Catholic Spouse & Never Giving Up?

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I am single. I would like a wife someday, yet I also want someone that will not give up on the relationship and eventual marriage.

While there are many factors in a relationship and just the fact of two people sharing a life together (resources, finances, kids, etc), I am also wondering if you think that if both people are true Catholics[1] the relationship has a better chance to make it due to the desire to work through problems with greater effort?

I have been thinking about this and it seems that not only in my past relationships, yet also in others’ relationships as well that it’s too easy to just give up. The grass may look greener on the other side when times are tough.

While I am new to the Catholic faith, this seems very attractive to me. Yet, maybe I just haven’t found the right woman yet either (I’m only 29, with 30 looming sigh) 😃

The more I get back into getting in touch with God and learning about Catholicism, the more I think I’d like my future wife to be Catholic as well. A true teammate in life that will not give up.

I do understand that sometimes things just aren’t going to work out and relationships do fail, for whatever reason. Yet, what is important to me is just sticking with it and not giving up, not having the frame of mind of quitting and jumping to the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

I hope I communicated this correctly.

While I do believe everything happens for a reason and if things are meant to be they will, there is still a personal decision to not give up when things get rough.

1: True Catholics in the sense that they take it seriously and practice the faith and teachings. I see a non-true Catholic as one that says they are, yet that is where it stops (sure we all know examples, it exists in every religion).
 
unixfudotnet said:
I am single. I would like a wife someday, yet I also want someone that will not give up on the relationship and eventual marriage.

While there are many factors in a relationship and just the fact of two people sharing a life together (resources, finances, kids, etc), I am also wondering if you think that if both people are true Catholics[1] the relationship has a better chance to make it due to the desire to work through problems with greater effort?
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Absolutely. Though speaking from experience here… I know that in my particular case, my wife and I were both Catholic. Some time during our 20 year marriage we changed. In the end, she left the Church, me, and our kids. So, know that just because you think that you are marrying a Catholic, doen’t mean that things won’t go astray.
unixfudotnet said:
I have been thinking about this and it seems that not only in my past relationships, yet also in others’ relationships as well that it’s too easy to just give up. The grass may look greener on the other side when times are tough.

While I am new to the Catholic faith, this seems very attractive to me. Yet, maybe I just haven’t found the right woman yet either (I’m only 29, with 30 looming sigh) 😃
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You’re still young 🙂
unixfudotnet said:
The more I get back into getting in touch with God and learning about Catholicism, the more I think I’d like my future wife to be Catholic as well. A true teammate in life that will not give up.
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Absolutely. I would highly encourage you to find a Catholic future spouse. As I said above, that doesn’t mean things won’t go badly, but I believe that the odds are better for a loving & lasting relationship. {That’s not to say that mixed marriages don’t work, just that a non-mixed marriage has a better chance}.

God bless.
 
Absolutely it is best to marry someone of your same religion. I am sure you will here it many times on here. IMO it is the understanding of marriage as a sacrament BEFORE you actually marry, that helps to keep the marriage together and from one of you throwing in the towel so to speak. Being able to pray together and worship together is definately a key factor in making it through those hard times during marriage. I am not saying that people from different religions should not marry, only that it does make it easier if you both believe in the same things. There are many other threads on here abo t this subject, just search and you will have more than enough stories of others experiences on this subject.
 
Yes, this is the most important factor in a relationship IMHO.

Everyone should have their list of “must haves” and “dealbreakers” and the person’s faith (and practice of that faith) should be first on the list.

If it’s the most important thing in your life, it had better be the most important thing in your spouse’s life too. Unequal practice of faith, or different religions, can do nothing but bring strife into the marriage-- and set a confused example for children.

You are on the right track, and don’t let age worry you. I did not marry my husband until I was 38 and he was 43. So, you have PLENTY of time. (I know it’s hard when you are wanting to be married and are not… so don’t think I’m being patronizing!)
 
Since my wife converted we’ve been growing closer both in our relationship to Christ and each other. We found that our marriage grew stronger as our commitment (and understanding) to the Church and her teachings on married love grew. Having someone to share the wonders of the sacraments and to pray with is very powerful. Not to mention that we are unified when we teach our children.

M
 
It would be such an empty marriage if I couldn’t worship together with my spouse (I’m not married). Talk about feeling lonely. There’s just too many differences between Catholicism and Protestantism that I don’t know if people take enough into account before they marry. Maybe it’s just me, maybe not.
 
The first response is correct. I married a practicing Catholic. Before marriage we prayed often, after marriage, things changed. Prayer was lost in the bustle of daily life. Other temptations in the relationship crept in. Her steadfastness of never giving up melted away. It is frustrating to think that you do all the right things and it still doesn’t work out. Being catholic is not the only indicator of success. A true, deep rooted relationship with Jesus is a better one. Christ must be the center. Don’t settle for anything less.
 
I married my wife who came from a fundamental Baptist background. While I can surely say that there have been many things that have transpired over seven years that would have been easier had she shared the understanding of the Catholic Faith, I can honestly tell you that the adversities I have experienced due to her anti catholic background has brought tremendous growth for myself and our marriage.

While I agree with those who say that going into marriage with common ground in spiritual formation may improve your odds of “making it” don’t fool yourself. In the end it has more to do with the character/fortitude of the woman you marry. My wife and I never quite even in the worst of times and that was because of character/fortitude. Had that been missing from the ingredients of our marriage no shared religious perspective would have made up for that deficiency.

I again agree that marrying Catholic is a very good idea, but I do cringe when I hear people supporting a litmus test approach on judgeing a person. You never know what God’s plan is in your life. My Baptist wife has brought great trials in my life but by working through them we are becoming tremendously blessed. I have no doubt that God is using our different backgrounds to perfect one another. A wise person once said to marry the person that will help get you to heaven. That is the deepest aspiration you can have for another if you truly are willing to LOVE them. She has not come home to the Church quite yet but I have seen God working before my very eyes. So don’t forget to leave room for God in discovering your spouse.
 
I’m not married either and am edging towards forty. Everyone says it’s just a matter of time and you’ll find someone. Who knows maybe they are right. It would take a good deal of persuasion to date someone that wasn’t. I’ve run into problems when I have. The major problem I run into though is men not respecting my desire the stick to church teachings. They find out I’m not a cafeteria catholic and then dump me or they don’t like the church and think the whole thing is a joke. I guess what I’m saying is that a person doesn’t have to agree with all my beliefs but I would ask that they be respected. Until I find someone who respects me for who I am the way I am I will remain happily single. 👍
 
Thanks for all your advice and sharing of your stories. I appreciate it 😃

I just hope it happens eventually, so much of my life is passing by without someone to share it with… yet maybe it’s just the turning-30-freakout-time coming shrug.

Yet, being single for a while now does allow me to get my own personal ducks in a row. I’m working on my own weaknesses and such (like saving money, which I am horrible at), also going to college (yes at 29, at WGU, all accredited and online). So, maybe it’s for the best. I got my own demons to work on.

Something to dream of for the future 😃
 
I’m prolly not the best to dispense advice to a single guy (been married 32 years) but I do have some insights as to why my lfie is so happy and bountiful.

I was 21 when I married my wife 15 months after our first date (but were knew each other a few years prior) Six months after that date she was in RCIA (her idea) If you are devoted to your Faith, and love the Church, having a spouse that feels the same is a major plus. I can’t imagine being married to a non Catholic girl.

I look back over the years at our son’s Baptism, 1st Communion, Confirmation, going to Midnight Mass, and Communion as a family, and all the other things Catholic families do.

Is it possible for a Catholic to enjoy the full fruits of relationship and marriage with a non Catholic? I don’t think so. For sure many have made it work, but you have to assume the Catholic wants his/her spouse to come home. You have to think, the marriage is just a little less of its full potential. I don’t think anyone here would argue the mixed marriage is better.

I’ll tell ya the same thing I tell my 28 year old, single, never married son. The longer you delay your decesion on when to marry and settle down, the smaller your pool of choices. Young ladies in the south have a tendency to marry young (early 20s) and many of those by the time they reach my son’s age are divorced with children, which adds another dimension for a single, never married guy to deal with. Not to mention the conflict he will face with his Faith getting involved in such relationship.

When you feel it is time to settle down, you must know for sure what YOU want. Don’t waste your time with a girl you don’t view as a potential mate, because that relationship only bogs you down from finding a girl that DOES have what you are looking for. You owe it yourself and to her as soon as you KNOW it is not meant to be. You are no longer just out having fun and looking for company, no, you are seeking a girl to live the rest of your life with, it is a whole different mindset. I’ve seen couples end 2-5 year relationships, that probably should have never went that far. Those break ups can be devastating and take a long time to come back from, and while healing from such a break up, you are looked at as “damaged goods” and viewed cautioulsy by other females. Some flatly don’t date any guy a fresh out of a long term relationship.

Sadly, when you enter your 30s you will not only compete with other single guys, but a few married men. There are many females out there that have NO qualms about dating married men. If you come across such a girl, I suggest going the other way, she has a major character flaw.

I can’t tell ya how many times, in my 52 years of walking the planet, I’ve seen a person marry within a year of a divorce,or other long term relationship. I don’t see how they do that, but it happens all the time.

As other posters have suggested, know what YOU want. Don’t compromise on the core of those values. Yes, a conflict with a couple of minor things is no big deal, but when you have to add up a bunch of stuff it is. For goodness sake, DON’T marry a girl for the person YOU think you can change her into, you must marry HER for the person she IS. Trying to change her into what YOU think she should be is NOT gonna work. She will only grow to resent it, and it will cause y’all problems.

And thats my :twocents:
 
I look back over the years at our son’s Baptism, 1st Communion, Confirmation, going to Midnight Mass, and Communion as a family, and all the other things Catholic families do.
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I kinda understand…how can one go through these things if your spouse’s heart isn’t 100% into it? Aren’t these types of events better off celebrated with the whole family?
 
BamaRider said:
I’m prolly not the best to dispense advice to a single guy (been married 32 years) but I do have some insights as to why my lfie is so happy and bountiful.

I was 21 when I married my wife 15 months after our first date (but were knew each other a few years prior) Six months after that date she was in RCIA (her idea) If you are devoted to your Faith, and love the Church, having a spouse that feels the same is a major plus. I can’t imagine being married to a non Catholic girl.

I look back over the years at our son’s Baptism, 1st Communion, Confirmation, going to Midnight Mass, and Communion as a family, and all the other things Catholic families do.

Is it possible for a Catholic to enjoy the full fruits of relationship and marriage with a non Catholic? I don’t think so. For sure many have made it work, but you have to assume the Catholic wants his/her spouse to come home. You have to think, the marriage is just a little less of its full potential. I don’t think anyone here would argue the mixed marriage is better.

I’ll tell ya the same thing I tell my 28 year old, single, never married son. The longer you delay your decesion on when to marry and settle down, the smaller your pool of choices. Young ladies in the south have a tendency to marry young (early 20s) and many of those by the time they reach my son’s age are divorced with children, which adds another dimension for a single, never married guy to deal with. Not to mention the conflict he will face with his Faith getting involved in such relationship.

When you feel it is time to settle down, you must know for sure what YOU want. Don’t waste your time with a girl you don’t view as a potential mate, because that relationship only bogs you down from finding a girl that DOES have what you are looking for. You owe it yourself and to her as soon as you KNOW it is not meant to be. You are no longer just out having fun and looking for company, no, you are seeking a girl to live the rest of your life with, it is a whole different mindset. I’ve seen couples end 2-5 year relationships, that probably should have never went that far. Those break ups can be devastating and take a long time to come back from, and while healing from such a break up, you are looked at as “damaged goods” and viewed cautioulsy by other females. Some flatly don’t date any guy a fresh out of a long term relationship.

Sadly, when you enter your 30s you will not only compete with other single guys, but a few married men. There are many females out there that have NO qualms about dating married men. If you come across such a girl, I suggest going the other way, she has a major character flaw.

I can’t tell ya how many times, in my 52 years of walking the planet, I’ve seen a person marry within a year of a divorce,or other long term relationship. I don’t see how they do that, but it happens all the time.

As other posters have suggested, know what YOU want. Don’t compromise on the core of those values. Yes, a conflict with a couple of minor things is no big deal, but when you have to add up a bunch of stuff it is. For goodness sake, DON’T marry a girl for the person YOU think you can change her into, you must marry HER for the person she IS. Trying to change her into what YOU think she should be is NOT gonna work. She will only grow to resent it, and it will cause y’all problems.

And thats my :twocents:
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Not the best to dispense advice to a single guy? BALONEY! Yours was probably one of the better analyses I’ve seen, especially condsidering that you have the wisdom of life experience that you are passing out to a similarly-aged son of your own!
 
That is great! I definitely think that two Catholics who become one flesh in the Sacrament of Matrimony have a huge advantage against the evils of the world. Have you encountered avemariasingles.com or seen Road to Cana on EWTN? Plenty of food for thought for you! I can also recommend seeking the petitions of St. Raphael the Archangel. He has been a powerful intercessor in leading the correct Catholic man to me once I had discerned that I had a vocation for marriage to another Catholic.
 
I appreciate everyone’s advice, thank you!

Yes, just not in a rush to get married or anything anytime soon, yet if it happens it happens. I got my own stuff to work on.

I am not a Catholic at the moment (you’re technically a Catholic after confirmation?), yet learning more and more and loving it. Yet, definitely think I’d desire a Catholic woman to share my life with, as it already now is becoming a big part of me. Just not being able to share that alone is a problem, I think.

Wish I could see God’s playbook for me, so I know what’s coming up next in my life 🙂 Things just come out of nowhere all the time and end up changing my life. It’s always been that way. I just go with what life brings me, using free will of course… a gift given to us humans 😃

Anywho, back to Catholicism studying for me and Mass tomorrow! (no complaints)
 
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