Step mom not best “tool”.
The best tool would have been your wife in a functional position. That tool is no longer available. You are trying to replace it with a tool that 1) you don’t have access to and 2) is outside of your price point 3) likely would not do the job you are hoping that it would do, or would do it at the expense of some of the rest of your 'project".
but these are people, not tools.
Your reasons for wanting to remarry seem to have changed over the course of this thread. From your first post:
“My question is whether I have a responsibility to be open to and seek out partnership with a woman to help influence and shape my childrens’ lives as they complete elementary school and, subsequently, puberty/social issues/homework/etc.”
When we responded collectively “no, you do not have that responsibility, look to other role models” you mentioned: " That, however, won’t be sufficient to teach the children how to emulate a Christian relationship between two loving adults. It also won’t teach my girls how to use maxi pads, deal with social issues at school, etc" We then pointed out that you had a different, but equally valid Christian relationship with your wife, and had stuck with her through the hardest of times, and still spoke positively of her and cared for her the best you could with the “tools” that you had, and this was a sacrificial marriage. Explained puberty resources.
You then explain that you don’t think it is right that you should be alone, and yet married, when your wife is alive, but incapable of engaging in a marriage relationship. That is painful, but no one here can change these rules, and faith requires sacrifice. We all discussed that saying you believe your marriage is valid, and then you are considering going for annulment anyway, because you have been told you have a good chance, is disingenuous.
then:" In other words, this isn’t about sex, or loneliness, It’s a function of working 9-6, and the children not being as connected to the fabric of the community as their mother and I would have liked."
At this point, as someone that has responded several times in this thread, it feels like the more I try to address your concerns, the more shifting there is. This feels frustrating, like I am not really helping.
I am going to go with your first post.
No, you do not have the responsibility to remarry. Your responsibility is to your children and your current, by your own words, valid marriage. Your children do not need a stepmother, and there are other ways to get these needs met without as much trauma. There is no solution that would come close to having your wife not sick and participating in your marriage.
You seem like a very kind, loving, attentive father and husband and a man of faith. I hear you concerns, and you and your family have been dealt a difficult hand. I think highly of you. I wish you and your family the very best. I don’t think there is anything else I can say that will be helpful.
I
ray:t2: