessing in disguise that you aren’t free to marry now–not being free to marry is protecting you from getting sucked deeper into a potentially abusive relationship. Your fiance sounds terrible.

There are plenty of perfectly nice people who were married, divorced and remarried and lived happily ever after–but the twice divorced are a different breed. That’s a huge red flag that there is something terribly wrong with this situation–and your fiance is the common denominator.
Elizabeth3 said:
Seriously, you seem to be heading down the path to being his third ex-wife. @Xantippe here at CAF I’m sure can share with you the statistical divorce rate of second and third marriages.
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I do not guarantee these particular numbers, but there’s a clear trend, where the first marriage is the best shot at success, the second is worse, and third marriages are very likely to lead to divorce.


“Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce (link is external).”

Again, I do not endorse those particular numbers (50% is way too high a divorce rate for first marriages today), but the fact that he has been divorced twice should give you pause.

Best wishes! Be safe! Get out as safely as you can!
 
there is absolutely no guarantee that your marriage will be declared invalid!
And the same for his 2 marriages!

Better not to forget that.

It is possible that you will never be free to remarry. So it is just unusefull to set a marriage date.
 
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