Catholic Weddings

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surfgirlusa_200

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Hello, all!

I have been dating a wonderful young man for a little over a year now, and while we are not engaged at this time, we do plan on getting married in the future (hopefully 2-3 years from now). Just because I like to start figuring things out ahead of time, I was wondering if anyone had advice or suggestions on planning a Catholic wedding. We are both Catholic, but I haven’t had the experience of attending Catholic weddings and know only basic information about them, as I just became Catholic at this year’s Easter Vigil. I understand the basic format of Catholic weddings, but I guess I would just like more detailed information, so I can avoid any mistakes. Thank you!

Also, on a related note: if half of the guests will be Catholic and half will be Protestant, is it advisable to have the full Mass with communion? What is your personal preference regarding the matter?

Thanks again!
 
Hi!

I’m not married, but have been a musician at many weddings, so I can offer what I know.

First off, this is a liturgical event within the Church, a sacrament, which is guided by liturgical norms. People get upset when they can’t have everything they want, like having it outside, having the latest country hit sung at communion, etc. It’s my wedding! is the battle cry. Well, it’s God’s sacrament.

Usually, you begin meeting with a priest 6 months out and he will give you a booklet with the readings you can choose from and other direction for the ceremony. Depending on the parish, the musician may be included in what you pay for, so you should find that out. They will be able to suggest music selections with you, including whether you want Mass parts and/or the psalm sung or not.

Some parishes vary on what they will and won’t allow, including whether your gown can be strapless. You should definitely ask if it isn’t indicated in the book you receive. Some women opt to wear a shawl or something similar during the cermony and remove it at the reception.

Some cultures have different traditions that you can discuss with the priest (if this is the case for you). I know one priest tell me he didn’t allow a unity candle because it wasn’t liturgical, but I’ve seen it at almost every wedding I’ve attended.

About whether or not to have a Mass…heck yes!!! This is the climax of our faith! The only thing that compares to the intimacy we have with God in receiving the Eucharist is the intimacy of a husband and wife. One points to the other. Anyone not Catholic is there to witness your sacrament. You don’t have to compromise that. You might make sure to have the priest give a brief instruction to your guests about not receiving communion unless they are Catholic in a state of grace to receive.

I hope this helps!

Peace,
Teri
 
Both my girlfriend and I are converts. When, God willing, we get married, I wouldn’t be surprised if the only Catholics there are us, Father, altar server(s), and the musicians.

Being new to the Church, we obviously want to go full out. I’m very much interested in seeing the responses to this thread.

Good for y’all for thinking ahead. Maybe I should start doing that. :o
 
Definitely make an appointment at the Parish where you hope to have the wedding 6 months to a year in advance. That will give you plenty of time to work things out. Get the church first then the reception venue second. We’ve seen lots of angst on this board and others when it is not done that way. You will have to choose between a full Mass with wedding ceremony or Wedding ceremony outside of Mass. See if your church has a website with details for prospective brides and grooms. Go to a wedding or two at the parish where you hope to have the wedding. I’m giving you an article with some tips .

foreverwed1.com/articles/ceremony/catholic/45628an.html
 
At this point, don’t plan the wedding. Forget about that.When a bride starts thinking about her wedding, the emotional investment increases and objectivity decreases.Most people wait to do everything until they’ve put money down on the event and have everything planned, and then they don’t really discern their relationship from an objective standpoint.

Plan the marriage. You are a year in, so see a priest about pre-engagement counseling. Take the foccus. (Yes, before you are engaged). Work on your prayer and discernment of your relationship. Go to confession and adoration often, together.

And yes, if you are both Catholic, it should be a Mass. Earthly marriage is the icon of the heavenly marriage of Christ to His church, which is consummated at the Eucharist.
 
agapewolf said:
At this point, don’t plan the wedding. Forget about that.When a bride starts thinking about her wedding, the emotional investment increases and objectivity decreases.Most people wait to do everything until they’ve put money down on the event and have everything planned, and then they don’t really discern their relationship from an objective standpoint.

Plan the marriage. You are a year in, so see a priest about pre-engagement counseling. Take the foccus. (Yes, before you are engaged). Work on your prayer and discernment of your relationship. Go to confession and adoration often, together.

And yes, if you are both Catholic, it should be a Mass. Earthly marriage is the icon of the heavenly marriage of Christ to His church, which is consummated at the Eucharist.
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I second the idea of doing what most would consider ‘marriage preparation’ BEFORE you set a date.

Good marriage preparation should eliminate marriage completely for a certain number of couples while delaying it for others. What we see, in practice, is that the preparation is done after everything else has been set in motion at which point most couples, unless they are very brave, ignore what they find out and go ahead with the marriage as scheduled.
 
what agapewolf said

this is the period of dating and courtship, the period of time dedicated to learning how first to be friends, to see how that relationship deepens in trust and intimacy, and most of all to develop emotional and spiritual intimacy, unclouded by the complications of physical sex, so that final gift of marriage has a solid base to grow when the time comes (which is the wedding night and not before if you want it to last). Don’t jump your fences. And don’t plan a wedding, plan a life.
 
Thank you all very much for your advice. 🙂

I do realize that marriage is a sacrament, and is far more important than the wedding itself; I just want to make sure I have a good understanding of everything for when the time comes. I will certainly continue to develop the emotional and spiritual relationship my boyfriend and I have. I do agree that too many people focus on the wedding and not the life together. I definitely try to not be one of those people.

I also agree that I can’t do everything the way I (or my mom) would like; I already tried to explain to her that unity candles are a no-no, and she was a little confused by that 😛

Here’s another question: say we already know that we will get married on my side of the state, rather than his (we met in college, and live about 3 hours away from eachother when not at college). The parish I was confirmed in is a new one, and they do not yet have a church in which I can marry. I won’t marry in the church I grew up in, since it is Protestant. So, if the parish I belong to doesn’t have a building in the next few years, what should I do?
 
surfgirlusa_200 said:
Thank you all very much for your advice. 🙂

I do realize that marriage is a sacrament, and is far more important than the wedding itself; I just want to make sure I have a good understanding of everything for when the time comes. I will certainly continue to develop the emotional and spiritual relationship my boyfriend and I have. I do agree that too many people focus on the wedding and not the life together. I definitely try to not be one of those people.

I also agree that I can’t do everything the way I (or my mom) would like; I already tried to explain to her that unity candles are a no-no, and she was a little confused by that 😛

Here’s another question: say we already know that we will get married on my side of the state, rather than his (we met in college, and live about 3 hours away from eachother when not at college). The parish I was confirmed in is a new one, and they do not yet have a church in which I can marry. I won’t marry in the church I grew up in, since it is Protestant. So, if the parish I belong to doesn’t have a building in the next few years, what should I do?
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Again, find a priest to begin pre-engagement prep. Once you have the clergy contact, you can work out the building later. Any catholic church/shrine can be acceptable, in general. Since you don’t have a building yet with your own parish, use a nearby parish or another parish community that you have been involved in in some way.

Again, don’t worry about this part.
 
Also, on a related note: if half of the guests will be Catholic and half will be Protestant, is it advisable to have the** full Mass** with communion?
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Emphasis added.

You didn’t think there was such a thing as a partial mass, did you?
 
Cluny said:
Emphasis added.

You didn’t think there was such a thing as a partial mass, did you?
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I’m sure she means a Nuptial Ceremony without Holy Communion. No need to get persnickety on her now, I’m sure she knows what she means. :rolleyes:

surfgirl — is your boyfriend Catholic? EDIT - sorry, just realized you said he was. 🙂

~Liza
 
Yes, I did mean the nuptial ceremony without Holy Communion. My apologies for the poorly worded statement.
 
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