Catholic struggling with opiate addiction, what would happen if I died today?

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Matt1992

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I’m a 23 year old guy, raised Catholic but didn’t believe until I was 21 when I resumed attending Mass weekly and have been since. My family is the best anyone could ask for, decent, caring, always enough money to provide everything for me, but in high school my friends were pretty bad influences (not blaming them, my choices were my own) and our main activity was drug use: lots of weed, alcohol, LSD and shrooms, mdma and cocaine sometimes. It was pretty messed up for our age.

I tried hydrocodone at age 18. This is the one that hooked me and I’ve used opiates daily in cycles of months at a time since then. Oxy, norco, poppy tea, oral morphine, basically every opioid but heroin (only b/c I’d have to shoot or snort it). I’ve done bad things to get these drugs in sufficient quantities: lied to and manipulated doctors, lied to my parents, even stolen money from their bank accounts many times (stealing from your own parents feels profoundly terrible btw). I did this all the way through college, and I’m now a 2nd year med student and still at it even though drug charges would destroy my future. I keep shady contacts and deal with dangerous people to score pills. I’ve been through terrible withdrawals several times, but always go back for more. I can’t deal with the boredom, apathy, and depression of sobriety, and always start using after like 2-3 months. I’m too afraid to tell anyone my secret b/c I don’t want to risk getting searched and charged.

TL;DR: I’m an incorrigible opiate junkie: is drug abuse itself mortal sin?, what does this say about my salvation considering I’m enslaved to this sin?
 
thought this would fit better in moral theology so i reposted it there, mods can delete this one.
 
I know exactly what you are going thru, I was a regular heroin user until about 6 months ago, I started off on the prescription painkillers as well, but they became too expensive and hard to get sometimes, this was mostly due to Govt crackdown on them though.

Heroin was easily available and much cheaper, plus it was a better bang for the buck versus painkillers. I think the reason why a person is using them determines if it is wrong though, example, if someone knows opiate painkillers help with their pain and due to financial reasons, they cannot continue to keep seeing a doctor, filling scripts thru a pharmacy, I dont think its wrong if they go thru another source to get the same drugs, those laws are just the Govts way of dealing with the problem, this should not have any impact on a person who has true pain.

God put the Poppy plant here for us to utilize, it does work for taking pain away, the problem is, we have greedy pharmacies, doctors, and big pharma industries that want to impose strict guidelines on who can even get these drugs, they DO NOT want someone to be able to get relief without first paying…I believe this is the real reason behind the crackdown on opiates.

You should try Suboxone, get into a Suboxone treatment plan, it was been a miracle for me.
 
If you die in the state of mortal sin, you go to Hell.

As a med student you’re putting yourself and other people at risk. I think you should drop out of med school and get serious help for your addiction. As a med student and doctor with an addiction to opiates, you’re going to end up counterfeiting narcotic prescriptions and if you work in a hospital, steal what they have on hand. You are a huge liability. Getting caught would be the best thing for you. It doesn’t seem like that, but it would be.
 
Matt1992 said:
I’m a 23 year old guy, raised Catholic but didn’t believe until I was 21 when I resumed attending Mass weekly and have been since. My family is the best anyone could ask for, decent, caring, always enough money to provide everything for me, but in high school my friends were pretty bad influences (not blaming them, my choices were my own) and our main activity was drug use: lots of weed, alcohol, LSD and shrooms, mdma and cocaine sometimes. It was pretty messed up for our age.

I tried hydrocodone at age 18. This is the one that hooked me and I’ve used opiates daily in cycles of months at a time since then. Oxy, norco, poppy tea, oral morphine, basically every opioid but heroin (only b/c I’d have to shoot or snort it). I’ve done bad things to get these drugs in sufficient quantities: lied to and manipulated doctors, lied to my parents, even stolen money from their bank accounts many times (stealing from your own parents feels profoundly terrible btw). I did this all the way through college, and I’m now a 2nd year med student and still at it even though drug charges would destroy my future. I keep shady contacts and deal with dangerous people to score pills. I’ve been through terrible withdrawals several times, but always go back for more. I can’t deal with the boredom, apathy, and depression of sobriety, and always start using after like 2-3 months. I’m too afraid to tell anyone my secret b/c I don’t want to risk getting searched and charged.

TL;DR: I’m an incorrigible opiate junkie: is drug abuse itself mortal sin?, what does this say about my salvation considering I’m enslaved to this sin?
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**
Satan thrives on secrets**

Even if you are shunned and rejected by a few, tell people. If you are loved, you know doubt feel that you have let someone down. Even so, you will not be able to do this without their help. At first it will be a big shock to your family but they will learn to cope, learn to help. It takes time to come to grips with this problem. Satan thrives on secrets. You need help. Lots of help. Talk to a priest. Go to confession every week especially if you fall of the wagon. Join a self help group. There is help available. Jesus understands your suffering. He will work with and for you. Ask every minute of every day for Christ’s love and mercy.
**
You are not alone. There is help. Please reach out for that help.**
 
I agree with the recommendation of a good rehab program. You don’t need to focus on what brought you to this place. It will honor God if you take the right steps going forward. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they’re young. You have the chance to live a different life – by all indications a great life – if you make the right decisions now. It won’t be easy, but you can put your addiction behind you if you get some help.
 
I dont see how it will ruin your career, my last pain management doctor had a PA on staff to see some overflow patients, he worked there for about 3 years until they found out he had a serious opiate addiction, the nurses told me they had constant shortages of certain sample drugs, they eventually fired him for some questionable scripts, but it did not ruin his career, I saw he got on at another office just a month later, he still had his license. I do not know if he ever got help or not, but that only happens when you really want it to happen.

I still hold the opinion its not really wrong to use opiates, even if you are not going thru ‘legal’ channels to get them, jumping thru all the hoops to get certain drugs is something put in place by the powers that be, in other words, there is an agenda in this, of course big pharma does not anyone and everyone to be able to buy their products if they are not making the profit, this is a major reason behind the war on opiates imo, if you can maintain it and ONLY use in moderation, opiates are no different than alcohol, tobacco, etc. They DO work well and relieve pain, but as you know, they also make a person feel good, thats not a bad thing though, plenty of people take things to make them feel good, as long as you are not using to the point of being impaired, (this is a very important distinction).
 
Tell someone! If you are worried if people will judge you, ridicule, and even hate you, there will be. But think, how many people hated, ridiculed and judged Jesus himself. It will be hard, it will be painful, but you are stronger than sin. If you can’t stand the entire world knowing, tell only your immediate family and your priest in confession. Maybe there is a way to get help. I will be praying for you. For the boredom, try learning a new hobby that can help you deal with both boredom and anxiety. Try not to laugh, but try knitting! Knitting was originally a male only activity, but you could try making baby blankets and hats to donate to a local hospital.
Just remember, you are not alone, you are never alone! God is calling you back to Him, just listen.
 
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