Catholic wedding less than 6 months/no local church

[Smileyface1234]

My fiancee and I recently got engaged and want to be married in 4 months. He is Catholic, I am at present an unbaptized Christian. We and both of our families wish a Catholic ceremony.

A couple of problems: Will the Church allow us to marry in less than the required 6 months so long as we comply with all the requirements? Additionally, we would like to be married at a particular church to which he has no affiliation. My fiancee has not regularly attended church since he moved here years ago and therefore has no one here locally to help us and has been away from his childhood church for so long that I am afraid he’s a bit hesitant to ask for help there.

Does anyone know of or have experience with how we would go about getting married under these circumstances?

Thank you.

 

[Karin]

Yes it is possible…I did it at my 1st wedding …
I do not recommend it though…I suggest going through the whole process that the Church has…just my 2cents

I would suggest finding a church that you want to get married in and speak with the priest there…he will tell you if he will allow it and what is required.

 

[ElizabethAnne]

Hello Smileyface,

The only person who can answer your question is the pastor at the church you and your fiance are interested in.

That said, I strongly recommend taking advantage of the whole six months to prepare for marriage. You and your fiance come from different backgrounds and should iron out your expectations for this marriage before tying the knot.

Also, does your fiance know what is required of him in being married in the Catholic Church? Does he know it will be his responsibility to raise your future children Catholic, which includes taking them to Mass every week? Is he willing to make that commitment and live his faith so that he can pass it on? Are you comfortable with that arrangement?

These are just a few of the questions that need to be worked out. Six months really is not all that long.

God bless.

 

[dhgray]

First of all, W E L C M E to the forum.

You really need to talk to you local priest to get the answers. I know you are a bit hesident, but if you want to get married in the Church, then you have to play by their rules. Whey will ask you questions like this (you don’t have to answer them here):

1. Do you, Smileyface1234, plan to be baptized (Catholic or Protestant)?
2. Does you fincee plan to return to the Church?
3. Are you going to raise the children Catholic?

If you answer is no to any of the questions, you may not be able to get married in the Catholic Church - that is up to the priest.

 

[vluvski]

Take the full 6 months. I’m a newlywed, and both my husband and I needed it to go through all the ups and downs of a full-swing discernment without the initial fascinations of “wow we’re really getting marriedd.”
Especially because you are not Catholic and he has not been practicing, you two owe it to yourselves to take those extra two months to really understand the nature of the commitment.

Why the rush anyway? If God has called you to marriage, and in the Catholic church at that, don’t you trust that He would call you at a time when the circumstances fit within the recommendations placed by His Church?

Also, since your betrothed is a male, he is your fiance not your fiancee. The extra E denotes female. I’m too lazy to figure out how to put the special characters tho.

 

[Corki]

There is also some extra paper work involved since you are non-Baptized (dispensations). Depending on your diocese, you may need the extra time and the parish will likely want to make sure that you are not taking short-cuts in preparation.

 

[puzzleannie]

My fiancee and I recently got engaged and want to be married in 4 months. He is Catholic, I am at present an unbaptized Christian. We and both of our families wish a Catholic ceremony.

A couple of problems: Will the Church allow us to marry in less than the required 6 months so long as we comply with all the requirements? Additionally, we would like to be married at a particular church to which he has no affiliation. My fiancee has not regularly attended church since he moved here years ago and therefore has no one here locally to help us and has been away from his childhood church for so long that I am afraid he’s a bit hesitant to ask for help there.

Does anyone know of or have experience with how we would go about getting married under these circumstances?

Thank you.

ordinarily a Catholic is supposed to marry and receive the other sacraments at his own parish. A Catholic is automatically a member of the parish in which he resides, that is, his territorial parish, he does not have to register or prove he has been supporting the parish or been active. Of course a Catholic must be in the state of grace–not conscious of any serious unconfessed sin–to receive the sacrament of Matrimony, which means he must be attended Sunday Mass every week. So he can go to his territorial parish, or the the parish where he has been attending Mass.

He should make an appointment with the priest or deacon who handles marriage preparation, and the sooner the better. 6 months is arule of thumb for most parishes because it takes that long to complete the paperwork, classes, FOCUS test, and other meetings such as with sponsor couples. Engaged encounter retreats are only offered a few times a year and they fill up fast. Another deadline is reserving the church for your preferred date.

Pastors are instructed to expedite things for good reasons, and move things along faster, especially in case of illness, migrants, military service or other good reasons.

the longer he waits the longer it will take so he should get moving. There also needs to be time for you to learn what his obligations as a Catholic are in marriage so you understand what he is commiting to, such as promising to raise his children Catholic. (he, not you, makes that promise).

 

[Wendy-Kay]

I agree that you should wait and go through the process. Elevate your marriage to a sacrament! To say that it would be worth the wait is an enormous understatment. I wouldn’t trade my nuptial mass for anything. To say our vows before Christ and then to recieve Him was nothing short of Heaven on Earth!
Also, it should be your priority to enter this union with the strongest of foundations. Your number one job in life will to be to lead your spouse to Heaven, and likewise. What is a couple of months extra in the grand scheme of things? The added time would be a beautiful thing to offer up on behalf of your fiance.

 

[gmarie21]

There is also some extra paper work involved since you are non-Baptized (dispensations). Depending on your diocese, you may need the extra time and the parish will likely want to make sure that you are not taking short-cuts in preparation.

Because you will need permission from the Bishop (not just the parish priest) to marry, you should accept the reality that it will most likely be a minimum of 6 months. The Catholic Church is very careful before allowing one to marry a non-baptized person and if there is any question about the validity of the marriage, then a dispensation will not be given. However, I have known of priests who have married couples (where one was not baptized) without a dispensation (which made the annulment process that much faster when the marriage ended in divorce). Something to think about

 

[Smileyface1234]

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses.

As for all of the questions you’ve raised, yes, my fiance and I have had many serious discussions concerning faith, religion, children, family, money and and our thoughts and plans for the future. I suppose it does appear that we are rushing by having a short engagement, but we both have always held that marriage is a lifelong commitment (not something that can be entered into lightly then discarded when things get tough) and neither of us have ever felt called to make that commitment until now. As such, we are no longer doe-eyed twentysomethings and see no reason to wait, especially in light of the fact that we would like to have a family.

But, we will discuss this all with a priest as you all suggested, and we will indeed wait if the Church feels that we’re not ready.

Thank you all for your kind words and suggestions.

 

[jc-servant]

I don’t know if you are aware of it but the classes for adults interested in possibly joining the Catholic church or in just learning what it teaches are beginning now. It is called RCIA, Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. If you and your fiance sign up and attend classes together now through about Easter, then you will both be fully aware of church teachings in a way that will not be covered in an engaged encounter or similar marriage prep course. It won’t hurt a Catholic who has not been consistently living his faith to take a “refresher” course. It will also give you an avenue to be baptized into the faith at Easter Vigil if you so choose after hearing all about what we believe. This could seriously simplify your future marriage and education of children if after studying the faith you felt called to join the church and both you and your future husband actively practice the faith together.

I’m a single, adult convert who is the only actively practicing Catholic in my entire family. It is hard sometimes when I go to church alone every week and on holy days like Christmas. I imagine it would be even worse if the person who I loved and had pledged to spend the rest of my life with either sat home or actively wanted to go elsewhere with or without our children. Just something for you to consider.

 

[Wendy-Kay]

My husband was in his thirties when we married. We also took our engagement time to go through some NFP classes since we both wanted to start a family right away as well. I became pregnant on my honeymoon because of those classes, thanks be to God! I am so glad to see that you will go and speak to a priest. You and your fiance are in my prayers!