Catholic Meeting/Singles websites

[sacredcello]

You and I both…

But there is a part of the Cathechism that says something along the lines of “how God remains in control while respecting our free will is a mystery”, so I will stop losing sleep about it. The “free will” part is us doing the right thing in those things under our control. This is important to remember because so much of the wrong in life can be attributable to our own wrongdoing, rather than God’s doing (see Sirach 15). This applies in the dating world as well, if not moreso! And there is a part of the Cathechism that states that just because God can bring good out of evil that is never a justification for doing evil in the first place.

Yes, and we are also to trust God in all things…“Jesus, I Trust in You” is the signature under the image of the Divine Mercy.

For me, this trust means that I will believe in Him for the person I am to marry AND that He has someone already for me. It’s just too horrible to think that I would be left here in exile, completely alone to make that decision based on a whole series of dates with people I meet in “real-life,” on the internet, set up by friends, whatever. Proverbs tells us to seek counsel, and to be patient. Trust is in His plan is the most important element for me.

Our Jewish brothers and sisters have a concept known as “bashert” which I like very much. It is the idea that our spouse is preordained by God. Here is a short definition:

**Bashert
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bashert, (Yiddish: באַשערט, also transliterated besherte, beshert or besherter) is a Yiddish word that means “destiny”.[1] It is usually used in the context of one’s Heavenly foreordained spouse or soulmate, and thus has romantic overtones.

Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly. However the opinion has been given that whomever one marries, whether the marriage is perfect or not, is by definition one’s bashert because the marriage was foreordained by God who controls the universe by default.

The word is also used in the phrase, “Bashert is bashert”, which is the Yiddish way of saying, “Que sera, sera”[2]**

 

[dulcissima]

I think if you are seeking God’s will in finding a spouse, you’ve got to remember that God has revealed his nature to us in the form of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

If you are to seek the Father’s will you will keep his commandments. You will look for someone who helps you to grow in holiness.

If you are to seek the Son’s will, you will remember what Jesus taught us about love, that it is sacrificial. You need to be looking for more than just happiness or a good feeling. You need to find someone who you would lay down your life for and who would do the same for you.

If you are to seek the will of the Holy Spirit, you need to open up your heart to those gentle promptings. Here’s where I think we mostly have an understanding of falling in love with someone, where all of their little things about them that make them unique can become very endearing.

So… just saying that I think determining God’s will requires thinking about things on many levels.

And no, I don’t think there is “one” right person. I think we are presented with some opportunities in life, where we come into contact with someone who could be right and it is up to us where we take it. Well, actually it is up to both parties as individuals whether or not to take that God given opportunity. Each of us has free will individually, and it might be that one person decides to overlook that opportunity. That doesn’t necessarily mean it is God’s will.

 

[chevalier]

Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly. However the opinion has been given that whomever one marries, whether the marriage is perfect or not, is by definition one’s bashert because the marriage was foreordained by God who controls the universe by default.

Taken literally, there’s a fundamental contradiction in that. If John’s God-intended person is Alice and he goes on to marry Ann, then his Bashert gets retroactively changed from Alice to Ann? Then, if you say marriage was preordained and the previous Bashert was preordained too, then God preordained Alice as John’s Bashert at the same time as preordaining Ann?

However, I can understand that if you marry someone else than the person you were intended to marry, then God will supply that marriage with His grace. This is fine. But one can’t really claim this choice was pre-ordained. God may intend you to marry someone, knowing that you will marry someone else than He intends, and then intend to give you the graces of the sacrament, but this is not the same as intending two different things.

 

[chevalier]

And no, I don’t think there is “one” right person. I think we are presented with some opportunities in life, where we come into contact with someone who could be right and it is up to us where we take it. Well, actually it is up to both parties as individuals whether or not to take that God given opportunity. Each of us has free will individually, and it might be that one person decides to overlook that opportunity. That doesn’t necessarily mean it is God’s will.

Well, we could say John was to marry Alice, but he didn’t and she married Jack, so then he was intended to mary Ann, but he didn’t and she married Tom. So then Margaret became the intended one and so on and so forth. We could then speak about the original intended person and then about the ones intended in given circumstances. Those would all be different kinds of intent. And I really don’t feel comfortable doing this… feels like I’m trying to analyse God or something.

 

[sacredcello]

Well, we could say John was to marry Alice, but he didn’t and she married Jack, so then he was intended to mary Ann, but he didn’t and she married Tom. So then Margaret became the intended one and so on and so forth. We could then speak about the original intended person and then about the ones intended in given circumstances. Those would all be different kinds of intent. And I really don’t feel comfortable doing this… feels like I’m trying to analyse God or something.

Your thoughts are making me dizzy, but I understand what you are saying. I am reading a book about married couples who met on Ave Maria Singles, and most of them say that their marriage was made in heaven. Sounds like “bashert is bashert” to me.

Even though I have decided that this is not the way for me, I know that God knows where I am in the space-time continuum. He knows how to reach me; I don’t need to spend my time endlessly searching, chatting and dating like a gerbil on a wheel in order for God’s will to be accomplished in my life.

But, more power to the rest of you who have the nerve for it.

 

[chevalier]

Your thoughts are making me dizzy,

Hehe, they do the same to me, worry you not.

Even though I have decided that this is not the way for me, I know that God knows where I am in the space-time continuum. He knows how to reach me; I don’t need to spend my time endlessly searching, chatting and dating like a gerbil on a wheel in order for God’s will to be accomplished in my life.

Well said and completely right. I certainly don’t need to spend all my time fishing for women, either. I generally carry on what little social life I have and give attention to those girls who might be inclined towards me and I to them. If it works, it works, if it doesn’t, well, it normally doesn’t, anyway. What you said is perfectly right - God knows where you are and all. In my case, I’d rather I just fell in love with a friend and it actually were mutual.

 

[Norseman82]

Yes, and we are also to trust God in all things…“Jesus, I Trust in You” is the signature under the image of the Divine Mercy.

For me, this trust means that I will believe in Him for the person I am to marry AND that He has someone already for me. It’s just too horrible to think that I would be left here in exile, completely alone to make that decision based on a whole series of dates with people I meet in “real-life,” on the internet, set up by friends, whatever. Proverbs tells us to seek counsel, and to be patient. Trust is in His plan is the most important element for me.

Our Jewish brothers and sisters have a concept known as “bashert” which I like very much. It is the idea that our spouse is preordained by God. Here is a short definition:

**Bashert
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bashert, (Yiddish: באַשערט, also transliterated besherte, beshert or besherter) is a Yiddish word that means “destiny”.[1] It is usually used in the context of one’s Heavenly foreordained spouse or soulmate, and thus has romantic overtones.

Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly. However the opinion has been given that whomever one marries, whether the marriage is perfect or not, is by definition one’s bashert because the marriage was foreordained by God who controls the universe by default.

The word is also used in the phrase, “Bashert is bashert”, which is the Yiddish way of saying, “Que sera, sera”[2]**

That’s quite a logical leap being made here. Fortunately you prefaced it with “For me”. Some problems:

1. We’re Catholic, not Jewish.
2. There is also a part of the Cathechism that says that when children grow up, they have the right and duty to choose their own state of life and spouse. So because the Cathechism states that choice of spouse is up to us, I have to question the logical leap.
3. This could lead to unhealthy second-guessing and manipulation.

It’s just too horrible to think that I would be left here in exile, completely alone to make that decision based on a whole series of dates with people I meet in “real-life,” on the internet, set up by friends, whatever.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m trying to be charitable about this, but are you by nature indecisive? Because that statement was “exhibit A” of what I posted earlier:

Besides, some people can misuse “God’s will” as a crutch for indecision and inability to commit.

Also, are you a male or female? The reason I ask is that I’ve noticed that in general, males and females approach this differently.

 

[Norseman82]

If John’s God-intended person is Alice and he goes on to marry Ann, then his Bashert gets retroactively changed from Alice to Ann? Then, if you say marriage was preordained and the previous Bashert was preordained too, then God preordained Alice as John’s Bashert at the same time as preordaining Ann?

Wow, I can just imagine this being argued in a case before an annulment tribunal! And pity the poor priest doing pre-Cana who would have to sort through this all before agreeing to perform the marriage.

 

[sacredcello]

Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I’m trying to be charitable about this, but are you by nature indecisive? Because that statement was “exhibit A” of what I posted earlier:

Also, are you a male or female? The reason I ask is that I’ve noticed that in general, males and females approach this differently.

There are no commitment issues with me. I’ve dated Catholics and non-Catholics alike (with the very rational idea that the non-Catholic could very well convert). None have expressed the desire to be with me in a sacramental marriage (meaning for life, regardless of problems that come up).

Perhaps it is more the age that we live in than a gender issue…

but, I am female.

 

[chevalier]

Yes, the age. First, no one wants to commit. Some want to catch someone, but few want to commit themselves. Also, everyone has issues these days. Including yours truly. It’s like no one can emerge unscathed.