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Orogeny
Guest
That is very good to hear. I wish you the best and I hope that you take the decision of the Church to be non-negotiable. Marriage is truly worth the wait!
Peace
Tim
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Peace
Tim
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ThatGuy64
Guest
Joe,FYI, there is no rule against receiving Communion on the tongue in the U.S. Just becasue the “norm” is standing doesn’t mean that kneeling is forbidden. The old GIRM states:
The norm for reception of Holy Communion in the dioceses of the United States is standing. Communicants should not be denied Holy Communion because they kneel. Rather, such instances should be addressed pastorally, by providing the faithful with proper catechesis on the reasons for this norm.
The new GIRM states:
The norm established for the Dioceses of the United States of America is that Holy Communion is to be received standing, unless an individual member of the faithful wishes to receive Communion while kneeling (Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, Instruction, Redemptionis Sacramentum, March 25, 2004, no. 91).
Note, they eliminated the language that gives the impression that kneeling was “forbidden”. If anyone told you it was, they were misinformed.
As to the topic of the thread, I strongly encourage you to speak with your priest. I find it odd that your willing to jump on a plane and fly across the world but you don’t want to wait six months. I know emotions can run high in the start of a relationship and those first few weeks can often make it seem like you’ve known the person for years, and the idea of waiting so long can seem agonizing. But six months is really not that long. It’ll be here and gone before you know it. Unless you’re going really low key, you generally need at least six months just to plan the wedding.
Very helpful cites on the standing v. kneeling issue. (I confess, I was under the mistaken impression that the GIRM included the “addressed pastorally” language.).
As to your general impressions, very helpful and much appreciated thoughts.
Best,
Alex
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SonCatcher
Guest
ThatGuy - I similarly “knew” that I would marry my wife very soon after we met (and she “knew” she would marry me). Yet, it was 18 months later that we actually married. Why did we take so long? In part, it was so we could get to know each others’ families, first. As alike as you two think you are, her family will likely need time to warm up with you. Likewise, your family will need to know her better. Their support is critical to your forging of a strong and lasting marriage and the earlier it comes the better (and it comes a lot easier when you introduce them to your girlfriend than when you introduce their daughter-in-law 
).
We went on double dates with my parents and I dined with her family nearly every day (they were more local). The time went very quickly such that we barely noticed it and still had a mad rush to prepare for the ceremony.
).We went on double dates with my parents and I dined with her family nearly every day (they were more local). The time went very quickly such that we barely noticed it and still had a mad rush to prepare for the ceremony.
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stayathomemommy
Guest
My husband was in the military and we could not do premarital classes. We talked to the pastor and he met with us privately the days before our wedding. now this was in a more “liberal” catholic area (i know thats an oxymoron but it exsists unfortunately)
but thats where i would start with your parish priest.
on the other hand if she is willing to convert it would be so wonderful for her to go through RCIA marry once you are both Catholic.
but thats where i would start with your parish priest.
on the other hand if she is willing to convert it would be so wonderful for her to go through RCIA marry once you are both Catholic.
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triumphguy
Guest
So… what would the Holy Father want you to do, since you are so keen on doing as he likes?
He’d probably want you to follow the rules set down by the Bishops.
AND - Since you are going to be married for a very long time then you have time to wait and do things by the book right now.
Problem solved superstar.
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McDale721
Guest
I know you don’t want to hear about the prudence of trying to get married in such a short period, but when the church in her great wisdom, as well as everyone who responds to your request says, “This is not a good idea!” maybe you should listen.
It really doesn’t matter how strongly you feel about this girl. Marriage is not about feelings. It is a very serious lifelong commitment requiring deep discernment and prayer. The church in her great wisdom has required this preparation time to help prevent you from ending up on this forum a year or two from now asking how one gets an annullment. SLOW DOWN. If this is truly “meant to be”’ than trust in God and do the right thing. For your sake, for her sake, your children’s sake and our sake.
It really doesn’t matter how strongly you feel about this girl. Marriage is not about feelings. It is a very serious lifelong commitment requiring deep discernment and prayer. The church in her great wisdom has required this preparation time to help prevent you from ending up on this forum a year or two from now asking how one gets an annullment. SLOW DOWN. If this is truly “meant to be”’ than trust in God and do the right thing. For your sake, for her sake, your children’s sake and our sake.
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McDale721
Guest
Sorry, and not trying to bash you, but your initial post and subsequent posts sound like a very immature “I want what I want and I want it now!”. This is not the attitude to inspire confidence in your level of maturity to successfully commit yourself to a spouse for life.
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PatriceA
Guest
Let’s not forget too that the Church requires those that have discerned that being ordained a priest or entering the religious life must also undergo a lengthy period of deep discernment and prayer. If it takes years to be ordained or to take the final vows in a religious community, waiting six months to enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony seems quick.
When I got married 14 years ago, the diocese we were married in, the waiting period was only 4 months. Now it is up to 6 months, the norm for preparing for the Sacrament of Matrimony. I’ve even thought the process should be longer in some cases, or the pre-cana classes need to be expanded and more thorough.
I don’t think any of us are saying you didn’t find the girl that is suppose to be your wife and your marriage won’t be successful. But those of us that are on the other side of the Catholic wedding ceremony are telling you to slow down, follow the Church guidelines and talk to your priest about your situation.
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cradlecatholic5
Guest
I’d start w/ your Parish Priest.
God Bless You both!
God Bless You both!
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dandesmommie
Guest
The 6 month preparation period is mandatory world wide. ( please trust me on that one, I have no time to get you all my “sources and references etc”)
Unless you are in a life or death situation ( bride or groom is not expected to survive six months) it is highly unlikely anyone will break the rule. What I am going to say next, please accept as advice and admonition of an old “aunt”
While you are stomping your feet, researching all the info and going to the “Cardinal” for this, time is a-ticking. Get yourselves in to a pre-Cana class, get the necessary preparation and then get married. Trust me on this one, these preparation classes have a purpose. You will be amazed at some things you will learn about yourself and your sweetie. My DH and I were well into our mid thirties when we got married, very secure in our believes and careers, and even we old fogies learned a few things that made the marriage bearable (yes I said it, bearable) the first few years after the honeymoon. You have to trust me on this, living with someone who was not raised in your parental household, who has annoying habits is NOT easy regardless of how much you love them.:sad_yes::sad_yes:, ( yes your sweetie does burp and occasionaly makes other (name removed by moderator)olite noises too. Yes your habit of folding each sock to the left is annoying to her who is used to rolling them up in a ball). Cool down, pray over this and you will see, 6 months is nothing in the scheme of “for as long as you both shall live”.
Your “auntie”
Unless you are in a life or death situation ( bride or groom is not expected to survive six months) it is highly unlikely anyone will break the rule. What I am going to say next, please accept as advice and admonition of an old “aunt”
While you are stomping your feet, researching all the info and going to the “Cardinal” for this, time is a-ticking. Get yourselves in to a pre-Cana class, get the necessary preparation and then get married. Trust me on this one, these preparation classes have a purpose. You will be amazed at some things you will learn about yourself and your sweetie. My DH and I were well into our mid thirties when we got married, very secure in our believes and careers, and even we old fogies learned a few things that made the marriage bearable (yes I said it, bearable) the first few years after the honeymoon. You have to trust me on this, living with someone who was not raised in your parental household, who has annoying habits is NOT easy regardless of how much you love them.:sad_yes::sad_yes:, ( yes your sweetie does burp and occasionaly makes other (name removed by moderator)olite noises too. Yes your habit of folding each sock to the left is annoying to her who is used to rolling them up in a ball). Cool down, pray over this and you will see, 6 months is nothing in the scheme of “for as long as you both shall live”.
Your “auntie”
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HisIsTheCrown
Guest
.]
I plan on being engaged in another 3 weeks or so (ring shopping is stressful). I want to be married shortly after that. I am a devout Catholic, but I simply will not wait 6 months to get married. That makes a US Catholic marriage unavailable to me. I still would really really like to have a Catholic marriage, and so we’re looking abroad. Does anyone know of a country where a priest will marry two individuals who have only been engaged for a short period of time? *
If nothing international is available, I plan to throw myself at the mercy of the Cardinal or one of the other bishops in my diocese and hope that they will waive the waiting period. If that fails, I will likely have a legal ceremony followed by a religious ceremony. I realize that that conflicts with the Church, and I might have to resign from my duties as a lector and one of the Church leaders, but I have found the woman the Lord intends me to be with, and I will not wait an extra second to be with her.
Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be greatly appreciated. I’m sure some of you will read this and think “Shame on you for trying to circumvent the rules.” Please, allow me to save you the time and energy of writing that—obviously, I just did. Also, some of you might kindly encourage me to a longer engagement. I appreciate your views and (name removed by moderator)ut, but that simply will not happen. I promise all of you that this is the truest of love meant to bind two souls for eternity. I will not let well-intentioned rules keep us apart.
Any help from you geniuses would be greatly greatly appreciated.
Edit: I should add, the future wife is on board with raising children Catholic, Mass on Sundays, and happy to convert. She comes from a background of weak religion, and is Methodist more by birth than anything else.*
I am a genius and I tell you that you are crazy. Crazy in love which means that you cannot see an elephant in front of you. You are blind, lunatic, which is what happens to everybody who falls in love.
But your situation is worse because you want to marry no matter what, not even if Jesus Christ did not want you would go the Hell and ask the Devil to marry you…
Congratulations! You are in love!
Now, take everyday 2 cold showers, put yourself in cold water with some blocks of ice floating and if that does not do any good, forget about Catholic Marriage.
Get married in 2 months, I guess, you will get divorced in another 2 months and after you banged your head against the wall, then, maybe your brains will get into place and you will think clearly.
At least you did not spoil a Catholic Marriage. You are free to take things seriously, not like a lunatic Romeo with Juliet. Yes, as someone said, we heard nothing about Juliet’s feelings…
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superamazingman
Guest
this.
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babochka
Guest
I don’t believe that a waiting period in and of itself is church law. The church requires marriage preparation, which can take time, depending on when classes are scheduled. For this reason, and other practical considerations (gathering documentation, requesting and receiving dispensations, etc), most churches give a waiting period of around 6 months. My parish officially required 6 months notice, but when we were meeting with the priest, documents in order and a plan for completing the preparation, we proposed a date 4 1/2 months out. The priest didn’t bat an eye and wrote it in on the schedule. Exceptions to the rules are always possible, but given your circumstances, I don’t believe that it is likely.
Having said that, I have to wonder why you need to rush this. If this is your future wife, you have the rest of your lives together. If your faith is important to you, does she truly understand how much? Have you considered the implications of a mixed marriage Is she open to becoming Catholic? No, she doesn’t have to be Catholic, but a devout spouse can help so much in your journey toward heaven. Don’t discount how very important that can be at some points in your life.
For what it’s worth, my parents were married 6 weeks after they met. They will celebrate 44 years of marriage on Friday.
Having said that, I have to wonder why you need to rush this. If this is your future wife, you have the rest of your lives together. If your faith is important to you, does she truly understand how much? Have you considered the implications of a mixed marriage Is she open to becoming Catholic? No, she doesn’t have to be Catholic, but a devout spouse can help so much in your journey toward heaven. Don’t discount how very important that can be at some points in your life.
For what it’s worth, my parents were married 6 weeks after they met. They will celebrate 44 years of marriage on Friday.
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LilyM
Guest
I need to ask - you’ve said that you do not plan on living with your fiancée before you are married. Do you mean before you are married in the Church? If so, what possible difference does a paper-only civil marriage make to your ability to ‘be together’ if you won’t even be sharing a house anyway?
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1ke
Guest
Exactly.
In almost all cases, those seeking convalidation go through the SAME preparation time period and process as those approaching the Church for marriage. After all convalidation is the marriage.
Getting married civilly gets you nowhere. The convalidation process will take as long, or longer, than doing it right in the first place.
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ThatGuy64
Guest
Well, in case anyone cares, here an update. I reached out to a priest about getting married, and he was completely on board; didn’t bat an eyelash. He was absolutely supportive–told the story of how his father began proposing to his mother on the second date.
I know my initial post may have come off as flippant, but I didn’t mean it at all like that. To the extent any of you were offended by that, I sincerely apologize.
Having said that, I’m terribly saddened by my experience on this forum. I was ridiculed, insulted, implicitly called an idiot, and a host of other not nice things. I’m over it, but I also have thicker skin than most people. I hope that in the future we can all engage in some introspection to make sure we are being welcoming.
Lastly, while this supposedly makes me an idiot and guarantees I’ll be divorced in 6 months, we’re getting married in less than three weeks. I’m so happy the God led me to a parish with such an incredible priest who just completely understands and supports. I’ll have a table set aside for the naysayers at our 50th Anniversary, and I look forward to toasting our collective good health and good lives then. Until then, truly, I hope all of you live blessed lives.
I know my initial post may have come off as flippant, but I didn’t mean it at all like that. To the extent any of you were offended by that, I sincerely apologize.
Having said that, I’m terribly saddened by my experience on this forum. I was ridiculed, insulted, implicitly called an idiot, and a host of other not nice things. I’m over it, but I also have thicker skin than most people. I hope that in the future we can all engage in some introspection to make sure we are being welcoming.
Lastly, while this supposedly makes me an idiot and guarantees I’ll be divorced in 6 months, we’re getting married in less than three weeks. I’m so happy the God led me to a parish with such an incredible priest who just completely understands and supports. I’ll have a table set aside for the naysayers at our 50th Anniversary, and I look forward to toasting our collective good health and good lives then. Until then, truly, I hope all of you live blessed lives.
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HelenRose
Guest
Exactly what was your purpose for posting in the first place? Was it for advise or a fight or to prove a point.
Many excellent marriages have been “love at first sight”. Many"love at first sight" marriages have been disasters. Your combatative approach really is not the best way to begin a marriage.
Who are you fighting? Unknown strangers on Catholic.com, your relatives, or your friends.
Our 50th anniversary is in two years. I’ll set our table for those whom we love and those who love us.
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ValPal
Guest
Hey, it’s the internet. Who cares what anyone says?
Personally, I’d never say that. My only concern is the mixed marriage. Been there, done that in my first marriage (my ex was also Methodist). I’d just recommend that the issues raising the children are handled and understood before marriage.
That said, good luck, God Bless, and I wish you the best.
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ThatGuy64
Guest
Gracias for the words ValPal. I agree that raising children MUST be addressed early (and definitely before marriage). My last serious relationship was incredibly wonderful, but crashed in flames over the children issue; she was Jewish. So, rest assured that I did not repeat that mistake and squared that away immediately!Hey, it’s the internet. Who cares what anyone says?
Personally, I’d never say that. My only concern is the mixed marriage. Been there, done that in my first marriage (my ex was also Methodist). I’d just recommend that the issues raising the children are handled and understood before marriage.
That said, good luck, God Bless, and I wish you the best.
As to the previous post, I wasn’t looking to fight with anyone! Everyone is very supportive of our relationship. To the extent I was “fighting” with anyone or anything, it was a waiting period to marry. I came here simply hoping to tap into a vast knowledge base to help in the “fight.” Thankfully, I found the answer in a priest who is taking great care of us.
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april32010
Guest
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