C
cowgirl89
Guest
i was just wondering if the Church had anything to say on appropriate age for marrying. Thanks! 
- Status
B
Belgarion
Guest
I think it is more of a matter of opinionā¦I know some who were married at 20. Others recommend 24 or 25.
My own opinion is around 22. But Getting married earlier than that is still acceptable. It just depends on the coupleās maturity and their overall readiness
My own opinion is around 22. But Getting married earlier than that is still acceptable. It just depends on the coupleās maturity and their overall readiness
P
puzzleannie
Guest
canon 1071 prohibits the priest from assisting at the marriage of a mnor child whose parents are unaware of it or protest with good reason. Canon 97 a minor is one who has not yet completed the 18th year. there may be other laws that apply but that is what I see at first glance.
F
Feanaro_s_Wife
Guest
**
Yup, thereās the Churchās official stance.
Every couple is different so as long as they are not breaking the rules of Canon 1071, then they need to understand that marriage is a Sacrament and lifelong commitmentā¦no matter what. If they can āgetā that then they can and should be married.**
J
Jude_Smith
Guest
In our diocese, parental permission is required for marriage under age 21. This was an issue in our own family at one point.
D
dove51
Guest
āCanon 1083.1 A man cannot validly enter marriage before the completion of his sixteenth year of age, nor a woman before the completion of her fourteenth year.ā
V
Vulneris
Guest
I think marrying young is great, so long as itās within the confines of the Canons listed by the people above. If really helps with preventing premartial sex and birth control methods, I think.
Plus, young parents meant the kids have mom and dad for a long time. And then, they age together, and enter Heaven not too far apart. The family is whole longer.
Plus, young parents meant the kids have mom and dad for a long time. And then, they age together, and enter Heaven not too far apart. The family is whole longer.
J
Just_Lurking
Guest
From Wikipedia (see here):
* Age.[6] If the man is under 16 years of age, or the woman is under 14 years of age, then their marriage is invalid. This is an ecclesiastical impediment, and so does not apply to a marriage between two non-Catholics. However, note that in a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic, the age limitation applies to the non-Catholic party as well.[7] Each national episcopal conference has the authority to set a higher minimum age as a prohibitive impediment. Note that, in general, individual bishops do not have this authority (cf. CIC c. 1075 Ā§2).[8] In Canada, and also in New Zealand, this minimum age has been set to 18 years old for both parties.[9] In England and Wales, this minimum age has been set to be in accordance with civil law (i.e., 16 years old for both parties).[10] In Gambia, Liberia, and Sierre Leone, this minimum age has been set to 18 years old for the man and 16 years old for the woman.[11] In the Philippines, this minimum has been set to 20 years old for the bridegroom, and 18 years old for the bride.[12] In South Africa, and also in Switzerland, this minimum age has been set to be in accordance with civil law.[13] In Nigeria, the episcopal conference has delegated the authority to set a higher prohibitive minimum age to the individual bishops.[14] The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has not enacted a higher prohibitive minimum age for marriage.[15]
O
OutinChgoburbs
Guest
You have what the Church teaches.
This is what I am teaching my younger girls: Go to school to be able to earn your own living, college preferable, but learn to do something to earn money. Then get at earning your own living for a while, and put some money in the bank, 3 to 6 months of living expense. Get your own, reliable car. Then get a place to live, to have the experience of doing it on your own. Then get a husband, properly in the Church. Then you may have babies.
If the husband dies, the young woman needs to have skills, even if he left her insurance. She has to have respect for money, how to save it, how to spend it wisely. Getting her own car and living on her own or with another young woman as a roommate will give her the memory of confidence that she CAN succeed if she needs to do so.
Now, when you have those things and those experiences, in my mind, youāre ready to get married in our culture. How old you are has no bearing on your experience.
This is what I am teaching my younger girls: Go to school to be able to earn your own living, college preferable, but learn to do something to earn money. Then get at earning your own living for a while, and put some money in the bank, 3 to 6 months of living expense. Get your own, reliable car. Then get a place to live, to have the experience of doing it on your own. Then get a husband, properly in the Church. Then you may have babies.
If the husband dies, the young woman needs to have skills, even if he left her insurance. She has to have respect for money, how to save it, how to spend it wisely. Getting her own car and living on her own or with another young woman as a roommate will give her the memory of confidence that she CAN succeed if she needs to do so.
Now, when you have those things and those experiences, in my mind, youāre ready to get married in our culture. How old you are has no bearing on your experience.
T
timothy_bauer
Guest
To cowgirl89:
Let me approach an answer in a different way. You did not
indicate what āyoungā means. Also whether if one person is
young and other party is not. If you check the internet can
find many articles about the problems more likely to incur
if marry under age 18, or under age 20. There is a āmuch, muchā greater chance of separation or divorce at that age in
the first ten years of marriage. In fact it is almost 50% in
first 10 years!!! And by then you have little ones.
There are many reasons why in todayās society marrying young is so problematical. Remember in 1800ās women married
at in there teens and had a very low divorce rate. But today
the situation is different.
Here are just some reasons why at that age you incur greater
difficulties if marry.
priest and look at people/friends who did that. In most cases
it would have been better to wait a couple of years.
And finally-if you are marrying at a young age with someone out-
side the faith. That causes all kinds of stress on the marriage
once the kids arrive. Wait in most cases.
Timothy Bauer
Reno, Nevada
Let me approach an answer in a different way. You did not
indicate what āyoungā means. Also whether if one person is
young and other party is not. If you check the internet can
find many articles about the problems more likely to incur
if marry under age 18, or under age 20. There is a āmuch, muchā greater chance of separation or divorce at that age in
the first ten years of marriage. In fact it is almost 50% in
first 10 years!!! And by then you have little ones.
There are many reasons why in todayās society marrying young is so problematical. Remember in 1800ās women married
at in there teens and had a very low divorce rate. But today
the situation is different.
Here are just some reasons why at that age you incur greater
difficulties if marry.
- Party (ies) are not as mature as would be later in life
- If marry young-more chance did not spend as long in
courtship. If marry at 16-how long could you have known
your spouse. All kinds of studies show longer know person
before marrying. More chance of success. - If marry young-not set up financially. Have not completed
college. Than if have kids-puts strain on relationship. All
kinds of studies show money problems one of the greatest
break up reasons in marriage. - If want to marry very young-question should ask yourself.
Why not wait? If you really love each other. Waiting another
year or so is not a big deal. Gives you more time go get
to know each other. And to save up money.
priest and look at people/friends who did that. In most cases
it would have been better to wait a couple of years.
And finally-if you are marrying at a young age with someone out-
side the faith. That causes all kinds of stress on the marriage
once the kids arrive. Wait in most cases.
Timothy Bauer
Reno, Nevada
S
SJG1759
Guest
I agree, wholeheartedly. If, God forbid, your husband gets hit by a bus or drains your bank account and runs off, you need to be able to provide for yourself and your children. And if you canāt do that, youāre too young to get married.
B
Blade_and_Blood
Guest
Appropriate age, in my opinion, is when you are ready and at least 25.
Marry wisely.
Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
Marry wisely.
Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
C
cowgirl89
Guest
thanks everyone! sorry i wasnāt very specificā¦iāve just been trying to get various opinions on the subject as my bf and i of 2 and half years are considering getting engaged. weād be 20 and 21 at least, before we were actually married. please realize though- iām not the kind of girl that bases her decisions on internet forums (i know a lot people look down on that and say āif youāre asking a bunch of internet strangers, your not ready!ā lol), but i was just looking for some ācatholicā opinions i suppose. iām currently in the RCIA process right now, so it would most definately happen after i was confirmed. but anyhoo- thank you all 
L
lovemysix
Guest
Well, here is my experience, for what itās worth
I met my husband when I was 18, started dating him when I was 19, and married him at 21 (he is six years older than I am). It was the best decision I ever made in my life, and we will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary next month.
I WAS in college when I met him, married while still in college and graduated a few months later. Had kidsālots of them
--in quick succession but was still able to go to nursing school years later and get a degree that was actually financially useful (and to which I felt I was being called!).
Iām so glad I had my kids early on because later I ended up being diagnosed with a chronic disease that I never could have foreseen and which definitely could have had a negative impact on my fertility.
I would never presume to say that the way I did it is the way everybody should, not in a million years. But I AM here to state that you CAN get married at an age that is considered āyoungā by our societal standards AND still have a career you can count on to support you if necessary AND still be blissfully happy in marriage.
When I was 20 and became engaged, there were all sorts of naysayers suggesting I should āhave funā before getting ātied downā. Iām so thankful I never listened to them! I never had a single doubt that we were doing the right thing, either before or after. When you know, you just KNOW.
God bless you in your own discernment process.
Lauren
I met my husband when I was 18, started dating him when I was 19, and married him at 21 (he is six years older than I am). It was the best decision I ever made in my life, and we will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary next month.
I WAS in college when I met him, married while still in college and graduated a few months later. Had kidsālots of them
--in quick succession but was still able to go to nursing school years later and get a degree that was actually financially useful (and to which I felt I was being called!).Iām so glad I had my kids early on because later I ended up being diagnosed with a chronic disease that I never could have foreseen and which definitely could have had a negative impact on my fertility.
I would never presume to say that the way I did it is the way everybody should, not in a million years. But I AM here to state that you CAN get married at an age that is considered āyoungā by our societal standards AND still have a career you can count on to support you if necessary AND still be blissfully happy in marriage.
When I was 20 and became engaged, there were all sorts of naysayers suggesting I should āhave funā before getting ātied downā. Iām so thankful I never listened to them! I never had a single doubt that we were doing the right thing, either before or after. When you know, you just KNOW.
God bless you in your own discernment process.
Lauren
C
cowgirl89
Guest
Thank you! That was so inspirational! My parents both look down on marriage before graduating college- mainly because that caused them problems, but both sets of my grandparents married young, and my boyfriendās parentās married in college and are still happily together. I really feel like we are ready. I got all my āpartyingā out in high school, and really have no desire for that sort of thing anymore, and neither does my boyfriend, but my parentās story (they will be getting a divorce soon) always makes me hesitantā¦and then there will be convincing them to support usā¦
God Bless!
God Bless!
R
Ruthie
Guest
Iām not feeling well today, and may come across as grumpy. Well, I am grumpy! But I do not intend to aim it outwards. So if I seem short, please know that thereās charity in my heart!
Take a good look at why theyāre divorcing (both sides of the story), and make sure that you donāt have any of the attitudes that led to the divorce. (You may not be aware that you have them.)
If Iāve gotten it all wrong, which wouldnāt surprise me, please explain.
God bless you,
Ruthie
Iām sorry for that.
Take a good look at why theyāre divorcing (both sides of the story), and make sure that you donāt have any of the attitudes that led to the divorce. (You may not be aware that you have them.)
I donāt understand. Why should they support you? If youāre in school, I can understand asking them to continue to pay your tuition, but if the two of you arenāt ready to pay the rest of your way, you should really reconsider marrying just yet. You shouldnāt have to rely on your parents for support.
If Iāve gotten it all wrong, which wouldnāt surprise me, please explain.
God bless you,
Ruthie
A
Appleby
Guest
My four sisters have had 9 marriages and 8 divorces (well 7 divorces and 1 separation) among them so far. Their opinion is that no woman should marry before age 25, because before that she is an echo of whatever man she happens to latch onto. My youngest sister married at age 18 and her husband was a gay alcoholic who married her as a āfrontā to get into the Methodist ministry. (She knew he was gay but thought Jesus would make him straight ā without his cooperation.) Another sister married a Ukranian Communist to get back at Daddy who was somewhere to the right of John Birch, and then found out that communists donāt believe in work. They both said that more worldly experience would have saved them a great deal of suffering.Appropriate age, in my opinion, is when you are ready and at least 25.
Marry wisely.
Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
I never married anybody. Perhaps I am better off.
S
Sierrah
Guest
Itās not a bad thing if you meet the right person early enough and are mature enough.
J
Just_wondering
Guest
That one threw me for a minute too, but I think she means convincing her parents to be supportive of their decision. That would make a lot more sense.I donāt understand. Why should they support you? If youāre in school, I can understand asking them to continue to pay your tuition, but if the two of you arenāt ready to pay the rest of your way, you should really reconsider marrying just yet. You shouldnāt have to rely on your parents for support.
If Iāve gotten it all wrong, which wouldnāt surprise me, please explain.
God bless you,
Ruthie
L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
A lot of good advice here.
I have a starry eyed teenager who has been dating someone for a year (against family rules.) She is sure sheās going to marry him at 18. Heās the first person she ever fell in love with. She is sure he is wonderful.
She refuses to see he is the kind of person who has shown no respect for his role in her falling GPA. He has shown no respect for her familyās house rules. He just wants her to be with him all the time.
He has expressed callous disregard for the feelings of others. He is immature, self-centered, and Iām pretty sure there is a mean temper, bigotry and minanthropy buried under there.
But what do I know? He seems to be a fledgling version of her father.
She is sure he is wonderful. Because she has nothing really to compare him to with her limited life experience.
I married her father when I was 23. Now I wonder what hurry I was in. Maybe dating more people would have put some of his behavior in perspective.
I know priests will refuse to marry people if they think they are too immature.
Donāt show me grandma and grandpa in the old country who married at 15. He may have been helping with the family business or farm since he was 9.
Our 15 year olds spend all their time playing X-box and Guitar Hero.
Completely different world.
Become independent. If he doesnāt mind that, itās a good thing. If he starts getting antsy about that, itās a warning sign. A few years of saving and becoming who you are meant to be before you join your lives is a good thing. Right now your brains are still forming.
That completely governs how you see the world.
Like they say, Marry in haste, repent at leisure.
You BOTH need to be mature enough to make this decision. No matter how mature you feel you are, it takes two to make a marriage but only one to really foul it up.
I have a starry eyed teenager who has been dating someone for a year (against family rules.) She is sure sheās going to marry him at 18. Heās the first person she ever fell in love with. She is sure he is wonderful.
She refuses to see he is the kind of person who has shown no respect for his role in her falling GPA. He has shown no respect for her familyās house rules. He just wants her to be with him all the time.
He has expressed callous disregard for the feelings of others. He is immature, self-centered, and Iām pretty sure there is a mean temper, bigotry and minanthropy buried under there.
But what do I know? He seems to be a fledgling version of her father.
She is sure he is wonderful. Because she has nothing really to compare him to with her limited life experience.
I married her father when I was 23. Now I wonder what hurry I was in. Maybe dating more people would have put some of his behavior in perspective.
I know priests will refuse to marry people if they think they are too immature.
Donāt show me grandma and grandpa in the old country who married at 15. He may have been helping with the family business or farm since he was 9.
Our 15 year olds spend all their time playing X-box and Guitar Hero.
Completely different world.
Become independent. If he doesnāt mind that, itās a good thing. If he starts getting antsy about that, itās a warning sign. A few years of saving and becoming who you are meant to be before you join your lives is a good thing. Right now your brains are still forming.
That completely governs how you see the world.
Like they say, Marry in haste, repent at leisure.
You BOTH need to be mature enough to make this decision. No matter how mature you feel you are, it takes two to make a marriage but only one to really foul it up.
- Status