Catholic Wedding - Unhappy Mother In Law

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I greatly thank everyone for their responses. I know that my fiance should be the one saying these things to her but she has never come out and said it directly to him, only to me. He feels very uncomfortable talking to his mother about this topic because no matter what she will act like she’s right and he’s wrong. The letter suggestion is probably the best thing we could do and we are seriously considering doing that very soon. We are going to speak to our priest asap as well and I have spoken to the head of my fiance’s RCIA class who has been praying with the rest of the group for us every day. We are also continuing to pray every day for her understanding. It’s a tough situation because she seems to be against catholics more then any other religion. She honestly would rather us get married out of any church with a normal officiant as long as he just mentions God. She told me she had already lost her one son to atheism and now she is going to lose her other son to the catholic church. Sad things to hear her say but I do have to put my foot down at some point. I think she is well aware we are not changing our religion no matter what she says.
 
Have you asked your fiance to read the replies in this thread?
It will help in the discussion and the decision as to how to go forward.
 
You might want to consider having a ceremony instead of a mass. I know a number of priests recommend this when there are issues with regard to non-Catholics. Will your fiancé be initiated into the Church before the wedding? Your in-laws pastor can also be part of the ceremony, which might be a good idea since they won’t cause a scene with their pastor present.
 
You will never be able to appease this person, until your family leaves the Church altogether. So, don’t try. You are a Catholic family. Let her son deal with it primarily, but you support him every inch of the way.

Let your conversations be about what is common to both of you: pro-life views and works, sanctity of marriage, etc. Do not be the one to introduce devisiveness, she will do it. Live by the Scripture from Romans 12:18; as far as it depends on you, live at peace.

Jimmy Swaggert is hugely antiCatholic, so it may not be easy to remain close to a person who is devoted to him. I wish you well.
 
Joannm said:
You might want to consider having a ceremony instead of a mass. I know a number of priests recommend this when there are issues with regard to non-Catholics. Will your fiancé be initiated into the Church before the wedding? Your in-laws pastor can also be part of the ceremony, which might be a good idea since they won’t cause a scene with their pastor present.
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No – do not do this – your MIL to be does not have the right to deprive you and your spouse of a Catholic wedding.

As I said before – give in on this, and your future MIL will expect you to do so on anything and everything involving the Church.

Do you really want to be having this argument over every baptism and Confirmation? And I can hear the howls over her precious grandchild having to attend Catholic schools from here…
 
Magdalen2013 said:
No – do not do this – your MIL to be does not have the right to deprive you and your spouse of a Catholic wedding.
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To be fair, it would be a Catholic wedding. The Catholic Church uses the same marriage rite whether the ceremony takes part within a Mass or not (same vows, etc). The couple would be validly married. Though I do tend to agree that two Catholics marrying should normally have their wedding take place during Mass.
 
After reading your posts, I have a much bigger concern than your wedding. I am sorry you do not have a lot of family, and I think it is a sign of strength you want to stick to your religious beliefs. However… I suspect your are trying to ‘grab on’ to your fiancé’s family to fill a void. And that just is NOT going to work.

I have trouble believing that a woman who can be so disrespectful of someone else’s religious beliefs can be as lovable in all other areas as your posts imply. I can’t help but think your future MIL is just a nasty person but you so desperately want to be part of a loving family, you are in denial of what your future in-laws really are.

Don’t get me wrong, it is very natural to want a solid loving family. But even in 2 parent families that attend church together, it is not always the case. The only way to fill that void is to go to your mother Mary and pray for your healing. To go to your father God and pray for the healthy Fatherly guidance you deserve.

Like I say, if your future MIL loved you, she would NEVER mock your beliefs. And… I hate to break it to her, but ‘loosing’ one son to atheism does NOT allowed her to control your fiancé

Angie
 
Anglewannabe said:
After reading your posts, I have a much bigger concern than your wedding. I am sorry you do not have a lot of family, and I think it is a sign of strength you want to stick to your religious beliefs. However… I suspect your are trying to ‘grab on’ to your fiancé’s family to fill a void. And that just is NOT going to work.

I have trouble believing that a woman who can be so disrespectful of someone else’s religious beliefs can be as lovable in all other areas as your posts imply. I can’t help but think your future MIL is just a nasty person but you so desperately want to be part of a loving family, you are in denial of what your future in-laws really are.

Don’t get me wrong, it is very natural to want a solid loving family. But even in 2 parent families that attend church together, it is not always the case. The only way to fill that void is to go to your mother Mary and pray for your healing. To go to your father God and pray for the healthy Fatherly guidance you deserve.

Like I say, if your future MIL loved you, she would NEVER mock your beliefs. And… I hate to break it to her, but ‘loosing’ one son to atheism does NOT allowed her to control your fiancé

Angie
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I definitely see what you’re saying. I feel a huge void in my life as far as parents go. My grandmother raised me and she passed when I was just 13 years old. I spent the rest of my teen years taking care of myself and moving out at 16 so its been a very hard road. Having my son at 21 was the moment where it really hit me how “alone” I was as far as family. I spend a lot of time thinking about the void I have in my life as hard as I try not to. My fiance’s family has been there for me a lot the past 3 years. I am very close with his sister’s and mother but there are times where they say things that are offensive. They really are loving and caring people the majority of the time but they do have this side of them that I don’t like. I would NEVER dare say anything about their religion nor would I want to. I would never try and hurt them or offend them. Obviously we have different feelings when it comes to that…

I am working on going to Mother Mary and Jesus whenever I start to feel down about my situation or lacking parental guidance and in general. I do feel that my MIL loves me but she clearly needs to work on her definition of loving someone unconditionally. I thank you for the response.
 
I hope you can find family in the Catholic church, maybe a couple that has a child of similar age. There are plenty of people who have moved far from family to find work and feel that void of family not being close by. I know here there is a large home schooling group and they do activities together so their kids can be with other Catholic families. For that matter, many Catholic couples are ridiculed by their own family members because they had 4 or more children and need the support of other Catholics. There are Catholic couples who have adult brothers and sisters who have left the faith and ridicule them. Hopefully you can connect with Catholic families and be family to each other. There are certainly others who are in a similar situation as yourself. May God guide you into good and solid friendships. The grace I wish us all.
 
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