Catholic-Protestant reality

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I’m a Catholic woman in a serious relationship with a Protestant man who expressed deep-rooted convictions on why he doesn’t like the idea of raising his children Catholic. As we’ve taken time apart to reflect, and we’ve been speaking of marriage, he, however, has agreed to do so, as long as the children can also be exposed to Protestant services. He believes Protestants do a better job with preaching the Gospel, and his relationship with Christ through scriptural reading and reflection parallels mine with receipt of the sacraments/liturgy. I can see his point, as he is more scriptural enriched/well versed in the Bible compared to myself, but I worry about the impression that is conveyed by Protestants regarding the Catholic faith. And I just don’t see the functional circumstance of taking children to two different services every week. I suggested a protestant Bible study, but he wants the service. We’ve had, and continue to have, our own conversations about the differences in terms of papal infallibility, Marian veneration, etc., and we greatly respect eachother and agree that we are brothers in Christ. But the stress of the issues that arise when discussing raising children is palpable. Any advice/past experiences/resources would be so much appreciated. Thanks in advance!
 
As someone who has recently married a wonderful and lovely godly protestant woman (though, I wouldn’t really call her protestant), I might be able to shed some light.

We too had many discussions, and some arguments, about faith in our relationship, but part of what helped us come to an understanding was her learning about Catholicism. I got a chance to learn about the other side of Christianity during my time away from the Church, so I had some experience as a “protestant”. And when I came back, and learned as much as I could, I found that most (if not all) of what people had said about Catholicism was untrue. Her and I started learning together and she even changed some of her views, and others she came to an understanding of, even if she wasn’t fully convinced. She has no plans (as of yet) to become Catholic, and I’m in no way pushing her to. I just encourage searching for Truth.

If you two would really want to go through with getting married, which can be a difficult road, I would suggest studying Catholicism together. As you said, he knows more of the bible than you do. So, I’m sure you both could use the study. And as you study together, and seek to know God better through study, you will also continue to grow closer together.

Some might suggest RCIA, and if your parish has a good one, you could do that, but from my experience with it, it mostly just goes over the Sacraments and not all of Church teaching.

I would start with Catholic Answers, as a matter of fact. That is what my wife and I did. We started with questions we had, and used CA (and eventually CA Forums) to search for the answers which were given in a very understandable way. You might want to also get a copy of Catholicism for Dummies and (for yourself mainly) The Essential Catholic Survival Guide, which do a good job at explaining the Catholic faith, and answering common questions and attacks on Catholicism.

My brother also married a protestant woman, and they attend both an Evangelical and Catholic service/mass on Sundays (or Catholic on Saturday and Evangelical on Sunday depending on what is going on). But with their firstborn on the way (due in May), I’m not sure what they’ll do exactly in terms of Church (services that can sometimes contradict each other could be confusing to the child), but they’ve settled to raise the child Catholic.

I might also suggest speaking with a Catholic counselor or priest about how to proceed. And good luck, and God bless, on your journey.
 
Welcome to CAF! 👋

I wish I could give you some easy to follow advice to solve the problem, but I’m afraid that probably doesn’t exist. :o

It’s a tough situation to be in. And if there is stress surrounding it now, it will only be more so when there are actual children involved. That’s one of the reasons the Church tends to discourage mixed marriages (“mixed marriage” being the technical term for a marriage between a baptized Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic).

I will pray for you.
 
cec66, which denomination, if any, of protestant worship are
we talking about ?
 
cec66 said:
I’m a Catholic woman in a serious relationship with a Protestant man who expressed deep-rooted convictions on why he doesn’t like the idea of raising his children Catholic. As we’ve taken time apart to reflect, and we’ve been speaking of marriage, he, however, has agreed to do so, as long as the children can also be exposed to Protestant services. He believes Protestants do a better job with preaching the Gospel, and his relationship with Christ through scriptural reading and reflection parallels mine with receipt of the sacraments/liturgy. I can see his point, as he is more scriptural enriched/well versed in the Bible compared to myself, but I worry about the impression that is conveyed by Protestants regarding the Catholic faith. And I just don’t see the functional circumstance of taking children to two different services every week. I suggested a protestant Bible study, but he wants the service. We’ve had, and continue to have, our own conversations about the differences in terms of papal infallibility, Marian veneration, etc., and we greatly respect eachother and agree that we are brothers in Christ. But the stress of the issues that arise when discussing raising children is palpable. Any advice/past experiences/resources would be so much appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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What do you treat as the ultimate source of knowledge about our faith?
Who tells us the way to reach to our Lord Jesus?
Bible. if u believe this why the confusion. Teach ur children The Bible, for that u need a priest it can be either a catholic priest or a protestant priest as the bible is only one . I personally suggest some neutral churches which are not catholic and not protestant like Mar Thoma church in India. all the other customs like prayer to dead, prayer to mary and saints are injected by the influence of the church heads as a short cut for answering the prayers . If you are so interested to know how a true christian should be, you can compare your way of faith with the Jews, our God has selected them. Its a BIG truth, but they dont believe in Christ. We believe in christ and his second coming. But the BIG truth we should not forget is, our God is the Lord of Abraham, Jacob and Issac, who is our father, who do not want us to make idols,pray to dead and worship any saints other than Him. He is not changed or not gone anywhere, instead he has given us Jesus the way of life " I am the way I am the door and the truth" . This is what we need to live as a christian . No saints no mother Mary. Only Jesus. This is the funda of christianity . all the customs are injected by the people . If u believe in Jehovah and his son you will be saved. If you think there is any truth in these words, dont be panic to send your children to any bible class . And you should say sorry to ur hubby for allowing your children to be catholic even though his esteem is questioned, and for loving you that much. What he has shown you is the Christianity,leave all the customs and rituals which our God our father do not like.Love each other that is the fundamental thing.
 
For the OP, note that we are not a religion of the Book but a religion of the Word. Jesus is the Word Made Flesh. The Logos. He is the center of our faith. That is why Catholics will never be sola scriptura.

I’m not sure what perspective Rajun is coming from, but it’s not Catholic.
 
1ke said:
Deal breaker!
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This. In spades. You’re not even married and kids are only theoretical and he’s telling you that you are not going to raise the children as Catholics, but are going to expose them to both churches which really means just muddying the water and ending up with agnostic or atheist kids. Not a good plan.
 
rajun said:
What do you treat as the ultimate source of knowledge about our faith?
Who tells us the way to reach to our Lord Jesus?
Bible. if u believe this why the confusion. Teach ur children The Bible, for that u need a priest it can be either a catholic priest or a protestant priest as the bible is only one . I personally suggest some neutral churches which are not catholic and not protestant like Mar Thoma church in India. all the other customs like prayer to dead, prayer to mary and saints are injected by the influence of the church heads as a short cut for answering the prayers . If you are so interested to know how a true christian should be, you can compare your way of faith with the Jews, our God has selected them. Its a BIG truth, but they dont believe in Christ. We believe in christ and his second coming. But the BIG truth we should not forget is, our God is the Lord of Abraham, Jacob and Issac, who is our father, who do not want us to make idols,pray to dead and worship any saints other than Him. He is not changed or not gone anywhere, instead he has given us Jesus the way of life " I am the way I am the door and the truth" . This is what we need to live as a christian . No saints no mother Mary. Only Jesus. This is the funda of christianity . all the customs are injected by the people . If u believe in Jehovah and his son you will be saved. If you think there is any truth in these words, dont be panic to send your children to any bible class . And you should say sorry to ur hubby for allowing your children to be catholic even though his esteem is questioned, and for loving you that much. What he has shown you is the Christianity,leave all the customs and rituals which our God our father do not like.Love each other that is the fundamental thing.
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Number one, they aren’t married yet, they aren’t even engaged. Number two, your post is so confused and confusing that I think you shouldn’t have responded at all. This is a CATHOLIC forum and we are the original Christians, so telling us that our Church is wrong is laughable. There would be no Protestant denominations if the Catholic Church hadn’t been founded by Jesus Himself, giving the keys to the kingdom to Peter (the first Pope).

If you want to participate here, you must respect our Church, as stated in the forum rules.
 
He thinks reading and reflecting on scripture is the equivalent of the sacraments?

As him if he thinks reading about a beautiful woman and reflecting on that reading is the equivalent of not only meeting her face to face but communing with her in the most intimate way possible - more intimate than making love to her. Because that is the difference between what he is talking about and what Catholics do.
 
I would say come to an agreement where the kids go to Catholic mass one week and his church the next week and so on. Also buy the kids a Catholic Bible and a KJV Bible. The kids can grow up learning Catholic ways and praying the Rosary as well as going to his scripture services. 🤷 It doesn’t have to be one or the other, it can be both. 🤷
 
Skye_Ariel said:
I would say come to an agreement where the kids go to Catholic mass one week and his church the next week and so on. Also buy the kids a Catholic Bible and a KJV Bible. The kids can grow up learning Catholic ways and praying the Rosary as well as going to his scripture services. 🤷 It doesn’t have to be one or the other, it can be both. 🤷
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:nope:

It simply doesn’t work that way. Faith isn’t a cafeteria where you can pick between two truths. Almost without fail, when children are shown more than one faith, they pick NO FAITH. How can they choose either Mommy’s church or Daddy’s church - when picking means telling the other parent, "I believe YOU and not HIM (or her).

The very worst thing a parent can do is acquiesce to this scenario. If you believe that your church holds the truth, why would you compromise and tell your children, “Nothing wrong with the other faith, I just prefer this one.”
 
wow, thank you for all of the feedback (with the exception of the drawn out insults from the “stop praying to the dead” person. wake up…the saints are dead from this life…living in the next. they are more alive than we are here, thus…they remain our brothers and sisters in christ. and didn’t scripture state, “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective”?? perhaps you should spend some time reviewing.)–thank you for the recommendations on the books mentioned in the first post, and i do agree that it has to be one or the other…thank you for the prayers and the (name removed by moderator)ut.
 
LilyM said:
He thinks reading and reflecting on scripture is the equivalent of the sacraments?

As him if he thinks reading about a beautiful woman and reflecting on that reading is the equivalent of not only meeting her face to face but communing with her in the most intimate way possible - more intimate than making love to her. Because that is the difference between what he is talking about and what Catholics do.
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This is truly how I feel. Ive said very similar words to him trying to explain how much it means to me…and he says he experiences scripture in a similar way. its difficult. thank you
 
I wouldn’t go so far as some others as to call this a deal breaker, but it probably will cause conflict. As part of getting married, you will have to promise to raise your children Catholic (which requires weekly Mass attendance, alternating is not sufficient), and if their father is working against that, it could be problematic and cause conflict.

My father is protestant and my mother Catholic, and from what I hear the conflict was so great that my two older brothers ended up baptized without my father’s knowledge, which in turn caused serious problems between my parents (as you can imagine, my father was… less than pleased about that). They were mostly settled by the time I was old enough to remember anything and my parents have been happily married for 35ish years or so by now (and the four of us kids are all Catholic), so it can work out. But it can be hard.

That said, raising children Catholic does not mean that you must try to isolate them from all things protestant, but it does mean presenting them as (while of course containing some truth and good in many ways) being incorrect.

Given that your prospective husband thinks that they are correct, this would be problematic. But given that things get stressful even talking about it now, I think a precursor to making it work without serious marital discord later would be not only coming up with a plan, but coming up with one that can be discussed without stress. If either one of you object to the point of getting annoyed even thinking about it (even while assenting to it), there will be problems carrying it out.

All that said, it can be done. Just don’t expect it to be easy.
 
cec66 said:
I’m a Catholic woman in a serious relationship with a Protestant man who expressed deep-rooted convictions on why he doesn’t like the idea of raising his children Catholic. As we’ve taken time apart to reflect, and we’ve been speaking of marriage, he, however, has agreed to do so, as long as the children can also be exposed to Protestant services. He believes Protestants do a better job with preaching the Gospel, and his relationship with Christ through scriptural reading and reflection parallels mine with receipt of the sacraments/liturgy. I can see his point, as he is more scriptural enriched/well versed in the Bible compared to myself, but I worry about the impression that is conveyed by Protestants regarding the Catholic faith. And I just don’t see the functional circumstance of taking children to two different services every week. I suggested a protestant Bible study, but he wants the service. We’ve had, and continue to have, our own conversations about the differences in terms of papal infallibility, Marian veneration, etc., and we greatly respect eachother and agree that we are brothers in Christ. But the stress of the issues that arise when discussing raising children is palpable. Any advice/past experiences/resources would be so much appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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Here’s something to think about in your own defense.
  • Maybe you don’t read the bible. But you go to mass faithfully, …true? Going to mass faithfully you’ll have the bible read to you in 3 years. Over a lifetime, you’ll potentially have the bible read to you 40 times. But most of all you’ll receive Our Lord body blood soul and divinity in the Eucharist. That’s the height and summit of our faith.
  • Paul in Romans is writing to the Church of Rome. The same Church of you, and Pope Benedict XVI, 266th successor to St Peter. Paul writes
  • *Rom 16:*17 I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. 18 For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. 19 Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil. 20 The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet.
  • Catch all that? Division is evil and from Satan. Who did Protestants break from in the 16th century? The Church of Rome. They did exactly what Paul condemned.
Paul wrote that in the 1st century, but there is no expiration to this warning. In fact he ramps up the volume
  • ***Gal 5:19-21 ***The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God
Aren’t you glad you’re Catholic? 🙂

You’re seeing first hand, why the Church discourages mixed marriages. Especially, when one person in the relationship is already confrontational on key issues before the marriage even takes place . That’s a warning one has to take deadly serious.
 
cec66 said:
I’m a Catholic woman in a serious relationship with a Protestant man who expressed deep-rooted convictions on why he doesn’t like the idea of raising his children Catholic. As we’ve taken time apart to reflect, and we’ve been speaking of marriage, he, however, has agreed to do so, as long as the children can also be exposed to Protestant services. He believes Protestants do a better job with preaching the Gospel, and his relationship with Christ through scriptural reading and reflection parallels mine with receipt of the sacraments/liturgy. I can see his point, as he is more scriptural enriched/well versed in the Bible compared to myself, but I worry about the impression that is conveyed by Protestants regarding the Catholic faith. And I just don’t see the functional circumstance of taking children to two different services every week. I suggested a protestant Bible study, but he wants the service. We’ve had, and continue to have, our own conversations about the differences in terms of papal infallibility, Marian veneration, etc., and we greatly respect each other and agree that we are brothers in Christ. But the stress of the issues that arise when discussing raising children is palpable. Any advice/past experiences/resources would be so much appreciated. Thanks in advance!
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Love stands ‘heads and shoulders’ above all religions.
Don’t worry. God will take care of everything in a manner that makes winners of all concerned.
 
cec66 said:
presbyterian
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A good book to read is ‘Rome Sweet Home’ by Scott Hahn. Hahn was a Presbyterian minister and theologian (and admitted anti-Catholic). Scott Hahn (and 5 years later, his wife Kimberly) converted to the Catholic Church. It might present some talking points about your differences in beliefs, especially if you can ‘challenge’ him to read it.
 
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