Catholic/Non-Believer Relationship

[Razanir]

I am less fine with going to church myself, as it makes me really anxious due to memories of church growing up and just general run ins with Christians down here in the Bible belt, but I’m willing to give it a try.

I’m going to be spending Christmas with his family for the first time this year, so I will most likely end up going to church with them while I’m there. Are there any particular things I should be aware of going to Mass for the first time or with Christmas Mass especially? I don’t want to offend anyone or stick out.

Don’t be scared off by any memories of Protestant worship. Catholicism is different from (most) Protestant groups. The difference is that Catholicism has a liturgy, unlike (most) Protestants.

Since I’m assuming you’ve never been to a Catholic Mass before, here’s a rundown of what happens:

Introductory Rites: (Standing) The priest processes in while the congregation sings a hymn. Once at the front, he says a few prayers, some of which the congregation responds to. Everyone sings the Gloria, except during Lent (46 days prior to Easter). The priest says another prayer, then everyone sits.

Liturgy of the Word: Starts with a reading from the Old Testament and one from the New Testament, separated by a responsorial Psalm. (Congregation sings/says the verse, cantor sings/says the verses). Then everyone stands up for the Gospel Acclamation and a Gospel reading. The acclamation is “Alleluia,” except during Lent. After the reading, everyone sits back down and the priest or a deacon gives a homily (sermon). Don’t worry, they aren’t typically very long. They can also be quite interesting, like one time recently when a deacon actually told a modern parable. Everyone then stands back up for the Nicene Creed (a very succinct summary of what Catholics believe) and the prayers of the faithful (prayer intentions).

Liturgy of the Eucharist: Everyone sits back down. Collection baskets are passed around for collecting a tithe that goes to various charities and to running the parish itself, while the bread and wine are taken up to the altar. Typically there’s another hymn, and I am confident in saying there WILL be on Sundays on Christmas. (It’s certainly common enough that I know people who don’t know the proper response to there not being one). Everyone then stands back up, and there’s a dialogue/prayer between the priest and the congregation. Everyone then kneels for the Eucharistic Prayer– The SINGLE. MOST. IMPORTANT. part of Mass. This is the part where the priest acts in persona Christi and consecrates the host.

Afterward, the congregation stands back up for the Our Father, the sign of peace, and the Lamb of God. In most, if not all, US parishes, the sign of peace just means greeting people around you, shaking their hands and saying “Peace be with you.” (The handshake is the cultural part) The congregation then kneels down again for one last prayer before filing up to receive the Eucharist. There’s typically another hymn sung during this part. Then once everyone has received, you go back to sitting and there’s another prayer.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Remember. Catholics believe Jesus is truly present– body, blood, soul and divinity. If you’re a non-Catholic who’s “just visiting,” don’t go up and receive with everyone else. You’re ONLY supposed to receive if you are Catholic and not in a state of mortal sin.

Concluding Rite: Stand up. One last prayer. And the priest processes out to one last hymn.

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So now I realize that probably encroached on “tl;dr” length. What parts do you care about. Well first know that while you aren’t required to do anything than sit there respectfully, you’re allowed and encouraged to join in on everything. Except, of course, receiving the Eucharist. You probably want to know time; Mass tends to be about an hour long. (Be glad it’s not Easter. If they take you to the Easter Vigil, it’ll easily be 2-3 hours long. Not that I’m complaining) Also, I don’t think anything special happens at Christmas, but other posters can double check me on that. The most I remember happening special is a fixation of Christmas songs for all the hymns. (Referring to stuff like Silent Night or O Come All Ye Faithful. Don’t expect any Rudolph )

But overall, either sit quietly and respectfully, or follow what others are doing (except receiving the Eucharist). If you need help following along, they might still have reminder cards from when they changed the translation several years ago (that was only 2 years ago?!). Otherwise, all hymnals I’ve seen have the Order of Mass printed inside, or you could also find a missalette, which would also contain the readings.

 

[EasterJoy]

I married a non-Catholic, and he went to the RCIA classes (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) at the local Catholic church. The classes usually start in the fall with an “inquiry” phase, and so it is perfectly OK to come and learn without signing on to join. Unlike a book, it gives you real people to question and talk to. He didn’t convert, but he was glad he went to those classes.

 

[chevalier]

I guess the subject of my post is, I just don’t actually know a whole lot about what practical everyday Catholic life is supposed to be like. My family history with religion is strange, to put it mildly, so I don’t have a good frame of reference. Most especially, I want to know about what a Catholic marriage is supposed to be like, so I can understand what my boyfriend wants and is expecting out of a marriage. I’m sure my boyfriend would be happy to tell me all about it, but before we have a serious discussion on it, I want to have done my research so I can start closer to the same page he’s on. I’ve been reading some stuff on the net, but I think I’m getting lost in the details. So I thought I’d ask you nice folks for some practical advice and maybe some recommendations for reading material. If you were going to be married to a non-believer, what would your basic expectations be?

The kind of openness and respect that you exhibit for sure! It’s really rare to find someone who’d read a book for you, and I’ve rarely seen in anybody the kind of natural respect that you as an atheist have just shown to us religious folks here as fellow human beings (which is also frankly much more than a religious person would show an atheist). I’d be surprised to find that between the typical Catholic man and woman, actually, as that kind of natural human amity is hard from universal these days (not to mention that many people are just too grumpy for that). Your boyfriend is lucky to have found you (unless it was you who found him; well, one never knows with women ), as difficult as some of your conversations may perhaps have been or yet have to be.

Also, a conversion should take a convinced heart and mind. It’s normal and very respectable that you’d want to be sure before doing something like that, and that you wouldn’t go for it as some kind ouf outward only thing. History, a lot of reading and talking was involved in some conversions, especially of intellectuals. (I’m just commenting here, not trying to manipulate you or anything like that.)

 

[holyrood]

I just don’t actually know a whole lot about what practical everyday Catholic life is supposed to be like.

Supposed to be, or is? Everyday Catholic life will vary greatly from family to family. The family in which I was raised considered themselves devout Catholics, but really, apart from fish on Fridays in lent, I would say in retrospect there was little to mark us as Catholic. Yes, we went to church and Sunday school, but so do Protestants. In my teen years, I couldn’t have told you what it meant to be Catholic, as opposed to Methodist or Evangelical. My mother was very upfront about using birth control and not wanting more kids. We never once said the Rosary or any other devotion together. Not once. They never took us to confession, ever, apart from First confession.

By contrast, I’ve known numerous families who live their Catholic faith. Some of them have large families, some simply don’t get pregnant more than once or twice, but there’s a joy in children. (I remember my mother screaming in rages about how difficult children made her life–thanks, mom.) Husbands and wives love each other, respect each other, go to bat for one another, have one another’s back. I saw families who prayed the Angelus, went to daily Mass, said the Rosary together as a family each night, talked to their children about the saints, taught their children what the church teaches and why, volunteered at the church or at charities, fed the poor, visited the sick, gathered for novenas, or fed families in crisis.

For me, it’s important to talk to my kids about what the church teaches and why. We have books of the saints and Catholic theology, and Catholic writers and hymnals. They know I go to Perpetual Adoration. I let them know when I’m going to confession and invite them to come with me. They volunteer for many things at church and are involved. We say the Rosary several times a week together. I keep pictures and statues of the saints around, and prayer cards on the fridge, along with a picture of Mary that lists the ‘five cornerstones’ of faith: Rosary, fasting, Mass, confession…hm, I better go read it again, myself!

I try to teach them about charity, not only financial, but charitable thoughts, not gossiping, remembering that when people are unkind, they need prayer rather than us sitting around grousing and calling them names (we have a neighbor…) I will mention things from the saints’ lives that pertain to whatever is going to bolster these ideas (for instance, a story about one of the old nuns who used to really irritate St. Therese no end, and how she dealt with it.)

I try to continue learning about my faith and keep the door open to discussions.

Most especially, I want to know about what a Catholic marriage is supposed to be like, so I can understand what my boyfriend wants and is expecting out of a marriage

I know someone will correct me if I’m a bit off, but my understanding is that Catholic marriage is about the spouses helping one another get to Heaven.

If you were going to be married to a non-believer, what would your basic expectations be?

Basic expectations would be respect for my faith, and helping me grow and become a better person and get to Heaven. And, in the case of children, upholding what I’m trying to teach them.

 

[on_the_hill]

I once heard an eloquent description of Catholicism. I can’t remember it as well as I’d like, but this is essentially the gist of it:

You’re in a room, and suddenly God places an enormous marble block in the middle of the room. God says, “Move this block to the corner.”

You reply to God, “God, I can’t move this block. It’s impossible, and you know it’s impossible.” Then you roll up your sleeves, lean into it, and and start pushing.