Catholic with same-sex attraction, having difficulties

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Christianus_Dei

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I’ve been dealing with Same-sex attraction since early high school, and a masturbation addiction with that…

It’s usually easy enough for me to reconcile my attractions with my faith, in that I can have them without giving in and still be Catholic. But sometimes it just really hits me that I’m giving up a lot more than just pleasure, and I realize how unhappy I am. I crave physical and sexual intimacy with men, not just pleasure. I crave it so badly.

I’ve never done anything with another man before, but I’m getting really worn down and starting to get scared that I could.
 
Christianus_Dei said:
I’ve been dealing with Same-sex attraction since early high school, and a masturbation addiction with that…

It’s usually easy enough for me to reconcile my attractions with my faith, in that I can have them without giving in and still be Catholic. But sometimes it just really hits me that I’m giving up a lot more than just pleasure, and I realize how unhappy I am. I crave physical and sexual intimacy with men, not just pleasure. I crave it so badly.

I’ve never done anything with another man before, but I’m getting really worn down and starting to get scared that I could.
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First off, I’d just like to commend you for working to live within God’s law, especially in a society that encourages you not to. God bless you, and I pray for your strength and perseverance.

I understand having a craving you cannot morally satisfy, and I understand that it is a real struggle. Constantly telling yourself no can really wear you down. You cannot know sexual intimacy with a man, that is true; but you can know profound, deep friendship.

Have you ever heard of Courage? They’re a Catholic ministry geared specifically towards people with same-sex attraction. They recently celebrated their thirtieth year of ministry, and I know of at least one man who has experienced great healing and freedom through their efforts. The group helps men and women experiencing same sex attraction to understand that attraction within Church teaching, and to develop friendships with people who are going through the same struggle.

Here’s their website: couragerc.org/

I highly encourage you to look up a group near you and attend meetings. It is never easy to overcome a difficult desire on your own. Speaking from experience, it is only when you have a group of like-minded individuals, struggling along with you and helping to lift you up, that you can ever find any true freedom.

God Bless!
 
Unfortunately, all the world is on this affection train. As a result it is hard to stay in this model of chastity that so many are called to, though it doesn’t hurt to have a good friend who you can count on and understands this in the proper way.
 
What you describe is also true for heterosexual men. There are plenty of single heterosexual men (and married men), even some priests who sometimes, if not often, desire sexual/physical intimacy.

Married men experience unchaste desires, whether masturbation or lustful thoughts about other women, or even lustful (sinful sexual) thoughts about his own wife.

The issue is “objectification” of people rather than looking at them as children of God. And trust me, this is hard to do; especially in today’s society where sex is all around us.

I have heard priests talk regarding how they resisted girls while in college when discerning their call. They would focus on prayer, adoration, daily mass, etc. Fr. Michael Gaitley, MIC calls it “monk mode.”

I recommend a few things:
  1. more time in Church - adoration and daily mass
  2. Consecration to Jesus through His Blessed Mother
  3. whenever you feel tempted, start praying several Hail Marys until the temptation goes away (trust me… This really works. The Blessed Mother will help you with lust if you ask her)
  4. seek a good & holy spiritual director, if possible one experienced with directing same-sex attraction.
  5. finally, if there is a “Courage” group near you, try some meetings. I’m sure having the support of other same-sex attracted Catholics will help. If you don’t know if there is a “Courage” group near you, contact your diocese.
God Bless
 
Hi, it is very courageous of you to seek help on this forum. I cannot add much:) to the wonderful posts already provided. Try to avoid anything that tempts you. That is the “near occasion of sin”. Try mediating on the Rosary and the Passion. This is a great cross you bear, and an opportunity to achieve great holiness. Ask the Blessed Mother for help. Say her name when tempted, pray to her for guidance. We care and you can post whenever you need uplifting. Praying for you, God bless you.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
One thing that has helped me with lust is to recognize that being full of one thing is to be devoid of another - much like how the Blessed Mother is full of grace, and therefore, devoid of sin. Ridding yourself of base and immoral thoughts will make more room for more noble thoughts and pursuits. It’s like clearing junk out of a room in order to make space for a finely crafted piece of furniture or a conversation piece.

Another thing that may help you is to participate in the sacrament of reconciliation. The sacraments are ways in which we can encounter Christ in a powerful way. Therefore, you may find like I did that after a confession, your lustful thoughts and temptations have lost their footing. The trick is to make frequent use of this sacrament.
 
Christianus_Dei said:
I’ve been dealing with Same-sex attraction since early high school, and a masturbation addiction with that…

It’s usually easy enough for me to reconcile my attractions with my faith, in that I can have them without giving in and still be Catholic. But sometimes it just really hits me that I’m giving up a lot more than just pleasure, and I realize how unhappy I am. I crave physical and sexual intimacy with men, not just pleasure. I crave it so badly.

I’ve never done anything with another man before, but I’m getting really worn down and starting to get scared that I could.
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Ok man. I’m with you on this. We’re pretty much in the same spot. Struggling. Finding it hard to stay right. While the whole world is calling us to be ourselves. While the whole world is telling us what we want to do is right. But I’m proud of you. You’ve held out so far. Keep hanging on buddy. There are a lot of us on this board with the same problem. So I mean you’re not alone. Maybe just hang out with your buddy Trident for a while. When things start getting you down just send me a message. I’ll help talk you up from it. I’ll try to give you a push to stay on track. For another day.

But I mean there’s also a support group for guys like us. There’s a facebook page. A place where you can hang out with guys in our exact spot. Who don’t want to make a mess of things. I could see if I could get you an invite to that. It’s a private group. But I mean it’s a place to belong anyway. I don’t know. You let me know what you need. Just know you’re not alone to start. Then know that we’re here for you. We’ll catch you where you’re at. And help you stand back up.

Peace brother.

-Trident
 
Courage is a good group. The psalmist says, “your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”(Ps 119:105) And the Catechism says that repentance (a daily endowment) “must be inspired by motives that arise from faith.” (cf. CCC 1437, 1492) Therefore take to heart S. Jerome’s words:

Love Sacred Scripture and Wisdom will love you. Love Wisdom and she will keep you safe. Honor Wisdom and she will embrace you!

Finally, the latin word for wisdom also is connected to the latin word for sweetness. Honor doctrine in your personal life and you will certainly taste her sweetness!

“Anyone who goes ahead and does not abide in the doctrine of Christ does not have God, he who abides in the Doctrine has both the Father and the Son.”(2 Jn 1:9)
 
Christianus_Dei said:
… since early high school …
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No 6 on the list: did you ever have to “drop” a pursuit to concentrate on passing exams? Whether it was learning Latin, model making or gardening, something to unwind and relax and it doesn’t matter whether it develops your mind or your manual skills or (optionally) un-intense relationships (with either sex).

One can catch up on lost ground at “becoming the real me” in some low-key but important facet of one’s being.

No 7: desexualise in one’s connotations. My friend used to have a good old chuckle at himself when he got a touch of the old DDGs (DDG standing for “drop dead gorgeous”) because it’s simply one of God’s little touches that quite a lot of people are so nice looking.

When we are thrown together with people or pass a stranger we can think: “where do they all come from?” Do we know the history of the town where we all rub shoulders? Can this suggest to us a prayer to occasionally pray?
 
Dear Brother in Christ,
Would you be able to send me a private message?
I understand what you are going through and would like to offer some help if I may.

God bless you. Praying for you.
 
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