Catholic Teacher, Terrible Situation

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Any gossip to which you are subject at your current school WILL follow you to another school, even in another district. Plus, it makes you look guilty.

I’m of the opinion that you need to ask your pastor and your principal to stand by you and issue a letter to parents defending you against the slander. I do like the letter drafted by manualman, but I would edit it to be less inflamatory and delete the portions reminding them that you’re sinful (that everyone sins goes without saying and does not need to be reiterated in a letter defending your virtue). I also agree that the principal should be willing to permanently expel a student whose family continues to harrass a good teacher for unjust cause.

God bless.
 
Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people. Not all Christians act Christian. Ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant, but cause a lot of confusion for everyone else. Perhaps you don’t yet need an attorney, but you certainly need an attorney’s experienced view and a counselor’s support. Your Pastor may help counsel you and be especially able to support your resolution of this problem. Adversarial posturing is harder to reverse than most people realize.

Prayer of St Dominic:gopray:
Father, You know and I know that I have been falsely accused. Help me to have Faith like St. Dominic, that together with You, I cannot and will not be harmed in any way, shape or form. I ask You to walk with me and protect me from those who wish to harm me.
Through Jesus Christ’s Precious, Pure and Holy name I pray. - Amen
 
I am so sorry you are experiencing such pain. There is so much ignorance and fear out there. I am very grateful that you have posted this situation. I think that more people need to hear about the choice you have made, and the sacrifice that is possible. I can’t imagine how scared you are and how violated you must feel. I will pray for your strength and protection and please do get some legal support. I know that has not been your choice for your personal life to become an open book, but if you are truly committed to being single and living the life you have chosen, stand strong, truth and justice will always overcome fear and ignorance.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
The more I think about this, the more angry I get. I’m a teacher myself and I don’t know if this mother realizes how she could completely ruin a career with unfounded accusations. I wonder on what grounds she is basing her assumption that you are a homosexual. If it is simply because you are an unmarried middle-aged man, she really needs to back down. I mean, on those grounds, she should be assuming that all priests are obviously gay too.
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The thing is, it should not ruin a person’s career to be known as someone who experiences same-sex attraction. In a perfect world, we might not all be inclined to spend a lot of time talking about whether our inclinations are difficult or easy or typical or atypical, we ought to be able to have a sense of privacy if we want to, but we shouldn’t feel as if we have to hide any of that. This is particularly true since the OP has no history of desiring to do anything inappropriate with a child. His hysterical accuser thinks that unmarried men are more likely to be child molesters, but that is not true. What is important is that everyone from the top down be required to abide by sensible rules that take away the opportunities for predators. (Ask them over at Penn State; they’ll tell you.)

More to the point, listen to the research:
The Abel and Harlow Child Molestation Prevention Study (revised April 2002)
childmolestationprevention.org/pdfs/study.pdf

Our population of admitted male child molesters paralleled the U.S. male population on these five demographic statistics:
**Married or formerly married: **U.S. males, 73 percent vs. child molesters, 77 percent…
 
EasterJoy said:
The thing is, it should not ruin a person’s career to be known as someone who experiences same-sex attraction. In a perfect world, we might not all be inclined to spend a lot of time talking about whether our inclinations are difficult or easy or typical or atypical, we ought to be able to have a sense of privacy if we want to, but we shouldn’t feel as if we have to hide any of that. This is particularly true since the OP has no history of desiring to do anything inappropriate with a child. His hysterical accuser thinks that unmarried men are more likely to be child molesters, but that is not true. What is important is that everyone from the top down be required to abide by sensible rules that take away the opportunities for predators. (Ask them over at Penn State; they’ll tell you.)
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Well, I was talking more of accusations that someone is sketchy/at high risk of abusing the children. Planting seeds of doubt in other parents minds can be really dangerous. However, you’re right that even admitting to SSA can unfortunately make parents uncomfortable.
 
I am just sick to hear that this is happening to you. It breaks my heart and it confrms that we have a long way to go as a Church to ensure people understand what the Church actually teaches about the dignity of all people.

I would suggest you contact the St. Joseph Foundation regarding your canon law rights.

stjosephcanonlaw.com/

I hope your principal will stand up for what is right show this lady and her kid the door.
 
manualman said:
The mom in question is a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a christian. Fight her and ask your school to stand with you in christian charity.

I’d suggest that you develop a letter (approved by the school) to send to the parents of your students and ask the school to issue an ultimatum warning to the ugly parent in question that her child will be expelled if her uncharitable behavior doesn’t cease immediately. It should read somethig like this:

Dear parents,

I am writing because of an unfortunate disciplinary problem in the classroom involving a smear campaign against my character and reputation. It has been alleged that my character is defective and unsuitable for a teacher in a catholic environment. I have been accused of being at risk of abusing children. These accusations are cruel, false and unconscienable.

Let me be perfectly clear for the record. I am 100% devoted to our Lord Jesus Christ and the good news He came to proclaim. Like all of us, I am a sinner in need of a Savior and in Christ I have found Him. I am not perfect yet, but I believe in the gospel and I believe that Christ will complete the task He has begun in me, either on this world or in Purgatory before I enter heaven. There are absolutely NO areas of my life in which I stand in unrepentant rebellion against the teachings of the church. (I wonder if my accusers can say the same?) THIS is the mark of a good teacher suitable for teaching in a catholic environment.

As parents of catholic school students, you are entitled to an assurance that your children are being taught the faith by teachers who believe it and don’t undermine it either intentionally or by example in their own lives. I take this responsibility seriously and live it in my teaching vocation. In this era of sexual license and depravity, the testimony of a teacher commited as I am to chastity in both word and deed is more critically needed than ever.

Various ugly pejoratives and labels have been applied to me by both students and parents. This is perhaps the ONLY time in my adult life that I have been ashamed of my local catholic community. This behavior and example is exactly what a catholic education and formation should guard AGAINST! I will not dignify an amatuer witch hunt with a personal response. I will affirm that each and every one of us has sinful inclinations against which we must do battle in life. We must learn to receive the Grace that God offers in Christ and in the Sacraments Christ gave us to grow in virtue. I have always lived my life with this goal and I ask you to make it your goal as well. Therefore, I ask you to support me against these unjust accusations in the name of virtue, fidelity and honesty.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly or through the school office.

Sincerely,

yyyyyy
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Excellent points made in that letter!
 
I wanted to point something out that oulls the steam from this ladies argument. To be gay means engaging in the lifestyle, “acting” on attractions. It is “not” a sin to e attracted to the same gender or the opposite gender. She is worried about a homosexual in her childs class. That isn’t the case. There is only a chaste man living a very difficult but truly blessed life of celibacy. I know you can’t control your attraction. None of us can. That doesn’t make you “gay”. This lady has no ground from which to base an argument. Just my opinion. I do hope this blows over. Thank you for your dedication to Christ and His Church. Some parents might not he seeing what you do but you better believe Christ does. I know it’s not easy but God Bless you for showing us all it is more than possible to carry our crosses in life and still be happy.
 
manualman said:
The mom in question is a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a christian. Fight her and ask your school to stand with you in christian charity.

I’d suggest that you develop a letter (approved by the school) to send to the parents of your students and ask the school to issue an ultimatum warning to the ugly parent in question that her child will be expelled if her uncharitable behavior doesn’t cease immediately. It should read somethig like this:

Dear parents,

I am writing because of an unfortunate disciplinary problem in the classroom involving a smear campaign against my character and reputation. It has been alleged that my character is defective and unsuitable for a teacher in a catholic environment. I have been accused of being at risk of abusing children. These accusations are cruel, false and unconscienable.

Let me be perfectly clear for the record. I am 100% devoted to our Lord Jesus Christ and the good news He came to proclaim. Like all of us, I am a sinner in need of a Savior and in Christ I have found Him. I am not perfect yet, but I believe in the gospel and I believe that Christ will complete the task He has begun in me, either on this world or in Purgatory before I enter heaven. There are absolutely NO areas of my life in which I stand in unrepentant rebellion against the teachings of the church. (I wonder if my accusers can say the same?) THIS is the mark of a good teacher suitable for teaching in a catholic environment.

As parents of catholic school students, you are entitled to an assurance that your children are being taught the faith by teachers who believe it and don’t undermine it either intentionally or by example in their own lives. I take this responsibility seriously and live it in my teaching vocation. In this era of sexual license and depravity, the testimony of a teacher commited as I am to chastity in both word and deed is more critically needed than ever.

Various ugly pejoratives and labels have been applied to me by both students and parents. This is perhaps the ONLY time in my adult life that I have been ashamed of my local catholic community. This behavior and example is exactly what a catholic education and formation should guard AGAINST! I will not dignify an amatuer witch hunt with a personal response. I will affirm that each and every one of us has sinful inclinations against which we must do battle in life. We must learn to receive the Grace that God offers in Christ and in the Sacraments Christ gave us to grow in virtue. I have always lived my life with this goal and I ask you to make it your goal as well. Therefore, I ask you to support me against these unjust accusations in the name of virtue, fidelity and honesty.

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me directly or through the school office.

Sincerely,

yyyyyy
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I would leave out the parts about being a sinner. The woman may misinterpret the meaning and think you are admitting to having been a practicing homosexual at some point. You do not need to mention the fact that you are gay to anyone, if you choose not to. That is none of anyone’s business.

I also think you need a lawyer. It is not unChristian to defend yourself and the threat to your reputation and livelihood. Usually, bullies back down when confronted seriously. You have as many legal rights as anyone else, and should protect them, and your ability to make a living.
 
I am so sorry you are being attacked by this woman. You will be in my prayers.
 
EducatorP, you sir are an inspiration and it pains me to no end that you are being subjected to this torture. I have a nephew who is openly gay and living a sinful life, I can only be inspired by your dedication.

I will be praying for you.
 
After thinking about it for a little longer, I feel I must add something. I would LOVE to have you teaching at my parish school. It’s not just “acceptable” that you are living out your faith. It is inspirational. God bless you! Never lose hope and know you have many people who love you!
 
A gay man living a chaste life is such a wonderful example for us all, your school is very lucky to have you!!!
That said, I agree with other posters that it is time to engage an attorney.
 
EducatorP said:
Now I am at a crossroads - I could move on to another school in another town and hope this doesn’t follow me, or I could wait it out at this school while being persecuted. After 16 years I’m not sure what to do. Any advice? Part of me wants to just announce “Yes, I’m gay, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I live a single person’s vocation, so lay off.” The other part of me is so disgusted with the gossip and intolerance that I just want to leave. Would you be upset if you found out one of your child’s teachers was a chaste gay person?
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It is disgusting that you are being treated this way. The mother is being nothing more than a manipulative bully. You say that the mother seems willing to take this all the way to the cardinal - I obviously don’t know who your cardinal is, but I strongly suspect that, given what you’ve said here, even if she did, he would support you. It might be worth approaching him yourself, if you can.

It seems you have three options, more or less, on how to respond:
  1. Become a public witness as to how people with same sex attraction should behave. Simply say more or less what you’ve said here, point out that you believe and are following Church teaching, etc. This will undoubtedly cause you a fair amount of discomfort, but hopefully this would blow over and I would be extremely surprised if any Church officials involved didn’t come down on your side of things. I would like to hope that the student body and other teachers would rally behind you as well.
  2. Weather it in silence. She has no right to force you to reveal anything, and it probably won’t last forever. Frankly, if this woman and her son leave the school over this then it’d be a smaller loss than them losing you.
  3. Move. Unfortunately, this will seem to confirm what the mother said in her own eyes, and so she may send letters to wherever you go, especially if she really believes what she’s saying rather than just being vindictive.
Again, you are being pushed in a most unjust way, and no one has any right to force you to do any of these three options. If you are willing to accept the fallout, option one might be the most powerful, but it would certainly not be easy.

Best of luck, however you choose to proceed.
 
manualman said:
Tangent suggestion: Don’t refer to people as “gays” or “homosexuals.” It reduces human beings to one aspect alone. In some contexts, it may not be offensive (no left handed people that I know are offended at being called “lefties.”). But most of the time, it implies a fundamental identity that isn’t helpful. (So a blonde walks into a bar…)

Try “gay people” or “homosexual people.” It turns the words back into mere adjectives instead of categorized nouns (hey, it IS a teacher thread, right?) 😉

.
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Thank you for bringing this to my attention! I had never considered it - but you are so right.

Live and learn… 🙂
 
I have been caught in the snare of gossip, in a circle of moms, and a teacher who quit under pressure from parents.

It had nothing to do with her sexual orientation, but their children were not doing well in her class, and rather than examine what might be going on with their children, they decided that it was all the teacher’s fault and went after her.

The principal tried to support the teacher, but in this small school, the parents ended up having too much power, and the principal was not a strong person herself.

It really doesn’t matter that you are a gay man. If it weren’t that, she’d try to find something else to use against you. The teacher that resigned was just slammed for being incompetent, and the gossip was TERRIBLE against her. I tried to stop it, but instead, my name was added to the list of email recipients and it looked as if I had been in on the campaign. I got burned and will never listen to gossip EVER again. But trust me, your situation is no different. It’s just that you have a secret that she believes can bring you down. All because you dared to discipline her little special snowflake.

What I would recommend is that you take action NOW, rather than waiting until this nasty woman gets a critical mass of parents together and demands that you be fired. Yes, I would use legal means. I would get your brother and his partner on this immediately. Talk to your principal and explain the situation, and that unless this woman is asked to leave the school, you will be forced to file action against her slander of you. Perhaps take it up the chain. You have NOTHING to fear by going forward, and everything to lose by waiting. And don’t quit or transfer! You shouldn’t let her win!
 
EducatorP - I am inspired by your life and your commitment to your faith.

It’s really funny - as a celibate person, does it matter who you’re not dating/involved in a romantic relationship with? The reason you are celibate might be because you experience same sex attraction, but, really, you are simply a single man living a chaste life appropriate to your life situation.

If the people at your school can not see that, I am truly sorry. I’m sure that you have positively affection hundreds of children in your 19 years of teaching.

May God’s grace enfold you, and may the Holy Spirit urge your tormentor to drop the whole thing.
 
manualman said:
Tangent suggestion: Don’t refer to people as “gays” or “homosexuals.” It reduces human beings to one aspect alone. In some contexts, it may not be offensive (no left handed people that I know are offended at being called “lefties.”). But most of the time, it implies a fundamental identity that isn’t helpful. (So a blonde walks into a bar…)

Try “gay people” or “homosexual people.” It turns the words back into mere adjectives instead of categorized nouns (hey, it IS a teacher thread, right?) 😉

P.S. to the OP: I’d expect the pastor to be eager to help and to stand by you. If not, try the bishop. You’ve done nothing to trigger concerns about undermining church teaching that are the usual situations in news where a teacher is fired for living a personal example that is opposed to the mission of the school.
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I get what you are saying, but I think it needs to go further.

The word “homosexual” was invented in the last century to normalize it. It doesn’t make sense…what it says is “same difference”. . .Heterosexual says “different different”

The OP is a man that struggles with SSA. It is not an “orientation” or “who someone is”. (not saying you said that-- you were heading towards this point anyway).
 
EducatorP said:
I have a terrible dilemma and my heart is broken over it. I really need some guidance and unfortunately I can’t seek out too much support in person.
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EducatorP, you are a quietly but brightly shining light for our faith. Your humble obedience and commitment to the path are beautiful and that comes through your posts. By God, the devil must hate your guts so much! I’m not surprised he’s got you in his sights. Lord, watch over and protect you while you endure this trial.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
What I would recommend is that you take action NOW, rather than waiting until this nasty woman gets a critical mass of parents together and demands that you be fired. Yes, I would use legal means. I would get your brother and his partner on this immediately. Talk to your principal and explain the situation, and that unless this woman is asked to leave the school, you will be forced to file action against her slander of you. Perhaps take it up the chain. You have NOTHING to fear by going forward, and everything to lose by waiting. And don’t quit or transfer! You shouldn’t let her win!
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This. Bullies get away with this kind of nonsense (that was my third choice for a description) far, far too often. Please stand up to her.

And, if my daughter were still in school, I would be thrilled to have you as one of her teachers.
 
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