Catholic Parish giving us a hard time due to spouse being non-Christian

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I’m fortunate that I had my confirmation at the same time as first communion. My parents got into a nasty divorce and my mother, brother and I ended up moving away, im SO glad I was confirmed before that whole mess take place. I’m not sure based on the way I felt at the time if I would have continued through confirmation if I had not.
 
The sacrament of baptism cannot be withheld or delayed without a good reason.

What you have shared is NOT a sufficient reason.

Simply have your wife go to class, tell the DRE that she, as the Catholic parent, is happy to go to class and schedule the baptism accordingly thereafter.

If your attendance comes up again, she should just say that you are unavailable, and according to the law of the Church, what she is doing is sufficient.

That’s it - no further explaining, no arguing, no back-and-forth. If the parish refuses to schedule the baptism, just call the chancery.

This is a canonical no-brainer.

Deacon Christopher
 
That is rather surprising that this is happening in a modern parish.

As far as I understand things–you have no obligations here. The obligations are on the Catholic party. The Catholic is the one who should attend Sacramental prep, and the Catholic is the one who has the obligation to bring the children to Mass, etc.

If it could be said that you have any obligation, your obligation is simply not to be a hindrance to your wife as she fulfills her obligations; that is not to be anti-Catholic. You are free to exercise your religion as you see fit. As long as you are not a hindrance or obstacle to your wife and children their practice of the Catholic Faith, there is no problem.

Actually-if I were the pastor or priest I would love to make your acquaintance and talk/debate theology! That would be fun. It is rare to meet someone who can talk theology at an academic level.

In any case, first, try talking directly with the pastor and explaining the situation.

Incidentally----when you read the ECF, they are sort of like the Scriptures. If you want to make them sound like proto-Protestants you can do that just as if you want to make the Scripures teach Protestant as opposed to Catholic doctrine, you can do that. For example, Pope Gelesius seems to anticipate the Lutheran view of the Eucharist in some of his writings. Augustine when it comes to his theology of the Sacraments and the Eucharist appears to be all over the place. In some places he sounds decidedly Catholic, in other places decidedly Protestant.

My point is this: as I see it, the problem with Scriptura Sola—isn’t that it treats the Bible as the supreme authority in the Church, but that it divorces the Church and the Bible from each other. Once you divorce the Bible, the writings of the fathers and such from the context of the Church what winds up happening is that the Scriptures, the fathers, the Church no longer speak with one voice. That is when the discrepancies start to appear and that is when for example it will appear that the Scriptures do not reflect Church teaching, or that the fathers are all over their place in their theology.
 
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I think these rigid bureaucrats are given way too much power in many parishes.
I think, OP, your child’s baptism is not being scheduled not because you are not Catholic, it’s because you are unable to attend rigid class times.
I ran into a similar problem at a mega-parish for RCIA. If I couldn’t clear all my Tuesday nights for a year (my night to work), maybe I wasn’t listening to God’s call. Eye roll.
Oh well, you know what the Holy Father said! Hagan lio! Raise a stink!
 
To be the Devil’s Advocate, I think that maybe the DRE is suspicious of the OP being a Lutheran theologian and not attending any meeting.

It can raise the question of whether he is disposed of his children being raised Catholic, something I agree many traditionalists and canonists here would want.

Of course I don’t doubt the OP sincere intentions, but the Catechists at the Parish may not know the OP work schedule, and they might want to discuss it with him at least one time.
 
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Why not reach out to an FSSP parish? Our priests do the sacramental preparations themselves and will schedule personal instruction to work with your schedule. Nowadays, you might even be able to schedule zoom instruction.
Where there’s a will; there’s a way.
May God bless you and your child.
Amen.
 
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AlbMagno said:
It can raise the question of whether he is disposed of his children being raised Catholic, something I agree many traditionalists and canonists here would want.
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This is an issue covered in marriage preparations (there is a FOCCUS question about it specifically) - it is not a litmus test for every child born after the union. Furthermore, the current promise to raise the children Catholic is on the Catholic party, not the non-Catholic as it was in the past.

Deacon Christopher
 
I’m not a canonist, but I seem to recall that baptism may be delayed (not refused) in the absence of “founded hope” that the child will be brought up in the Catholic faith.

If an “active Catholic” mother, in the words of the OP, doesn’t qualify as “founded hope”, then I don’t know what does 😉

For what it’s worth, I’m a Protestant minister and was responsible of the ecumenical baptism preparation classes with one of the Catholic priests in my former parish. I have seen a lot of nominally Christian (Reformed or Catholic) parents whose children were baptized even though none of the parents were practicing, and for whom the “founded hope” was arguably rather tenuous. To be completely honest, although we don’t have that specification about “founded hope” in my church’s discipline, I’m in the habit of entrusting the children I baptize to Mother Mary in my private prayer, because she’s in most cases their best hope of ever being brought to Christ.
 
Well then @OddBird and @Diaconia, you can tell that to the DRE, I was jut playing Devil’s Advocate because I thought maybe people are critizicing catechists for worrying about children’s catechesis.

It may be unfounded, but that was my main point. If a DRE can be concerned because a Lutheran parent won’t show in a meeting, how much better might she be with forming nominally Catholics? 🙂
 
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I do understand what you mean, @AlbMagno, but, while I share that DRE’s concern about catechesis, and find it laudable, I am also concerned when their future catechesis (or hypothetical absence thereof) is used to deprive young children of a means of grace. I’m not sure this is a very good start to Christian life…

Parents are made aware, during preparation, of what they will explicitly promise during their child’s baptism :
CELEBRANT: You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
PARENTS: We do.
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(From the Rite of Baptism for One Child)

Being faithful to their word is something we can – and do – encourage, but not coerce. All the same, the (more or less predictable) incapacity or unwillingness of parents to fulfill their duty should not stand in the way of God’s grace being gifted to their children. After all, who knows what fruits it may produce in their lives later on, with or without children’s catechesis ?
 
mwb85611 said:
Background: My wife is an active Catholic. I was raised Lutheran…
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That’s just the way some parishes are (in my experience). We have 3 kids, the two older were baptized in one parish, the 3rd in another. For the youngest’s we had to meet with another couple, in the first minute or so they figured out I wasn’t Catholic. For the hour we were there, I may as well not even been there. They spoke directly to my wife and didn’t say a word to me until we left.

We both looked at each other when we got to the car and were like “did you just experience the same thing I just did”? Is what it is in some places I guess…
 
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mwb85611 said:
I ended up just replying to the last email reiterating to her that I’m not a Catholic, I consent to the Catholic baptism and her being raised Catholic, I will not be attending any of the sessions due to work, and that my presence is neither necessary nor relevant as I am not the Catholic party, but that we appreciate her assistance in scheduling the baptism. If she fires back yet another email, I’ll go full-theologian on her. Haven’t had to do that in years, but better she hears it from me than someone who has less patience.
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👍 I think you handled that very well
 
I had to attend 1 meeting (the one I commented on), my wife went to the others by herself.

Older kids were in school or daycare so she was able to do the meetings during the day while I was at work.
 
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Sounds to me like somebody is being arbitrary and power hungry, not to mention judgemental. I would seek out another parish and get your daughter baptized. Too bad stuff like that has to happen in a place that should be welcoming. But, we’re all sinners and nobody is perfect. Not excusing it, just stating the way things can be in a fallen world.

Best to you.
 
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