Catholic Teacher, Terrible Situation

[georget]

I just feel awful that one “christian” would persecute another, just horrible. I will pray for you brother that our good Lord gives you the strength you need to go forward in all righteousness.
May God be with you

 

[Cojuanco]

Talk to an attorney, talk to the school’s chaplain. Emphasize that you are being accused of acts you did not commit and have no intention of committing. Tell them that your accuser seems to be making these accusations so their child does not have to abide by the decisions of their rightful superiors.

 

[mommy_k]

I would suggest to your principal and school board that they request a meeting with this woman. They should push back by suggesting that perhaps this is not the right school for her son.
No one should have to work under these circumstances, as it is harrassment.
They need to be strong and stand firm, before the parents start dictating other things too. I hope you work in a fairly large school that can absorb the loss of the student.

 

[dixieagle]

“Would you be upset if you found out one of your child’s teachers was a chaste gay person?”

If I found that a homosexual at my son’s school was being persecuted in spite of their innocence, I would be livid. As if it is not hard enough to have this trial, she thinks it is her job to make you ashamed of something that is no fault of yours and does not make you unfit as a teacher.

The school did not ask you to state your sexual orientation when they hired you, but only insisted that you adhere to Church teaching, which you have done. You ought to go to the pastor in charge of this school and insist that your reputation be defended from this woman’s disgraceful attacks. You have done nothing wrong, and you deserve that. If that does not happen, you ought to be the one who goes all the way to the cardinal, sir!

I concur 100%. And I would likely have my brother’s law partner send a strongly worded letter to this woman that scares the heck out of her.

 

[McDale721]

OP - Thank you for your faithful witness. We all love you and support you and
Are praying for you. Don’t give up.

My heart is breaking for you!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I concur 100%. And I would likely have my brother’s law partner send a strongly worded letter to this woman that scares the heck out of her.

Yes, and do it yesterday.

 

[underacloud]

Yes, and do it yesterday.

The only thing I’d add is to try to include the principal, or make him at least aware of your intention to make this a potentially legal matter. Not only does this concern them as your employer, but you may find that they acknowledge the need to accelerate some form of response to this woman and thus take this on from a school perspective and negate your need to approach it from an individual basis.

Giving your employer the opportunity to defend you against this discrimination will also make any potential case against them stronger if they fail to do so. And making them aware of your readiness to make it a legal matter should remind them, unequivocally, of their obligations towards you.

And as others have addressed, I think moving would be a mistake. You’ll be in my prayers.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

The only thing I’d add is to try to include the principal, or make him at least aware of your intention to make this a potentially legal matter. Not only does this concern them as your employer, but you may find that they acknowledge the need to accelerate some form of response to this woman and thus take this on from a school perspective and negate your need to approach it from an individual basis.

Giving your employer the opportunity to defend you against this discrimination will also make any potential case against them stronger if they fail to do so. And making them aware of your readiness to make it a legal matter should remind them, unequivocally, of their obligations towards you.

And as others have addressed, I think moving would be a mistake. You’ll be in my prayers.

Yes, I apologize if I gave the impression that he should proceed entirely on his own. I would actually advise him to meet again with the principal, the pastor, and the school board if there is one, and give them a chance to step in and protect him, as they should. I just don’t want him to stand by and wait until this mother succeeds in destroying his good reputation with the school and the parents. Parents like this are poison.

 

[anp1215]

OP, please let us know what happens.

 

[Demetra2]

First of all I would like to thank you for living your Catholic faith and remaining chaste. I admire you for that and you are a role model for the kids. If you are keeping your sexual orientation private and not using social studies to teach anything heretical then I do not see that this mother’s complaint has any foundation. If you like your job and have the principal’s support then you should hang in there. It may be a good idea to get legal counsel. Keep the faith.

 

[quiet52]

Dear fellow disciple of our Lord,

First of all, thank you for loving and following our Lord and for being a light of His love to your students and to others.
Secondly, thank you for teaching the children, and in a Catholic school! That is not an easy age group to teach!

I haven’t read all the posts, but please do not acknowledge your same sex attraction. It’s nobody’s business. Should married teachers confess that they have been attracted to others outside of their marriage, even though they have not acted on the temptations? No, of course not – it’s also nobody’s business. I’m sorry the trouble-making mother, and some of the other parents, are trying to slam your reputation. Please try not to hate them, for, like Jesus said from His Cross, “forgive them (Father) for they know not what they do.” The mother seems malicious and ignorant, and is bringing others into her net of malice. Hating them will only hurt you. Pray for them, and keep offering up your anger, hurt and anxiety, which all must be so deep.

But you must act immediately. Do not minimize the potential damage this spiteful mother can do. Please ask your brother to send a letter to your principal immediately, telling him that your character is being unjustly assassinated, and that you are entitled to have the administration stop the harrassment and to be backed up unabashedly. Your brother must emphasize that you are a single, chaste man who lives according to the Church’s teachings and that you have never violated the morals clause(s) of your employment contract; that the attack on your reputation has gotten out of hand; and that you cannot be expected to defend yourself, that is the job of the administration, so that you can tend to the business of teaching. Your brother probably can recommend more specific appropriate requests that should be made. You are in my prayers – and for that mother’s child and for your students (whom you will hopefully keep enjoying!).

Keep the faith! This storm shall pass.

P.S. I meant to comment on your self-definition as a “44-year-old gay man.” I am wishing you could revise your self-reference to a “single 44-year-young practicing Catholic man who strives to be one with our Lord and His holy Church.” You are a (loving & insert adjectives here) brother/uncle actively involved with your family, a (fantastic?) middle-school teacher, a devotee to (list hobbies, interests, special skills, etc. here). If the situation of your sexual orientation needs to come up with close family and very close friends ONLY, you have a same-sex attraction, but that does not define who you are – what more importantly describes “how” you are is that you live chastely, according to the Church’s teachings. Just my two cents, not minimizing the cross(es) you are bearing, but I don’t think that cross defines who you are.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

^ This. Yes, DO NOT “come out” as being gay. You are a chaste single man, period.

 

[PaulinVA]

It’s really funny - as a celibate person, does it matter who you’re not dating/involved in a romantic relationship with? The reason you are celibate might be because you experience same sex attraction, but, really, you are simply a single man living a chaste life appropriate to your life situation.

 

[MomaMary8]

. Would you be upset if you found out one of your child’s teachers was a chaste gay person?

To the OP:

My children have a male teacher who lives a single chaste life style. He is not a priest or religious but a concencrated single. Is he “gay?” I don’t know, I don’t care. He lives a devout life and teaches my children theology in a deep, faith filled manner.

I don’t like discussions that talk about lawyers, law suites and protections, etc. That just gets ugly. My advice is to run to Our Lady as your Advocate and protector. She will be there for you!!

Another thought is to arm yourself spiritually from these attacks. If you are inclined to only arm yourself legally, you will open yourself to more assaults from the devil. It is quite obvious why you are being attacked. Your represent the holy way of carrying the cross of same-sex-attraction. Good people are being used for an un-holy persecution while thinking they are being holy. How tricky the devil is!!! If you were to run from this attack, the devil will pursue you. He wants you to give up your chaste lifestyle, but you must not. Show others how you can have an attraction or desire for something and deny yourself. You must be Christ’s light in this manner. Our Lord will be with you. If you have not done so already, look into concencrating your single-hood to Christ. It will strengthen you and keep your detractors at bay.

I’ll pray for you!!

 

[Em_in_FL]

This is heartbreaking and horrible.
I would start by having a private conversation with the priest and the principal at the Catholic school. Have your Catechism in hand and speak the truth - you are a chaste, single man… your “attraction” is irrelevant and unnecessary to the conversation.
Let the principal and priest handle the situation with the rude lady.
I would attempt this peaceful approach before going through the legal approach.

Peace and prayers for your situation.

 

[Kal2012]

What an awful thing to have to go through.

I really hate our culture sometimes. I hope your school stands by you.

This lady is a bully and she needs to be treated as such. Once she “outs” you, who’s to say that you’ll be her one and only victim?

Her behavior shouldn’t be tolerated by the school district or you. I’d definitely lawyer up - and I’d make sure that I had my own lawyer. If you are a part of a school union, then I’d be leery about the union providing you w/a lawyer and having them be your sole defender. If they want to help w/your case, then I’d accept the help, but unions aren’t solely interested in your personal well-being. They have conflicting interests, like making sure their organization survives and the interests of other members. If they have to sacrifice you to survive and get more concessions, then they’ll gladly throw you under the bus. (This happened to my dad. He was a sacrificial lamb that was used to gain more concessions.) You want someone who’s exclusively on your side that doesn’t have a vested interested in other goals related to the school or its other employees.

Anyway…good luck.

 

[Kit15]

What this woman is doing is evil. Just plain rotten.

Please don’t shrink or run away from it. You are innocent! You have advocates. You can’t let her win. Please don’t let another second go by where you are simply taking it. You’re allowed to defend yourself from a bully!

And yes I would be completely fine with you teaching my child.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

This is heartbreaking and horrible.
I would start by having a private conversation with the priest and the principal at the Catholic school. Have your Catechism in hand and speak the truth - you are a chaste, single man… your “attraction” is irrelevant and unnecessary to the conversation.
Let the principal and priest handle the situation with the rude lady.
I would attempt this peaceful approach before going through the legal approach.

Peace and prayers for your situation.

He can do both - he needs to stay on top of the situation and not let this woman continue with her campaign of ruining his life because he dared to cause discipline for her son. Sometimes, legal action is necessary, but he should also speak to the school officials to see what they will do. Unfortunately, in our current world, sometimes using legal action is necessary.

 

[bigmo]

Dear Educator P. Its nobodys business what your sexual orientation is. You are a practising catholic and living a chast life so its noone’s business. I am heterosexual, divorced many years ago, marriage anulled and living a chast life and people who have regular sexual relations don’t have any understanding of this. This is a grace given by God through prayer and only prayerful people have an understanding of this. This is why it is so important for clerics and religious to have a good strong prayer life. You sound like an excellent teacher and I hope that your supierior has the courage to stand by you and also the clergy as it is a catholic run school. I will keep you in my prayers and I suggest that you concecrate you life especially your work to the Immaculate Heart of Mary and then leave the rest to her. Don’t get involved with the confrontation caused by these parents, it will be difficult but Jesus never promised us an easy life. What I do when I have a problem that causes me anxiety is to spend an hour before the Eucharist on a regular basis as often as possible and this way I manage to keep peaceful. Are these parents more interested in the success of their child in sports or their child’s disipline and education??? God Bless.

 

[EasterJoy]

To the OP:

My children have a male teacher who lives a single chaste life style. He is not a priest or religious but a concencrated single. Is he “gay?” I don’t know, I don’t care. He lives a devout life and teaches my children theology in a deep, faith filled manner.

I don’t like discussions that talk about lawyers, law suites and protections, etc. That just gets ugly. My advice is to run to Our Lady as your Advocate and protector. She will be there for you!!

Another thought is to arm yourself spiritually from these attacks. If you are inclined to only arm yourself legally, you will open yourself to more assaults from the devil. It is quite obvious why you are being attacked. Your represent the holy way of carrying the cross of same-sex-attraction. Good people are being used for an un-holy persecution while thinking they are being holy. How tricky the devil is!!! If you were to run from this attack, the devil will pursue you. He wants you to give up your chaste lifestyle, but you must not. Show others how you can have an attraction or desire for something and deny yourself. You must be Christ’s light in this manner. Our Lord will be with you. If you have not done so already, look into concencrating your single-hood to Christ. It will strengthen you and keep your detractors at bay.

I’ll pray for you!!

I would agree that he should not rush to make this into a legal case. Still, he would be wise to consult with an attorney concerning what his rights are (this is his livelihood, it is worth knowing how to legally and practically protect it!) and he should be clear that although he wants to avoid legal avenues of dealing with this, he is also not willing to sacrifice his career and reputation in the church in order to avoid it.

IOW, if the school will not defend him, his right to a livelihood, and his reputation, as simple Christian decency requires them to do, the school needs to know that they will be forcing him to take reasonable legal measures to defend himself. Sometimes courage comes from knowing that if you don’t do the right thing, you’ll be on the wrong side of someone else who will do it for you. Pray to the Lord, look for Our Lady to protect you, but put the strong back the Lord gave you into rowing away from the rocks, too!