Catholic - Protestant marriage Problems

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I have a serious problem. My wife is Catholic and I am Protestant. We have been married about 2 years now and known each other about 3yrs in total. We both got married for the first time to each other around 40yrs of age. I come here today as I dont know what to do, I dont understand.

Before we got married she asked me if I would expect her to change her religion - also that I please do not ask it of her. I promised I would not and can honestly say that I have kept that promise. I asked her the same question and she promised not to change me. In fact I attend church with her regularly, go to see speakers at her church etc. I do not focus on our religious differences, but rather the common goals and believes.

I also emigrated from my country recently to be with her.

I cant say that she affords me the same consideration. In the 3 years we have known each other, she has only attended a Protestant church with me twice - and got offended both times. Her whole family is Catholic, except a sister that has very dramatically broken away from the Catholic Church and now attend a very so called Protestant fundementalist anti-Catholic church. They are not even sure what church she converted to, thus it might not even be so called “Protestant”. This/she has caused a lot of hurt and damage in the family.

I am at the point that I am so frustrated that I am get highly upset. We cant discuss any religious topic without her trying to convert me to a Catholic, or pointing out my flawed Protestant reasoning. Even when I simply try to explain why we believe what we believe, it’s met with immediate counter attack and judgement. She does not listen to understand, she listen to counter argue and correct.

I feel she has broken the promise she made at the beginning, expecting me to change, something I dont expect from her. Nothing I say has any validity because it’s not Catholic, hence she does ot even try to hear or understand why we believe. It goes well for a few days and then it pops up.

I attended a healing service with her at their local Catholic church last night and actually enjoyed it, only to get judged and attacked today. She constantly tells me about Protestants that have converted to being Catholic - even met with one this week.

Before we got married I told her we should discuss our different faiths and how we are going to handle it, but she she refused and simply said " are we not going to get married because of this?" According to her love was all we needed. I warned her this could cause serious problems later, but she dismissed it.

Now we are here. Had I known she would break her promise I would simply not have gotten married. When I asked her about this promise, she simply said she made no vow and can change her mind. Thus she is now refusing to admit or validate her promise.
 
This reminds me of a joke. A man goes to his doctor and says, “Doc, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It hurts everywhere I touch” He proceeds to press his legs, arms, shoulder and head. Each time grimmacing in pain. The doctor looks at him and says, “Yeah, you have a broken finger.”

Don’t let your individual faith backgrounds destroy your marriage. Stop pressing the sore subject.
 
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You are right. It sounds like she broke her promise. If you wish to stay married, I would suggest ceasing all discussion of religion. Also, don’t attend with her anymore unless you are considering conversion. By attending, you are (through no fault of your own) giving her false hope that you are going to ditch your own faith for hers.

She will try to engage you on the issue. Don’t engage. Once she realizes that you are “going to do you” and she needs to “do her” where religion is concerned, I suspect things may settle down.

I think you have the right idea about focusing on things you can agree on.
 
One of the problems is that as a Catholic, most if not all Protestant services are going to be very (irreverent or disrespectful). Catholics are taught to look at a lot of things completely differently than a Protestant, so what might just be “different” for a Protestant at mass, can seem very dangerous “disrespectful” for a Catholic at a Protestant Church.
A Protestant service is completely different than a catholic mass in its meaning, this is why Catholics are discouraged to attend Protestant services.
As far as what to do about the whole situation, well that’s a tough one. Maybe just take a break from going to each other’s church services and spend some time simply praying with one another.
 
Did you marry in the Catholic Church? It seems odd you didn’t talk about this religious difference and how it would work in marriage, because it is part of Catholic premarital preparation which is required to marry in the Church.

At this point my advice is to talk to her parish pastor— by yourself— explain the situation and ask if he would be willing to counsel the two of you on this topic.

I am sorry she is not being true to her word and was either dishonest with you or herself before your marriage.
 
ConcernedConvert said:
most if not all Protestant services are going to be very (irreverent or disrespectful)
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What? No way. I can’t even believe you said that! Christians of all denominations are reverant, respectful, and sincere in their worship of God.

I’ve been to services at many denominations and never experienced anything “disrespectful” or “irreverent”.
 
Here’s my advice -

Stop talking to each other about religion

Go each to your own church on Sunday morning

Do something fun together on Sunday afternoon like, I dunno, Salsa Dancing
 
You’re in a very difficult situation.

I agree with 1ke. Talk to her Priest and ask him to help you. I’m sorry she won’t listen to you, but most likely she will listen to her Priest. When you do, explain to her how you feel disrespected and belittled, that your beliefs have no importance to her. I hope she will see that she is being unfair.
 
I am just saying that catholics in general would probably find Protestant services irreverent or disrespectful (compared to mass).
I have personally had the opposite experience as you and can say from knowing several Catholics who have shared similar experiences that many Catholics feel this way.
 
Well my experiences and those of many family and friends I know says that it is true. I used to be Protestant, converted just a few years back and can tell you that compared to catholic mass, every Protestant Church I have attended seemed disrespectful and irreverent.
 
While it may have seemed so to you, it’s certainly not a universal experience. Most Protestants are very respectful, serious about their faith, and reverent.
 
ConcernedConvert said:
I am just saying that catholics in general would probably find Protestant services irreverent or disrespectful (compared to mass).
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I have never attended Protestant service that seemed “disrespectful.” You’re taking your own personal reaction and trying to assign it to “Catholics in general.”
 
I agree completely. I guess maybe I am misrepresenting what I am thinking. I don’t mean that Protestants are disrespectful or irreverent necessarily, just that as Catholics who are trained differently it could certainly seem that way when you see no kneeling, limited adoration and quiet, concert type performances, passing around of communion by lay people…stuff like Those things which are nothing like the rubrics for a catholic mass.
 
But those are the things that are “different,” not in any way disrespectful. There’s nothing inherently more devout in kneeling vs. standing or in having Communion distributed rather than passed and shared. They are definitely different, but not irreverent.
 
Well that’s great. How would you describe the differences that you have seen between mass and Protestant Church?
 
I guess we can disagree there. The Catholic Church has reasons that it does the things it does in the mass, many of which come down to humility, reverence and complete respect for god while in the presence of the Eucharist. Protestant churches, at least the ones I know, don’t follow any of those traditions.
 
I see part of my original message did not post, so let me complete that first. Just ad this onto my first post:

"We had a huge fight this afternoon whe she asked me what I believe about Mother Mary, statues etc. I did not say one word about Catholics, but merely tried to very diplomatically explain why we dont have statues or pray to Mother Mary or Saints. The attacks and corrections ensued. It did not end well.

_I now decided to not set foot in a Catholic Church again, even though I had no problem going with her. _

Surely this is not the way of trying win someone over? It has now completely pushed me away."
 
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humbleseeker said:
Don’t let your individual faith backgrounds destroy your marriage. Stop pressing the sore subject.
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I was trying to avoid this subject, but she keeps bringing it up. First very subtle and then keeps on pressuring the matter until we end up fighting.
 
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