Hello hello,
So! I’ve decided to try catholic websites to find my soulmates since its like impossible to find a true catholic man in Paris.
Such a pity, right in the capital of St. Louis IX. Is there truly no way through charity or academic initiatives, some kind of discussion groups and the like?
What do you think?
Have you tried it before?
I have. Well, I’m at the point where I recognise random fives pulled out of over a hundred thousand. This should be saying something. Still, no “luck”. The problem is, at least for me, that you can’t just fall in love with a profile or even become sufficiently taken with somebody, with few exceptions. You simply get raw data: a picture, well, there’s plenty of not so bad looking people, this isn’t a deal-maker anyway; then a column of views on morality, these are telling but they won’t two people automatically compatible on every other ground. Finally, there are textual fields where a participant can enter his or her interests or more detailed views on life.
So far I’ve discovered that people are more similar than not, and that every girl likes salsa dancing and horse riding, and health care is overrepresented. Those poor little angels probably don’t even have the time to talk to anybody, tending to the sick till from before dawn to after duck for scarcely a penny. Anyway. People tend to appear very similar, the information is so brief it’s hard to arrive at sensible conclusions most of the time, it’s just not that useful.
How do you tell someone you’re interested?
Come on, don’t tell me a Parisienne doesn’t know that!
You just start a conversation and you don’t tell the guy to go away. Most men will think you’re at least potentially interested. This is funny but I’m serious, it really is like that. Men would put great hopes even in a simple smile. It’s basically a matter of whether your conversation will flow naturally or not. Don’t ever force yourself.
Yes, I have a collection, in fact. They could be useful to you because they’re from a man’s point of view. Anyway, first you want to look out, see who’s there and what’s there. Become familiar with the website, then with the Search function.
Go through entire demographics, like every man in your age range in your city with a picture, who does not have dissenting views on the basics (for the record, even if you’re tolerant about, say, people who believe contraception is acceptable, still don’t date people who say they don’t want children: this can result in an invalid marriage or simply being unable to marry in the Church).
You need to see general trends: see what’s common in profiles, what’s different. Even what type of men are there. The profiles are a huge pile of statistical data that are actually relevant. This can help you offset any preconceptions that you may have about men basing on your particular previous experience, some cognitive bias that may be hard to spot and get rid of because it’s based on ideas from childhood etc.
Once you have a general idea and once you know what to expect from men, what type of men are out there, what are the likelihoods of finding people with certain qualities, you are in a much different position when you’re approached (messaged) by someone and you need to react. Also, seeing a lot of profiles helps you better spot certain things which are either common to everybody or simple platitudes, standard answers that everybody fills in.
On a different note, if you, let’s say, can see that men you tend to be interested in tend to share certain specific interests (e.g. this or that area of work, certain specific choice of literature or other art), the information may be useful. You will know what you can expect to talk about or even perhaps in what places (offline) you are more likely than average to find men of a certain character.
Also, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to become interested in body language. Spotting liars, detecting when people become defensive, noticing those who are overconfident, all such things become easier when you know more or less what the physical expression is likely to accompany the relevant attitude.
In fact, it might be a good idea to go through a reasonably accessible book (or e-book) about personality disorders and how they manifest themselves. Particular emphasis on Narcissistic Personality disorder because they’re hard on everybody in general, then anything that you in particular find hard to take: e.g. momma’s boys (being one, I can tell you some women don’t like one
), significantly immature people or people you can’t establish contact with or people who can’t give you attention or those who give you more than you want. It’s a subjective thing.
If you want to post any pictures, go through them with your older female friends, even someone from an entire older generation (experience and maturity is very important here), perhaps ask your brothers or male cousin, someone who can think like a man but isn’t interested in you. This is because you want the pictures to help you attract men rather than e.g. scare them, but at the same time you don’t want them to give you the wrong type of attention or read you the wrong way (e.g. see you as a femme fatale just because the only picture you posted looked that way). And you can’t really rely only on your intuition, most women tend to be rather clueless about what or how men think, contrary to the typical view.
It’s very difficult to perceive oneself naturally, so it’s generally good to have a second pair of eyes as a minimum.
I don’t know if I’m joking or not with that. 