Catholic Wedding with Protestant Guests/Family

  • Thread starter Thread starter cbirtell
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
OP, you are both Catholic. In my opinion, the sacrament of matrimony within a mass is the best way to start your life together.

Mass by definition is for the community, to which you have committed yourself; non Catholics are welcome to participate with the Catholic community as guests and as they feel comfortable in joining in prayers and actions.

Communion presupposes unity amongst believers, (which does not exist at this time) therefore it would be a false sign of unity, were non Catholics to receive. A priest should be able to convey this without giving offence.
 
Last edited:
We are having a Mass wedding its the matter of having a private communion or letting his family receive it with us
 
SnowRose said:
Ok, so you guys don’t see a problem? At all?

If I was at a wedding like that I would kiss my cousin or friend bye-bye afterwards.
Click to expand...
Why would your cousin or friend assume they should receive a sacrament in a church they don’t belong to? I wouldn’t. Protestants who attend weddings and funerals in my parish don’t seem to.

Furthermore, why do you keep insisting that the bride (a convert to the Catholic Church!) won’t be able to receive Holy Communion at her wedding?
 
I thought he did but now I am not sure…

That’s a good question, I am not sure…
 
If I read this right, you and your husband are both Catholics as you have converted. This is a different situation from a Protestant spouse trying to get a dispensation to receive.

When you and your husband receive Communion, it will definitely be a special moment for the two of you, but if you have family there attending, and a Mass, it is also viewed as the two of you joining with the broader community. When there is a Mass, Communion is open to all Catholics who are disposed to receive. That would include Catholic family members and any Catholic who just happened to walk in off the street and attend the Mass and is properly disposed to receive. Wanting to keep Jesus for just the two of you is an incorrect approach to the Mass and to the sacrament of the Eucharist. I would suggest you discuss it with your priest because this is an area where he will likely have additional insights.

Edited to add, you do have the option of being married without a Mass, but for two Catholics to forego a Mass when they marry is not the norm. If you were still a Protestant, and wished to marry your Catholic husband without a Mass, then that would make more sense, but two Catholics are generally happy to have a Mass because they appreciate the great value of a Mass in a way that a Protestant doesn’t, and of course all the Catholic relations expect to be receiving Communion at it.
 
Last edited:
No one is saying one cannot have a Catholic wedding outside a mass. OP says husband wants a mass. Not sure but I read that the OP wants mass too?
 
The standard for two Catholics is a Nuptial Mass. Perhaps Father can meet with the non-Catholic parents/close family to explain the Catholic teachings on Communion well before the Mass to avoid bruised feelings.
 
angel12 said:
Why would your cousin or friend assume they should receive a sacrament in a church they don’t belong to? I wouldn’t.
Click to expand...
I really don’t want to drive this thread off of a cliff, so if you’d like to understand why some non-Catholic Christians are surprised they are not welcome to communion I’d be glad to answer via PM or in another thread.
 
Last edited:
TC3033 said:
To be fair…she’s a convert. She’ll be able to go to communion…her side of the church won’t be able to (which is awkward in and of itself too).
Click to expand...
Awkwardness is also in the minds of the attendees. I married a Protestant. We had a Mass. The priest allowed my husband to receive Communion with me (dispensation). Out of his side of the family, 2 people were able to go to Communion. We also had people from our workplace at our wedding, which included a lot of Protestants, at least two Jewish couples, and a Muslim couple. None of them could go to Communion either. Nobody minded; husband’s family was used to having some Catholics in the family and used to the Communion “rules”.

The Protestant family members were included in the ceremony in other ways, as two of them were the best man and matron of honor and the mom-in-law did a candle lighting ceremony with my Catholic mom.

Absolutely no complaints, no bad feeling, no divorce talk, blah blah blah.
 
Last edited:
TC3033 said:
I really don’t want to drive this thread off of a cliff, so if you’d like to understand why some non-Catholic Christians are surprised as to why they are not welcome to communion I’d be glad to answer via PM or in another thread.
Click to expand...
I doubt I would understand anyway. I attended a number of weddings and funerals in Catholic churches before I converted. It never even occurred to me to feel entitled to receive Holy Communion.
 
That’s fair, but that can be a two way street.

My wife (Catholic) decided she didn’t want a full Mass for our wedding. She made that decision to avoid the awkwardness that would have come from my entire side of the church not being able to participate and we didn’t want our marriage to start off with something that I (and my family) could not be part of. So, I guess it’s not really that cut and dry.
 
Entitled may be a strong word…I usually go with welcome but, like I said, I don’t want to drive the OP’s thread off a cliff.
 
We chose the non-communion route because we didn’t want our guests to feel excluded or offended. For many it was the first time they had EVER set foot in a Catholic Church so I felt it was doubly important not to do something that deliberately excluded them (or to risk putting them in a scenario where they would receive when they shouldn’t).

If he has his mind set, you might have a tough time convincing him though.
 
I agree that if Communion is offered it should not just be to the bride and groom. I can understand people with non catholic or non practising family not offering Holy Communion though.
 
Last edited:
SnowRose said:
Just how would it look w a wedding mass where you wasn’t allowed to take communion? That a good way to start married life? Denigating your new wife before the entire congregation? Really???
Click to expand...
Although this isn’t the OP’s situation, as she’s a Catholic and is allowed to receive, I wanted to address this as well.

When my husband and I married and had this Mass, neither of us had any expectation that he would receive Communion. He knew quite well that if he converted to Catholicism, he could receive Communion at every Mass. He had no wish to convert. He occasionally went to Mass with me (we had been together for 10 years when we got married) and was fine with sitting in the pew when I went up to receive.

The priest is the one who suggested he receive. My eyes bugged out because I had just assumed it was not possible so we hadn’t even asked about it. He had a 30 second conversation with my husband (I was not involved) and decided to give my husband Holy Communion. This was an older (ordained pre Vatican II), old school Pastor with a PhD, not some modern priest, so I left it up to him to get whatever dispensation he got. At the wedding, my husband did receive. But neither he nor his family would have taken it as any sort of “denigrating my new husband” if he had not. We simply do not see it that way.

After the wedding, husband went back to sitting in the pew when we went to Mass together. Right up till he passed away. He was fine with it. His biggest concern was not blocking other people getting in and out of the pew.
 
cbirtell said:
Our Priest said he would do a private communion for us.

As of now yes… He says its important for his family to receive communion. I thought private communion would meet us in the middle but he doesn’t seem to think so…But none of my family will receive it and I want that to be a special moment for us so receiving it private would be ideal…
Click to expand...
I’m a little confused by this…

Why is this such a sticking point with your husband? I would suggest you speak with the priest (alone) as other have suggested and see what Father says.

Also, do you have a good relationship with your future Mother in Law? if so, perhaps you can speak with her and explain the situation?
 
I think you need to communicate more with your Protestant family and explain the reasons they cannot take Communion. Explain what saying “Amen” to Communion means. Read up on this aspect. Then find out if they can receive a Blessing when they go up the Communion line.

Don’t worry about offending Protestant members of the family. Rather, see this as an opportunity to evangelize them. If you are both Catholic, a Catholic Mass makes the most sense. The wedding day is about you and your Sacrament of Marriage. It’s not about them griping because they can’t receive the Communion.
 
I think that’s what I will do… Talk to my Priest.

I have a somewhat good relationship with her but feel her opinion may end up being bias.
 
phil19034 said:
Why is this such a sticking point with your husband? I would suggest you speak with the priest (alone) as other have suggested and see what Father says.

Also, do you have a good relationship with your future Mother in Law? if so, perhaps you can speak with her and explain the situation?
Click to expand...
I can totally understand why this would be a sticking point with her husband. If my husband had tried to keep my Catholic mom, Catholic aunts, and Catholic uncles from receiving Holy Communion at my Catholic wedding, I would have been extremely upset. And my mom would have blown a gasket.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top