Catholic School and Mass

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At my daughter’s school, the kids attend Mass once a month. I’ve suspected for a long time but just asked my daughter tonight if everyone receives communion. She said they do. My daughter (unfortunately!) does not attend Mass every week (a mortal sin)… I need to talk to the principal. Is this common at other schools, i.e. allowing all the students to receive communion without explaining that you shouldn’t receive if you are not in a state of grace?

Overall, I’m pretty happy with the school and I have a good relationship with the principal.
 
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CatQuilt:
At my daughter’s school, the kids attend Mass once a month. I’ve suspected for a long time but just asked my daughter tonight if everyone receives communion. She said they do. My daughter (unfortunately!) does not attend Mass every week (a mortal sin)… I need to talk to the principal. Is this common at other schools, i.e. allowing all the students to receive communion without explaining that you shouldn’t receive if you are not in a state of grace?

Overall, I’m pretty happy with the school and I have a good relationship with the principal.
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What age is your daughter?

when I first read the post, I assumed we were talking about grade school, but on second reading, I wondered if it was college or high school…

If it is college, where is the school in relation to the nearest Catholic Church? And what state is it in?
If it is Grade school, (or high school), why is your daughter not going to Mass with you on Sunday?

If she is not attending Mass on Sunday, and she has no transportation to Mass, then it would not be a mortal sin, as missin g Mass is not a mortal sin when it is beyond your control.

Just curious - the facts are really too short to make any conclusions…
 
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otm:
What age is your daughter?

when I first read the post, I assumed we were talking about grade school, but on second reading, I wondered if it was college or high school…

If it is college, where is the school in relation to the nearest Catholic Church? And what state is it in?
If it is Grade school, (or high school), why is your daughter not going to Mass with you on Sunday?

If she is not attending Mass on Sunday, and she has no transportation to Mass, then it would not be a mortal sin, as missin g Mass is not a mortal sin when it is beyond your control.

Just curious - the facts are really too short to make any conclusions…
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My daughter is 14 and it’s an elementary school, K - 8. She doesn’t go to Mass with me because she hasn’t wanted to. She didn’t realize till tonight that it was a mortal sin…but I knew. I had been a very lukewarm Catholic till a few months ago.
 
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CatQuilt:
At my daughter’s school, the kids attend Mass once a month. I’ve suspected for a long time but just asked my daughter tonight if everyone receives communion. She said they do. My daughter (unfortunately!) does not attend Mass every week (a mortal sin)… I need to talk to the principal. Is this common at other schools, i.e. allowing all the students to receive communion without explaining that you shouldn’t receive if you are not in a state of grace?

Overall, I’m pretty happy with the school and I have a good relationship with the principal.
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Well i’ve gone to Catholic schools all of my life and none of the teachers really explained to us that you had to be in a state of grace. Everyone just went to mass (whether they liked it or not) and recieved communion. Most kids didn’t like going to mass and didn’t want to be there but they still recieved anyways. 😦
 
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CatQuilt:
My daughter is 14 and it’s an elementary school, K - 8.
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IF your daughter does not attend Mass on Sunday or the Saturday Vigil Mass because she raises such a stink and you are tired of fighting her on it, or she says she does but she sneaks off to McDonald’s, etc. then she has sinned. This would be her fault.

BUT, if your daughter does not attend obligatory Mass because nobody takes her, or she has no way to get there, or you don’t get her up to go, etc., then she has NOT sinned. Mortal sin has the necessity of willfully doing something that is of a grave nature with deliberate consent.

All that aside- they don’t offer them reconciliation a couple times a year? And is she sure it isn’t a blessing? All our kids at our school go to Mass once a week. They ALL go up for communion. But anybody who is not Catholic, has not made First Eucharist, or is conscience of a mortal sin and did not avail himself or herself of confession gets a blessing.
 
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OutinChgoburbs:
IF your daughter does not attend Mass on Sunday or the Saturday Vigil Mass because she raises such a stink and you are tired of fighting her on it, or she says she does but she sneaks off to McDonald’s, etc. then she has sinned. This would be her fault.

BUT, if your daughter does not attend obligatory Mass because nobody takes her, or she has no way to get there, or you don’t get her up to go, etc., then she has NOT sinned. Mortal sin has the necessity of willfully doing something that is of a grave nature with deliberate consent.

All that aside- they don’t offer them reconciliation a couple times a year? And is she sure it isn’t a blessing? All our kids at our school go to Mass once a week. They ALL go up for communion. But anybody who is not Catholic, has not made First Eucharist, or is conscience of a mortal sin and did not avail himself or herself of confession gets a blessing.
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Lets add, before we decide the daughter has sinned by refusing to go to Mass, that she actually has been taught and understands that Sunday Mass is obligatory?

And while we are at it, I am a firm believer that when children are under their parents roof, they follow the rules of the house. If the rules of the house are they go to Mass on Sunday, then any other choice is simply not optional. That only becomes an option when the pareent decides that it is an option.
 
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otm:
Lets add, before we decide the daughter has sinned by refusing to go to Mass, that she actually has been taught and understands that Sunday Mass is obligatory?

And while we are at it, I am a firm believer that when children are under their parents roof, they follow the rules of the house. If the rules of the house are they go to Mass on Sunday, then any other choice is simply not optional. That only becomes an option when the pareent decides that it is an option.
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Hear, hear. My dad, God rest his soul, always told me, “As long as you’re putting your feet under my table and sleeping under my roof, you’re going to Mass every Sunday. Period.” And guess what, I did. I knew who the boss was.
 
I will further add that it is not the responsibility of the school or the teachers to make a judgement on whether or not a particular student is in a state of grace. That is matter for the confessional and no teacher has the right to ask such a question. It is the responsibility of the school, through its religion classes to transmit Catholic moral teaching and firmly enunciate the obligation to attend Sunday Mass and the requirements for receiving communion worthily. It is also not the school’s responsibility to get the students to Sunday Mass and to confession, but the parents.
 
Dr. Bombay:
Hear, hear. My dad, God rest his soul, always told me, “As long as you’re putting your feet under my table and sleeping under my roof, you’re going to Mass every Sunday. Period.” And guess what, I did. I knew who the boss was.
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That is why you put your feet on the table and sleep in a tent 😛

But I agree the non-Catholics or those who don’t feel they can recieve Communion due to a mortal sin or certain situation go and get a Blessing, which might appear as everyone going to Communion, especially to someone not paying much attention or has little knowledge of recieving a blessing.
At my school, about everyone goes up, Catholic or not to recieve either Christ or a Blessing. Partly due to the reason, if someone at the beginning of the row did not go, that could cause quite a pile up due to limited space.
 
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puzzleannie:
I will further add that it is not the responsibility of the school or the teachers to make a judgement on whether or not a particular student is in a state of grace. That is matter for the confessional and no teacher has the right to ask such a question. It is the responsibility of the school, through its religion classes to transmit Catholic moral teaching and firmly enunciate the obligation to attend Sunday Mass and the requirements for receiving communion worthily. It is also not the school’s responsibility to get the students to Sunday Mass and to confession, but the parents.
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Thanks, everyone, for the thoughtful responses…

I agree that it’s not the school’s (or teacher’s) responsibility to make the judgement. However, I need to find out if there is an expectation that everyone must receive communion.

My daughter said she wasn’t aware that not attending Sunday Mass (or Saturday Vigil) was a mortal sin. :bigyikes:
 
Just to continue (I’m posting this at work and I had to finish the last response quickly)…

I realize it’s not their responsibility to get children to weekly Mass (they do a yearly confession during Lent) but as I said, if this was where I was expecting her to learn the Catholic religion and they haven’t explained that missing Mass is a mortal sin and that you shouldn’t take Communion while your soul is in a state of mortal sin, well, I find that surprising to say the least…
 
It’s more than likely the school did teach this during preparation for Communion. But I like how it was done when I went to school–we went once a week and we had to go to confession (in school) the day before Mass. Now, my daughter goes to Mass at school once a month and there are no opportunities for confession. She’s in 2nd grade so she’ll receive first Holy Communion this school year, but it’s my responsibility to get her to confession (and I also believe it’s my responsibility to make sure she knows what a mortal sin is). Although she goes to Catholic school, ultimately, it’s our job and not theirs. It was nice the way it was done when I went to Catholic school, but I guess with the shortage of religious vocations, parents need to be more intense about their child’s faith upbringing.

Penitent
 
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CatQuilt:
as I said, if this was where I was expecting her to learn the Catholic religion and they haven’t explained that missing Mass is a mortal sin and that you shouldn’t take Communion while your soul is in a state of mortal sin, well, I find that surprising to say the least…
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It may very well be that the Catholic school religion class is teaching everything the children need to know, but that is not the same thing as the children really listening, hearing, and asbsorbing the message. The school you say does provide a yearly penance opportunity in Lent which is great, but quite frankly, after 15 years in religious education, it is my experience if the parents do not teach the importance of confession, Mass attendance, communion, and living the Christian life, Catholic school or CCD lessons and values will have no concrete meaning in the life of the child, and it is extremely unlikely that the child will continue to observe Catholic practices and morality when they are old enough to make their own decisions. I am sure, since you say you recently returned to an appreciation of and stronger practice of your faith, that this will have a great effect on your daughter.
 
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Penitent:
It’s more than likely the school did teach this during preparation for Communion. But I like how it was done when I went to school–we went once a week and we had to go to confession (in school) the day before Mass. Now, my daughter goes to Mass at school once a month and there are no opportunities for confession. She’s in 2nd grade so she’ll receive first Holy Communion this school year, but it’s my responsibility to get her to confession (and I also believe it’s my responsibility to make sure she knows what a mortal sin is). Although she goes to Catholic school, ultimately, it’s our job and not theirs. It was nice the way it was done when I went to Catholic school, but I guess with the shortage of religious vocations, parents need to be more intense about their child’s faith upbringing.

Penitent
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everything you say is correct. In fact, according to the General Directory for Catechesis and the new National Directory for Catechesis, and Pope John Paul II great encyclical Catechesi Tradendi (On Catechesis in our Time) the parents are the primary educators of their children, and theirs is the primary responsibility to model the practice of the faith and Christian living. I repeat again, the lesson taught in Catholic school or CCD will NOT take effect in the child if the parents are not modelling, teaching, reinforcing and living the teaching in their own lives, and insisting that their children observe the practices, pray, read the bible, receive the sacraments and live out the commandments and beatitudes.

DREs and Catholic school teachers by and large are not priests so they cannot offer an oppportunity for confession even if they wanted to. Your parish has posted times for confession, it is your responsibility to take your child and to GO Yourself. If you are not confessing regularly and yet receiving communion frequently, what message are you sending the child? (by you I do not mean OP or current poster, just parents in general).

If your child is attending Mass at her Catholic school, that is a weekday Mass, which is a fine idea, but does not substitute for the Sunday obligation. I know in our school Mass Father reinforces that message frequently, as do the teachers, but if 2nd graders do not drive and are dependent on their parents to assist them observe the laws of the Church. Believe me I know exactly what you parents are going through, my own grandchildren attend Catholic school, go to Mass and communion weekly, yet have probably not been to confession since 1st communion, because their parents to not attend Mass or confession unless my husband and I are visiting and make a big deal of it.
 
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CatQuilt:
At my daughter’s school, the kids attend Mass once a month. I’ve suspected for a long time but just asked my daughter tonight if everyone receives communion. She said they do. My daughter (unfortunately!) does not attend Mass every week (a mortal sin)… I need to talk to the principal. Is this common at other schools, i.e. allowing all the students to receive communion without explaining that you shouldn’t receive if you are not in a state of grace?

Overall, I’m pretty happy with the school and I have a good relationship with the principal.
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“I need to talk to the principal. Is this common at other schools, i.e. allowing all the students to receive communion without explaining that you shouldn’t receive if you are not in a state of grace?”

I’m confused by this one? Why do you need to talk to the principal? Why don’t you just talk to your daughter? The other issue is “if you are not in a state of grace?” Why is your daughter not in a state of grace? Or better yet assuming she does not drive yet. She is incapable of attending Mass on her own, therefore it is not her sin if she does not attrend Sunday and Holy Day Mass. It’s you who are held accountable for this mortal sin not her!
 
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puzzleannie:
I am sure, since you say you recently returned to an appreciation of and stronger practice of your faith, that this will have a great effect on your daughter.
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I was hoping to ‘merely’ lead by example. I’ve been going to church every Sunday, even going to a different church when we came back from a weekend trip and our church’s masses had ended for the day, promptly going to Confession as needed. I ordered a Baltimore Catechism - level 2 which my daughter has picked up and read. But, I’m obviously going to need to get more aggressive…
 
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CatQuilt:
My daughter is 14 and it’s an elementary school, K - 8. She doesn’t go to Mass with me because she hasn’t wanted to. She didn’t realize till tonight that it was a mortal sin…but I knew. I had been a very lukewarm Catholic till a few months ago.
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This is probably a shot across your bow, and may seem unkind; it is not said with the intention of hurting, but it is blunt.

The primary teacher of a child’s faith is the parents. As you said in post # 3, you have been lukewarm. Children are like sponges; they soak up whtever is around them, and as a parent, you are around them quite a bit.

Miss Mass? “Do as I say, not as I do”, and they do; it is just that your actions speak oh, so much louder than your words…

“You must love one another”, and they hear the words used as weapons to cut, to maim, to kill the spirit, to dominate in those spats with the spouse, the one you promised to love and cherish…

“You need to pray”, but they see you at every meal, no prayers said, or one said hastily; they never see you in prayer at home, at church…

Yes, what the school teaches is important. But it is not nearly so important as what you teach. Tomorrow is a new day.

What will you teach tomorrow???
 
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otm:
Lets add, before we decide the daughter has sinned by refusing to go to Mass, that she actually has been taught and understands that Sunday Mass is obligatory?

And while we are at it, I am a firm believer that when children are under their parents roof, they follow the rules of the house. If the rules of the house are they go to Mass on Sunday, then any other choice is simply not optional. That only becomes an option when the pareent decides that it is an option.
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I concur. The sin would be in the pouting, whining and pushing her mother to the point where she considers not forcing the issue. But then the repsonsibility belongs to Mom- not to be mean, but to mean business.

My mother would not let ANYBODY in her house off the hook, including guests.

I can remember throwing my son’s clothes into the car, then my son, and taking him to Mass in whatever state of dress he appeared when we got to the parking lot.
 
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otm:
This is probably a shot across your bow, and may seem unkind; it is not said with the intention of hurting, but it is blunt.

The primary teacher of a child’s faith is the parents. As you said in post # 3, you have been lukewarm. Children are like sponges; they soak up whtever is around them, and as a parent, you are around them quite a bit.

Miss Mass? “Do as I say, not as I do”, and they do; it is just that your actions speak oh, so much louder than your words…

“You must love one another”, and they hear the words used as weapons to cut, to maim, to kill the spirit, to dominate in those spats with the spouse, the one you promised to love and cherish…

“You need to pray”, but they see you at every meal, no prayers said, or one said hastily; they never see you in prayer at home, at church…

Yes, what the school teaches is important. But it is not nearly so important as what you teach. Tomorrow is a new day.

What will you teach tomorrow???
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You’re right. I don’t know when God will call her home so it’s my responsibility to ensure that she will head up, not down.

:o

I still need to check with the school that they are not going to give her grief if she were to not go up to receive communion at their monthly mass if she committed a mortal sin the day before and hadn’t gone to confession yet.
 
Need to check with the school to see if they’ll be mad if she doesn’t receive communion? It is none of their business if she doesn’t receieve communion.
A certain person I know was taught that the bread and wine are symbols of Christ in the mass at a first communion retreat… one that that diocese requires…
You really do need to check out who’s teaching your kids and what they are teaching at a catholic school (I have a lot of experience with this).
Take your daughter to mass every sunday, get her to confession more than just at lent. Maybe take her out to lunch after mass, make it a daughter and dad thing.
 
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