Catholic understanding of being "in love?"

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swisscakerolls

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Hello, all!

The more I dig into my faith, the more I realize how the love of our faith is so different from what the world claims is love. I am in a relationship right now, but I do not know if I am “in love”, as they say. Never have been before, so I’m clueless. 🤷

How does a Catholic understand this idea of being “in love?” Is it a purely emotional concept that I need to feel in order to understand? Or am I missing something entirely?

Thanks!
 
In addition to the link offered by Euchristed, some suggested reading would be JPII’s “Theology of the Body.” There is a for dummies version.

Good Luck and god bless.
 
First,…a (sorry, but rather long) excerpt from Pope Benedict XVI’s first encyclical…Deus Caritas Est…which I hope adds to your perception that there truely is “…genius in Catholicism…” (Matthew Kelley Australian Catholic author and lecturer). Just soak in what Benedict is really saying…it is incredible to just get a “whiff” of understanding about what love really is…from the Catholic Faith perspective.(I strongly recommend that you read the entire encyclical) vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/encyclicals/documents/hf_ben-xvi_enc_20051225_deus-caritas-est_en.html

  1. The** first** novelty of biblical faith consists, as we have seen, in its image of God. The second, essentially connected to this, is found in the image of man. The biblical account of creation speaks of the solitude of Adam, the first man, and God’s decision to give him a helper. Of all other creatures, not one is capable of being the helper that man needs, even though he has assigned a name to all the wild beasts and birds and thus made them fully a part of his life. So God forms woman from the rib of man. Now Adam finds the helper that he needed: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23). Here one might detect hints of ideas that are also found, for example, in the myth mentioned by Plato, according to which man was originally spherical, because he was complete in himself and self-sufficient. But as a punishment for pride, he was split in two by Zeus, so that now he longs for his other half, striving with all his being to possess it and thus regain his integrity.[8] While the biblical narrative does not speak of punishment, the idea is certainly present that man is somehow incomplete, driven by nature to seek in another the part that can make him whole, the idea that only in communion with the opposite sex can he become “complete”. The biblical account thus concludes with a prophecy about Adam: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh” (Gen 2:24).
    Two aspects of this are important. First,* eros*** is somehow rooted in man’s very nature**; Adam is a seeker, who “abandons his mother and father” in order to find woman; only together do the two represent complete humanity and become “one flesh”. The** second** aspect is equally important. From the standpoint of creation,* eros*** directs man towards marriage, to a bond which is unique and definitive; thus, and only thus, does it fulfil its deepest purpose.** Corresponding to the image of a monotheistic God is monogamous marriage. Marriage based on exclusive and definitive love becomes the icon of the relationship between God and his people and vice versa. God’s way of loving becomes the measure of human love. This close connection between eros and marriage in the Bible has practically no equivalent in extra-biblical literature.
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Benedict clearly and convincingly explains how…the three modes/level of love…eros (erotic love);philia (friendship love) and agape (the beloved’s highest good is the order of priority…and even calls for a renunciation of “self” and ultimately to “sacrifice” everything for the good of the beloved…even one’s life).
…work together in faith and marriage, but starts from a the problems of mis-communication about the words we use…and how this mis-communication distorts our quest for love…in faith and in human relations.

Lastly, I recommend the very practical Pure Love Club website chastity.com/ which is sponsored by:
Jason and Crystalina Evert
Jason Evert earned a master’s degree in theology, and undergraduate degrees in counseling and theology, with a minor in philosophy at Franciscan University of Steubenville. He is the author of nine books, including If You Really Loved Me, Pure Love, and Theology of the Body for Teens, which challenge young people to embrace the virtue of chastity. Jason speaks at seminars, participates in debates, and responds to thousands of questions about Catholicism from people around the world.
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After giving chastity presentations solo for three years, Jason teamed up with Crystalina. They speak internationally to over 100,000 teens each year in Catholic, Christian, and public junior and senior high schools, as well as universities. Both Jason and Crystalina are full-time apologists with Catholic Answers, the nation’s largest lay-run apostolate for apologetics and evangelization. After a year of speaking as an engaged couple, Jason and Crystalina married in June of 2003, and continue to share their inspirational testimonies with teens as well as parents. In their highly popular chastity seminar, “Romance without Regret,” the duo provides compelling and uplifting reasons for embracing the virtue of chastity.
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Hope this helps…I offer it simply for your consideration.

Pax Christi
 
The previous poster stole my thunder a little bit.

A book your might want to get just to expand your mine is The Four Loves, by CS Lewis. (yes, even non Catholics can write wonderful and insightful books! 😉 )

It talks alot about what the previous poster mentioned-agape, eros, etc.
 
swisscakerolls said:
Hello, all!

The more I dig into my faith, the more I realize how the love of our faith is so different from what the world claims is love. I am in a relationship right now, but I do not know if I am “in love”, as they say. Never have been before, so I’m clueless. 🤷

How does a Catholic understand this idea of being “in love?” Is it a purely emotional concept that I need to feel in order to understand? Or am I missing something entirely?

Thanks!
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Don’t let anyone underestimate “being in love”. Some people never tried it, some people never will, some people are not the kind of people who fall romantically in love… some belittle the feeling of love… some belittle feelings…

I am but a young Catholic. I met someone at the ripe age of 25 and fell in love… and like James Blunt sang in one of his songs: “You changed my life and all my goals”…
A whole universe opened itself infront of me and swallowed me into its intense wonders and pains… It became my theme and part of me and it really changed me…
Indeed I hope for every person that they fall in love at least once in their life… its amazing and crazy and wonderful…
Being in love… is one of the amazing things God created so that we may experience some of His divine happiness and humour here on earth.
 
Being in love is amazing. It’s a fascination, an infatuation, a whirlwind of romance.

And then it fades.

Real love is making that conscious choice to be committed, no matter what happens. It’s when someone gets laid off, and pregnant, and the mortgage is due. It’s being gentle with each others’ feelings whe you’re stressed.

The Catholic version of love extends further than Theology of the Body.

It means that you’re going to work together to define your relationship as both of you grows and bexcomes someone new. It means that you may not like how the other person is changing, but you’re not going to walk away. There is amazing security in that.

It’s not just obligation, it’s commitment. it’s being able to trust in that commitment, and lean on God’s strength to get you both through trials together.

Think of romantic love as a roaring fire that will die down and committed love as a constant pile of embers. They’re two sides of the same coin, but remember that you don’t want the romantic love to totally go out, but to evolve into committed love.

Wow, I didn’t mean to make romantic love sound so weak in the face of adversity…but there will be a space between romantic love and committed love that you have to ask yourself honestly: can this person and I go through tragedy and horrible circumstances, knowing that our personalities and our bodies are going to change with age? It’s not so much that you’ll be able to “stand” each other, but will you be able to accept each other? Are you going to work on defining goals, working on goals? Are you willing to sacrifice short-term joy to meet those goals? Are you mature enough not to go after each other’s “hot buttons” when you’re upset? How are you going to resolve issues between both of you?

yeah, Catholics seem to take the time to look into the “dimensions of personality” long before the algorithms of dating sites!
 
Miserissima said:
Being in love is amazing. It’s a fascination, an infatuation, a whirlwind of romance.

And then it fades.
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Speak for yourself ;). Actually it didn’t fade, it became deeper, stronger, more amazing.

Certainly there are rough spots. But you have to be active, love is not passive -working toward the love described in Corinthians.

I’m still fascinated with my husband, I still find new things to love about him, we still dance to our song from high school and we’ve been married 18 years. But it didn’t just happened, we had to grow, work and pray to get where we are.
 
rayne89 said:
Speak for yourself ;). Actually it didn’t fade, it became deeper, stronger, more amazing.

Certainly there are rough spots. But you have to be active, love is not passive -working toward the love described in Corinthians.

I’m still fascinated with my husband, I still find new things to love about him, we still dance to our song from high school and we’ve been married 18 years. But it didn’t just happened, we had to grow, work and pray to get where we are.
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I am sorry, you’re right!

The initial “thrill” wears away. From a leaping fire to a constant ember…and don’t forget that embers are also roused to flame! 👍
 
The whirlwind type romance is not love…its infatuation and passion…
Unless it develops into a relationship of sacrifice and mutual giving of respect and appreciation rather than just the rush of hormones, there is no real love. People are different from animals.God understood how important it is for his creation of man to experience the depths of giving himself to another. That’s why He created woman.
That’s why marriage is the first sacrament…just look to Genesis to prove it…right after God created the universe and all things in it, He created man…he didn’t baptize him right away…He created a woman next.

God is love…Not only does God love us, but He sent His only Son to die for us.
That’s real love.

There’s a wonderful book called God’s Plan for You,
Life, Love, Marriage and Sex by David Hajduk by Pauline Books based on the Theology of the Body which reveals a path leading to a full life and hope for your future.
 
Thanks for your posts!

I definitely see the need for sacrificial love, and not only romantic love. My girlfriend and I seem to have that going pretty well right now. I think I’m trying to learn the relationship between sacrificial love and romantic love.

From what I am gathering here, it is essential to have sacrificial love, and beneficial to have romantic love. Is this an accurate conclusion?

Thanks!
 
swisscakerolls said:
Thanks for your posts!

I definitely see the need for sacrificial love, and not only romantic love. My girlfriend and I seem to have that going pretty well right now. I think I’m trying to learn the relationship between sacrificial love and romantic love.

From what I am gathering here, it is essential to have sacrificial love, and beneficial to have romantic love. Is this an accurate conclusion?

Thanks!
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If either one is missing I would be concerned.
 
swisscakerolls said:
Thanks for your posts!

I definitely see the need for sacrificial love, and not only romantic love. My girlfriend and I seem to have that going pretty well right now. I think I’m trying to learn the relationship between sacrificial love and romantic love.

From what I am gathering here, it is essential to have sacrificial love, and beneficial to have romantic love. Is this an accurate conclusion?

Thanks!
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IMHO, not accurate. We are called to have sacrificial love for all mankind - just the way Jesus did.

Romantic love is not even icing on the cake, think of it as sprinkles and decoration on the icing. Nice to have, but, the cake is still cake without it.
 
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